How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship as a Nigerian Man

July 22, 2022

With all the rain that has been falling recently, I’m genuinely shocked people are still considering long distance relationships. Tunde, in this cold? Is your body not doing you like the rest of us? 

For those of you stubborn men who want to date across state lines, here are a few tips from a former long distance relationship expert on how to make it work. 

Have money

Sir, this one is very very important. You need money to surprise bae once in a while with either your presence or lunch from their favourite restaurant. You also need money for airtime and internet because your phone is about to become your second partner. Do you think all of this will work if you’re wallowing in poverty? Go back to the drawing board. 

Invest in firewood

“Body no be firewood”, so maybe it’s time for you to buy a lot of actual firewood to keep yourself warm in the absence of your lover. 

Attend every night virgil and revival in your area

Prayer is the key to everything — including a healthy long distance relationship. To protect what you love, my brother, you need to be prayerful. That speaking in tongues? Master it. That anointing oil?  Buy it in bulk. Fight for your relationship in the spirit realm to make sure it lasts in the physical. Amen?  

Read the news every day to prepare yourself for disappointment 

To survive a long distance relationship, you need to understand that your relationship can end at any time. You need to catch up on Nigerian news daily, to practice how to handle the disappointment that is surely coming your way. 

Small cheating here and there is not that bad

We are not saying cheat all the way, but a little bit of hanky panky on the low to sustain morale is not bad. By the way, who knows what your partner is doing where they’re staying? Just make sure you know how to cover your tracks. 

You need to learn how to lie like a Nigerian politician 

It’s just a coincidence that this point comes right after cheating. It’s not planned. But, yes, you need to adorn yourself with the cloak of lies to make sure your relationship lasts. The truth may set you free, but it can also pour sand in your relationship garri. But if Nigerian politicians can get away with barefaced lying every day, why do you feel someone will catch you? 

RECOMMENDED: All The Reasons Long Distance Relationships Are Amazing

Learn how to enter your partner’s dreams

Out of sight, out of mind. So if you want to constantly be in their sight and mind, you have to be the main character in their dreams. Simple maths. 

Be prepared to ask, “What are you wearing?” 1,000 times in a month 

Nine times out of ten, “What are you wearing?” is the question that will save your sex life in a long distance relationship. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you. 

Pluck out your eyes to avoid temptation 

How will anyone seduce you when you can’t even see them? Your partner will understand that you did it for them, and love you regardless. 

Be prepared to answer, “Where are you?” 1,000 times in a week 

At some point in your relationship, “Where are you?” will replace “How are you?” and you need to make peace with that. This question is even worse when you’re with someone who doesn’t trust you. If you want your relationship to work, you need to become Google Maps that can tell exact locations in seconds. Good luck!

Buy sim cards from every network 

If there’s one thing Nigerian network providers will do, it’s disgrace you. You need to have a lot of backup SIM cards in case your network is not glowing with pride or  following you everywhere you go. 

Know that heartbreak can come at any time (and prepare for it) 

Some people can spot the red flags as soon as they start to pop up —  reduced banter, avoiding calls, airing, etc, but for those that need relationship glasses, just prepare yourself for heartbreak in advance so you won’t be shocked when they say, “We need to talk.”

Avoid long distance relationships and know peace 

Omo, a long distance relationship in the same city is dangerous, but you want to date someone in another city or state? You clearly like pain because it’ll end in hot tears. 

ALSO READ: 7 Romantic Ideas For People In Long-Distance Relationships

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

July 8, 2021

Just like there are some jobs that have been unreasonably assigned to women just because they’re women, there are also some things that men are the automatic candidates for. Here are nine of those things people think are men’s jobs. 1. Check out strange sounds in the house Once there’s a strange sound in the […]


Now on Zikoko

January 31, 2023

Have you ever watched a Nollywood film or show and thought: “Why is this character so familiar?” You’re not alone.  From men who can’t handle the consequences of their blood money rituals to marine spirits who trap and steal men’s destinies after sex, these Nollywood characters are practically the same, but in different fonts. Fun […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 28, 2019

There are so many talented and stunning Nollywood actors that make it hard not to fall in love with them. So, while we all know the likelihood of us ending up with any of them is super low, it’s still fun to imagine a world where we actually stood a chance, and that’s why this […]

November 11, 2019

Everyone has something to say about what kind of person they are. But how well do we truthfully evaluate these things? Not that much, I can assure you. The average person is always lying to themselves to make sure they look good. But you know what and who doesn’t lie? Zikoko quizzes that’s what. Take […]

December 11, 2019

In the past month, we’ve made quizzes that guessed the last time you had sex, how many people you’ve slept with, and just how good you are in bed. For our latest attempt, we will use your taste in Nigerian music from the 2010s to ascertain what you’re like in bed. Take to find out:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

September 1, 2021

August is over, and here are some of our best quizzes from August. Enjoy: 1. QUIZ: Only Ajebutters Can Get 10/21 On This Quiz Some people like to form ajepako when they’re really ajebutter. Are you one of them? Let’s find out. 2. QUIZ: Sorry, If You’re Under 25 There’s No Way You Can Pass […]

More from Man Dem


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.