After defeating the little leagues of your siblings stealing your meat and bedwetting at sleepovers, the final evil boss of your childhood was probably having to deal with the menace that is chores. From graduating from having chore time tables, to being responsible for the cleanliness and order of your own apartment, we can attest […]

I’ve always suspected the reason I am so trash at dancing but so good at picking the ripest agbalumos is because while they were sharing dancing talents, I was teaching people the right ways to eye the agbalumo to get it sweet. Since then, I’ve suffered a lot of disgrace in the presence of my […]

Still on my personal lockdown which isn’t ending anytime this year or maybe even next — I have taken to asking my friends the most inane questions every week, to pass the time. Two weeks ago it was if they’d rather have walrus canines for teeth or horse’s feet for legs (Think about it!). Last […]

There are very few things that aren’t better enjoyed when shared. Happiness, good news, problems. Okay, a wrapping of suya might be one exception, but you get the idea. When it came to flogging in Nigerian secondary schools — and we mean actual Nigerian secondary schools, not those mini-resorts that didn’t believe in violence against […]

A few hundred years ago, before we all became part of the downright digusting ghetto, that is the adult hood… … We were all happy-go-lucky children. Our biggest worries learning about the different layers of the ear and trying not to mess up quadratic equations. Those were some good ass times. Those were also the […]

On June 3rd, 2020, smack in the middle of a pandemic that’s kicking even the most advanced countries’ asses — Nigeria, of growing infection numbers and ‘mysterious deaths’, decided to cut its health budget to focus on a more important area: the renovation of its national assembly building with ₦27 bn. Because where best to […]

When it comes to navigating difficult terrain, there’s nobody better than a Nigerian young adult to make a way out of it. From learning to dodge slaps, to perfecting the right speech speed and cadence to talk yourself out of a beating, the Nigerian youth is skilled in the art of getting away from the […]

We did a ton of dumb shit as tweens and adolescents in school: hit our peers with a rubber band and a piece of paper for ‘fun’. Stuck our thumbs for unsuspecting classmates to sit on ‘as a joke’ (how was dosgbe ever a thing?) and we observed advanced economic concepts in managing our resources. […]

Do you show up to the front of the queue last minute because you ‘kept space’? Are you the patient kind? Let’s see.

Let’s get one thing straight, nobody should be re-opening anything in Nigeria with the climbing coronavirus numbers. We can’t believe we have to say this, but here we are. Starting in the first week of June, churches and mosques around Nigeria will be permitted to re-open their spaces for mass congregation. Now we know Nigerians […]

It might not always seem like it, but working from home is the type of work my fellow lazys tend to describe as ‘hard’. Throw in a day filled with that crazy breeze, and those little pitter-patter sounds courtesy the rain hitting the roofs and ground around you, and your day working from home easily […]

You know, for people who have the hardest time permitting their children to attend sleepovers, inter-state excursions and any program not designed for the church or mosque, Nigerian parents are awfully trusting when their children decide an education abroad is what they want to spend a few years of their lives pursuing. And when it […]

‘Southern Kaduna’, ‘Fulani Herdsmen’ – are current trends on social media. There’s a conversation around a possible massacre happening in Southern Kaduna .

So far, every month in 2020 has given us its version of an uppercut to the jugular. We’ve lost Kobe and Gigi, a global pandemic broke out, we’ve had to stay isolated, murder hornets came back (then left?) and for May’s champion – repeated vile and racist attacks against black people in the US. John […]

There are a few things we’ve all been told to never speak about in public. Money, our good looks and Davido’s verse in The Money.. . That said however, when it comes to the matter of our good looks, it’s a bit of a shame it’s regarded as tasteless to go on and on about it. […]

Is it cheating? Or an unforgivable amount of selfishness? Take the quiz and find out!

In January 2020, Kay — awesome writer over at TechCabal, (Zikoko’s sister publication) spent a month in South Asia, touring the borders between Bangladesh and India. In preparing for this interview, I spent an inordinate amount of time getting lost in Bangladeshi cuisine, using maybe all of 3 minutes to learn about everything else (JK. […]

Can you think of anything worse than living to stunt and having very few people to witness your drip in person? If you’ve been alive for the past few months, then you’ve definitely been in some type of lockdown, isolation or quarantine because of the virus. Your eyebrows have probably grown out. Little children can […]

I can’t remember what movie I gained my psychology degree from, but I do remember one of the theories I’ve been able to come up with, which is that obsessively neat people, become so, because there’s usually so much chaos around them, they cling to, and arrange the few things that are within their control. […]

For the most part, Ghana and Nigeria share a peaceful relationship. Nigeria exports its banging afrobeats, Ghana washes it down with its infinitely easy on the ears highlife. We ping and pong between both locations for December rocks and chummily refer to each other as ‘chale’ and ‘oga’ from across the border. It’s all love […]

It is time to take the ultimate test and shame the haters. What kind of foodie are you really?

Since December 2019, the whole world has been reeling from a bad hand, which has now extended to a chokehold, courtesy the coronavirus. With the symptoms of COVID-19 taking varying degrees of seriousness, from a dry cough to tiredness, to more significant indicators like conjunctivitis, the loss of smell and a great difficulty breathing, a […]

Is there anything more annoying than wanting to be left alone, planning your day around that time, but enemies deciding that’s when they want to hatch their plans against you? We know all about it, and honestly, our condolences. If your alone time has ever been interrupted as seen in any of these scenarios, there’s […]

It’s a new week and Monday, perpetual bad vibes giver and our constant reminder of how short the weekend is, is back on his BS. As usual. Men. Now, even though we’ve called him out in the last, like most Yoruba men, Monday has refused to act right, and for that reason, we will be […]