The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
This week’s subject on Abroad Life is thankful he’s an American citizen so he could swiftly move to the US once Lagos began to stress him. In a year, he’s on the career path he projected for himself and even making music on the side.
When did you decide to move abroad?
The actual decision was made in 2019, but because I’m American, I’ve just always thought about moving here to connect with that part of me. I’ve stayed most of my life in Nigeria. I went to school there until I got my master’s in 2018. I know the streets, I can speak Yoruba, pidgin, I’m a proper Lagos boy. And although I often came to the US on holidays when I was younger, it’s not the same as living here.
How are you an American?
The greatest gift I ever received was my parents having me in the US in 1995, which granted me automatic citizenship.
God when? So why 2019?
I finished my master’s in architecture in 2018. Then, I finished NYSC in 2019 and hit the streets to hustle. Quickly, I found out one thing — Lagos is a circus.
LMAO
From horrible bosses to the roughness of the city to no electricity to people refusing to pay me for my work because I was young, I experienced everything.
When did you eventually leave?
2021.
What happened in between?
First of all, COVID. But it gave me an opportunity to pick up the music career I’d dropped for years. I used that period to make music and film about my experience in Lagos, how Lagos — and Nigeria — hinders the progress of young people.
Did you have to quit your music career when you moved?
Nope. The plan was to come here, get a job in my field — architecture or construction — grow my career and still make my music on the side.
How’s that going?
Pretty great. I’ve got a job here as a construction manager — someone who receives a project on behalf of a client and makes sure all documents and processes are intact before the actual building begins. And the money is good; or at least, far better than what I would’ve made in Nigeria.
And the music?
I’ve made progress. I’m even in the process of making an animated video for one of my songs as we speak. It was definitely the right choice to move.
Does it make sense to ask about your expectation vs reality?
Yes, because before I came in 2021, the last time I was here was when I was a teenager in 2009. When I showed the immigration officer my passport, she was shocked but happy to welcome me back home. There was definitely some culture shock.
Like what?
Food. Greens, specifically. You know the entire “Beans Greens Potatoes Tomatoes” thing everyone shouts when it’s Thanksgiving. Yeah, those greens are just leaves and salt. They taste horrible and watery.
LMAO
Another thing I noticed was things are more serious here. Even on the basic human interaction level. I like to call America the United States of Opportunity Costs, Litigation and Firearms. And I think these three things shape how people interact. Nobody wants to talk to you if you can’t make them money, people are scared of interactions because it’s easy to get sued, and so so many people have guns.
But I enjoy the great infrastructure like good roads and internet, and the many commercial activities like clubbing I can engage in.
Do you see yourself staying for long?
I guess time will tell. It’s pretty confusing now because Maryland, where I stay, is cool, but it’s expensive. I don’t want to stay in one place all my life. I won’t say I see myself returning to Nigeria, but I want to be able to move around.
Want more Abroad Life? Check in every Friday at 9 A.M. (WAT) for a new episode. Until then, read every story of the series here.
Everyone should have a skincare routine —especially men. I mean, after doing all the stressful manly tasks like protecting your girlfriend from finding out about your side chick, we need to care for ourselves.
But we can’t do it the way women do it. As a real man, these are the most important products you should have in your skincare package.
One bottle of female tears
If you can harvest more than one, that’s fine. But start with one. Ignore that rose water that they claim is good for improving your skin tone; instead, make a woman cry and rub the tears on your face first thing in the morning. Your glow will be next to none. Next to none.
Used engine oil
As a man, why are you rubbing those black masks on your face when used engine oil literally exists?
Or glue?
If you’re finding it hard to acquire some used engine oil, glue literally exists. Just put it on your face and peel it off. It’ll peel off much much more than any facial mask can take off.
Your girlfriend’s cleanser
Sometimes, you actually need a cleanser. But you can’t use your own money to buy it. Imagine I interview you for Naira Life, and you tell me you spend money on facial cleanser. Please don’t do it.
This one will be used as shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, face wash, exfoliator, etc. So tell me why you need to waste money on different products. Think smart, bro.
Sharp sand
Did I hear you say facial scrub? How is something a scrub if it smells nice? Is the concept of scrubbing not that it should be harsh? Please, men, do better. Go to any building site and ask for one bag of sharp sand. It’s like ₦600, and it’ll last you for years. Use it instead of a scrub and tell me if you don’t see a difference.
Wickedness serum
All those vitamin B31 serums cannot do anything for you. Rub wickedness on your face and be the true son of who you are.
Just one towel
Your balls, your face, your ass crack, your armpits. One towel. That way, you can be united with yourself.
Football is back and that means you’ll be seeing some words you don’t understand on the TL. Let’s help you understand them.
1. W or Dub:
Simple. This means to win. Whether it’s a “W” tweet or a “W” player or a “dub you can see from 100 miles away”, a W or dub is generally a great thing.
2. Idolo
This just means “idol”. If you rate a footballer, feel free to call them idolo. But don’t overuse this term. It’s only for the real legends.
3. Clear
This one just shows that one thing or person is much better than the other. So if you see a tweet like, “Messi is clear of Penaldo”, it means the person thinks Messi is better than Ronaldo.
4. Warra
This simply means “what a…”, but in a sarcastic, mocking way. So if I, as an Arsenal fan, mocks a Chelsea fan for failing to sign good players this transfer window, they can just reply by saying, “Warra Champions League qualification for you”, and it would hurt me because my team didn’t qualify for the Champions League.
5. FT
This just means football Twitter.
6. L
This is an abbreviation for “loss”. If someone tells you to hold an L, it means your team has lost, or you lost an argument on the timeline.
7. GOAT
Greatest of All Time. There is only one. But nobody really knows who it is. I do, though.
8. Bodied
To “body” someone is to win against them in an argument, while utterly embarrassing them. So if someone gives a snarky reply to a tweet and it goes viral, it means they bodied the person. And the tweets are usually phrased like, “Bodied the virgin” just for extra violence.
9. Aired
“Aired” just means someone ghosted the other person instead of replying to them.
10. Ratioed
You didn’t know this famous slang came from Football Twitter? Do better. To “ratio” someone is to get more likes and retweets (RTs) when you reply or quote their tweets. Ratio-ing someone is a dub; getting ratioed is an L. Get it?
11. YKB/YDKB
Slangs for “you know ball” and “you don’t know ball”.
12. Nabbed
This means “stolen”. It’s when bigger accounts steal a tweet or tweet idea from a smaller account and gets more likes and RTs.
13. Merchant
Someone, or a team, who does something repeatedly. For example, Ronaldo has been an “L merchant” this summer because he’s been offering himself to clubs and nobody wants to sign him. Or Luis Diaz is a “pace merchant” because all he does is run.
14. Here we go
Coined by famed football journalist and transfers king Fabrizio Romano, this is the phrase for when a transfer deal is successfully completed — not officially announced by the club, but confirmed by reputable sports journalists.
15. Fraud
If someone is a fraud, it means they’ve tricked the entire world to think they’re great when they’re actually mid (i.e: average). A great example is Eden Hazard.
If you’re in Nigeria, you know what the economy is like in 2022, and you know the cost of living is expensive as hell. So tell me why any Nigerian can afford any of the items in this article. If you know someone that owns any of these things, call EFCC for them now now.
A pet
Ask yourself, “Have I eaten today?” Why then is someone now owning a pet? And you know those animals, they eat anyhow. So, where are they seeing money to feed a pet in this economy? EFCC!
A car
If their car uses a diesel engine, take them to the police station by yourself. That person is a fugitive and crime must not thrive in our land. Where are they seeing money to buy fuel? EFCC!
Children
Again, how are they feeding these things? How? Where is the money coming from? Children that wake up and decide they want to go to Mr Biggs, and you have to answer them? EFCC, please be fast.
A romantic partner
Where is the money for dates coming from? Or data to make those long calls? Or spontaneous gifts? Something’s fishy and the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission has to step in.
If you have parents or siblings, it means someone is billing you on a steady. Abi, are we not in this Nigeria? How are you keeping these relationships going?
More than ₦5k in their account
This one is not even possible. But in case you see someone like that, it’s of utmost importance that you do the right thing.
Bread (or sardine)
If you enter someone’s house and see bread, just slowly back out before you become an accomplice to a crime you know nothing about. Bread? If it’s regular Agege bread, you can still relax small. But if it’s sliced bread or wheat bread or all those rich people bread with raisins, just run. And you know what to do after.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
Need to send or receive money fast? Let’s help you send and receive money internationally on the go. Use Afriex.
Since the 27-year-old on this week’s #NairaLife finished secondary school in 2013, he’s had just one dream — to go to university. For now though, he’s working two security guard jobs in Lagos and running a small farm in Benue.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
I remember making ₦120k in 2016 from soya beans storage. That’s the first time I ever made that much money, so you can imagine how happy I was.
Can you explain this storage thing?
In Benue where I grew up, when crops are in season, they’re very cheap. So to make a profit, people buy and store them in perfect condition so they can sell when the scarcity of those crops begins. I bought six bags of soya beans for ₦8k each and stored them with my older sister. When soya beans became scarce, I sold each bag at ₦20k each.
Was that your first time doing storage?
Yes. I was 22 at the time.
What did you do before then?
I worked as a salesman at a pure water factory. I started working there in 2013 after I finished secondary school. My original plan was to go to university to study engineering, but my parents couldn’t afford it so I just decided to work until I could sponsor myself. I worked at the pure water company from 2013 to 2017.
How much did they pay you?
When I started, they paid me ₦10k per month. In 2014, they increased the pay to ₦12k. My job was to follow the drivers around and offload pure water for whoever wanted to buy. Because I was getting older, I decided I wanted to be a driver and not a salesboy, so I begged the drivers to teach me how to drive. By 2016, I started driving for the company and they increased my salary to ₦15k.
So this is your earliest memory of money
Haha! That’s true. How did I forget?
Tell me what it was like growing up in Benue
I grew up in Konshisha Local Government. I’m the third of four children. My father is a farmer and my mother sells things like onions, palm oil and pepper. By the time I was about to finish secondary school in 2013, my father was getting old and couldn’t do farm work so much. That’s why he couldn’t afford to send me to school. He’d already sent my older brother to a College of Education and my sister to a School of Nursing. So it was left for my little sister and me to take care of ourselves. That’s why I moved to Makurdi immediately after secondary school.
Was ₦10k or ₦15k enough for you to survive?
No, but I survived. I had to look for other ways to make money sometimes. For example, the company told us to sell bags of pure water for ₦80 to customers who sold in bulk and ₦100 to customers who didn’t. Many times, I sold the bags at ₦100 to everybody — even people buying in bulk — and kept the difference. That’s how I made extra money.
Food in Benue is very cheap, and my house rent was ₦18k per year. So I survived.
What did you do with the ₦120k from the storage?
I gave my uncle to help me put it in shares, and after a few months, it grew to ₦150k. I collected the ₦150k, bought an okada, found someone to ride the okada and told him to bring ₦4k every week.
Businessman!
Well, after two months of collecting ₦4k weekly, the bike man called me one day to say he went to eat in a restaurant, and by the time he came out, he didn’t see the bike again. That was one of the saddest moments of my life.
Ouch
Because I didn’t want the sadness to affect me too much, I decided it was time to move on and go to school since that’s actually what I wanted to do with my life.
Wait… Did you ever try the storage thing again? Seems like it was an easy way to make money
Yes o. December 2016. This time, I bought ₦50k worth of soya beans but stored it with my uncle who stayed in Makurdi. By the time I was meant to resume school in 2017, I went to meet him for the money and he started giving me excuses about how he sold my soya beans at a profit, but his own yams didn’t make profit so he just kept the money from the soya beans.
He later gave me the ₦50k, but it was after plenty fight. And he sent it small small. Today, he’d send ₦5k, tomorrow, ₦3k.
What school did you go to?
I wanted to apply to universities but my JAMB scores weren’t good, so I just went to Federal Polytechnic, Nasarawa, to study surveying and geoinformatics.
How many years was your program?
Two. I finished in November 2019.
How did you survive those two years?
I always had someone to stay with. A friend. In 2017, my brother finshed from the College of Education so he was able to support me from time to time. He really wanted me to stay in school so he tried his best to send money the few times I asked.
Apart from my brother, there was a God-sent man who also assisted me.
Tell me about him
We were in class having tutorials one day, in my first year, when the teacher made a mistake. I stood up to correct him because I’d seen it in my textbook when I was studying. After the class, this man who was much older than the rest of the class came to me and told me he liked what I did. When we were speaking, my mum called, and I spoke my native language to her. This man embraced me right as I finished the call. He was from my place in Benue too.
As we got talking, I told him I wasn’t happy with studying surveying because I actually wanted to study engineering. Then, he told me his story.
He graduated many years ago with a degree in business administration and lived in Abuja. Things weren’t going well for him until one day, he met a surveyor who took him to a site and paid him ₦2k per day. He found the job interesting and continued to work with the man. After many years, he’d become a big-time surveyor himself and had made millions. The only reason he was there in polytechnic with us was because he beat a university-trained surveyor to a big-money client bid because he was cheaper. But then, the surveyor threatened to report him to the police because he was practising without a degree or licence. He wanted to avoid all that wahala.
Interesting
So we became friends. He gave me money from time to time and I helped him with tests and assignments. He was even the one who gave me money for my final projects.
Why did you want to study engineering?
It’s just what I wanted to do since I was a child. I remember saying I wanted to be an engineer every time.
What happened after you graduated in 2019?
I went back to Makurdi. I first tried to work at the pure water factory again, but they didn’t want to hire because business was bad. So I just went to church and prayed and fasted for God to send a job. I also called my friend in Lagos to ask if there was work available. He said no.
By January 2020, that same friend called and said I should start coming to Lagos because he found a job for me at a company.
Nice
I didn’t have any money, so I called my mum and she gave me ₦10k. Bus from Makurdi to Lagos was ₦8k. So I held the remaining ₦2k and went to meet my friend. It was my first time in Lagos.
When we got to the company, I found out they hired security guards. I was so shocked and sad. I thought he was inviting me to work with engineers or surveyors. I didn’t want to do security work. And I told him I wasn’t happy. Omo, he just told me to take it like that o. That there’s no work anywhere, so I should just take this one. I didn’t want to go back to the village, so I took the job.
How much did it pay?
₦20k per month.
Where were you securing?
They posted me to be the security guard of a surveying company.
That must’ve hit close to home
Ah, yes o. I was security guard for a place where I could have been working as a surveyor. I tried to talk to the young technicians there, to let them know I could do the work too, but the only opportunity they gave me was to be a technician without pay. I didn’t take it.
₦20k is not a lot in Lagos. How did you manage it?
My friend really helped me. I stayed at his place, and he fed me. That’s how we did it throughout 2020. People from home were calling me to come back but I didn’t want to go to the city and come back empty-handed so I stayed. My friend also encouraged me. He promised me that once the pandemic passed, I’d be able to get more than one job.
Did that happen?
Yes. In 2021, I left that job and started working as a security guard at two places — a housing estate and an oil company. The estate paid ₦28k and the oil company paid ₦24k.
Do you still work at both places?
No. I left the oil company and now work with two estates. The second estate pays ₦25k. So my monthly income is ₦53k now.
What’s ₦53k like for you in this economy?
My brother, things cost die. Especially food in this Lagos. I try to wash the cars of the residents of these estates so they can give me ₦500 or ₦1k each. Sometimes, they give me money or food just like that.
Is uni still in your plans?
I’ve applied for surveying and geoinformatics in Federal University of Technology, Minna, but ASUU is on strike. I’m hoping I get the admission.
Why not engineering?
I already have my OND in surveying and geoinformatics. Let me just continue with what I’ve started.
What are your finances like?
I don’t have so much money because I don’t believe in keeping money in the bank. I believe in doing business. The small money I even had, I recently had to spend most of it, ₦70k, on my mum’s health.
What business do you do?
This year, I bought two pigs at ₦15k each, and now, they’ve given birth to six piglets. Like that, I’m building a pig farm small small.
Also, I spent ₦40k on a bag of soya bean seeds and fertilizer a few months ago. If the person planting it for me does it well, I should be able to harvest six bags by November and sell them at ₦30k each.
In January too, I bought a bag of groundnut seeds for ₦20k, and by the time they were ripe this month, we sold the harvest for ₦20k per bag. That’s ₦200k.
Wow
Groundnuts grow really fast.
Are all of these happening in Benue?
Yes. My brother helped me with the groundnuts. The soya beans and pigs are with a friend.
Did you pay your brother?
My siblings and I shared the ₦200k. I got ₦80k. When you and your siblings are struggling, there’s no “my money”. It’s “our money”.
Are you going to do the groundnut thing again?
I think I will.
What’s one thing you want but can’t afford?
It’s to go to university. But I don’t want to go as I am like this that I don’t have money. It doesn’t make sense. I want to be buying foodstuff in bulk from Benue and selling them in Lagos. That way, I’ll be making profit and getting my education at the same time.
How do you spend money in a month?
And your financial happiness on a 1-10 scale?
4/10. I cannot lie to you, my financial state is very bad.
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There’s an unmissably distinct pain you feel somewhere between your throat and chest when someone embarrasses you on FIFA. It’s like they’re stripping away your dignity. Even when you’re just playing casually indoors, it hurts, talkless of when you’re playing competitively in public where everyone can laugh at you.
If someone you consider a friend brushes you very badly on FIFA, you absolutely have to do everything on this list.
Just start fighting him
Right there and then, the fight has to happen. Once the score margin passes five goals, just drop your pad and look for the nearest bottle to break on his head. A real friend doesn’t subject his friend to public ridicule. That man is your enemy, and you must treat him as such.
Sleep with his babe
You came to Zikoko for advice and didn’t think you’d see this? You’re a joker. “Revenge is best served with strokes in the bedroom”, or whatever Mary Slessor said. The number of rounds you should go is the number of times he beat you.
Steal his console
Shebi it’s because he has time to be playing games all the time, that’s why he knows all the buttons to press. No problem. That his PS5, steal it and sell it to someone in Computer Village.
Insult his father
No time for petty nonsense. No time for, “Bro, why did you beat me like that now?” Over your dead body. Go straight for the jugular. If his father is dead, even better. “You dey win for FIFA? No problem. At least, I still get papa.” This one might even lead to the fight. We love it.
Somebody took his time to embarrass you like this, and you think destroying his relationship with his family is going too far? Nope. That way, his mother will love you even more.
Give excuses
“My eye was closing by itself”. “The controller is bad”. “My dog just died”. Anything. Just give excuses. You can’t go down like that.
Hear us out… Just get good
Practice makes perfect. Just keep letting them pipe you. That’s how you get good.
In case you haven’t heard — which is already a red flag — football is coming back on August 5 2022. Your boyfriend is primed and ready to spend his entire weekend screaming in front of his TV, and honestly, we’re excited for him.
How can you, as a person who loves him, make his life easier for the next nine months? Start here.
Buy him his team’s 2023 jersey
You should have already done this by now, but if you haven’t, it’s not too late; you still have a few days. He can’t be wearing regular clothes — or worse still — last season’s jersey to watch the new season’s matches. No way. That man has to enter the season wearing his team’s new jersey. Make it happen, queen. Not every time singlet and boxers.
Stock his fridge with beer and fried chicken
You know what goes well with football? Beer. Buy beer and spicy chicken wings for that man and see if his love for you won’t grow.
Renew his cable subscription
Times are tough. Your king can’t be running around looking for who has cable subscription or streaming links when it’s time to watch a game. Surprise him with by reneweing his subscription every month from August 2022 to May 2023. Walahi, he’ll marry you.
It’s not when Arsenal is playing that you’ll start looking for the remote to see what Whitemoney and Zinoleesky are doing? None of that, please. Let’s not fight
Leave him alone on weekends
Simple. Once it’s 4 p.m. on Friday, just leave him alone. He will be available again the following Tuesday. Your relationship can continue from there.
Don’t ask him who is wearing red
If you want to know who is playing, Google is your friend. Here’s all you need to know: it’s Arsenal that’s wearing read and losing. Please, none of the usual endless questioning. He already has enough stress in his life.
Move out
If you cannot follow the points above, just move out. There’s no point being a pest. Be his peace. Remember?
Break up with him
Yes. He may be heartbroken when he receives the news. But when you tell him the reason, he’ll appreciate you. Trust me. I’ve tried and tested this.
Not everywhere you eat in Nigeria is a restaurant. Sometimes, they’re bukas, and some other times, they’re fast food or quick service restaurants. How can you know the difference?
People might think bukas are for the trenches, but they just don’t know ball. The ideal buka is somewhat overpriced. Apparently, there’s a foreign restaurant called Karen’s Diner where the staff are rude but the food is great — which just sounds like cultural appropriation to me. If I enter a buka, and the waiters aren’t eyeing me like I stole something from them, I won’t eat there. Also, they can’t have change. If they have change, something’s wrong.
P.S.: Watch them when they’re making amala. If their sweat isn’t dripping into the pot as they turn the food, don’t eat it.
These ones don’t necessarily need an indoor space. They just have a table outside with coolers on food on top. They must sell spaghetti, it has to be in disposable plates, and the food vendors must push the spaghetti and plantain off their forks with their thumbs. But their white rice with stew and beans? My God.
Are you poor but would still like to take the babe you’re seeing somewhere to eat? Eateries are for you. The only thing they know how to make is meat pie. Their chicken is dry and it’s obvious that the food they display has had to be warmed every day for the past five days.
Canteens are typically tied to organisations like schools and local governments. Their food is bad, but the vibes when everyone is eating together? Amazing.
These ones have the widest spectrum. Generally, the food is good. Very nice nice 🌚. Some of them end up being eateries because of competition. Also, depending on their location, they can be pretty overpriced. Like every single restaurant on Lagos Island.
The dictionary definition of bistro is “a small, inexpensive restaurant”. But Nigerian bistros? All they need is one strange architectural design and boom, the common man can’t eat there again. May God have mercy on them all.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
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Between 1987 and 1995, the 52-year-old on this #NairaLife trained and worked as a programmer. After that, she became a secretary and rose through the ranks at the same company for the next 20 years. She retired because of office politics and now owns a laundry business.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
My father gave me pocket money when I started secondary school in 1983. I went to a boarding house, so he gave me the money right before I went to school. I think it was about ₦500 split into clean, fresh 50 kobo and ₦100 notes.
I was 13, so having my own money was great because I could buy all the snacks I ever wanted.
₦500 in 1983 seems like a lot of money for a 13-year-old
We were comfortable. My dad was an accountant and my mum sold fabrics in big bulks. I never even spent the entire ₦500 in a term. I’d take the rest home and spend it on more snacks.
What was it like growing up in the ’70s and ’80s?
It felt safe. There was a freedom I can’t quite explain. We weren’t scared of kidnappings or killings, and moving abroad wasn’t something everyone was considering. As children, we went out to play and our parents weren’t afraid something would happen to us.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
A lawyer. I liked the idea of fighting for people’s rights, and I liked lawyers’ uniforms whenever I saw them on TV. By the time I finished secondary school in 1987, my mother didn’t allow me study law.
Why?
According to her, lawyers received a lot of curses because of the nature of their jobs. She didn’t want to lose me to people used to do juju for lawyers.
What did you do instead?
I pursued my next interest, which was computers. At the time, because computers were new, they were becoming more and more popular. `I did a computer programming training for three years, after which I got a job in 1990 at an auditing firm as their computer operator and programmer. The pay was ₦700.
I initially enjoyed the job, but as time went on, I got bored, so I switched to another, much bigger, auditing firm in 1995 to become a secretary.
When you look back, do you regret not staying in tech?
No. My job as a secretary was interesting, and my career grew to the highest ranks. Even though the tech industry is big now, I have no regrets.
What did you do as a secretary?
I helped my bosses organise their days, set up their meetings, took notes at meetings and just ensured everything was well organised.
What was the pay like?
It was ₦22k at the start. Really good money.
At first, I didn’t do much with it because I lived with my parents. But by the time I got married in 1996, I left my parents’ house and had to start raising my family. I had my first child in 1996 and two other children in 1998 and 2000.
I eventually had to raise them as a single mother because my husband left.
Why?
I like to say he left because of his own inadequacies. It was never really great from the start, so we just separated.
Tell me what being a single parent was like
Oh, it was difficult. But I’m thankful my parents were there for me. We didn’t live too far from them, so they always helped me take care of my daughters when I couldn’t. My siblings were also supportive. The early stages were very rough, but as children grow older, they begin to learn how to take care of themselves. For example, the older one learnt how to bath for the younger ones at some point. So when I was up by 5 a.m. preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner before work, she’d be getting them ready. Then on weekends, I’d do a comprehensive bath for all of them.
What about financially?
The major thing I had to spend money on was fees. That was tough too. Thankfully, they all went to schools where I could split the payments. So if the school fees were ₦100k for each child, I could pay ₦20k each at the beginning of the term and pay the rest through the term.
What was work like all this time?
In my 20-year period at the company, my role grew from secretary all the way to executive assistant to the CEO and COO of West Africa, and I managed about three other top officials. Before I retired in 2015, I stopped working as an executive assistant and set up a secretariat and administrative department for the company which I headed.
How much did your salary increase?
I started at ₦22k in 1995 and ended at over ₦350k in 2015.
Why did you retire at 45?
I began to feel uncomfortable working there. Decisions began to be taken with partiality. The environment became hostile. And I’m an open person — I don’t know how to do eye-service and not tell people when they’re doing something wrong. So I just left while I was still on good terms with everyone.
What was your plan for post-retirement?
If I tell you that I had a plan, I’m lying. But I knew I didn’t want to work in the corporate world anymore. I had put that behind me. The only thing that was left was business. I also knew I didn’t want to do a business where I’d have to rent a shop because of rent wahala. I eventually decided to learn interior decoration because I felt like I had a good taste for beautiful places.
But first, I travelled to the US just to unwind. Over there, I stumbled upon some materials — books and DVDs — on interior decoration. They helped me strengthen my decision to go into interior design.
What does a retired CEO assistant’s finances look like?
I didn’t have savings and investments, but I received a gratuity. That’s how I survived. I don’t live a flashy life, so it’s not like I was spending that much money.
When did you start making money from interior design?
2016. My sister and a close friend are architects, so they began to recommend me to their clients. In addition to interior design, I decided to help people do post-construction cleanups for their sites. I hired young men to handle the cleaning and paid them.
Between 2016 and 2020, I made money from interior design and post-construction cleaning.
Was it enough to survive?
It was. I was home alone most of the time because my daughters were in university. And it was enough to send them to school and survive on my own.
What changed in 2020?
I decided to open a laundromat. My home’s compound is big, so I set up a structure, bought machines and hired people to do the work. The laundromat meant I made money more frequently. So if I didn’t get clients for interior design and post-construction cleaning, at least we were making money from the laundromat every week. These days, it’s every day.
How’s the business now?
We’ve been able to acquire industrial machines. On an average month, afterwe’ve restocked, other business expenses are gone and salaries for both my staff and I have been paid, we still have a profit of over ₦100k to spare.
I still do the other two businesses now, but only when I get clients from people recommending me — which isn’t so often these days.
Do you have savings and investments now?
Yes. I save and have shares now because even though my children are grown, I want to be able to support them when they want to do things like master’s and weddings. They’re the reason I save and have investments.
What’s the plan for your business in the future?
I want it to become a household name in the laundry industry in Nigeria. So, as we grow, we want to expand and open more branches and offer satisfactory services.
Is there something you want right now but can’t afford?
My first daughter is trying to go abroad for her master’s. I want to be able to support her financially.
Can you share how you spend money in a month?
What would you rate your financial happiness on a 1-10 scale?
Maybe eight over ten. I think it’s an eight because I’m content. I don’t struggle to get anything.
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The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.
If you worked with villages whose inhabitants had to order drinking water off Amazon but still avoided the internet like a plague, you probably wouldn’t think Canada is great. That’s the life of this week’s subject on #AbroadLife, and she can’t wait to leave.
When did you move to Canada?
January 2019. I came here for my master’s.
Why Canada?
First of all, I’d looked forward to moving out of Nigeria since I finished university in 2017. The plan was to move abroad for a master’s but not anywhere in Asia or the US.
Ah. Why?
At the time, I was dating a guy who lived in China, and he’d been learning Mandarin for five years. I’m terrible at learning languages so I couldn’t see myself going to a place where I had to learn a different language to survive. Then I’d read online, in books and articles, and found out from people who live in Asian countries, that Asians are very racist. White people still have some sort of political correctness with their racism, but Asians will clearly show they don’t like you. I stayed all my life in Jos and encountered many Chinese and Indian people; even in Nigeria, they aren’t nice to Nigerians.
At some point, I got a tuition-free scholarship in Germany, but I rejected it for the same language reason. I didn’t want to learn German.
What about America?
Omo, Trump was moving mad at that time. Immigration rules kept changing. It’s bad enough someone is an immigrant, but being an immigrant in a country that’s difficult for immigrants is a no-no.
What was the process for relocating to Canada like?
It went well until Nigeria tried to ruin it by restricting people from paying for anything more than $100 online. I had to reach out to an aunt in the US to help me pay.
Was that your first time abroad?
No. In 2010, I went to Scotland to visit my mum who was doing her PhD there. In fact, my sisters and I tried to move there to stay with her, but we were denied because the entire family wasn’t moving. My dad had decided to stay in Nigeria because he liked his job here, and the embassy thought we couldn’t be divided as a family.
A year later, a friend whose mum was also doing a PhD in the UK tried to move there with their siblings and without their dad. They got their visa. That’s when I knew visa decisions are between you, the immigration officer and God.
LMAO. Expectation vs reality: Canada edition
My expectation was everything would be smooth sailing; I’d come here, do my master’s, get a recognised degree, everyone would be dying to employ me and I’d build a great community of friends with like minds.
LMAO. This doesn’t sound like it ended well
Reality: I struggled to find a community, realised winter is a bitch no matter how many jackets you wear, fell in snow and ice multiple times, got my degree even though it cost me my entire mental health, and eventually realised job-hunting is hard.
I don’t even know where to start
LMAO. The thing with jobs is that different cities have different needs. So you can study development economics — like I did — and when you graduate, find out your city actually needs teachers and healthcare workers. Many foreigners find themselves in situations like this and struggle.
I —
Another expectation people have is they can visit all their friends who live in Canada when they get here. The truth is Canada is big, their friend probably doesn’t live in the same province as them and travelling costs an arm, a leg and a kidney. And they probably also won’t have the time to travel because they’re working all the time.
What about the community?
Black people are a minority in Canada. If you live in big cities like Toronto and Vancouver, you’ll see many black people. But if, like me, you stay in a more remote city, it’s like finding gold. It’s difficult to build community because white people here are unexposed. They hardly see black people, and they’re not well travelled or willing to learn about other cultures. So it’s just stereotypes and racism left, right and centre.
I used to go swimming a lot before, and my God, if you see the way children would gather at the pool and stare. It was obvious they hadn’t seen a black person before. And their parents’ reactions were always to drag them away and say, “Don’t stare. Don’t stare.”
There’s this thing people say about Canadians being the nicest people ever. On the surface level, it’s true. But when you live here for some time, you realise it’s all a load of bullshit. They’re just smiling and nodding; they’re not listening to the things you say. They’re just being nice for niceness’ sake.
Canada’s PR in the mud
Nigerians coming to Canada might also think there’s blazing internet everywhere here. LOL. In my region, there’s an entire 10-hour-drive highway with absolutely no network. They advice people to travel that highway with a satellite phone. Also, I work with villages, and they have just dirt roads.
You work in a village?
Yes. I work as a development economist for the local government, and my focus is on helping village businesses get customers so the communities can get better.
How’s that going?
Village life is one-kind o. There’s no drinkable water here. They have to order water off Amazon. The people here don’t have the community and vibrancy you’ll see in Nigerian villages. They just look dejected, wallow in their suffering and complain about the government. They don’t even eat well. It’s just stuff like Oreos and soda all the time. When some of them eventually move, they forget home.
You know I said my job is to help businesses make more money?
Yep
It’s hard. For context, the villages I work with are like a three-hour drive from anywhere else. So tell me why these people avoid the internet like a plague. Apart from using it to get the essentials like water, they don’t want to have anything to do with the internet. It’s like they think it’s evil. How would they see customers from outside if people don’t even know they’re there?
All of this sounds terrible. Why don’t you leave?
I get paid really well. That’s why I’ve been here for this long. But I’m currently applying for other jobs and taking on certification courses. I think I’ll be ready to leave by the end of 2022. Maybe this time, to a private-sector job.
Are you coming back to Nigeria?
I wanted to, right after my master’s in 2020, but the news of danger and the terrible economy kept me here. My end goal is to move to a predominantly black country sha.
Why?
I need to be surrounded by black goodness.
What’s that?
It’s a vibe black people give that white people can’t.
Hey there! My name is Sheriff and I’m the writer of Abroad Life. If you’re a Nigerian and you live or have lived abroad, I would love to talk to you about what that experience feels like and feature you on Abroad Life. All you need to do is fill out this short form, and I’ll be in contact.
