Interview With Saxophone: “Nigerians Have Seen Me Finish”

February 19, 2021

Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.


After interviewing Truth or Dare about inadvertently becoming the go-to game for turning a simple party into a den of iniquity, we got a phone call from Saxophone, who wanted to tell its own story too.

From being the happening babe of musical instruments to becoming a laughing stock to Nigerians, the Saxophone’s journey is a classic grace to grass story.

Zikoko: Thanks for coming here.

Saxophone: Thanks for not trying to blow me on my way in.

Err. You’re welcome. So, do you remember how you felt when you first came to Nigeria?

Ah. It was…magical. Before I came, the major musical instruments were drums, bells, and maybe the occasional keyboard. But then I came in, and I was the shining new star.

Not everybody knew how to play me, but they all wanted me in the mix, even if it was just for show. Live bands, country clubs, everywhere. I was the ‘it girl’. I felt so classy.

That must have been awesome.

It was. But this is Nigeria. You can’t be special for too long. They will eventually rubbish you.

Ahan. What happened?

The way grace changes to disgrace in this country needs to be studied. Honestly, look at me. From being the happening babe of musical instruments to becoming a laughing stock.

How did you become a laughing stock?

Frankly, I blame Nigerian vendors and their so-called romantic packages. I don’t know who gave them the idea that they need to include me as part of their romantic shenanigans, but it has really stained my white.

How so?

You know Nigerians must make money out of every available opportunity. Take Valentine’s Day for example. Biko, why were there more vendors than lovers? Why was supply greater than demand?

Then in a bid to standout out among the sea of vendors, you’ll see some of them looking for a unique angle, and before you know it, I am dragged into the mess.

Shouldn’t that be a good thing?

It would have been good if it was just one vendor. But check every vendor’s package and you will see me. So where is the uniqueness if everybody has seen me finish?

On the contrary, I think you’ve become more popular. Shouldn’t you be excited?

Did I beg you people for popularity? Even if I wanted to become popular, shouldn’t it be for something reasonable? You that is cheating will still drag me to surprise your lover who is also cheating.

Who are we deceiving? And where is the romance in that?

Are you saying you don’t care for romance?

Not on a hot afternoon when people are trying to sleep. It doesn’t even help that some of the so-called saxophonists don’t know how to play. All they know how to do is spray saliva inside me and make noise.

Tell me, does this sound relaxed and romantic to you?

Erm…

A nuisance, that is what Nigerian romance vendors have turned me into. A complete nuisance. Your babe is heartbroken? Play Saxophone for her. You cheated on her? Call Saxophone. Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day? SAXOPHONE.

They don’t care about context or situation, all they want is the money. And what will the end result be? Disgrace. Complete and utter disgrace. Kai. I have really suffered.

How does all of this make you feel?

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

If you’re walking on the road now, and you see someone carrying a saxophone, what would be your first thought?

Somebody’s daughter is about to suffer.

You see? And you’re asking me how this makes me feel? I have become so overused that instead of being associated with class, Nigerians associate me with noise and suffering.

No, I didn’t mean—

You did, and I don’t blame you. It is what you Nigerians do. You spoil people’s lives and then mock them for it. You strip them of dignity and then turn around to call them cheap and classless. You are just as bad as they—

This is starting to become—

Don’t interrupt me. You will go out there now and tell your people—vendors, surprise package people, all of them. Tell them that I said they should leave me alone.

Haven’t they soiled my reputation enough? Tell them I said I don’t care about how they show love or surprise the people in their lives. I just want to be left out of it.

Yes, yes I will.

Good. *Saxophone rolls out*


Check back every Friday by 9am for new stories in the Interview With… series. Read older interviews here.

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Kunle Ologunro

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

December 4, 2019

1. When you’re a Marlian but your parents are proud of you. 2. When you die as a Marlian but you’re remembered fondly. 3. When you’re a Marlian without any carryovers. 4. When you’re a Marlian with “mannaz”. 5. When you’re a Marlian with feelings. 6. That time Naira Marley let himself down. 7. When […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

April 22, 2021

Puberty is a period of changes in an adolescent’s body. It can also be a very confusing period for them if they aren’t armed with the right information. From breaking voices to hair growing where it shouldn’t, I spoke to five Nigerian men about experiencing puberty. Ben Puberty didn’t take me by surprise because my […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

November 1, 2019

Twitter is buzzing right now, bringing a new conversation to the concept of cool vs not-so-cool, especially in relationships. If you’ve been thinking about how much of a red flag you are, why don’t you let this quiz help you decide once and for all?

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Inside Life

April 22, 2021

Jennifer, 28 and Emem, 26, have been dating for eight months. In today’s episode of Love Life, they talk about navigating a lesbian relationship in Nigeria and learning to work together as business partners.  What’s your earliest memory of each other? Jennifer: I was walking back from the gate after seeing my friend off. I […]

April 21, 2021

Tough times are really lasting, and the thought of using someone for money ritual looks more appealing. However, the fear of God is also real so you don’t know how to run it. Well, that’s where we come in. Here are some steps to enable you perform money ritual in a way that pleases God. […]

April 20, 2021

Engineering is an interesting course to study, especially when you are a curious, intelligent and handsy person. Nonetheless, the course would stress you and give you occasional sleepless nights. Here’s a list of things that you will be able to relate to if you studied engineering at a Nigerian University. 1.Knowing the content of  K. […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X