Nigerian parents have dished out their fair share of stress to their poor Nigerian kids, and it’s only fair that you retaliate. So, we made a list of seven things you can do to stress them a little bit too. Just make sure you don’t overdo it. Except you no longer want your inheritance.
Tell them you don’t want to get married
You know fully well they have your wedding day planned out in their heads. Dish them small heartbreak by announcing you want to stay unmarried for life.
Then have a baby out of wedlock
Since they’re asking you for a spouse, go one step further and give them a grandchild out of the blue. The shock will stress them, but they’ll come around.
Get a Bible-verse tattoo
You need to get a tattoo in a way that pleases God. So take a line of scripture and have it inked on your body. When they see it, they’ll be stressed out with deciding whether you’re doomed to hell or not.
Get a piercing they didn’t give you
Pierce your tongue and send them a picture of it on WhatsApp. Then, sit back and watch your phone blow up.
Dye your hair
Don’t dye it gold or brown — those are safe. You need a colour that’ll make them think you’re suffering through a quarter-life crisis. Keep the colour on for about two weeks, and if they don’t seem stressed enough, shave your head gorimapa for dramatic effect.
Send traps to the family group
If that’s not enough, take thirst traps and send them to the family group, with the caption, “outfit of the day”. But don’t try this if your parents are hypertensive, please. We’re begging.
Go missing for a while
Go out on a random day and get lost on purpose. Let them be wondering where you are while you have the time of your life with your sneaky link.
Laugh at their WhatsApp BCs
You’ve been acknowledging their WhatsApp BCs for years. That’s why they don’t stop. The next time they send one to you, record a voice note of you mocking whatever it is they sent. If they don’t block you by themselves, come and beat us.
Give them the silent treatment
Nobody hates the silent treatment like a Nigerian parent. Air them for no reason at all, and watch how confused they get as they wonder what they did that made you suddenly hate them so much.