I saw this tweet and immediately sighed a heavy negro sigh. Our dear new Twitter owner wants to squeeze every single penny from us on top of this app. 

It’s partially our fault sha. After shouting, “How can this app be free?” for years, Elon has said, “Aii bet.”

Now, we’re pretty sure he’ll soon say only Twitter Blue subscribers can do these things: 

Unlimited tweets 

He’ll announce that basic bitches like us would only have access to 20 tweets per month. If you want unlimited tweets, pay for Twitter Blue. For those of us who’d finish the 20 tweets in two hours but refuse to pay, we’d finally have time to discover the cure for AIDS or come up with new creations, like a noiseless blender. 

Unlimited mentions 

Elon would find a way to limit the number of people you can mention in a tweet, just because he wants you to subscribe to Twitter Blue. When you see, “Tag someone who…,” you’d think twice before responding. Your new thing would be putting the person’s name instead of their @ and sending the tweet to their DMs so they can see it and reply. 

Twitter Spaces

Can’t lie, I won’t mind this one because people are too quick to start spaces these days.  Any small talk on the TL, and there’s a space. Let this be the problem of Blue Tick Twitter, abeg. 

Quote tweets 

Forget ratioing people who annoy you, because Elon would limit your ability to quote people’s tweets too. Before you know it, you’d see: “You can’t quote this tweet because you have reached your target number of quotes for the month. To quote as many tweets as you like, subscribe for Twitter Blue.”

Posting pictures 

People would only be able to post one picture at a time or a certain number of pictures per month, unless they pay. Forget about monthly dumps and random screenshots of everything happening in your life.  

Have followers 

Yeah, that’s right. It may get to a point where people wouldn’t be able to follow you because you’ve reached the highest number of followers a free account can have. You’d wake up one day and see you’ve lost more than half your followers because our Tesla oga said we have to pay to have extra people following us. 

Tweet about certain topics 

I solidly stand behind this one. So that those who want to recycle the same topics every five days — who pays for dates or should women cook for men — would finally be stopped. Let them go and be a problem among the rich in Blue Tick Twitter. 


The entire app would become subscription-based like Netflix or Apple Music. The way things are going, Elon will definitely ask us to pay to access the app at all. And that’s the day I’ll go back to Facebook. 

ALSO READ: You Can’t Survive Nigerian Twitter If You Don’t Know These 25 Slangs 

What do you think of our website’s new look? It’ll only take a minute to fill this form and let us know.



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.