Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Every micro-influencer and their grandma has a “GRWM: meal prep for the week” video on Instagram or Twitter. At this point, if I see anymore of these videos, I’ll scream. I thought we were all struggling and stuff. Isn’t the economy crashing in your area?

    Food is supposed to bring you joy, especially now that life is tough. I tried to meal prep for a week, and here are my thoughts.

    I’ve eaten everything in one day. Now what?

    What happens when you meal prep those super small portions, and now, you’ve eaten five out of ten plates before they even freeze? Food is nice the day you cook it, and your brain will just keep saying, “Just one more bite”. Next thing, it’s all gone. Not me, though, but y’all be safe.

    RELATED: Everyone Loves These 10 Meals, Until It’s Time to Prepare Them

    Is meal-prepping sibling-proof?

    I’m a big believer in not tempting people to do things that might make me want to commit unalive. Anyone with siblings knows you can’t even leave water in the fridge without them drinking it, and now, you’re saying I should basically leave them a feast? Be fucking for real, abeg. 

    Eating the same thing is boring!

    Didn’t we all want to stop being kids so badly so no one could tell us we couldn’t eat whatever we want whenever we wanted? You’ll eat dry spag and sauce for lunch for one-week straight and wonder why your brain keeps telling you to fight your coworkers. Sis, it’s unahppy. 

    Have you eaten defrosted rice?

    As a Nigerian, half our foods are rice. So you too, imagine making a big batch of village or coconut rice and deciding to portion it out to last a week. By the third day, the sad state of the rice will make you want to cry. Sad food doesn’t slap!

    The time you said I’ll save, I’m wasting it

    They keep pushing this propaganda that meal prepping helps you save time, and I’m yet to see how. Cook one big batch of food that it does to make small tiny meals every day. Don’t ask me how I know. I just know. 

    What if it’s tastes bad?

    We all make mistakes sometimes, what if I make a big batch of food, and it tastes horrible? Now, I have to suffer in silence for a week? Small portions will never do that to you. 

    Do you have shares in NEPA?

    How will you guarantee they’ll bring light consistently enough for the food’s quality to remain intact in the freezer? What about when I’m ready to eat, and I need to use the microwave? Does meal prepping come with a different NEPA perk?

    RELATED: If You Don’t Use These 7 Ingredients to Cook, You Have a Problem

  • Since we have the best opinion on food on the internet, we compiled a list of ingredients that shouldn’t be missing from your next meal. If you like, don’t help your tastebuds to grow up, we’ve tried our best. 

    Love

    You can taste when something has been made with premium wickedness. You don’t even have to eat it first to know. Sometimes, just looking at it will tell you that it tastes like wickedness. Try cooking with love today, it’s a game-changer. 

    RELATED: 7 Meals You Can Eat on Sunday Instead of Rice

    Garlic

    Were you a vampire in your past life? No? Then why are you cooking without garlic? Please, explain what you’re afraid of in two seconds. If somebody offers you food without garlic, you’re probably dessert and not in a good way. 

    Onions 

    Aren’t you too old to be afraid of something because it makes you cry? The same tears you shed up and down for people who don’t deserve you? Please, respect yourself. Eat food made with onions. 

    Pepper

    Except you have a medical condition, what sort of adult eats food without pepper?  Pepper makes everything better, trust us. From avocado toast to garri, pepper spices up any meal. Help us help you.

    Iru

    You’re missing out if you don’t like iru. So what if it smells? Cover your nose. After cooking, you won’t smell anything, and your food will be 100 per cent better for it.

    Crayfish

    Crayfish works in everything. If you like, call it the “cockroach of the ocean”. They are very tasteful cockroaches. You haven’t lived until you’ve eaten crayfish blended with ice cream and a pinch of salt. 

    Green Peas

    When it’s not like you’re 10 years old, picking out all the green peas from your fried rice. Green peas are so good and require little effort. They are great as sides and even better in any meal of your choice. Think of it as one small step for you, one giant leap for your stomach. 

    READ ALSO: The Only Types Of Food You’re Allowed To Eat On Weekends

  • For the days you can’t cook, don’t have money or you’re just looking for something to snack on, here’s a list of foods you can eat raw. 

    Indomie

    When watching series or movies, instead of plantain chips or popcorn, snack on Indomie. Don’t eat too much sha cause processed noodles are high in sodium. But believe me when I tell you that raw Indomie bangs. 

    Ponmo 

    My colleague, Bolu casually mentioned that people eat ponmo raw. And honestly, that makes sense to me because I don’t see the difference between raw and cooked ponmo; they’re both hard, except for the few that have been cooked properly until they’re soft. 

    Spaghetti

    You know that thing people do when they cook spaghetti? Where they take a small bite of one raw strand before putting everything in the pot? Yep. If you can do that — don’t lie, you’ve done it before — you can eat a whole pack of raw spaghetti. 

    ALSO READ: These Meals Just Taste Better as Leftovers

    Plantain

    Raw ripe plantain tastes like banana. And if you’re trying to eat healthy and avoid fried foods, just eat your jollof rice with raw plantain. Trust me, it slaps either way,  raw or dodo.

    Okra

    I’m not even joking, okra is actually a vegetable that can be eaten raw, as long as it’s clean. I researched and found out that it’s even safer to eat okra raw.

    Ata rodo

    You may feel like all your insides are burning, but you can definitely eat fresh pepper raw. Eating raw ata rodo is an excellent way to activate your tastebuds. Try it one day when you’re bored.

    Eggs 

    Fitness people take raw eggs a lot, so nobody should look at me like it’s not normal. But it doesn’t have any health benefits compared to cooked eggs, so I don’t know why they do it 

    Corn

    I wrote an article about what people ate in boarding school, and someone mentioned raw corn. Let it not be that I’m a crazy person for saying it; people actually eat raw corn, especially the juicy ones. 

    Your partner 

    At least I can confidently say with my full chest that you’ll like this one. 

    ALSO READ: You Should Eat These Seven Foods Chilled as a Treat for Your Tastebuds

  • I wanted to buy bread yesterday, and the store attendant told me it was ₦800 per loaf. ₦800 for bread? Help me o, this economy dey carry me where I no know. 

    Everything is so expensive now that people are struggling to eat. And this is why I’ve come to tell you about the different ways you can acquire free food in this trenches economy. 

    Become a beggar 

    If nobody gives you food, at least they’ll give you money that you can use to buy food. Why do you think there are many beggars in this country? Not all of them are homeless poor people. Some of them are middle-class people hustling for free food. 

    Attend church events 

    Church events always have food, especially Anglican churches during Harvest season. If you’re in Lagos, attend a church event on the island, and you’ll think you’re at an owambe. 

    Lie that you’re sick

    Let your Nigerian family members or even friends hear that you’re sick. The first thing they do is buy you malaria drugs, then later stuff you with food. Whatever it is that you want, they’ll give you. Just do small shakara like you don’t want to eat. 

    ALSO READ: A Post for Nigerians Who Love Food, by Nigerians Who Love Food

    Become a newcomer in every church

    Churches are always very excited to welcome newcomers. Whether it’s jollof rice and chicken they give or just meat pie and coke, you’ll sha get food. Although there are churches that give notepads and pens, so good luck. 

    Get a job at a restaurant

    There’ll almost always be leftover food to take home and eat. Especially if you work at a fast food restaurant. It may not necessarily be the food you like, but you can’t be a beggar with a choice. It’s even better if you’re a server that works for a catering company. Servers always carry leftover food from events and even enjoy more than party guests. 

    Visit family members one by one 

    Family members will never let you leave their houses without at least having something to eat. But you need to be careful about which family member’s house you visit. Because you may land in the house of a relative who can only offer you chin-chin and juice. 

    Befriend a chef 

    Chefs are constantly always cooking and experimenting with food in their homes. Become friends with a chef, and always go over to their house to visit them. Just say, “Oh, I was passing, and I just said let me stop by and greet you.” They can ask you help taste their new recipe Once in a while, call them to ask how they are. The more they think you’re a good friend, the more they want to show you love the one way they know how to — by feeding you. 

    ALSO READ: You’re a Certified Chef if You Watch These 7 Cooking Shows

    Attend events with Item seven

    Attend weddings, birthdays, burials etc. — any kind of owambe, just go and answer present. All these events almost always have food. Don’t worry about not knowing the person hosting the event. Just dress up and enter with your full chest. Make sure you carry bag that’ll allow you to carry extra food back home. 

    Eat the sacrifice foods they leave at junctions 

    Have you seen what is inside the bowl of food that people leave as sacrifice to the gods? Beans, eggs, meat, rice, moi-moi, plantain etc. That’s three square meals in one. My dear, stand at a T-junction this night and collect any food you see. The gods will be fine; they’re immortal and they understand there’s sapa in the land.

    ALSO READ: 11 Ways To Know Your Food Has Been Poisoned

  • These days, I can’t eat yam pottage even if they pay me to eat it, but I loved the meal as a child. Apparently, I’m not the only one who liked eating certain meals as a child but ended up disliking them as an adult. We’re many, so here’s what some of us have to say.

    “I almost died from stealing meat”

    — Isaiah, 26 

    I hated the fact that my father used to get three pieces of meat while the children got only one. One day during the summer holiday, my mum cooked soup for dinner. After she had served everyone, she went outside to pack the clothes from the line. I stood up from the dining table and told my dad I was going to get water. The truth is, I was going to steal extra meat from the pot. What I didn’t know was that the soup was still very hot. At 10 years old, it was a struggle to reach into the pot and so it fell on me —a full hot pot of ogbono soup fell on top of my body. My mother beat the hell out of me for wasting the food she just cooked. The incident scarred me so much, so I’ve not eaten meat since then.

    “I can never drink tea again”

    — Tife, 23

    I used to like tea as a child. Now tea, coffee, hot chocolate and all their cousins disgust me. I now hate tea because I once left my cup of tea under the fan and it formed this really thick upper layer which was gross. I’ve not had tea in like ten years and I don’t intend to, ever again.

    “The way my brother ate peanut butter disgusted me”

    — Oretha, 25 

    I used to like peanut butter a lot when I was younger. I started hating it at 13 because I couldn’t stand the way my brother used to eat it. Every opportunity he got, he was eating peanut butter. He had it with bread, crackers, popcorn etc. It was too much abeg. He made eating peanut butter disgusting. How do you eat peanut butter and garri? Is that normal human being behaviour?

    “I think I overdid it with chocolate”

    — Ifoghale, 22 

    My dad came home from this long trip to Europe with a lot of chocolate. For months, I was eating chocolates that never seemed to end. I think I overdid it. Now I see chocolate and I’m like, “Meh. Not interested.”

    RELATED: Eat These Delicious Foods And You Won’t Gain Weight. We Promise

    “I prefer my garri without sugar now”

    — Asa’ah, 32

    I used to like garri with sugar as a child. Now if there’s sugar in garri, I won’t touch it with a 10-feet pole. Sugar in garri just doesn’t sit well with my stomach and taste buds anymore, and I don’t know why.

    “Picking fish bones pisses me off”

    — Pharoah, 28

    As a child, you could use boiled fish to kidnap me. Now, anywhere I see it, I run away. The reason I no longer like it may be petty, but fish has so many tiny bones and having to pick them off pisses me off. I cannot suffer to make money and still suffer to eat my food just because I’m picking bones out. I already pick out the onions in food, I can’t give myself more work with fish.

    “Coconut makes me sick”-

    — Dammy, 25 

    I hate everything made with coconut, except coconut rice, for some reason. One day in secondary school, I ate so much coconut candy I got nauseous. Since then, I cancelled coconut for life.  

    RELATED: 6 Nigerian Meals That Are Perfect for the Rainy Season

    “I ate pounded yam throughout my first year in Uni”

    — Mobolaji, 24

    Not that I liked pounded yam growing up, but it was something I could eat. Going to uni in Èkìtì changed everything. I ate it every other day in my first year, and by my second year, I stopped eating it entirely.

    “Beans almost made me take a shit in my pants”

    — Francis, 27 

    I liked eating beans until the day I was almost disgraced in school. They served beans during lunch and, I don’t know how they cooked it but it gave me the worst running stomach. It happened during extra-curricular while I was playing football. It hit me quick, the poo almost dropped in my boxers while I was running. That was the last time I went anywhere near beans. 

    “My mother used Jollof rice to apologise after beating me” 

    — Mary*, 30

    I hate jollof rice now because as a child, my mother would beat me when I misbehaved, and then use Jollof rice to apologise. She’d call me downstairs and put a plate of jollof rice and meat in front of me and walk away. That was her apology. Sometimes she cooked the food, sometimes she bought it. Jollof rice gives me PTSD.

    ALSO READ: 7 Childhood Snacks You’ll Miss if You Grew Up in Northern Nigeria

  • On this episode of things you probably didn’t know existed: last week was food allergy awareness week. And because it’s never too late to learn about what Nigerians could possibly be allergic to, eight people shared with us how they found out about their food allergies.  

    Mariam, 36, allergic to pineapple

    I found out I was allergic to pineapples in secondary school. As a child, anytime I ate pineapples, I’d have weird rashes that looked like chickenpox.  Because I  loved the fruit so much..no one could figure out it was the problem. I’m asthmatic, so the day I went to a dermatologist, they told me the rashes could be an effect of my asthma. Apparently, asthma could also cause dermatitis. But none of the prescribed treatments worked.

    When I had a random discussion with a school friend, she told me she explained was allergic to pineapples. I found it weird, but I told my mum about her. We never thought I could be allergic to anything until then. That’s when we decided to take an allergy test. We found out the issue was pineapples, and I had to give up my favourite fruit ever since.

    Tito, 24, allergic to egusi

    I remember never being allowed to eat egusi. My mum explained that when I was about two, I had it once and ended up in the hospital.  When I got to boarding school, my parents informed the school of my dietary restrictions, so I always had something else when egusi was served at the dining hall. But someone dared me to try it one day, and since I like trouble, I went for it. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?

    I took a piece of meat from the soup and ate it. Hours later, I had a severe skin irritation that looked like ringworms which lasted for weeks. Because of that incident, they changed the whole school’s food timetable. But later on, in university, I bought okra soup without knowing there was egusi in it. I took Piriton tablets immediately I noticed, but I still ended up at the clinic with my entire body covered in hives and red spots. 

    Now, I ask what’s in any soup before buying it.

    RELATED: The Makings Of Egusi

    Timi, 25, intolerant to milk

    I didn’t know I was allergic to milk until I was 24. It started out with stomach aches and bloating, but I didn’t realise it was a milk issue until weeks later. On a random day, I had only cereal to eat and then the aches and bloating started. That’s when I knew it was the milk. The truth is, I’m drinking milk right now, and I’ll probably never stop even though I’m clearly lactose intolerant.

    I live in Nigeria, and plant-based milk is too expensive. I also dislike it, so God forbid that I’ll ever spend that much on oat milk. Taking milk is a risk, but the reward outweighs it. It’s called lactose intolerant, not lactose impossible for a reason.

    Ope, 28, allergic to fish

    I always hated the smell of fish as a kid. Whenever my mother was making a batch of her favourite mackerel stew, I made sure I wasn’t in the kitchen. She refused to make a separate stew just because I didn’t like fish. She sometimes added chicken to the stew sha, and on the days she didn’t, I boiled an egg to go with my rice.

    But each time I ate the mackerel stew, I had a weird itch in my throat. There were no sores, but the itch was frustrating because  I couldn’t scratch them. I never thought it was the stew since no one else reacted to it. I didn’t figure out it was the fish until I turned 12. I spent a month at my cousin’s house during a school break, and their mum never cooked with fish — she hated it as much as I did. I never had any itch when I ate her stew or soups, so I suspected it was better for me to stay away from fish.

    I’m not sure it’s only mackerel that makes my throat itch, but I’ve stayed away from fish ever since. Of course, my mum didn’t like that, so I learnt how to cook my own meals to avoid wahala.

    RELATED: Interview With Titus Sardine: “I Am Now A Bad Bitch”

    Lolade, 26, allergic to garden eggs

    Garden eggs have never looked great to me. I was never excited by the idea of eating them whenever I saw them being hawked on the streets. I may have eaten them once or twice as a kid, but not enough to notice I was allergic. I didn’t find out until I went on a vegetable fast in 2019 for fitfam. 

    I typically bought cabbage, carrots and spinach from the mallams around my area at affordable prices. But I didn’t want to keep eating the same vegetables and wanted to try something new. So, I decided to switch things up with garden eggs. They were also easy to find, cheap and sold in portions that could last for days. 

    When I got to the office the next day, I chilled some in the freezer to have for lunch. I think I had two or three big ones with a bunch of carrots. The next thing I knew, my mouth and lips were covered with sores. You’d think that would be a sign to avoid garden eggs, but I thought all I needed was Vitamin C. The same thing happened when I bought them the next day, so I realised I was allergic. Staying away was easy since I don’t even like garden eggs.

    RELATED: 18 Situations Only People Who Failed at Fitfam Will Understand

    Radiance, 20, intolerant of alcohol

    When I was 14, I tried alcohol for the first time with my boyfriend. It was our high school prom, so we had some gin. I can’t remember what happened next, but I ended up at the hospital for three days. The doctors didn’t clarify what was wrong. All I saw was a drip on my arm and nurses going in and out. 

    I haven’t tried alcohol since then, but I recently found out that Aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH2) deficiency can cause severe reactions to alcohol. What this means is that my body lacks the enzymes to digest alcohol. I’m not sure what exactly happens when I drink it, but I’m too afraid to try.

    Unwana, 28, intolerant of cooking oil

    For most of my life, I wasn’t sure why I threw up after certain meals. I didn’t think to observe what exactly triggered the pain afterwards because it happened with almost every food I ate. Whether it was stew, soup or just jollof rice, I’d vomit at least 30 minutes later. 

    I didn’t realise it was oil until 2011, and that was after I had some really oily rice I threw up instantly. I couldn’t sleep because of the pain I felt that day. That’s when I knew the issue was oil. Doctors kept recommending drugs that didn’t make me feel remotely better, and so I didn’t find anything that worked for the pain until I started taking Antacid in 2015 due to an ulcer. 

    It wasn’t exactly a great solution because I still experienced pain, but at least, it made the pain bearable and manageable. Oil isn’t something I can avoid, so I have to deal with this on a daily basis and limit my intake.`

    Beatrice*, 27, Intolerant of eba

    When I was 15, I found out I was allergic to heavily starchy foods like eba or semo. I used to eat them as a kid, but in secondary school, I began to experience severe pain when I tried eating them. The pain was similar to what you get from piles. 

    Eventually, I went to the hospital and it turned out to be a rectal pain caused by swallows. I’m not sure what changed in my body, but it’s like how we’re not intolerant to milk as babies and suddenly become lactose intolerant.

    ALSO READ: I’m Lactose Intolerant, But I Can’t Leave Milk Alone

  • People say two heads are better than one, but when it comes to preparing these eight meals, you’re better off on your own. If you try to cook any of them when someone is around, you’re going to fall your hands.

    1. Pap

    Making pap is already a game of Russian roulette. So having someone watch you prepare it only increases your anxiety and your chances of failing. 

    2. Fried eggs

    I can’t explain what happens once you fry eggs for other people. When you fry eggs for yourself, it’s amazing. But when you fry eggs for someone else? Epic fail. It’s either the salt is too much or it’s completely tasteless. Why?

    3. Jollof rice

    Sometimes jollof rice is only out to offer premium disgrace. When you cook it for youself, it’s red as blood and tasty as fuck, so much that you want to eat the plate. But the moment someone is in the kitchen with you, it’ll decide to mess up and look like white rice with red lipstic ear and dear. 

    RELATED: 9 Types Of Jollof Rice That Slap

    4. Pancakes

    This is the one food with audacity. Even when you’re alone, pancakes can disgrace you. So just imagine when someone is now watching you. Imagine when you now flip it and it lands on the floor. 

    5. Poundo yam/amala/fufu

    Some things should be left to the professionals. And by professionals, I mean Iya Sukirat down the road. If anyone decides to show up at your house to ask to eat poundo yam or amala, just take them there. If you decide to make it yourself, anything you see, take it like that

    RELATED: A Step-by-Step Guide to Loving Amala

    6. Ogbono or okra 

    These two soups will disgrace you and your ancestors. Everything depends on that soup drawing. The moment it doesn’t, it’s game over. Never cook this soup when people are around you. E go fall your hands!

    7. Noodles

    There’s something about making noodles for anyone other than yourself. It either turns out extremely dry or soggy as hell. The worst part is trying to explain how your noodles typically bang on a normal day. 

    8. Spaghettini

    The slimmer the spaghetti, the greater the potential of disgrace becomes. Just like noodles, spaghettini only takes one minute to overcook the whole and end up with sticky clumps. Just play it safe and cook the regular spaghetti when people are around please.

    ALSO READ: Aspiring Nigerian Chefs, Do You Really Need All These Spices?

  • Nigerians believe the weirdest things. From women that are half fish, and snake swallowing money, to how rubbing agbalumo on the wall makes it sweeter. Here are the most ridiculous Nigerian food superstitions I’ve ever heard. 

    1. If you eat sugarcane at night and don’t sweep it away, you’ll have bad luck and craw-craw 

    I was already screaming at the thought of having bad luck just because I forgot to sweep and they had the audacity to add craw-craw to the mix. 

    2. If you swallow an orange seed, it’ll grow in your head

    If I count all the orange seeds I’ve swallowed in this life, I should have an orchard chilling on my head by now.  

    RELATABLE: We Are Sure You Heard These Horror Stories as a Child

    3. If you eat two plantains joined together, you’ll give birth to twins

    So by this logic, if I cut that plantain into two… 

    5. If you eat mango and garri, you’ll die 

    Why would you even eat mango after you eat garri? Why are you making two bad bitches fight for dominance in your stomach? Is that not wickedness?

    6. Eating snail and grasscutter makes children sluggish 

    First of all, why are you even eating a grasscutter? They look like rat’s and I’ve never seen a rat and wanted to eat it. As for the snail, that one is their business. Sluggishness no dey kill. 

    RELATABLE: 7 Lies Nigerian Parents Tell Their Kids

    7. Eating the butt of a chicken will make you a talkative

    Look at that person in your life who talks too much and now you know why they are the way they are. It makes no sense, but if you’re eating something that bitter, the least it can do is give you the ability to talk about it in detail. 

     8. Fish head and gizzard are for the firstborn 

    I’ve always known that being a first child comes with some perks because, yes, I agree. It’s true. Let’s leave it like that.

    ALSO READ: 17 Pictures That Perfectly Describe Being the Oldest Child in a Nigerian Family

  • Looking for ways to enhance the taste of your food? Well, look no further! With these six random items, the taste of your food will definitely improve. 

    1) A plate that is also a bowl 

    Eating food from a small plate with a deep center elevates the taste of any dish. Flat plates makes food bland.

    2) Eating with a fork 

    When you eat with a fork, you’ll take smaller portions into your mouth per time. That means you’ll  be able to savour every sensation and revel in every single flavour. You’re giving your tongue time to actually taste the food, unlike shoving everything down your throat with a spoon. 

    3) Air Conditioner 

    When the air from the air conditioner is cooling your brain, you can process the taste of food better. Imagine eating hot food in a hot room? Life no suppose hard like that.

    RELATED: People That Say They Like Hot Food Are Liars

    4) Money 

    There’s this thing chefs do that they use gold when making their food. Since you don’t have gold, you can place stacks of dollars beside you while you eat.  With riches come more dignified taste and the ability to appreciate the finer things in life. 

    5)  Eating from the pot 

    If you don’t know where to get a bowl that is also a plate, then we suggest eating from the pot. Eating from the pot brings out the best part of the food, as you’ll feel closer to the flavours. Especially if it’s jollof rice. 

    RELATED: Cooking Tips From a Lazy Nigerian Cook

    6) Your enemies’ tears 

    There’s no sweeter taste than the defeat of the people that conspired against you. Something about preparing your table in the presence of your enemies. But if you can go one step further to bottle the tears of your enemies and sprinkle them on the food you’re about to eat, expect a tantalising delicacy. 

    RELATED: Aspiring Nigerian Chefs, Do You Really Need All These Spices? 

  •  If you’ve ever thought about why you never seem to move forward with your weight loss diet goals, I’m here to tell you that it’s due to your inability to stay away from the Nigerian foods below. And don’t worry, I’m not judging you. I totally understand. 

    Banga and starch 

    Banga and starch will forever be a top tier combination. But if you’re trying to make any progress  with your weight loss and diet,  this combo will take you 10 steps backwards. I mean, banga soup is literally 50% oil. How can you be drinking oil and complaining that your summer body is not bodying?  And starch is literally the ingredient everyone tries to avoid in meals, but Nigerians are mixing it with palm oil and calling it swallow. God safe us.

    Garri

    If you’re drinking garri with just water, you’re fine. As the Nigerian that you are, you’re most likely mixing your garri with milk, groundnut, sugar and (for the psychopaths out there) salt.  This concoction is where the problem lies.

    Akpu 

    From saying the name alone, you can already tell this food is heavy as hell.. If you eat Akpu often, be sure that the body goal you’re trying to reach has been delayed. You’ll eat akpu and sleep for three days, while the calories  just settle and create a home in your stomach.

    Yam 

    Yam is such a sneaky bitch. You’ll think you’re eating healthy by eating boiled yam, only to find out that half a slice of yam is 118 calories. And here’s the thing; —you and I know that no one eats just half a slice. So imagine what 3 full slices will do to your body. And that’s even before you pair it up with a side like fried eggs. Omo!

    RELATED: We Ranked These Yam Dishes From Worst To Best

    Akara and pap

    You’re eating akara in the middle of a big loaf of agege bread, combined with pap filled with half a container of milk and three big tablespoons of sugar and you have the audacity to wonder why the trousers you wore last week are suddenly tight around the waist? Please come off it.  

    Dodo

    God help you if it’s the over ripe, soggy dodo that soaks up enough oil to give somebody a heart attack. (That’s the only dodo I recognise by the way). Diet in the actual mud. 

    Small chops

    Small chops are the major reason half of Nigerians haven’t reached their supposed fitness and health goals yet. There’s nothing healthy in a small chops pack because all  the things inside are deep fried in oil. The worst part is that you can’t even avoid small chops as a Nigerian because it’s in your face everywhere you go. If you don’t see it being sold in traffic, you’ll find it at a wedding reception, or your office party. 

    Ewa Agoyin 

    The problem with ewa agoyin is not the beans, it’s the “stew”  that is basically oil with a dash of tomato and pepper.  And some cultists will still have the audacity to eat it with yam because they want a “balanced diet”. LMAO.

    CONTINUE READING: 6 Hard Exercises That’ll Make You Abandon Your Body Goals