Boyin Plumptre

Boyin Plumptre

Scammer-at-large. Might hug you for no reason.
May 22, 2020

In January 2020, Kay — awesome writer over at TechCabal, (Zikoko’s sister publication) spent a month in South Asia, touring the borders between Bangladesh and India. In preparing for this interview, I spent an inordinate amount of time getting lost in Bangladeshi cuisine, using maybe all of 3 minutes to learn about everything else (JK. […]

May 21, 2020

Can you think of anything worse than living to stunt and having very few people to witness your drip in person? If you’ve been alive for the past few months, then you’ve definitely been in some type of lockdown, isolation or quarantine because of the virus. Your eyebrows have probably grown out. Little children can […]

May 20, 2020

For the most part, Ghana and Nigeria share a peaceful relationship. Nigeria exports its banging afrobeats, Ghana washes it down with its infinitely easy on the ears highlife. We ping and pong between both locations for December rocks and chummily refer to each other as ‘chale’ and ‘oga’ from across the border. It’s all love […]

May 19, 2020

Since December 2019, the whole world has been reeling from a bad hand, which has now extended to a chokehold, courtesy the coronavirus. With the symptoms of COVID-19 taking varying degrees of seriousness, from a dry cough to tiredness, to more significant indicators like conjunctivitis, the loss of smell and a great difficulty breathing, a […]

May 18, 2020

It’s a new week and Monday, perpetual bad vibes giver and our constant reminder of how short the weekend is, is back on his BS. As usual. Men. Now, even though we’ve called him out in the last, like most Yoruba men, Monday has refused to act right, and for that reason, we will be […]

May 16, 2020

Have you ever been so scared for someone’s conscience, intercessory prayer starts hungrying you? Since May 7th, my recurring prayer point and the universal leader Governor of Rivers State – Nyesom Wike has seized and auctioned off over 20 civilian cars, convicted over 170 people and demolished 2 hotel buildings in his state. These were […]

May 15, 2020

For reasons best known to me (I’m bored, wistful and stir crazy, stuck at home with two sexagenarians), I have been dutifully spending a large percentage (I can’t say how large, this is a work post) of my day, researching the first few abroads I plan on living in when this whole ordeal is over. […]

May 13, 2020

If there’s anything we should rack this virus over, it is seriously cramping our buka eating culture. No longer are we free to eat and sweat in close proximity with the next guy as his splash from battling his shaki gets on our shirt. No more are we spoilt for choice, looking at the show […]

May 11, 2020

On day 847? of my now self-imposed lock down, while my clothes are charging up for the inevitable post-rona rocks and my body is getting the rest it deserves, my hair is wallowing in a state I like to describe as – I prefer not to speak. From wash days every week, to discovering my […]

May 9, 2020

To convict Orji Uzor Kalu — former Abia State Governor, Senator and chief whip of the senate — of a ₦7.7 billion fraud allegation, the trial courts engaged in proceedings so elongated, a child born at its inception would have been gearing up for senior secondary school upon its end.  With the Supreme Court decision […]

May 8, 2020

If all my many years of watching overly dramatic spy-thrillers has taught me anything, it’s that Russia, its spies and its president are 100% not to be messed with.  I thought everyone that journeyed to Moscow in 2018 had serious mind,and I still can’t watch Vladimir Putin on the news without avoiding eye contact. I’m […]

May 7, 2020

There are as ton of things to miss out on when you’re taking the right safety precautions – social distancing, limiting in person-interactions, sanitizing and wearing the appropriate clothing to avoid getting infected with a global pandemic. Hanging out with friends, worshipping with like-minded people; the list goes on. But in certain instances, the not […]

May 7, 2020

Even though love is an absolutely disgusting act we wouldn’t recommend to our worst enemy (yes, even you Damilola in Pry 5A), you all keep doing the damn thing and falling in we regardless. Because it’s like you need someone to show you what a bad, terrible idea falling in love is, we decided to […]

May 6, 2020

As lockdown restrictions have begun to ease across Nigeria, we’re seeing a return to the world of almost confidently ordering amala and ewedu from our favourite bukas and (hopefully) socially distancing when we do go into them. That said, it seems like it was literally only last week we were stuck at home, left to […]

May 5, 2020

Any other day, we’d cuss you out for not grabbing life by the balls and making your work spouse into your real-life S.O, but it’s May 5th, the second day of the corona purge and we’re really all for everyone ticking bucket list items and doing all that makes them happy before our inevitable end […]

May 4, 2020

If we’re keeping it a buck, if you’re not an absolutely essential worker providing an absolutely essential service, you have absolutely no business being at work on May the 4th, especially with the climbing virus numbers. And yet, much as we all know this is the truth, you’re at work, doing a little Monday morning […]

May 4, 2020

Over the last few days, Kano State in Northern Nigeria has been thrown repeatedly, into the throes of mourning. The latest loss is the life of Alhaji Tafida Abubakar, the Emir of the newly created Rano Emirate. He was 74 years old. What led to the death of the Emir of Rano? While the passing […]

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