stress | Page 2 of 2

1. When someone recommends a new tailor to you and you have hope.

2. But as usual, they are just prepping you before they start their madness.

3. When you hear these words “I can sew it ma”…

4. … Just know that your tailor is going to use your fabric to practice.

5. When you choose your own style and the tailor just decides to remix it.

6. When the tailor takes your measurements but then decides not to use them.

7. When your tailor promises you an outfit on a certain day, just add 3 months for peace of mind.

8. When you’re annoyed and shouting your tailor, she just stares at you, like:

9. When your tailor starts hanging out with bad gang and decides to start charging foolishly.

10. When you have to start chasing your tailor for your own clothes.

11. When you finally abandon a useless tailor and he/she starts calling you to ask where you are.
1. When you are trying to sleep but mosquitoes are using your body as a midnight snack

2. When you wake up and you are drenched in sweat because you had to sleep in heat.

3. Then you go to take a shower and water isn’t coming out of your tap.

4. Meanwhile you have gotten more letters talking about an increase in taxes and estate fines.

5. Then you have to face hours of traffic to get to the office.

6. When you get to the office and your boss is not around, you’re like:

7. Then he strolls in an hour to closing and gives you 4 hours of work.

8. And casually ignores the fact he is owing you 2 month’s salary.

9. Then your dad’s cousin calls you to ask you why you have not yet married.

10. And your friend that hasn’t paid back one loan is asking you very rudely for another one.

11. When you get home you realise a power surge has spoiled almost all your electrical appliances.

12. Which means you were sold a fake stabiliser.

13. Now all the food in your fridge and freezer are spoilt.

14. Only for your landlord to call compound meeting that he is increasing rent with immediate effect.

15. Then one of your cousins has arrived unexpectedly from the village and expects to stay with you.

16. You put on the news and government officials don’t have anything encouraging or sensible to say

17. And now NEPA has taken light so you start the cycle all over again.
1. So, you went to quickly buy something.

2. And you were in a hurry so you just collected you change and ran off.

3. Normally you would have left your change, as a tip.

4. But recession, so no chance of that one!

5. Anyway, now you’ve gotten home.

6. Only to check your change and see torn notes everywhere.

7. So what are you meant to do now?

8. First you try to use the money to pay for something at the same store that gave you the wretched change.

9. Only for the cashier to say they don’t accept such money.

10. Then you try to give it to a bus conductor, who asks you if you’re crazy.

11. Then, you think of dropping it in the offering basket only to see the usher looking at you, like:

12. Then, you try to “dash” the money to one of your small cousins but he laughs at you, like:

13. At the end of the day you end up keeping the money in one drawer, hoping and praying you wake up one day and it’s brand new.

14. But so far, no such luck!
1. When the engagement ring makes a big dent in your wallet.

It’s for a good cause sha, I love her.
2. When your bride’s troublesome family members send one nonsense list for the traditional wedding.

Please come and carry your daughter oh! It’s not me you people will kill!
3. When the only wedding date all of your family members can agree on is the same day as premier league final.

If I say that is not convenient for me is that childish?
4. When your bride starts asking you about colours and shades as if it’s a do or die thing.

What the difference between fuschia and magenta now?
5. When aso ebi wahala starts, you’re like:

Someone please get me away from here!
6. When your mother and mother in law to be are arguing and expect you to get involved.

Better face yourselves.
7. When you realise pre marital counselling is compulsory if you want to marry in your wife’s mother’s church

See wahala!
8. When you see all the bills and your budget is looking like nothing but a dream.

Who started this wedding tradition sef?
9. When your groomsmen are MIA until its time for the bachelor party.

All these ones know is party!
10. When your friends want to put you inside trouble during your bachelor party on top “last night of freedom”

It’s not me that will die oh!
1. Mexico has worse traffic than Lagos.

Commuters in traffic spend on average five and a half weeks a year in traffic.
2. Libya is hotter than Nigeria by far.

At 50-degrees celsius, you can fry an egg on the streets on Libya.
3. North Korea and Somalia are the most corrupt countries in the world.

Nigeria barely reached top 30. And somebody is talking about ‘kwaraption’.
4. Belgium has the most potholed road in the world.

Ford uses it to test cars. Thats how bad it is.
5. South African drivers are a lot more violent than Nigerian drivers.

People getting shot is a regular occurrence in South African traffic.
6. Nigeria can’t even compare to Venezuela in kidnappings.

On average, 46 people get kidnapped a day.
7. Belgium has the highest amount of armed robberies in the world.

11 people get robbed a day in Belgium, that means they can rob you 5 times on your way to work.
1. When he says he is coming to visit for a few days and it has now been one year.

So this is now your home abi?
2. When he starts thinking you are his cook and maid.

Can you imagine?
3. When he wants to start commandeering the remote control in your house.

Na wa oh!
4. When he brings his friends to be making noise in your house.

Is this a beer parlour?
5. When he finishes all the food in the house and starts complaining there is nothing to eat.

Better go to the market by yourself.
6. When he starts doing amebo to report you to his family members.

Well done oh! Special detective.
7. When you are trying to get romantic and he interrupts.

If you don’t talk now you will die abi?
8. When he is fighting with his sibling and expects you to add mouth.

Not me oh!
9. When he is finally going back home.

Bye bye sir!
10. But it was just to go and pack all his things so he can move in properly.

Ah! I am finished oh!
1. When you’re with N1000 and you hear the conductor shouting at someone else for giving him N500.

Yawa don gas today!
2. When the quiet person beside you suddenly shouts “Praiseeeee daaa Looorddd!!!”

This is too much headache!
3. How everyone looks at you when you pass your bus stop.

”Sister, you been dey sleep before?”
4. When you’re already late for work and the bus decides to break down.

I am finished!
5. When you’re sitting beside the conductor and his armpit is in your face.

That stinks bruuuhhhh!
6. Some small boys in danfo be like: “Sistah, can I know you beta?’

You think we are mates abi? I don’t blame you!
7. When you forget to collect your N900 change from the conductor.

Kuku kill me!
8. When the driver is bent on driving everyone straight to hell.

Please sir, this is not Fast and Furious o!
9. That rare moment when the conductor forgets to collect his money.

Everyday for the thief, one day for the owner!
10. When the bus starts making funny sounds on 3rd Mainland Bridge, and the conductor says nothing is wrong with it.

Oga, everything is wrong with it !
11. When one woman says you should lap her babies because “They’re your sisters.”

No ma, I know my own sisters well!
12. When the conductor says the fare has increased to N150, but you have exactly N100.

But it was N100 yesterday now!
13. You, when the driver says you should use the seat belt.

I can’t even deal!
14. When you remember you have to to go through the same mess tomorrow, because you’re still ‘carless’.

Choi! Baba God, do it for your girl! Featured Image Credit: Bayo Omoboriowo
Nigerian parents just know how to stress someone. When they’re not asking you to wash plates, they’re making you clean some annoying places. Here of 13 of them:
1. The fan blades.

I should break my hands?
2. Under the kitchen cupboard.

Because the visitors will eat their rice under it abi?
3. Mop under the bed.

Will the visitors look under it?
4. The entrance of your neighbour’s house.

When did we become our neighbour’s keeper?
5. The window louvres.

So the louvres should slice my hand abi?
6. The buglary proof.

Mummy, it is metal!
7. Behind the TV.

But the visitors won’t watch the TV from the back na.
8. Your neighbour’s fence.

No be me build am na.
9. The corners of the ceiling.

Jesus! How?
10. Under the car.

Are you trying to punish me?
11. Behind the dressing table.

Hay God!
12. Under the gate.

Jesus didn’t die for this oh!
13. In short, the whole street.

Kuku kill me.
1. When you ask your Nigerian tailor if they can “sew the style.”

"Are you sure you can sew it?"
"Yes ma" pic.twitter.com/a9uY0pfzUY
— Daniel Orubo (@NerdEfiko) March 5, 2016

2. When you tell a Nigerian photographer to make you look “natural”.

When you tell a Nigerian photographer to make the picture look very natural pic.twitter.com/X3RyWxW2PO
— EKO (@EKminnie) December 23, 2014

That’s how you know they are serious.
3. When your Nigerian hairdresser wants to kill you.

https://twitter.com/Sawamss/status/603548710258225152

4. When you give a Nigerian mechanic your car and it spends so long with him it turns to his own.

Edakun, can I have my car back?
5. When you go to a Nigerian doctor and the first diagnosis you get is:

Is that all?
6. When a Nigerian nurse wakes you up to give you a sleeping pill.

Hian!
7. When you finish paying your Nigerian caterer and they now tell you they don’t make small chops.

Better go and find.
8. When your Nigerian makeup artiste uses your picture to do ‘Before & After’ without asking.

Somebody wants to die.
9. When the generator repairer finishes work and now uses your fuel to wash his hands.

Is this one mad?
10. When your Nigerian cab driver swears he knows the way, then starts asking for directions when you enter.

Don’t just vex me.
11. When that thing your Nigerian electrician just ‘fixed’ shocks you.

Hay God.
12. When you go to any Nigerian barbing salon and this is the first picture you see:

That’s how you know they are serious.

1. When someone recommends a new tailor to you and you have hope.

2. But as usual, they are just prepping you before they start their madness.

3. When you hear these words “I can sew it ma”…

4. … Just know that your tailor is going to use your fabric to practice.

5. When you choose your own style and the tailor just decides to remix it.

6. When the tailor takes your measurements but then decides not to use them.

7. When your tailor promises you an outfit on a certain day, just add 3 months for peace of mind.

8. When you’re annoyed and shouting your tailor, she just stares at you, like:

9. When your tailor starts hanging out with bad gang and decides to start charging foolishly.

10. When you have to start chasing your tailor for your own clothes.

11. When you finally abandon a useless tailor and he/she starts calling you to ask where you are.

1. When you are trying to sleep but mosquitoes are using your body as a midnight snack

2. When you wake up and you are drenched in sweat because you had to sleep in heat.

3. Then you go to take a shower and water isn’t coming out of your tap.

4. Meanwhile you have gotten more letters talking about an increase in taxes and estate fines.

5. Then you have to face hours of traffic to get to the office.

6. When you get to the office and your boss is not around, you’re like:

7. Then he strolls in an hour to closing and gives you 4 hours of work.

8. And casually ignores the fact he is owing you 2 month’s salary.

9. Then your dad’s cousin calls you to ask you why you have not yet married.

10. And your friend that hasn’t paid back one loan is asking you very rudely for another one.

11. When you get home you realise a power surge has spoiled almost all your electrical appliances.

12. Which means you were sold a fake stabiliser.

13. Now all the food in your fridge and freezer are spoilt.

14. Only for your landlord to call compound meeting that he is increasing rent with immediate effect.

15. Then one of your cousins has arrived unexpectedly from the village and expects to stay with you.

16. You put on the news and government officials don’t have anything encouraging or sensible to say

17. And now NEPA has taken light so you start the cycle all over again.

1. So, you went to quickly buy something.

2. And you were in a hurry so you just collected you change and ran off.

3. Normally you would have left your change, as a tip.

4. But recession, so no chance of that one!

5. Anyway, now you’ve gotten home.

6. Only to check your change and see torn notes everywhere.

7. So what are you meant to do now?

8. First you try to use the money to pay for something at the same store that gave you the wretched change.

9. Only for the cashier to say they don’t accept such money.

10. Then you try to give it to a bus conductor, who asks you if you’re crazy.

11. Then, you think of dropping it in the offering basket only to see the usher looking at you, like:

12. Then, you try to “dash” the money to one of your small cousins but he laughs at you, like:

13. At the end of the day you end up keeping the money in one drawer, hoping and praying you wake up one day and it’s brand new.

14. But so far, no such luck!

1. When the engagement ring makes a big dent in your wallet.

2. When your bride’s troublesome family members send one nonsense list for the traditional wedding.

3. When the only wedding date all of your family members can agree on is the same day as premier league final.

4. When your bride starts asking you about colours and shades as if it’s a do or die thing.

5. When aso ebi wahala starts, you’re like:

6. When your mother and mother in law to be are arguing and expect you to get involved.

7. When you realise pre marital counselling is compulsory if you want to marry in your wife’s mother’s church

8. When you see all the bills and your budget is looking like nothing but a dream.

9. When your groomsmen are MIA until its time for the bachelor party.

10. When your friends want to put you inside trouble during your bachelor party on top “last night of freedom”

1. Mexico has worse traffic than Lagos.

2. Libya is hotter than Nigeria by far.

3. North Korea and Somalia are the most corrupt countries in the world.

4. Belgium has the most potholed road in the world.

5. South African drivers are a lot more violent than Nigerian drivers.

6. Nigeria can’t even compare to Venezuela in kidnappings.

7. Belgium has the highest amount of armed robberies in the world.

1. When he says he is coming to visit for a few days and it has now been one year.

2. When he starts thinking you are his cook and maid.

3. When he wants to start commandeering the remote control in your house.

4. When he brings his friends to be making noise in your house.

5. When he finishes all the food in the house and starts complaining there is nothing to eat.

6. When he starts doing amebo to report you to his family members.

7. When you are trying to get romantic and he interrupts.

8. When he is fighting with his sibling and expects you to add mouth.

9. When he is finally going back home.

10. But it was just to go and pack all his things so he can move in properly.

1. When you’re with N1000 and you hear the conductor shouting at someone else for giving him N500.

2. When the quiet person beside you suddenly shouts “Praiseeeee daaa Looorddd!!!”

3. How everyone looks at you when you pass your bus stop.

4. When you’re already late for work and the bus decides to break down.

5. When you’re sitting beside the conductor and his armpit is in your face.

6. Some small boys in danfo be like: “Sistah, can I know you beta?’

7. When you forget to collect your N900 change from the conductor.

8. When the driver is bent on driving everyone straight to hell.

9. That rare moment when the conductor forgets to collect his money.

10. When the bus starts making funny sounds on 3rd Mainland Bridge, and the conductor says nothing is wrong with it.

11. When one woman says you should lap her babies because “They’re your sisters.”