For a lot of people, meeting the right person and settling down is the ultimate dream. But what happens when you meet someone who checks all your boxes but has one red flag (anyhow behaviour) you just can’t ignore? The 4 people I spoke to today know what that’s like.

Dennis, 27

“She was tribalistic. Not even the hilarious type of tribalistic where one says insane stuff like ‘Igbos eat people’. She was so prejudiced against other tribes that if we existed in 1940s Germany, I’m fucking sure she would’ve bought into Hitler’s propaganda against the Jews and signed up to torture people at Auschwitz. The straw that broke the camel’s back? I am Igbo and she’s Yoruba. So I’d do something wrong and instead of correcting me or something, she’d be like, ‘Typical Igbo people behaviour yen yen yen!’ Best decision I’ve ever made.”

Maryam, 24

“He was so jealous and possessive that it bordered on abusive. He wanted to know where I was at all times, who I was with and if they were members of the opposite sex, etc. What made me sure about ending things? The fact that I watched my dad do the same thing to my mum all throughout my childhood. While he never actually raised his hand to hit me, I knew, based on my mother’s experience, that it would eventually get there. I had to run.”

Nnamdi, 29

“She was wildly homophobic and would say very ugly things about my brother, who is gay. I’ve met homophobic people in my life but she was so bizarre. We would be watching a tv show featuring a gay character and apropos of nothing, she’d just go, ‘When we have kids, we can’t let that your gay brother near our kids oh. Before he infects them.’ I love my brother. After our parents died, he practically raised me. So I wasn’t going to allow some ignorant woman to destroy our relationship. I gave her the boot.”

Ronke, 34

“He used to mock me because of my age. He would say shit like ‘It’s because I pitied you and asked you out. I could’ve been with one hot 20-year-old now oh.’ This is insane because I was 33 and he was 37 at the time, which in itself, is a whole other red flag on its own. When I would complain that the things he said hurt my feelings, he would get angry and demand that I stop being dramatic because he was only ‘joking.’ When I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him to go find those hot 20-year-olds and I left.”

Before you leave, take this quiz to see how red your flag is.



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