I Visited Some Nigerian Sex Shops Online And Here’s What I Found

May 19, 2017

So a couple of days ago, I was surfing the internet innocently when I stumbled on this.

This got me thinking about if there was an actual thriving sex shop market in Nigeria that I didn’t know about.

So I decided to find out by searching the deepest darkest corners of Nigeria’s cyberspace.

And fam, what I found left me shook!!!

MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought we were among the top 10 most religious countries in the WORLD! What happened?!

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR MORALS?!!!

So there I was, on the floor, hugging myself and crying from what I had just seen.

When it occurred to me that I had to do something with this information.

So I decided to make a list of the weirdest, insane, most absurd, ridiculous and most importantly, hilarious sex toys I could find.

Because what we specialize in at Zikoko is making you laugh while also increasing your chances of going to Hell.

That was a joke btw. All we want to do is make you laugh. (But we will take your soul if you offer it to us willingly as a gift for all the joy and happiness we bring you)

So without further ado, here they are

The weirdest sex toys you will ever see!

1. Rabbit Vibrator

Apparently your pet rabbit needs some pleasuring too.

2. Sex Delay Rings

These look like brightly colored machine spare parts.

3. Universal Butt Plug

There are much bigger things to “plug” yourself with so what exactly is the point of this?

4. Red Pocket Lipstick Vibrator

Not all lipsticks are for the lips on your face. #StayWoke

5. Tongue Vibrator

A vibrating disembodied tongue?! What the hell is this freakshow??!!

6. The Hot Seat Inflatable Cushion

REVOLUTIONARY!

7. USB Vaginal Vibrating Egg

Why does it need a USB? LOL!

8. Rubber Duck Vibrator

This is why we can’t have good things. They took a children’s toy and turned it into a sex toy.

9. Rechargeable Storm Masturbator

You would see this and think it’s a speaker. You would be wrong.

10. The Piss Hole Wand

WHY?! WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO DO THIS?!

11. Mini Vaginal Masturbator

What the hell is this and why does it look like raw meat?

12. The Accomodator

WHAT. THE. HELL?!

13. Finger Crystal Condom

So is it like for your finger or…..?

14. Penis Ice Mold

For when you want penis shaped pieces of ice floating in your drink. I’m tired of humanity.

15. The Abominable Foot

HUMANITY WHY?!!!!!

16. Remote Control Vibrating Egg

Biko, why is there an iPod attached to this?

17. Black Glory Hole

I am NEVER eating chocolate again.

18. Da Smoke Penis Enlargers

These look like little pink Darth Vader helmets and now I will never see Star Wars the same way again.

If you enjoyed this post (which we know you did), check out this next one that compiles 13 tweets about sex toys on Twitter that will make you realize that Nigerians are not as shy as you think.

13 Tweets About Sex Toys That’ll Make You Realize Nigerians Are Not As Shy As You’d Think

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