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  • How is 2020 looking for you, my fellow outside people? It’s day seven of January, and we still have about 100 more days to go. So while you hold on to the memories of Detty December in your current state of SAPA, I advise you to cut out these expenses this year.

    1. Stop buying food

    You can just disguise and join the fitfam people this month to blend grass into smoothies. Or you can join that  90 days dry fasting happening at your church. Who knows, you may even win the fight against your village people.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    2. Cancel every Netflix ‘n’ Chill 

    You want to bam ba? You want to chill with the big boys? Lol. I honestly can’t help you. See you on day 100 of January.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    3. Delete any title of boss/iyawo oga

    Before they say chairman or boss, just start rolling on the floor. You are not anybody’s boss in Jesus name. You can even hang a SAPA placard on your back.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    4. Block all your friends and stay at home

    This is the time to avoid any catch me outside talk. Omarion is kuku there now, so just stay in your house. Anybody that didn’t see you in December should rest.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    5. Go back to your parents’ house

    What’s that saying again? There’s no place like home abi? Forget about being a bad bitch or tech bro, better bend down and wash the plates in the sink so you can see free food.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    6. Travel with your sugar mummy/daddy

    Two heads are better than one. Better answer that DM and head to Dubai to shake what your momma gave you on a yacht. At your own risk sha, because anything you see, just take it like that.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    7. Dump your partner

    Just tell them it’s you,not them. They won’t even question whether it was about SAPA since Valentine’s Day is still far away. You’re welcome.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    8. Sell everything you own

    Vanity upon vanity is vanity. That human hair and PS5 you’re looking at right now is three months of food. You better post it for the highest bidder and focus on surviving.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    9. Host your own heist

    What’s a little La Casa de Papel? all the money the government has been borrowing technically belongs to you. 

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

    10. Sleep

    If all else fails, sleep. Is it in your dream somebody will be asking you,  “Savings or current?”.

    If You Want to Survive the 100 days of January, Just Follow These 10 Steps

  • Parenting is tough work and no one can tell you what or what not to do when you have children. Except us. One of the things you can’t control as a parent is whether or not your child is going to disgrace you in public which is why we’ve come up with a list of things you can do if and when that happens.  

    1. Change your name.

    Change your name so no one will associate you with that child.

    2. Disgrace them first.

    You get extra points when you disgrace them first. There’s nothing they’ll do that’ll take you by surprise since you’ve already done it and you know the blueprint. 

    3. Put them up for sale.

    Make sure you sell them to the lowest bidder, so the person can experience a bit of what you have experienced. Make sure you sell them at a price you are willing to pay back for them. 

    4. Buy them oversize clothes to fit their wings.

    Any child that tries to disgrace you in public has clearly grown wings and needs clothes that’ll be big enough to accommodate those wings. Suits are a more advisable option for children like that. They’ll fill into it and so will their wings. 

    5. Roll on the floor when you are out with them.

    Don’t just roll on the floor, add a few tears too. You won’t only disgrace the child, you’ll confuse them too and make them understand what you go through when you are out with them.

    6. Scream and beg strangers to pray for your child.

    Make sure the strangers are also as confused and afraid as you are, so they can bring a cane and some holy water to help the child get their senses back. 

    7. Tell the child to try Jesus and not you.

    Let the child know that Jesus forgives faster than you do and you won’t wait till the child is in heaven to pass your own judgment on them.

    8. Announce that they’ve been disowned in every Nigerian newspaper. 

    Make sure you buy a lot of copies of the newspaper and share it with everyone that knows the child. Let the world know you are ready to correct your mistakes and focus on other positive things. 

    9. Give them their inheritance with a note.

    e go be by the vunderkind | Encomium Magazine

    Make sure the note says “We’ll meet at Jesus’ feet” so they know you are very serious.

  • Hearing your parents tell you they love you seems nice, but you sometimes need to work for their extra love, before they give it to other people. Here are a few perfect ways to get your Nigerian parents to love you more.

    1. Get married

    Nothing proves that you love your parents more than getting married and leaving their house. Taking your wahala off their shoulders is a premium example of how much you love them. They’ll love you more than you can imagine, once you leave their house.

    2. Give them grandchildren

    We don’t care if you pluck the grandchild or grandchildren off the tree, just find a way to give them babies. Nigerian babies love grandchildren more than anything. They might not love you as much as they’ll love your child, they’ll sha love you more than they previously did.

    3. Know their passwords by heart

    Nigerian parents were not designed to remember passwords, that’s just how God made them. They’ll give their last dime and all their love to you if you remember their passwords more than you remember your own name. It’s better you turn your heart into a password saving unit.

    4. Help them fix their phones

    Truly, all you need to do is help them fix their WhatsApp and you have won the ultimate prize of most loved. Sacrificing time out of your busy day to teach them how to create a WhatsApp group is God-level love. If they still don’t love you after this, it means they have no intention of loving you.

    5. Move out of their house

    Nigerian parents are the real definition of ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’. They always behave as though your presence annoys them. Move out of the house for them, so they can love you more.

    6. Get a high paying job

    Whatever you do is entirely up to you. Just make sure you get a job that’ll make you rich enough to get respected and loved. Nigerian parents love money more than anything, and they’ll love you once you have money.

  • Ever since this tweet went up, Twitter NG has once again showed that on its day, it’s probably the funniest place on earth.

    We’ve been laughing nonstop since, so we decided to share with you the most hilarious tweets from this trend.

    1. This one about the psychiatrist

    2. We will fight

    3. This is not the type of news I came here for

    4. I’m rolling on the floor

    5. How do you people think about these things?

    https://twitter.com/master_threader/status/1338581188102008834?s=20

    6. It’s not Osita Iheme, but it’s hilarious

    https://twitter.com/trending_medic/status/1338540524836368384?s=20

    7. This is the type of therapist I want in my life

    8. Wahala

    9. The way I screamed!

    10. Left or right

    11. It’s the accuracy of the meme for me

    https://twitter.com/TolaXx/status/1338589671815843841?s=20

    12. A mohawk won’t be bad, you know…

    13. Nigerian tailors can actually do this

    https://twitter.com/lamide_black/status/1338603499374972938?s=20

    14. When a herbalist tells you this, just start crying

    https://twitter.com/EWAWUNMIII/status/1338596055122927619?s=20

    15. Let’s be guided

    16. Body no be firewood

    17. Jesus, feed us well

    https://twitter.com/BumbleBen2y/status/1338582980198010881?s=20

    18. Do you mind going round Lagos with a crack in your skull?

    19. When did all that nonsense start

    https://twitter.com/Akortainment/status/1338563187420131333?s=20
    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    [donation]

  • 1. When you’re trying to enter a club but your baby face is blocking your joy

    Is it now a crime to look like a baby girl?

    2. When you now have to bribe the bouncers to let you in

    Just take it and let me enter, abeg.

    3. You, when you see hot babes walking in without wahala

    What an insult! What a betray!

    4. When you now finally enter, you’re like

    One-in-town babe.

    5. When annoying people won’t let you dance in peace and keep bringing their sweaty bodies to your side

    Please, just gerrarahia.

    6. You, when you thought the music couldn’t be louder but the DJ proves you wrong

    Shebi you want to spoil my ear drums? Carry on.

    7. When you ask for a drink and they call one ridiculous price

    There’s water at home sha.

    What’s clubbing in Nigeria really like?

  • 1. When you sight them from afar and see how short they are

    But this guy said he’s 6’2!

    2. When you finally see their real face and it’s nothing like the picture you saw

    Things are not even adding up in this place!

    3. What of when they have mouth and body odor?

    Cancelled! For life!

    4. When they appear to have sense online but their brain is empty in real life

    Ko le werk!

  • Everyone got a little high on excitement after Efe won the Big Brother Naija reality show

    So Garba Shehu though it would be a nice idea to jump on Efe’s catch phrase ‘based on logistics’

    He was very wrong

    People were here for him

    https://twitter.com/DavidAkondu/status/851194227744804864

    Logistics, logistics but things are still one kind

    Everything is propaganda with these people

    No light but they won’t stop talking rubbish

    Somebody made Buhari’s score sheet

    We’re so here for this 2019 drama

    https://twitter.com/ani_nomso/status/851190936491233282

    When you have to take beating for your boss

    What a betray

    These people just use us to play

    Garba Shehu and his boss are the real fake housemates

    This person is angry o

    But who sent him to talk?

    Wow!!!

    https://twitter.com/Its_Nnanna/status/851210100366860288

    People are not even taking this nonsense

    Someone advised him a little too late

    https://twitter.com/NiyiPosh/status/851258673498214402

  • For all the people who missed the Big Brother finale last night, there was only one winner!

    Efe won the prize money of N25 million as well as a brand new Kia Sorento.

    Okay he wasn’t the only one who one. Bisola was the 1st runner up and also won a trip to New York to attend a United Nations event, courtesy of ONE Campaign

    And Tboss, who came 3rd, won a N500,000 gift card from Pay Porte for winning most of the Arena Games

    It’s all over and we can now rest!

    Nigerians are wondering what we will be distracted with now

    https://twitter.com/iNigerian_/status/851181634619625472

    But first, we want to know if Efe will share this money with us

    Because everybody said he’s razz but look at God

    https://twitter.com/Teniwadess/status/851176766513303553

    Now that the show is over, let’s all resume our wailing for Daddy Bubu

    Yes, sir! We’ve not forgotten you!

  • 1. This person that doesn’t want to accept that Tboss is an olodo

    https://twitter.com/ifeanyianeke/status/849754143786979328

    2. This person that wants to finish all his credit on Big Brother

    3. See marketing skills o!

    4. This person that is cursing up and down because of Tboss

    https://twitter.com/megax8_/status/849746686352257028

    5. These Efe followers are wilding

    6. Not a playing stuff

    7. This person teaching us how to spell Bisola

    8. This guys that had to make it a church matter for Team Efe

    9. Wow!!!

    https://twitter.com/Onos147/status/850240186298519553

    10. How many people will Efe share this money with?

    https://twitter.com/Queenzpalace/status/850622909026631680

    11. Hay God! See how they turned Tboss into humanitarian

    12. See campaign before election

    13. This oversabi Landlord

    14. … and this epic reply

    15. This person that wants us to use our kidneys to vote

    https://twitter.com/BillionTwiTs/status/850094067337895936

  • Remember how Dino Melaye clowned himself in a music video after his certificate scandal was cleared and resolved?

    We told you guys about it here.

    People had to seize the opportunity to do the #Dinochallenge

    Nigerians don’t dissapoint

    Chanels TV spiced it up with subtitles

    Royal Arts Academy, one of Nigeria’s leading institutes for the creative arts just made the their own remix, and it’s lit!

    Of course, people are loving it

    Because Nigerians are too much

    Some only noticed their facial expressions

    But others are just tired