10 Nigerian Names That Don’t Belong to Babies

September 16, 2020

Everyone looks forward to giving their babies really cute names, and there’s a wide array of names to choose from. The names in this article, however, don’t belong to babies. People with these names just appear out of nowhere. Check it out.

1. Odinaka

You’ll never find a baby named Odinaka. Never. Odinakas suddenly appear in bus parks with fully built and muscular bodies, looking for the next person to slap.

2. Sylvanus

I’m even scared to just type out Sylvanus without typing “Uncle” first. These people appear in their mid 40s, already bald, with three phones always ringing about some container that’s about to land.

3. Ojo

Legend has it that if you walk into an evil forest at night and shout “Ojo” three times, a math teacher will appear, holding a cane and ready to resume first thing in the morning. Double period.

4. Rasak

If you think you’ve ever met a child named Rasak, I have just one thing to say to you: Stop doing drugs. Now, walk to five random Bet9ja stores and say you’re looking for Rasak. You’ll find one everywhere. That’s where they appear.

5. Nneka

Aunty Nneka was never a child. She just appeared one day, gapped teeth and all, and started telling you to watch the way you are around boys because men are wicked.

6. Gbenga

An uncle Gbenga is spawned every time there’s a stubborn male child in a household. His job is to correct and chastise.

7. Toun

Almost everybody knows an Aunty Toun. She’s nice, caring and would probably spoil you more than your actual parents. Look for her baby pictures, you won’t find them.

8. Akpan

No child is ever named Akpan. Akpans suddenly exist and start stealing in the market. They’re really fast too, so nobody ever catches them.

9. Femi

Go to the birth certificate registry and look for “Femi.” You won’t find it there. Now go to a gathering for Nigerian women with broken hearts and just whisper “Femi.” Tears everywhere. How?

10. Moji

Try this. Go out tomorrow morning, at 6 am. Keep walking until you find two women talking in front of a gateless house, with toothbrushes in their mouths and bonnets on their heads. Now, say “Moji, did you sleep well?” You’ll get a chorus response from the both of them. This is the only possible sighting of a Moji you’ll ever find because if you go back to that house at 10 am and ask for Moji, everyone would look at you like you’re crazy.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

how tall are you
March 11, 2020

Did your parents give you enough beans when you were growing up? If they did, then you’re probably around 6’0″ and above. Either way, we created a quiz that can guess your current height (pretty accurately, if we do say so ourselves). Take to see if we nailed it:

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

February 26, 2020

Are you all set for marriage, or are you still figuring it out? Well, if you’re curious to know the answer, then this is the quiz for you. All you have to do is create your own ideal Nollywood wedding film, and we’ll tell you if you’re ready to say “I do”. Go ahead:

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X