These loan apps are on a mission to disgrace you with those bulk messages they’re sending to your contacts. Fear not brethren, because as always, we’re here with a solution. Any of these ten ideas will help you avoid embarrassment and hold onto the money you borrowed without paying back.
1. Deny it
Look, there’s a possibility that this thing may not work for you, and if that’s the case, it’s clearly your village people. The next step for you should be to deny everything those messages said. All you need is a broadcast message that highlights your integrity accuse those apps of blasphemy. Post the message everywhere and look away.
2. Hack them
This is another reason to be a tech bro and we’ve already shown you how. So copy-paste some code and see your name disappear from their system. You’re welcome.
3. Use a fake ID
Trust me, Werey dey disguise can work here. Just use your enemy’s driver’s license and passport. Frustrate your enemies and cash out in their name; that’s how to kill two birds with one stone.
4. Get a lawyer
That your cousin in 300 Level studying law is your best option. Get them involved and drag those beeshes to court for defaming your character and tarnishing your image.
5. Buy the dip
When you hear crypto guys saying, “Buy the dip, buy the dip,” it’s actually not a joke. Use that loan to buy the dip and cash out. You may end up being rich enough to japa and block everyone on your contact list. It’s called starting afresh.
6. Don’t care
Take a page from Uncle Bubu’s lesson notes. Nigeria is in debt, so who are you to pay up? Have you ever seen Uncle Bubu come and explain the situation to us? No. So forget about the messages and enjoy your life.
7. Carry two odds
If you didn’t understand this term, skip to the next option. This one is for the big boys on the streets. You can get ahead of this thing and pay back with one small bet. Make sure it’s not Arsenal and you’ll probably be alright. If you lose, that’s your business. We’ve tried.
8. Diversify your loans
You’re everywhere, but you’re nowhere at the same time. How many people can believe you borrowed money from five different apps? A boss like you? That’s an insult you won’t stand for.
9. Enter politics
Nigerian politicians have hacked the whole system of broad daylight robbery. Join them. All you need to do is announce your intention to run for President. Your tag line should be Representing the youths. When you win, the rest is history.
10. Start a GoFundMe
Nigerians can be stingy, but a good story will get you the money you need. We can’t guarantee that someone won’t catch you, but at least you would have collected the money to pay back the loan in time.
