I’m not going to put you through suspense today. I’d get right into the story and keep it very short.
Because, I want you to get why we have to put some respect on Mikel Obi’s name.
In 2016, this young hero did something very commendable.
But somehow, it wasn’t talked about enough.
Here’s what happened. The Nigerian Olympic Team hadn’t completed their hotel bills.
Say Hello to the Nigerian government.
Mikel hears about this and settles the bill. Just like that. Because he couldn’t let his country look bad.
$4,000. Just like that.
Do you just love Mikel or what? If you don’t see a reason to love him yet, I don’t understand.
Actually, just stop reading this. I’m serious.
But, if you think Mikel deserves a crown for that singular act.
Keep reading please.
Okay so, remember the match between Nigeria and Argentina. Mikel is on his way to the stadium with the team.
He gets a random call.
“Mikel, Mikel, you father has been kidnapped. Can you hear me? Mikel”
Wait, what?
Obviously, This Is scary news. What should he do?
Remember this is just about 4 hours till the match.
Mikel acts like a true captain. Talks to himself and tells no one on the team because he doesn’t want it to affect the game.
Don’t lie, if it were you, you would’ve started crying and shouting. Okay, but me I would have o.
They played their game and even though they fought till the end, they lost to Argentina.
Now Argentina is also out of the World Cup, did they drink from the cup? No.
Mikel settled the issue after the match and his father has been released.
To God be the glory
This tragic event has happened to him more than once.
We all need to do better. I won’t stop saying this.
If this is not sacrifice and team spirit, I don’t know what is.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
The Nigeria vs Argentina march was tough for all of us.
We can easily say these are trying times for everyone in Nigeria, feeling everything so deeply you know.
We are all handling the situation differently, but however you are dealing with it, you definitely would have passed through these stages.
If you haven’t, then don’t come to Muritala Muhammed ever.
When that second goal by Rojo entered, you were like,
“This is a joke. I want to see the replay. I want to see the ball actually enter. Is that the side netting? Why are my trying to talk and my voice is not working? What’s going on here? These boys will score, I know it. Look at Ighalo. Is it truly over?” Denial is your name my fren.
When It eventually dawned on you that this was real life and absolutely no miracle could be performed. You were heartbroken.
“Ha my chest! God please do something, please. “They’re not giving us extra time?”
And then you start to watch replays, and listen to analysis, and your blood starts to boil.
This is so stupid, infact this entire World Cup is just annoying. What nonsense?!
THIS REFEREE IS MAD. I BLAME BUHARI. GET YOUR PVC NOW.
Because you saw how much the boys tried and it hurt even more. You try to eat, but food is not entering your mouth.
Grown person like me? Cry because of ball? Wazzaldiz?
After blaming whoever you think deserves to be blamed, you come to the conclusion for the millionth time that there’s nothing you can do but live with it.
Ha! Let’s crack some jokes all over the Internet, shall we?
After all is said and done, you know the Super Eagle’s tried their best and Nigeria is still behind them.
First, we’re going to win the Nations Cup, and we’re going to show them pepper in Qatar 2022.
Did I forget to mention that Senegal is still in the tournament, so we have an African country to support?
My name is Eniola. Al-Hadj Eniola Mane.
We know we already screwed up against Croatia.
But did we die?
Anyway, for this match, the players have assured us they will die on the line.
Whether home, away, out, anything, we will die on that line
But we have some important warnings for them.
Please read carefully
Dear Eagles, please we don’t want to see you dance any shaku shaku today.
Everyday shaku shaku, no goal
I also have to add that we know you boys are buff, but the fashion show is enough please.
Not everyday runway
See for this game, we need you guys to actually stand. Stop falling.
At least you have a better chance at scoring if you’re on your feet and not on the floor
If goal is catching you, Great Super Eagles, please go to their post. You know, that’s actually where you can score a goal.
Makes sense right?
You also need to remember that as you’re praying, they’re also praying
But na who play pass dey win match
Also, before you settle down to watch this match, please make sure there’s fuel in your generator.
Because anything could go wrong, not Nepa o.
If you don’t have fuel in your generator , you can just enter a viewing center.
There’d be cold Star there as well, so win win
And if you’re watching from home, be very sure to secure a few cans of Star.
You know, just to relax your nerves
But whatever you do, do not be alone while watching this match.
It is too risky, watch with your whole squad, all of them.
If we win, then you can dance shake shake or anything else with your chest
Yes! Super Eagles issa goal, we always believed in you boys
And if we lose, just try to sleep it off.
But please tell the Eagles to just stay in russia
Nigeria’s first match was yesterday and as you can expect Nigerians had a lot to say about it.
When we heard that it was Croatia we were playing against.
Who Croatia be sef?
Then we noticed that it’s not even only us that’s watching the match.
Olamide & Phyno shot the video for “Road 2 Russia” yesterday. By the time they release it, the Super Eagles would already be on their way back from Russia.
The World Cup kicked off yesterday and while we’ve not forgiven the person who lied to us about Wizkid performing, we are pretty excited about Nigeria’s first match tomorrow. So we made a quick list of each player because if you live on Twitter liked I do you’ll think the only members of the Nigerian team are Iwobi, Moses and Mikel Obi.
Ikechukwu Ezenwa – Goalkeeper
Ezenwa currently plays for Enyimba International F.C.
Daniel Akpeyi – Goalkeeper
Akpeyi plays for Chippa United.
Francis Uzoho – Goalkeeper
Uzoho plays for Spanish club Deportivo de La Coruña as a goalkeeper and is apparently the youngest member of the team at just 19 years of age.
Alex Iwobi – Forward
Asides from being a professional fine boy Iwobi plays as a forward for Premier League club Arsenal.
Simeon Nwankwo – Forward
Nwankwo plays as a forward for Italian club Crotone.
Kelechi Iheanacho – Forward
Iheanacho plays for Premier League club Leicester City
Ahmed Musa – Forward
Musa plays as a forward for English team Leicester City.
Odion Ighalo – Forward
Ighalo plays as a striker for Chinese club Changchun Yatai.
Victor Moses – Forward
Moses plays as a winger for Premier League club Chelsea
Bryan Idowu – Defender
Who knew Iwobi wasn’t the only fine boy on the team. Russian-Nigerian professional football player Idowu chose to play for the Nigerian team.
Leon Balogun – Defender
Balogun is a German-born Nigerian professional football defender who plays for Premier League club Brighton & Hove Albion.
Shehu Abdullahi – Defender
Abdullahi plays for Turkish side Bursaspor
Chidozie Awaziem – Defender
Awaziem plays for French club FC Nantes on loan from FC Porto as a central defender.
Elderson Echiejile – Defender
Echiejile plays for Belgian club Cercle Brugge K.S.V. as a left back.
William Troost-Ekong – Defender
Troost-Ekong plays as a centre back for Turkish club Bursaspor.
Kenneth Omeruo – Defender
Omeruo plays as a defender for Kasımpaşa on loan from English club Chelsea.
Tyronne Ebuehi – Defender
The second youngest player on the team, Ebuehi plays for Portuguese club Benfica.
Wilfred Ndidi – Midfielder
Ndidi like Musa also plays for Premier League club Leicester City.
Joel Obi – Midfielder
Obi plays as a midfielder for Italian club Torino.
Oghenekaro Etebo – Midfielder
Etebo plays as a midfielder for Stoke City.
Ogenyi Onazi – Midfielder
Onazi plays as a central midfielder for Turkish club Trabzonspor.
John Ogu – Midfielder
Ogu plays as a central midfielder for the Israeli Premier League side Hapoel Be’er Sheva.
Mikel John Obi – Midfielder
Everyone’s favourite, John Obi plays as a midfielder for Chinese club Tianjin TEDA in the Chinese Super League.
The world cup officially kicks off today! And yes, we are all excited.
Okay, maybe not all of us
So, I have predicted some things that have a 99.9% chance of happening almost throughout the season. Are you with me?
You can personally come for me if I’m wrong.
The first and most obvious thing is that your boyfriend will pay less attention to you. We’re sorry, it’s just in the football constitution.
Baby can’t you hear me? I am talking to you. Baby? Boo? Babe?
If you’re a twitter addict who doesn’t like football, on behalf of the entire twitter community, I apologise in advance.
*opens twitter* “Ronaldo will finish Neymar any day”, “all of you are mad, Messi will kill all of you” *closes twitter*
If you’re invited for Netflix and chill, abort mission! I repeat, abort!
See, Netflix and chill will become World Cup and chill. You can risk it if you want.
You finally reach out to google for help. Because if you know about the World Cup, he can’t ignore you anymore.
“Dear google, who is going to win the World Cup?”
Meanwhile, your man is suddenly realising it’s been 4 whole years since the last World Cup.
Wawu how did I survive without you baby? how?
But somehow he is already making noise about the next World Cup that is 1000 years away ?
Uncle at least watch this one first
Let’s not forget the main point of this season. People losing money to bets.
Yes I know, I’m a fool! ha who sent me work ooo
And the ones who will enjoy the money the guys above lost
Don’t mess with me, do you know who I am? Call me the bet king!
When the World Cup is finally over and somehow they remember you exist.
“Oh you can talk to me? I think you’re mad “
The World Cup starts tomorrow and while we are praying and hoping it’s not only fine aso-ebi we have to offer, we’ve come up with the perfect playlist to get you ready.
Road 2 Russia (Dem go hear am) – Olamide & Phyno
Our official 2018 world cup song
Ballerz – Wande Coal
We are stepping into Russia like
Issa Goal – Naira Marley (feat. Olamide & Lil Kesh)
For everytime we score a goal.
Power of Naija – 2Face (feat. Cobhams & Omawunmi)
Even though we are playing Portugal we still have hope
Super Eagles Carry Go – Austin Milado
We are readyyy!!!
Osinachi – Humblesmith (feat. Davido)
After we collect the cup from Germany.
Super Eagles- Solidstar
Croatia go clear road!
Nigeria Go Survive – Veno Marioghae
Even though we are playing Argentina, fear not.
Penalty – Small Doctor
We have a small prayer for Iceland – won ti gba penalty lo throwing
Ole ole ole – The Fans
For when we carry the cup
Wavin Flag – K’Naan
You can’t leave this classic off your World Cup playlist
Oh Africa – Akon
A win for Nigeria is a win for Africa.
Waka waka – Shakira
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdojnHySFGk
Did we leave any songs off the list?
See this story? We dunno if it’s funny, or cute, or inspiring.
Please grab a seat.
Some days ago, halfway into the match between Portugal and Tunisia, the Tunisian goalkeeper, Mouez Hassen suddenly collapsed!
Helpppp!! Don’t let me die like this
After a few minutes, Hassen came back looking very alright
Yes yes I’m okay, let’s continue.
It was that time again and the Tunisian boys were warming up
“Ha! we will finish Portugal today” and they did score a goal after the break
Fast forward to their next game, Hassen abruptly collapses on the pitch again!
Uncle nawa ohhh
This guy had a plan all along
But just continue watching.
The referee had no choice but to call for another break. This time we noticed some of the players were quickly eating whatever they could.
“Guy guy abeg sharply borrow me that water”
After investigating, it turns our guy had been faking it all along
But why was he doing that? Was he just tired?
Hassen was helping his teammates break their fast, because you know, Ramadan.
Since there was really no other way.
Hassen, our Hero!
They say lying is not good in Ramadan
Is this lying or strategic positioning though? You decide. But while you’re here, check out all the other struggles Muslims have in Ramadan.
Let’s ask ourselves one question. Was this game a fair one? No, it was not! Before I proceed with my analysis, If you aren’t good at math, you have to follow my calculations step by step.
The Nigerian Jersey is perhaps the best Jersey the World Cup ever saw! I said it, shoot me!
Therefore,
Nigerian Jersey 1- England Jersey 0
Nigeria’s Supporters Club remain undefeated with their energy, no arguments. England fans couldn’t even try!
Nigeria 1 – England 0
Honestly, the Pepsi ad could make Nigeria pass for the new Wakanda ( going too far?)
When England produces their video, I’d give them a point. But for now,
Nigeria 1 – England 0
Not one England player can dribble the way our legendary Victor Moses ridiculed Harry Kane, his name is Moses for a reason.
Nigeria 1 – England 0
This is hard to admit but I have to say Nigeria took a big L when the commentator said “Nigeria today is not as bright as their jersey”.
I felt it in my soul. It hurt, it really did.
So, Nigeria 0 – England 1
Anyway, Nigerians made a customised keke. A whole hand painted keke (a.k.a tricycle). I bet England doesn’t even have a customised bicycle
Nigerian Creativity 1 – England Creativity 0
If I don’t add the scores from the match itself, they will say I’m biased, but do I really have to?
Okay okay okay if you insist.
Nigeria 1- England 2
