You Should Only Cook These 8 Meals When You’re Alone

April 21, 2022

People say two heads are better than one, but when it comes to preparing these eight meals, you’re better off on your own. If you try to cook any of them when someone is around, you’re going to fall your hands.

1. Pap

Making pap is already a game of Russian roulette. So having someone watch you prepare it only increases your anxiety and your chances of failing. 

2. Fried eggs

I can’t explain what happens once you fry eggs for other people. When you fry eggs for yourself, it’s amazing. But when you fry eggs for someone else? Epic fail. It’s either the salt is too much or it’s completely tasteless. Why?

3. Jollof rice

Sometimes jollof rice is only out to offer premium disgrace. When you cook it for youself, it’s red as blood and tasty as fuck, so much that you want to eat the plate. But the moment someone is in the kitchen with you, it’ll decide to mess up and look like white rice with red lipstic ear and dear. 

RELATED: 9 Types Of Jollof Rice That Slap

4. Pancakes

This is the one food with audacity. Even when you’re alone, pancakes can disgrace you. So just imagine when someone is now watching you. Imagine when you now flip it and it lands on the floor. 

5. Poundo yam/amala/fufu

Some things should be left to the professionals. And by professionals, I mean Iya Sukirat down the road. If anyone decides to show up at your house to ask to eat poundo yam or amala, just take them there. If you decide to make it yourself, anything you see, take it like that

RELATED: A Step-by-Step Guide to Loving Amala

6. Ogbono or okra 

These two soups will disgrace you and your ancestors. Everything depends on that soup drawing. The moment it doesn’t, it’s game over. Never cook this soup when people are around you. E go fall your hands!

7. Noodles

There’s something about making noodles for anyone other than yourself. It either turns out extremely dry or soggy as hell. The worst part is trying to explain how your noodles typically bang on a normal day. 

8. Spaghettini

The slimmer the spaghetti, the greater the potential of disgrace becomes. Just like noodles, spaghettini only takes one minute to overcook the whole and end up with sticky clumps. Just play it safe and cook the regular spaghetti when people are around please.

ALSO READ: Aspiring Nigerian Chefs, Do You Really Need All These Spices?

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

October 24, 2019

Leaving home for university can be fun until you get hit with the realization that you are really alone, even when you are actually never alone. Then it dawns on you that the stress of getting an education might not be worth it, particularly when you consider the adulting that it requires which includes, COOKING […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

July 3, 2022

In this letter #ToHER, Tumi writes to one of her closest friends, Tolu. Tolu japa’d to America, and although she read this letter before travelling, Tumi wants everyone to know how special their friendship has been for her.

Recommended Quizzes

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

More from Chopist

June 26, 2022

Foods have different levels of chemistry, much in the same way people do. Beans isn’t any different. If you love beans, then here are seven foods that make the experience even better. Bread If Captain America were a meal, he’d be beans and bread. Nobody knows exactly what makes it so delicious. Is it the […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X