Every Friday morning, Zikoko’s new Citizen “Banter Republic of Nigeria” will curate the funniest news stories that made the rounds over the week, including the most absurd reactions to them. Diezani Alison-Madueke and Abubakar Shekau battle it out for the most ironical fugitives, while Sanwo-Olu’s campaign poster was sign language that he was coming to […]

Einstein told us that time is merely an illusion. I’m forced to agree with him because there some times when it seems like time suddenly slows down or stops unprovoked. Read on to see the occasions when time wants to play around with your head. 1. When you’re planking I can bet that planking was […]

There are more than 23 million people living in Lagos. So how best do you decongest? Extort, sorry tax people! In the space of four days, the Lagos State government has come up with barrage of taxes aimed at sending everyone back to their villages. Here’s the tea: First, there is the new taxes on […]

You’ve probably considered getting piercings at some point in your life but the holy fear of getting judged by your Nigerian parents has reset your brain. You don’t want to be a “nincompoop”. Hey, get those piercings. We’ll show you how to survive. 1. Wear a hoodie every time: Hoodies have to become your thing, […]

At some point in our lives, we have had way too much alcohol and the memory associated with the experience is almost never pleasant. 6 Nigerians share their worst drinking experience with Zikoko. Emem, 21/ Female I hate black bullet but found myself on the 6th can after hanging out with some friends all day. […]

Weed edibles are food products infused with cannabis. Most people have tried edibles, often with wild and hilarious consequences. I really wanted to hear people talk about their wildest experiences with eating weed edibles so I put out an open call on Twitter. The stories I heard ranged from hilarious to downright insane. Read on […]

LinkedIn is nothing but professional make-up.

Welcome to this masterclass. Please take a seat and listen attentively. Here are a few tips to use to beat Nigerian men at their own game. 1) Tell the person not to call you by a formal title. Emphasize that they call you by your first name because we are all “adults” here. 2) Deny […]

On Tuesday, news broke that 10-year old Jamilu Aliyu was chained with goats and forced to eat animal feed for two years, soon after his mother died. He was rescued after neighbours discovered the gory sight and spread the video footage. The boy was rescued by the Kebbi State government, due largely to the intervention […]

Look at your bank account balance. That’s Adam’s fault.

You’re Nigerian. Cheating is in your blood. You might try to fight it but eventually, your true nature will prevail. To make it easier for you, we are offering you this nice guide to help you manage your diverse portfolio of partners. Shh. Don’t let your partner know. 1. Call all of them “Babe, Honey” […]

Have you ever called your ex and begged to get back together?

Remember the Nigerian boy who was seen doing ballet pirouettes barefoot and in the rain, in that viral video? Well, he’s been offered a scholarship by the prestigious American Ballet Theater. With the help of American actresses Viola Davis and Cynthia Erivo, the video garnered 15 million views, ultimately leading to Anthony Madu being offered […]

Immediately Ahmed Sani Yerima enacted Sharia Law as Governor of Zamfara State in 1999, most observers knew the law was always always going to be controversial. And it has turned out to be, on multiple occasions. Because how and why should a person be sentenced to death by hanging, for singing? In 2020. Ah… The […]

Whatever you do in this life, ensure that you never re-share any message containing any of these tags: 1) “Forwarded as received.” Why? 2) “Share with someone on your contact list.” Just try me and see. 3) “If you believe in [insert religious figure here], share this.” Get out of here with your 2011 tricks. […]

You know how Nigerians are generally homophobic; any small thing and they’ll recoil and say “Ah yew a gay?”  First of all there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Second of all, there are some perfectly normal things homosexual and heterosexual men should be able to do without being labelled. If you do some of the […]

If your parents are sitting on this table, allow us tell your story. 1) “When will you marry?” Small play. 2) “God bless you.” How did God enter this topic? 3) “Have you eaten?” Please focuss. 4) “Go and read your books.” Na me fuck up. Last last. 5) “Make sure you don’t impregnate anyone.” […]

President Buhari signs into law the revised Companies and Allied Matters Act. Buruji Kashamu dies, Fuel Scarcity looms, amongst other significant new stories.

Remember to use a toothpick after you drink water

Do these things, and your okada man will never forget you.

Do you now know who a farm implement is?

Fiki-fiki-fiki-fiki-faka-faka-faka-fuku-fuku-shwooo-tueh!

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 24-year-old pansexual woman who went from a 21-year-old virgin to a financial dominatrix.

Follow this advice and get married in three months.