Preparing for motherhood is a whirl of nerves, hopes, and high expectations. However, there are a lot of things books, documentaries, and other resources do not quite prepare mothers for. 5 mothers share with us what 9 months of pregnancy did not prepare them for.
Fati
I experienced uterine contraction backache, sore nipples, lack of sleep, depression, baby crying for no reason, etc
Shade
The possibility of losing your child due to a stillbirth at 37 weeks. That’s what 9 months of pregnancy didn’t prepare me for. The grief is so total and final. Then you start to see babies everywhere you go.
Ann
Motherhood is tougher than I expected. All my attention and that of my husband is on the baby. No one told me I’d feel the pain from breastfeeding in my skull nor did they mention the injuries one sustains trying to breastfeed. Plus, learning to cope with the stress of balancing my business and being a mom. I was gunning for 4 children but that number has reduced to 2.
Folu
I was excited when I had my baby girl since I’ve always wanted a girl as my first but the problems started with having a C-section. This made breastfeeding extremely difficult as I wasn’t lactating because I couldn’t eat. When my breast finally cooperated, it was water that came out and my baby is a foodie. I got sore on my breast and my mother-in-law told me they won’t go away unless I breastfeed my baby. All the books I read didn’t prepare me for this. My baby cries a lot, sometimes, I find myself crying with her. I think I was on the verge of postpartum depression.
Fortune
My baby stayed past his due date and I had to be induced for labour. I was ready for the pain but not the quantity. I don’t know about vaginal birth, but I know about C-section. Every time you hear a mom talking about CS, you think it’s the easy way out, but they never say how they spend more days in the hospital, you don’t eat until you fart, which can take days. I had to use a device to pass urine, I was heavily dependent on pain relief for weeks, I had to take injections, bear the fever, and still breastfeed. Also, the separation process is so hard. Being away from my baby for almost 8-9 hours makes me anxious, I am just lucky to have trustworthy people watching him for me.
For as long as she could remember, getting married and starting a family was this woman’s ultimate goal. And that’s exactly what she did. Getting married at 20 and having a baby at 21. Now, one kid in, her perspective on life and motherhood has changed.
How long have you been married?
5 glorious years now. And I’ve enjoyed every bit of it.
And what’s married life like?
Honestly, it’s like playing Russian roulette. Which sounds a lot more dire than I mean it to. But you just don’t know what you get out of each day. My husband and I are both spontaneous, so it might be that.
First child at 21, did you plan that?
Honestly, we didn’t but we also didn’t plan to stop it which seems ridiculous now. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I was 2 months gone. I had missed my first month’s period but I’m used to my period being sporadic so I didn’t think twice about it.
Your reaction?
I was ecstatic o. Like I said we hadn’t exactly planned for it, but we hadn’t planned to stop it. But for as long as I could remember getting married and starting my own family was the ultimate goal. I had excelled in school, graduated with a first class in Economics so a lot of people didn’t expect me to get married so soon after school. I was supposed to start my career and become this big shot career woman you know.
By the end of final year I had been dating my husband for four years. We met in my first year, he was in his final year in Engineering. He got lucky and got a job straight out of Uni, so by the time I was done he was stable. There was just no reason to wait.
What did he think?
The only person who had worse baby fever than me was my husband. He’s still that way. I was still breastfeeding this one when he started talking about baby number 2. I just said Oga calm down. But he was the practical one. First couple of weeks, first several weeks, in fact, my head was still in clouds. I was picking out baby names and shopping for cute baby stuff. He was the one that sorted out prenatal class, bought the baby books arranged the doctor’s appointments etc.
Is he till hands-on?
Haha no, not like then. And I bet you knew that already. All of that was the really easy stuff. It didn’t feel like that at the time, but preparing for the baby is really nothing. It’s even fun sef.
I don’t work. Well, at least not a 9-5. I’m a full-time housewife and I run a very small scale food order service on the side. His job, on the other hand, is, of course, a full-time 9-5 and sometimes he’s required to be offshore for weeks at a time. So I’d say no he’s definitely not as hands-on. He loves his child very deeply and provides for her, but her primary care is left up to just me.
How did pregnancy go?
I was one of the really lucky ones. No morning sickness or significant weight gain. I had a lot of food cravings and my feet ballooned but apart from that it was as easy as a pregnancy could get. I hear your first child is your most difficult but I just popped mine right out. My labour time was I think 7 hours in total which is pretty great.
First month of motherhood?
Hmm. Lol actually now that I think about it, the first month was good o. Because that’s when my mother did her omugwo. And she spoiled me rotten. In fact, if I could redo that month I won’t have let her. All I was doing was feeding my baby. She was changing diapers and taking baths for her and picking her up when she cried. I did all of that stuff sometimes during that month, but I didn’t feel pressured to because I knew my mum was there to do it if I didn’t. I was really chilling then and I didn’t even know it. I’ll wake up every morning saying I was stressed. I didn’t know what I was in for once my mother left.
And after the first month?
That is when shit got real. I don’t know how we planned it but as my mother left my husband also went offshore like the week after. My mum was supposed to pop in once a week to help but then she got sick. So it was just me and the baby for 7-8 weeks. I never actually went to a doctor to get diagnosed but in those weeks I think I tethered on the edge of postpartum depression. First of all my baby was a crier. Every new mum says this but mine was on another level, I was sleeping maybe three or four hours a day. Then I got a blocked milk duct but I couldn’t stop breastfeeding. The blocked duct meant my baby wasn’t getting enough milk which made her cranky and breastfeeding for me was painful which made me cranky.
Now?
She’s 4. So she’s at that age where she can’t help but leave a mess everywhere she goes. I got help when she turned one and I’ve always had help since then. Which is funny because I swore I’d never be that person. I struggled with the guilt of getting help at first. I was a full-time housewife my only job was to raise my kid. I shouldn’t have needed help. Now I’ve come to the realisation that trying to form super mum is foolish. If you can afford it get all the help you need. If it’s 4 nannies you want, get the 4 nannies.
Your biggest struggle?
Forming a bond with my child. I also realised a lot of new mums are liars. That thing about forming an instant connection or falling in love with your child the minute you take them in your arms is a lie. And if I had known that before having my baby I’d have saved myself from years of guilt. For a very long time it was just this thing that needed my constant attention and cried all the time and didn’t let me sleep and stopped me from having a life. Then they were the body image issues. Everyone told me how lucky I was not to have gained too much weight and I didn’t but my body just doesn’t look the same. From when I was 15 till when I had my baby my waist line was 25”. It’s 29 now. Which doesn’t seem like a big deal. But I just don’t like what I see in the mirror.
And the best thing?
This is hard. Half of the time it might seem like I’m complaining but I really do love being a mother. I don’t of it’s possible to have just one best thing about it. The smallest things about her thrill me. Recently she started saying ‘I love you’ a lot and even if it’s to everybody from me to the gateman, hearing her say it, is the best part of my day.
Would you have done anything differently?
I’d have waited and planned a roadmap for myself. At 21 I couldn’t see beyond having a husband and a child. That was it for me I didn’t think of anything else. I thought of maybe working after I had three kids but I didn’t make any concrete plans. And after the baby, you are no longer a priority. Whatever plans you want to make have to be made around your baby.
Still want three kids?
No, I’m ok with just this one. Which is an abomination apparently because ‘what if something happens’. But I think that’s an odd way to look at life. My husband thinks I’ll still change my mind but then he has thought so for four years. I know he’s still hopeful but for now, he seems accepting of my decision and I’m grateful for that.
1. “Why are you vexing? Are you on your menses?”
Yes I am, and so what?
2. “Ehn at least you are not pregnant”
But who asked you?
3. “Didn’t you just see your menses last week?”
Oga, are you helping me count it?
4. “Is it because of small period you are doing as if you want to die.”
We are warning you for the last time
5. “It’s paining you? Pele, if you were a man now…”
If I were a man I won’t be able to survive it, yes I know
6. Please stop talking about your period we don’t want to hear about it.
Come on will you shut up your mouth there
7. “Wawu so you mean you will bleed for 5 days straight and you won’t die.”
Don’t lie, we know you failed Biology in WAEC
8. “Pad is expensive? Why can’t you use tissue or cloth? Afterall what did our mothers use.”
You why are you wearing clothes to work, wrap leaf around your body like Adam now
9. “Just period? Is that the only thing that’s doing you?”
You that you don’t have a period, what’s always doing you.
10. “So it’s like every month every month?”
Ehn ehn, it’s every year
11. Please if you are a guy, and you’ve ever been guilty of any of the above. Repent now.
We are begging, please.
Everyone is still going gaga over the artiste’s pregnancy announcement on her Instagram. Now the internet has blessed us with these pictures of Beyonce’s stunning pregnancy shoot.
2. She’s too beautiful, really.
3. And Blue Ivy, the big sister, is not missing the action!
4. Queen of land and queen of sea
5. Only Beyonce would stunt like this while pregnant with twins.
6. Hope you pregnant people are learning work?
7. Mama twins of life!
8. Pregnant or not, her own is just to slay!
On February 1, right when the world was celebrating the end of the tiresomely long January, the one and only Queen Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter announced her pregnancy with twins on Instagram.
