Breakups are never a straight forward thing. It’s admitting to yourself that the forever you were talking about has expired in 3 months. Not an easy thing to do. Here’s a list of some of the most common types of Nigerian breakups.
1. The one where they break up with you.
A.k.a you got dumped. It’s usually painful and sometimes humiliating. Sometimes it’s entirely out of the blues, you drop a #couplegoals picture with a sweet caption on IG and then come on Whatsapp to see a paragraph detailing why the relationship is no longer working. Other times you see it coming and you’re like “Oh finally”.
2. The one where you break up with them
A.k.a you dumped them. It feels good sometimes but it also earns you the “wicked ex” title. You become the reason why somebody’s child no longer believes in true love and the inspiration behind the tweets they make going forward.
3. The one where you both just ghost each other.
With this breakup you just ghost the very existence out of each other. There’s no formal “it’s over” talk, no search for closure, just a mutual agreement to agree that the other person no longer exists.
4. The formal breakup.
This is the one where there is an actual breakup speech with closing remarks and sometimes a vote of thanks too. Sometimes it’s cordial other times Twitter hears about it complete with shocking details about each other’s private lives.
5. The informal breakup.
They one where they drop the message in the most belittling way. Or you just see them on a comment thread on twitter representing team single. Somebody whose number you saved with an emoji o. When you chat them up they hit you with a punchline from this list.
6. The breakup that spans over days.
This is the kind of breakup that spans over days because you are both still trying to talk over a lot of things. It’s a process. You both don’t really have closure yet so you keep meeting to talk about it and probably complicate the entire thing further.
7. The breakup where you both cuss each other out.
When you catch them cheating and you just lose your shit and cuss the hell out of them. And then you shout “It’s over” in case they didn’t get the drift.
So that’s 7 types of Nigerian breakups, which have you experienced?