2. Then you remember that probably means you have to do bridesmaid wahala!
Ohhhhhhhh gosh!
3. When the maid of honour starts doing like class captain.
Madam better rest!
4. When they start calling funky colours you’ve never heard before.
You say glossy meringue abi? Very what? Very good!
5. When they call one funny hairstyle that will make your head look like egg.
“It’s a no from me!”
6. When you need to drop money for bridal shower, hen night and pre-wedding brunch.
How many wedding will you wed ma?
7. When you get more useless notifications from the wedding group chat.
If I leave the group chat now it will be like I’m rude.
8. When you’re in more than one bridesmaid group chat at the same time.
All of you should shut up!
9. When you see the aso ebi prices.
Is the aso ebi made of heavenly material?
10. When the bride thinks that bridesmaid means temporary housegirl.
My sister you’ve missed road oh! I’m not on seat.
11. When the group oversabi starts talking another thing again.
When will this one shut up for goodness sakes?
12. When the photographer starts calling useless poses for the wedding party.
Dab ko, dab ni.
13. When people start trying to hook you up with one of the groomsmen by force.
If you don’t gerraria for real!
14. When people start shouting your name to catch the bouquet.
Did I beg you people?
15. You and your fellow bridesmaids packing money being sprayed on the couple.
Exercise!
16. When it’s all over.
Peace at last!
17. When you calculate how much you’ve spent on the wedding.
HAY GOD!
18. When another friend gets engaged.
Again?
So one day I was on my way home from work after a particularly frustrating day
Everyday suffer suffer!
All of a sudden someone just appeared beside me saying “fine sister how are you?”
What does this one want now?
This man that I had never seen before started talking something about “I admire you and I want to know you”
Which kind of wahala is this?
After repeating a few times that I was uninterested, he left me alone
Thank God!
Or so I thought…
Na wa for this one oh!
The next day he was on the same street to ‘escort me’
Escort me to where please?
The day after that, he was ‘just passing to greet me’
Please pass another side sir.
Just so I could hear word I gave him my number
Big mistake!
The next day he sent me 20 messages
Ahn ahn!
The day after he sent me even more messages
Which kind of one chance is this oh?
I decided to block his number
Finally! Peace of mind!
That’s how he started using another number to call me
Won’t this man give up?
I blocked that one too
It’s not by force please.
The next day this man was back on that street to “greet you”
Ah! I’m tired oh. I’m tired.
The day after he wanted to make sure I was okay because he had a dream I was not feeling fine
Joseph the dreamer l’omo!
I finally told him that I am a marine spirit and he has passed my love test and baba was like
Ahn ahn Mr Loverboy where are you going to?
You must answer “NO” to the question “Have you eaten?”
“Ah! You want to starve to death?”
When they now cook for you, you must tell them you are not eating
“Ahn ahn! How can?”
You must go their house slimmer than the last time they saw you
“Are they not feeding you at home?”
You must call your older siblings and cousins by their first name (not brother or aunty)
“Ah! You lack respect sha.”
You must reject their natural medicines when you are sick
“What is aspirin? My friend come and drink agbo!”
When they ask you what you want to become, make sure you don’t say lawyer or doctor
“You want to disgrace our family abi?”
In fact, say you don’t want to go to school
“HAYYYYYY kuku kill me oh!”
If you are in the area they live, don’t visit them
“What if I die tomorrow nko? Will you not see me before I die?”
You must show them that you take after your other side of the family
“But I thought you were one of us. “
Even though you understand their language, speak only English to them
“Hayyy this world has spoilt. I blame your parents.”
Take longer than 2 hours after you graduate from school to marry
“What are you waiting for?”
When you marry, take longer than 9 months and 1 day to start giving them great grandchildren
“Time is going oh!”
In fact just say you don’t want to marry
“What are you even talking?”
Durotimi Bolaji-Idowu who works under the name, Duro Arts, is known for his caricature-style designs. He has even worked for artistes like Snoop Dogg, Davido and brands like MTVbaseAfrica. Here are some of the times he trolled us with his Bun and Belly art collection.
1. When he trolled Wizkid’s ‘controversial’ picture.
2. And he basically pulled a Daenerys Targaryen.
3. When he trolled this pre-wedding picture.
4. But really, what does ‘Bahd, Baddo, Baddest’ mean?
5. When he helped Beyonce wash her back.
6. His attempt at wearing a cropped top.
7. When he had something to say about Toolz’s wedding dress.
8. When he played with Lupita’s shuku.
9. When he wanted to use style to get on Davido’s flight.
1. This perfectly accurate jab at our politicians.
2. The finishing move in every cultural dance:
3. The only person permitted to pass you in class:
4. You, reading Justin Bieber’s caption in Wizkid’s voice.
5. The most annoying thing you could do to someone in secondary school:
6. This picture that will stress the hell out of every Nigerian:
7. The official Nigerian tailor face:
8. The official Nollywood pregnancy test:
9. The Nigerian babe’s “I love you” face:
10. The order in your house:
11. The upcoming Nigerian musician:
12. Every Sunday in a Nigerian church:
13. Nigerians and Nigerianisms:
This post isn’t here to bore you about how Nigeria has the highest rate of twins in the world. No, seriously, it’s not news.
It’s about a video that will definitely leave you in shock.
According to these British twin vloggers, there’s a “little place called Yoruba” which has the highest birth rate of twins in the world. Wait what?
After trying to explain how/why the Yoruba people name twins and pronouncing the twin names, Taiye and Kehinde, in the most ridiculous manner…
They ended the video with some “Yorubian folk music”.
What’s all this yama yama?
When foreigners try to explain African culture but fail at it.
In all honesty, they almost had it sha. But their reference to Yoruba as a place and description of Orlando Owoh’s music as “Yorubian folk music” is just unbearable.
Watch the full video here.
The comedy series titled ‘African Booty Scratcher’ is about how Nigerian immigrant parents, Tunde and Ann, try to teach their son, Ayo, Nigerian values.
It was created by filmmaker and screenwriter, Damilare Sonoiki, one of the writers of Emmy nominated series, Blackish.
Damilare chose the slur “African Booty Scratcher” commonly used by African Americans to describe African immigrants.
Ayo’s parents remind us of our Jollof rice-loving, prayer warrior parents who scolded us for getting anything that wasn’t an A.
You can watch the hilarious trailer here.
1. The one about Nigerian fathers
Every. Nigerian. Father.
2. The one about Nigerian mothers
Sorry ma!
3. The one about watching TV with your parents
Hay God!
4. This picture of fear
Just disappear.
5. This catering menu
They did not born you well to misspell Jollof rice.
6. The one about side chicks
Real friends.
7. The one about Buhari
Well…
8. The one about GEJ
At least he is trying.
9. The one about our exchange rate
The pain.
10. The one about a child’s ticket
You can’t argue with that.
11. This gym
This is the most Nigerian thing ever.
12. The one about church
Every Nigerian mother.
13. The typical Nigerian aunty
Amebo is in their blood.
14. This architect that has a lot of explaining to do
Maybe they did not pay him his balance.
15. The one about washing dishes
Unless you will help me wash it just save it, biko.
16. The real use of the head
Is it a lie though?
17. The one about finding love
You want to kill your mother?
18. This unofficial reason all Nigerian parents have children
