They say two heads are better than one, and this article proves that Zikoko is the only head you need to be great. In this article, we’re giving you the inside gist on growing a money tree. Forget capitalism. Follow these seven steps and you’ll hit the jackpot.

1. Find a seed, obviously

It can be the seed of the womb, an agbalumo seed; just find a seed to plant.

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2. Borrow holy water from your local church or find your ancestors

If you know anything about agriculture, a seed needs water to grow. For a money tree? The water has to be the ones purified by your either your village people or your local church. Whichever works for you.

3. Eat egbo (sacrifice)

This isn’t Nollywood, so we’re not asking for a blood sacrifice. Just go under the bridge or inside a bush, and look very well. Anything you see wrapped in a calabash is with food is egbo. Eat it. That’s how you’ll access your village people to bless the water.

4. Eat the rich

This isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a necessity. Money only comes to those who have it. So why not eat the ones that already do? Start with the people buying sardine. They’re all criminals.

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5. Wear a “My money grows like grass” t-shirt to sleep every night

We’re going for affirmations — speak it, think it, wear it. If you don’t have, attend our events and collect Zikoko merch. No need to thank us, it’s for the cause.

6. Talk to the trees

Go into the forest and spend the night lamenting about everything going on in Nigeria. From fuel scarcity to the heatwave, some of the trees might just pity you and grow money.

Now for the final step…

7. Use the last money in your account to eat

Farming is a lot of work. That’s why Uncle Bubu wanted to send us there as lazy youths. For this tree to grow, you need strength. A hungry man cannot plant or grow anything. So my dear, eat.

Please note, these seven steps should be done within three to five working days.

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