Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • With all the hormones flying about during pregnancy, it is no surprise that pregnant women end up doing some very funny things. So, we asked people to share the funniest experiences they have had pregnant, and those they have witnessed.

    Odion, 56

    One day while I was pregnant I had this sudden urge to lick ice cream. It was a bit different from the 2am fried yam cravings. I felt like if I did not have ice cream, I would die. My husband’s friend had to help me buy ice cream. When he asked how much of the ice cream I wanted, I gave him a paint bucket and told him to fill it up. When he brought it back, I licked so much ice cream I passed out and woke up in the hospital.

    Angel, 37

    I could not eat stew made with a blender. I would come back home from work, remove my jacket and bring out the grinding stone. After grinding my tomatoes and pepper, I would give to my sister to cook for me. It had to be grinded with a grinding stone, and I had to be the one to grind it. My sister kept complaining because we had a blender, but that was the only way I would eat.

    Amaka, 31

    When I was pregnant I could only eat food with a small spoon. When my husband brought me indomie with a fork, I started crying. I told him that he didn’t love me and I threw the indomie at him. Now, I can admit that I was being a bit dramatic.

    Bisi

    My sister made a grilled sandwich when she was pregnant with her second baby. It was in her hand and she was so excited to eat it that she started to cry because she knew it would taste good. She was just crying with the sandwich in her hand.

    Hi there! While you are here do you want to take a minute to sign up for HER’S weekly newsletter? There’ll be inside gist from this series and other fun stuff. It’ll only take 15 seconds. Yes I timed it.

    Sign me up!

    Tobi

    Chinwe and I were waiting to see our customer at their office in Lagos Island. As I was filling the security logbook, you could smell the hot puff puff the security man just bought from the woman frying by the roadside. Heavily pregnant Chinwe started to beg for puff-puff like a starving child. Of course the security man gave her everything and proceeded to buy her more. The look of satisfaction in her eyes whilst eating was the funniest thing for me.

    Halima, 29

    At a certain point of my pregnancy, I could not wear ‘cold’ clothes. Every single cloth that touched my body had to have just been ironed. I will lay out all the clothes I plan on wearing that day, and iron them as I put them on. Even my underwear.

    Anita, 28

    One day I woke up at about 3am to eat bread and tea. I decided the best place to eat was in the guest room downstairs because I did not want anyone to come and beg me. While I was eating, tears kept coming out of my eyes because the bread was so soft and sweet. I did not know my husband was looking for me. When he eventually found me, I was dipping my bread in tea with tears in my eyes. He just shook his head and closed the door. I finished my bread, cleaned my tears, and slept off.

    Bimbe, 26

    I was watching a cartoon with my nephew and I got so invested in it, I threw my shoe at the screen when Dora kept asking for directions. I was so angry. My nephew went to report to his mother, and I had to buy them a new television.

    For more stories about women and their experiences, click here

    [donation]

  • 1. When the conductor refuses to stop for you because it’s not the “bus stop”:

    They’ll just be shouting, “No be bus stop be dis”.

    2. All the hatred you feel when the conductor is busy enjoying breeze outside and you’re sweating like Christmas goat inside:

    3. All those perverted conductors:

    Can you please keep your hands to yourself?

    4. When you nearly miss your bus stop because you can’t even understand what the conductor is saying:

    https://twitter.com/OhTimehin/status/646392291893071872
    Which language do they even speak please?

    5. Never ever EVER ask a conductor for directions:

    They’ll just help you loss.

    6. When you can’t find your money and you’ve already been giving the conductor eye:

    https://twitter.com/veignmagazine/status/861336633681039360
    It’s not a joking sturvz.

    7. When you forget to collect your change from the conductor:

    It can pain.

    8. Conductors always manage to “forget” giving you change:

    Conductors are the real scum tbh.

    9. That annoying thing conductor’s do when they join your change with another passenger’s own:

    Like, really?

    10. When the conductor leaves with your change, it can really pain:

    Like, really.

    11. Really, when the conductor does not give you change, it can pain:

    https://twitter.com/Adda_Fadi2/status/856895371481624580
    It’s not even funny at all.

    12. When you’re trying to form ajebo to call your bus stop, conductor will just be looking at you like:

    https://twitter.com/gabrieltoluwani/status/856276715315892224
    What is this one saying?

    13. If you want to collect your change, you have to switch language for these conductors:

    You cannot be forming ajebo for Lagos conductor.

    14. You can really never be too sure when it comes to conductors and change:

    Especially when there’s no money on these here streets.

    15. When you’re staying jejely in your lane and the conductor uses his own to jam you:

    But why na? Is it fair? Ehn?

    16. When you want to do strong head after the conductor has said he doesn’t have change:

    You get mind sha.

    17. That awkward moment when the conductor starts fighting on top of your head:

    https://twitter.com/Rouvafe/status/864869578530328576
    Sha don’t punch me please.

    18. Waiting for the conductor to give you change like:

    Oya o…

    19. When the conductor is trying to do strong head and doesn’t want to give you your change:

    I go show craze for here today.

    20. When the conductor is acting like they sent him to you:

    If na play you dey play just stopeet.

    21. When you decide to unlook and give the conductor bad money:

    https://twitter.com/couth__/status/806609186385723393
    Eez like you don’t even like yourself.

    22. All those conductors that like running away with change:

    https://twitter.com/TheTPL/status/783981509875294208
    Where you dey go?

    23. And all those conductors that’ll be abusing somebody anyhow because of change:

    If you like abuse, just sha give me my change.

    24. You when the conductor asks for money again after you’ve already paid:

    https://twitter.com/LazyWrita/status/758988331216539648
    It’s like something is worrying you.

    25. When the conductor starts telling you to “dress, dress”:

    Dress yourself.

    More Zikoko!

    https://zikoko.com/general/10-things-you-no-longer-remember-you-were-taught-in-english-class/
  • Never mind how your week is starting out; good, bad, somehow somehow, this is a selection of videos to keep you laughing through the pain. Feel free to use it to refresh your laughs at various points during the week. You’re welcome!

    1. This one about all those friends that just know everybody.

    2. These ones that were trying to follow ladder to only God knows where:

    https://twitter.com/KraksTV/status/869272370942541824

    3. This one about sex positions that’ll make you plead the blood of Jesus:

    https://twitter.com/KraksTV/status/870257447423889408

    4. This one about that wicked teacher everybody had in school:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BUwN2qCABIJ/?taken-by=funny_african_pics

    5. This one that is just shading Nigerian policemen anyhow:

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BUv5GgmgBbT/?taken-by=funny_african_pics

    6. And then there’s this one about Nigerians and job rejections:

    https://twitter.com/IamKanmi/status/867830507396116480

    More Zikoko!

  • If you’re a Nigerian living in Nigeria (even if you live outside the country), you know about our high levels of unemployment.

    It is a terrible something.

    Nigerian employers sef are not helping matters.

    Like when they’re interviewing you and after going through your CV for 15 minutes, they still tell you to “tell me about yourself.”

    So when #9jaEmployers started trending on Twitter, we knew that people were finally ready to voice their frustrations.

    And because we love you so much, we’re here to bring you the funniest tweets.

    You can thank us later.

    Let’s start with this one, about experience.

    How?! LOL

    And this one, about all the times prospective employers reminded you that all your degrees aren’t worth shit.

    The one about what happens when you mistakenly ask for a raise.

    And this one, about when employers develop selective amnesia.

    This one about when your initial job description and actual job don’t mix.

    And this one about when they use your salary to hold you hostage.

    Then there was this one, telling you why you should never set high standards.

    And this one showing you what employers really think about your life plans.

    This one about when you call in sick.

    When your employer is just really petty.

    This one about how the job market really works.

    Nepotism at it’s best!

    This one from this person that is legit confused.

    Nobody understands. They themselves don’t even understand.

    Then there was this guy, who asked the most important question.

    This guy, that couldn’t join the trend.

    Last but not the least were these tweets that predicted the futures of most of the people taking part in this trend.

    Nigerian employers, learn something from this.

    CHANGE YOUR WAYS!!!

    If you enjoyed this, read this next article that tells you how to properly ace a job interview.

    These Pictures Will Show You How to Ace Your Interview and Get that Job — Ninja Style

  • 1. When they give you an 8 o’clock appointment but won’t show up till ten.

    So this is where I will spend my entire day?

    2. After showing up late, they use another one hour to sweep and arrange the place.

    Could you please just hurry up?

    3. When you go to retouch your hair alone and they start asking you if you want to fix nails, do make up and buy aso ebi too.

    I did not come here to attend owambe, I just want to make my hair.

    4. When they don’t know the hairstyle but instead of saying so they start to do nonsense on your head.

    Is it by force?

    5. When they start combing your hair like the devil is hiding inside it.

    No. No. What is you doing?? No.

    6. When they’re making your hair and start pushing it anyhow.

    Please na.

    7. When they pour lottabody on your hair just because of setting.

    It’s not enough, why don’t you add more? Let me kukuma know that I want to be swimming  in setting lotion.

    8. When they finish washing your hair and your shirt looks like you just took a swim.

    Did I tell you I want to take a bath?

    9. When you tell them you just want a trim and they decide to give you a big chop.

    Did. You. Just. Cut. All. My. Hair?

    10. When they leave your hair halfway to attend to their “customer” who just walked in.

    Is this life?

    But really, having a bad hairdresser is one thing, having a bad hair day IS the absolute worst:

    https://zikoko.com/list/10-things-that-happen-when-youre-having-a-bad-hair-day/

  • 1. “I will never call my ex again”

    Well, guess who’s calling their ex?

    2. “I will never use (insert your most frustrating network provider here) ever again”

    Then the network comes up with some ridiculously amazing tariff plan and of course, guess who’s buying a recharge card?

    3. “Data is so expensive! I’m not buying data ever again!”

    Yeeeaahh…right…

    4. “I’m never drinking (insert favourite soda here) ever again”

    Guess who’s buying a bottle of coke for lunch?

    5. “I’m never drinking alcohol ever again”

    We all know how that ends. TGIF and a bottle of Orijin…without the zero.

    6. “I’m never going on Twitter ever again”

    Uh…yeah…sure

    Now if you like food very very much, this post is just for you:

    https://zikoko.com/list/9-things-happen-like-food-much/

  • So a couple of days ago, I was surfing the internet innocently when I stumbled on this.

    This got me thinking about if there was an actual thriving sex shop market in Nigeria that I didn’t know about.

    So I decided to find out by searching the deepest darkest corners of Nigeria’s cyberspace.

    And fam, what I found left me shook!!!

    MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I thought we were among the top 10 most religious countries in the WORLD! What happened?!

    WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR MORALS?!!!

    So there I was, on the floor, hugging myself and crying from what I had just seen.

    When it occurred to me that I had to do something with this information.

    So I decided to make a list of the weirdest, insane, most absurd, ridiculous and most importantly, hilarious sex toys I could find.

    Because what we specialize in at Zikoko is making you laugh while also increasing your chances of going to Hell.

    That was a joke btw. All we want to do is make you laugh. (But we will take your soul if you offer it to us willingly as a gift for all the joy and happiness we bring you)

    So without further ado, here they are

    The weirdest sex toys you will ever see!

    1. Rabbit Vibrator

    Apparently your pet rabbit needs some pleasuring too.

    2. Sex Delay Rings

    These look like brightly colored machine spare parts.

    3. Universal Butt Plug

    There are much bigger things to “plug” yourself with so what exactly is the point of this?

    4. Red Pocket Lipstick Vibrator

    Not all lipsticks are for the lips on your face. #StayWoke

    5. Tongue Vibrator

    A vibrating disembodied tongue?! What the hell is this freakshow??!!

    6. The Hot Seat Inflatable Cushion

    REVOLUTIONARY!

    7. USB Vaginal Vibrating Egg

    Why does it need a USB? LOL!

    8. Rubber Duck Vibrator

    This is why we can’t have good things. They took a children’s toy and turned it into a sex toy.

    9. Rechargeable Storm Masturbator

    You would see this and think it’s a speaker. You would be wrong.

    10. The Piss Hole Wand

    WHY?! WHY WOULD ANYBODY WANT TO DO THIS?!

    11. Mini Vaginal Masturbator

    What the hell is this and why does it look like raw meat?

    12. The Accomodator

    WHAT. THE. HELL?!

    13. Finger Crystal Condom

    So is it like for your finger or…..?

    14. Penis Ice Mold

    For when you want penis shaped pieces of ice floating in your drink. I’m tired of humanity.

    15. The Abominable Foot

    HUMANITY WHY?!!!!!

    16. Remote Control Vibrating Egg

    Biko, why is there an iPod attached to this?

    17. Black Glory Hole

    I am NEVER eating chocolate again.

    18. Da Smoke Penis Enlargers

    These look like little pink Darth Vader helmets and now I will never see Star Wars the same way again.

    If you enjoyed this post (which we know you did), check out this next one that compiles 13 tweets about sex toys on Twitter that will make you realize that Nigerians are not as shy as you think.

    13 Tweets About Sex Toys That’ll Make You Realize Nigerians Are Not As Shy As You’d Think

  • 1. When you’re trying to use faith to withdraw from the ATM:

    2. Nigerian movies be like:

    3. Don’t mess with Naija mothers!

    4. But why you gone and do like that?

    5. That moment your phone falls and you hear “krin”

    6. When you decide to use your last N100 to buy akara:

    7. So is this how you people want to use your bad belle to spoil my day?

    8. Oh you want to slap me? Oya go and carry stool I’ll wait:

    9. When you are growing but your bank account has refused to grow with you:

    10. Nigerian parents be thinking of all the errands they will send you:

    And now, here’s a well deserved flashback to the Meme of all Memes:

    https://zikoko.com/general/people-are-meme-ing-the-shit-out-of-this-odulade-picture-and-were-so-here-for-it/

  • So this guy on Twitter asked people to say when last their Nigerian fathers hugged them. Some of the responses will make you want to do like this:

    1. But why it gotta be embarrasing though?

    2. Trying to hug your father and he looks at you like: “What you doing boy?”

    https://twitter.com/ola2ce/status/863792438225375237

    3. At least this one got hugged, even if it was two years ago and it was just a lousy side hug:

    https://twitter.com/DamieDarling/status/863737080769388544

    4. This one last got hugged from the womb!

    5. This guy can’t even comprehend how to initiate the thing:

    6. But really, you don’t hug Nigerian fathers, you prostrate for them.

    7. Hug for where? When hand dey.

    8. Sardonic! Cold! *sigh*

    9. When you try to sneak a hug to your Nigerian father but he’s not buying it:

    https://twitter.com/rahtlesnake/status/863720779816587266

    10. Eez not even that the file got corrupted, it does not even exist!

    11. Nigga didn’t even want to shake hands!

    12. African fathers have really been too conditioned to be hard:

  • The Friendzone.

    You might think it isn’t a real place, but it is.

    Complete with a logo and everything.

    But what is it really?

    And more importantly, how does one get out of it?

    If you weren’t paying attention before, you might want to get your notebook out and start writing.

    This video is basically a crash course on everything you need to know about the Friendzone.

    From the definition:

    To the signs/ways to know you are in the Friendzone:

    And finally, how to get your friendly ass OUT of that Friendzone:

    Sit, watch and make notes fam! This could change your life!

    https://twitter.com/samueIw/status/852081394536853506
    YOU’RE WELCOME!

    And if you need more lessons, here’s a list of ways a Nigerian babe will Friendzone you:

    https://zikoko.com/list/friend-zone/ Once again, you’re very welcome.