If You’re Tired of Work, Follow These Steps to Grow a Money Tree

March 11, 2022

They say two heads are better than one, and this article proves that Zikoko is the only head you need to be great. In this article, we’re giving you the inside gist on growing a money tree. Forget capitalism. Follow these seven steps and you’ll hit the jackpot.

1. Find a seed, obviously

It can be the seed of the womb, an agbalumo seed; just find a seed to plant.

RELATED: If They Do These 6 Things When Eating Agbalumo, Hide From Them

2. Borrow holy water from your local church or find your ancestors

If you know anything about agriculture, a seed needs water to grow. For a money tree? The water has to be the ones purified by your either your village people or your local church. Whichever works for you.

3. Eat egbo (sacrifice)

This isn’t Nollywood, so we’re not asking for a blood sacrifice. Just go under the bridge or inside a bush, and look very well. Anything you see wrapped in a calabash is with food is egbo. Eat it. That’s how you’ll access your village people to bless the water.

4. Eat the rich

This isn’t a sacrifice, it’s a necessity. Money only comes to those who have it. So why not eat the ones that already do? Start with the people buying sardine. They’re all criminals.

RELATED: “I Now Outsource Things I Once Did With My Friends” — 5 Nigerians on Being the Rich Friend

5. Wear a “My money grows like grass” t-shirt to sleep every night

We’re going for affirmations — speak it, think it, wear it. If you don’t have, attend our events and collect Zikoko merch. No need to thank us, it’s for the cause.

6. Talk to the trees

Go into the forest and spend the night lamenting about everything going on in Nigeria. From fuel scarcity to the heatwave, some of the trees might just pity you and grow money.

Now for the final step…

7. Use the last money in your account to eat

Farming is a lot of work. That’s why Uncle Bubu wanted to send us there as lazy youths. For this tree to grow, you need strength. A hungry man cannot plant or grow anything. So my dear, eat.

Please note, these seven steps should be done within three to five working days.

ALSO READ: #NairaLife: She’s 22, and She’s Changing Careers for the Third Time

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

January 13, 2020

A large majority of young adults do not enjoy what they do for a living. For many people, it is just a means to an end because the alternative can be way worse. In light of this, we decided to give tips for financial liberation from a job that doesn’t give you joy. 1) Count […]

July 7, 2021

Unilag always gets good press as the school of first choice. Well, these eight people think otherwise. Dee /400 level Nothing fucking works and the hope kills. The thing is, I don’t have any particular grievances against the school. I just hate it. You keep thinking that something will work because it’s the bare minimum […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

November 19, 2019

Regardless of what society has tried to tell us, enjoying sex is not something to be ashamed of. So, in a bid to celebrate our generation’s sexual agency, we’ve created a quiz that will accurately (again, keep your complaints to yourself) infer how many people you’ve spelt with. Try it out: 11 Quizzes For The […]

April 3, 2020

While the rest of the world loves to treat our continent like a country, there are actually 54 African countries. So, in a bid to test your knowledge (and educate you), we’ve created a quiz to see how many of their capitals you can correctly name. Go ahead:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

how much of an ajebutter
February 12, 2020

Are you an ajebutter or not? Well, if you’ve gone through life blissfully unaware of its harshness, then you probably are. Now, we want to know just how high you rank on that ajebutter scale, using your food preferences as a (very accurate) measure. Take to find out:

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

More from Inside Life

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X