As kids, we wanted to become adults so we could eat two pieces of meat with our full chest. But here you are, living in the absolute ghetto of bills and stress with no way out. While you’re trapped here, you have to admit that there are some perks that come with being completely unsupervised for the rest of your life.
Here are 12 perks of adulthood that actually make sense.
Two pieces of meat is child’s play
When you’re a real adult, you can eat every single piece of meat in your pot at once if you like. Nobody can question your authority again.
Drinking beer and eating shawarma by 1 a.m. every week
As an adult, you can eat anything and at any time. You may die from a heart attack by 40 but at least you’ll be happy. And that’s all that matters as you get older: happiness.
Walking around naked in peace at odd hours
The most creative ideas happen when you’re naked between the hours of 12 a.m. and 3 a.m., so this isn’t surprising. And the good thing about being an adult in this scenario, particularly one who lives alone, is that you’re not at the risk of your parents catching you butt-naked when they wake up for midnight prayers.
Ahhhh… coffee, the Capri Sun of adulthood. Some of you are hanging on to life by a thread and the only thing keeping you alive is frothing your oat milk every morning. Love to see it. For those that are unfamiliar with the term frothing, coffee is definitely not the reason you’re alive. Move to the next entry.
Spending your own money
Your brokeness is nobody’s business. No more “Daddy and Mummy, please I want.” Those days are behind us. Now, all the financially reckless decisions you can take are completely at your disposal. If you want to spend all your annual rent in Dubai, that’s your business. If you end up spending your last ₦1k on shawarma, na still your business.
Nobody can beat you
Except you steal somebody’s wife or husband sha. Other than that, no one can talk to you anyhow as an adult. If anybody wants to fight you, they should come and meet you at home.
Drinking alcohol all night
Stealing a sip of Don Simon had to be the bragging right of every ten year old. Now, some of us seek solace in wine once it’s 6 p.m every night. Imagine that with a mix of Ribena, a good book and some peppery suya on the side.
Your Saturday mornings belong to you
Our African mothers are somewhere gnashing their teeth. But they’ll be fine. Except you’re a slave to capitalism over the weekends, you can decide to sing Bruno Mars’ Lazy Song and actually mean it.
Clearing your family members with your full chest
Don’t try this if you’re broke o. But as an adult, being able to finally talk back to your annoying aunties and uncle during family meetings has to be the best feeling in the world. There’s nothing like reminding that aunt that called you “fat” that she’s the captain of the ship.
You can also choose to pretend your family members don’t exist and block everybody. Again, approach with caution if you no get money.
Now you’re the aunty or uncle that gets to tell kids “no” without an explanation. The mad part is being able to do the exact same thing you said no to. Them go beat you?
Wearing whatever you want
There’s nothing as annoying as being forced to wear absolute rubbish as a child. Imagine someone’s sister forcing her to wear blazers at 14, why? As an adult, you can choose to wear two completely different pairs of shoes and call it fashion with no questions asked. That’s why corsets have the audacity to make a comeback to the fashion scene.
Curfews are not your business
Who’s coming home by 7 p.m.? Definitely not you. All the rushing-home-when-the-party-is-just-starting days are completely behind us. Now, na we dey run this town. And as the bosses of our own lives, we can stay out as long as we like. Sha be careful if you still live with your parents o!