What Would Happen if These Names Were Given to Human Beings?

June 30, 2022

You can’t tell me that you haven’t once thought that some of the things I’ve listed below would’ve been great names for human beings.

Areola

A unisex Yoruba name. Kind of like Adeola, Areola would’ve been a name almost every Yourba parent gives their child, like the name Dami. At least five people in the office would’ve been named Areola.

Marijuana 

You can call her MJ for short, kinda like the female Micahel Jackson. Marijuana sounds like someone who would’ve loved dancing. She’d be creating TikTok dances for every new Nigerian banger, and her legwork would be fire.

Chlamydia

Forget the fact that this is an STD that causes painful urination for a second. Don’t you think Chlamydia would’ve been a gorgeous gorgeous girl? She sounds like a girl that would thrive on the “clean girl aesthetic”, curate the perfect Instagram feed and make cute reels about how great her life is. 

Ecstasy

You know those names that are normally given to Igbo girls, like Constance and Charity? Ecstasy would’ve been one of them. I even have a feeling that there’s an Igbo girl with this name already. 

RELATED: A List of English Names That Are Now Igbo Names 

Syphilis 

Syphilis sounds like another way to say Philips, just like how Bob is another way to say Robert. Syphilis would’ve been a man who studied pharmacy in uni and decided to become a tech bro three years after. He’d go on and on about how much the Cobra programming language bothered him.

Konji

Konji would’ve been the perfect name for a sexy Yoruba man. The type to know about his handsomeness and take advantage of it.  A Yoruba demon with two or three girlfriends from the same friend group. He’d have been the type to cheat with his full chest and blame you for it. 

RELATED: 8 Male Yoruba Names Known for Heartbreak Fight to Defend Their Honour

Herpes 

Hermes and Herpes, I don’t see the difference. This would’ve been the name of a gym bro — Someone who’d always work out his arms and chest, but forget that legs are also a part of the body. 

Zanku

Zanku would’ve been a fine Hausa man who looked great in suits and trad. Everyone in the office would’ve loved him and his impeccable fashion sense.

Gonorrhoea 

Gonorrhoea would’ve been a girl who got upset every time because people couldn’t spell her name, same as Diarrhoea. 

Benz 

Benz would’ve been an alpha male who constantly told men on Twitter that they’re the prize. All his social media platforms would’ve been dedicated to telling men how to be high-value men and alpha males. 

If you thought this was funny, read about 10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies

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