Interview With: 10 Must-Read Inanimate Object Interviews of 2021

December 31, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

Can I tell you the truth? If there is one Zikoko flagship you should never miss, it should be Interview With. I’m serious, this series brings you humour, madness, creativity and range like never before. I have interviewed Saxophone, Titus sardine, Small Yansh, Turning Stick, among many others. Why would you miss such a series?

Because I love you, I compiled a list of top ten inanimate object interviews you must read. You’re welcome.

1. Interview With Saxophone: “Nigerians Have Seen Me Finish”

Let’s be honest, we are all tired of Saxophone serenades at this point, yeah? We want someone to hold their birthday without the neighbours being disturbed by pararan sounds. If we as humans are tired, guess how tired the actual saxophone must be.

That’s why you should read this interview so you can ‘hear’ Saxophone itself rant to us. Read here.

2. Interview With Lagos Apartments

Before Nigerians started discovering the slices of house in Lagos and the madness of Lagos agents, Zikoko already gathered up the apartments and spoke to them about the situation of things. In this interview, we spoke to Three Bedroom Flat In Yaba, Dog House In Lekki, Uncompleted Building In Shomolu, Shop In Mushin, and Slice Of House In Lagos Island. All the apartments Lagos agents offer to you when you tell them you want to rent a house.

Read here.

3. Interview With Detty December: “Come Rain, Come Shine, We Outside”

There’s Omicron outside. Constable Sapa too is patrolling the streets. But does this concern Detty December? Apparently not. She’s all dressed up and ready to hit the streets.

Read our interview with her so you can get the full gist of our discussion. Read here.

4. Interview With Twitter Bird: “Tell Adamu Garba To Rest”

In case you forgot, let us remind you: this was the year Twitter was banned in Nigeria. This was also the year Adamu Garba tried to force Crowwe on us. And this, too, was the same year Adamu Garba filed a lawsuit against Jack Dorsey of Twitter.

You know what we did while all of this was going on? We secretly brought the Twitter bird into our office and interviewed it.

Read here.

5. Interview With Naira Notes: “Everything Is Packaging”

Gather all the naira notes together, and they still wouldn’t be able to buy you a decent live chicken for Christmas. Why then are we running after them? In this interview, the naira notes expose themselves as fake beaches and detty liars who are living a fake life.

Read here.

6. Interview With Small Chops: “Puff-Puff Is Not A Part Of Us”

Quick question: what does not belong in a small chops platter? You don’t have to answer, the members of the small chops association already answered that question in this interview. They all dragged each other, and only one baddie came out on top. Guess which one?

Read here.

7. Interview With Mojisola, The Lagos Mojito: “Leaf Is Leaf”

Interview With Mojisola, The Lagos Mojito: “Leaf Is Leaf” | Zikoko!

Lagos Mojito has come into disrepute lately. Lagos residents (read: Lagos alcoholics) have complained about Lagos bartenders trying to punish them with herbal concoction, instead of Mojito. As the investigative journalists that we are, we brought Lagos Mojito itself into our office for questioning.

Guess what? It’s now being called Mojisola.

Read here.

8. Interview With Turning Stick: “I Am Not A Man Of War”

Yes, you know the Turning Stick, but do you really know him?

In this interview, we spoke about his main job and side hustle, as well as the annoying way Nigerian mothers use him against their children. The Turning Stick has really witnessed a lot, and this interview will show you just how much.

Read here.

9. Interview With Titus Sardine: “I Am Now A Bad Bitch”

Before our very eyes, Titus sardine that used to be about ₦350 has jumped to ₦750 and is slowly approaching ₦1,000. What could be the reason for such a drastic increase in price? Of course, hold Buhari. And more importantly, how does Titus sardine feel about being the newest luxury item?

It was such a honour to have Titus sardine grace us with its expensive presence.

Read here.

10. Interview With Small Yansh: “I Will Keep Shaking”

See Small Yansh dey shake oh!

Small Yansh ‘shaked’ into our office and we interviewed it. If you’ll read only one interview on this list, let this be the one.

Read here.

Check back every Friday by 9AM for new Interview With episodes. To read previous stories, click here.

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