Sex Life: I Started Using Condoms After My Second Unplanned Pregnancy

July 31, 2021

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.


TW: Sexual Abuse.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 28-year-old heterosexual woman who talks about hating condoms and how all that changed after an STD and two pregnancies. 

 What was your first sexual experience?

I was 17. It was with this guy who was four years older, and I felt safe around him. Then one day I was home alone, he came to visit me and then it got late so he couldn’t leave. We started making out, and I made it clear that I didn’t want to go all the way but he kept begging and begging.

Ah.

I was very uncomfortable with it because, before that, I had been with a man who was 10 years older than me who stopped trying to have sex with me when I told him I was a virgin. So I figured that was how all men would react to me being a virgin.

So what happened with this guy who was in your house?

I just said “fuck it”, and we had sex. And in all of this, we didn’t use condoms.

I sent him out of my house that night and stopped talking to him immediately after that. Sometime later I started talking to another guy. We had sex without a condom again, and this time I got an STD.

Uhm… what?

Yeah, I noticed some of my symptoms in this book called “Every Woman”. The book also had the names of drugs to use for the STD. I went to a pharmacy in school, and I remember feeling the sales girl judging me with her eyes once I told her what I wanted to buy.

How did you feel?

Ashamed. I was about 18 at the time. And guess what? I still didn’t use condoms during sex afterwards.

How come?

Most guys wouldn’t have condoms, and they would mention how they didn’t like it. I tried one of the more popular condom brands marketed to us at the time, and it was honestly trash. It was very dry and uncomfortable and I was always sore. I didn’t know I had options when it came to condoms. I also felt like I couldn’t demand that they use it.

So what happened next?

I was also very concerned about my body count and had decided I wouldn’t cross 5. The guy who gave me the STD was number 2. Number 4 was this guy I met when I was 19 and ASUU was on strike. He was the first guy I had a “proper” sexual relationship with. I would go over to his house, we would make out, then go out to nice restaurants and bars. Imagine leaving your house and going somewhere to hang out, and they will still press your breast on top. It was premium enjoyment.

Sex was with condoms?

Nope. I didn’t bring it up if the guy didn’t bring it up. And this guy did not. I also had this stupid philosophy after the STD episode where I thought, with STDs, nobody would willingly spread it. I thought if they knew they had it, they wouldn’t give it to me.

Uhm…

I know. After number 2, I filtered my partners based on their self-awareness. Did they pay attention to their health? Were they concerned about their sexual health? I’d only have sex with people that were paranoid.

So how did that go?

With guy number 4? Three weeks after the strike was over, we were back in school when I started noticing that I felt weird and my period wasn’t coming. I messaged an older friend, and he told me to go get tested. So I went to get the test and the attendant convinced me to get an HIV test as well.

What did the results say?

This attendant gave me my results and told me pregnancy was positive and HIV was positive as well. I was like, “Okay”, and started to leave when he called me back to say that the HIV test was actually negative.

As in he was making a joke?

I wanted to slap him. But it also made me doubt the pregnancy test as well. So I went somewhere else to confirm. He was correct; I was pregnant.

That must have been a lot.

Yeah. I called my friend to tell him I was considering keeping it. All he said to me was, “You’re 19 years old. Do you know how much pampers costs?”
At that time, I had nephews and nieces, and I had an idea. . I was still thinking of money to buy hair and a Blackberry.

So what did you decide?

An abortion. There was this clinic that did safe abortions. When I got there, they made me call the father of the child to confirm that he wanted the child aborted. He picked and said he was fine with it. It took about an hour, and I bled for like 10 days.

Did you continue having sex with this guy?

Nope. I moved on to another guy and got pregnant again! This time when I told the guy, he ghosted.

He what?

Yeah. I was in my final year in school, it was a Saturday, and I was sitting in the abortion clinic. They called him to confirm if he wanted the child aborted, and he didn’t pick. I sat there and just kept crying and calling because they wouldn’t do it without his confirmation. They also didn’t open on Sundays, and my final exams were supposed to start the next Monday.

After some hours, the woman there looked at me and said, “I’ll help you.”

So this ghosting fellow, was that the last you heard of him?

He ghosted for a long time and when he came back, he said that he thought I was lying when I said I was pregnant.

The ghosting broke something in me, to be honest. I told myself I was never getting pregnant again. It didn’t matter what I had to do, even if it was trash condoms, I was never getting pregnant again.

How would you rate your sex life now?

I would rate it a 7 because I’m celibate now, but it’s usually a 10. Making so many mistakes when I was younger forced me to think about my relationship with sex and what I wanted from it. I knew it wasn’t pregnancy and STDs. It was orgasms. So I thought to myself, what’s the best way to get what you want while avoiding these pitfalls? The answer was sex positivity.

Once I accepted that I really wanted to have sex without any of the negative consequences, it became easier to make decisions that prioritised that. So trash condoms were it for a while. Then I learned more about better brands and started to request those for dick appointments.

We thank God for growth I guess.

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

February 12, 2022

The subject of today’s sex life is a 23-year-old bisexual woman. She talks about realising she liked women at 10 years old, missing out on sex with men because she hated her body and finally enjoying sex with men once she learnt how to be comfortable with her body. 

Watch

Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

December 29, 2021

A new year is right around the corner. Before we go into 2022, enjoy some of our top quizzes from this year. 1. QUIZ: Only Nigerian Gen Z’ers Can Make It To The End Of This Musicians Quiz Forget about your age. If you can make it to the end of this quiz, you’re definitely […]

December 3, 2019

Are you a professional Yoruba demon? Are you walking around in search of whose life you can wreck at any given time? Well, this quiz knows exactly how many hearts you’ve shattered to date, and before you lie that your result is inaccurate, just remember that Zikoko is never wrong. Now, take it and be […]

June 14, 2020

Have you ever been with someone so horrible that you swore to never date again? Yes? Well, do you know that one or more of your exes probably feels the same way about you? You never thought about that, huh? Thankfully, this quiz is here to let you know just how much of a hassle […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

More from Ships

October 1, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sunken Ships, Chris* (23), tells us about his relationship with his mother. How she never wanted him to be born nor showed any emotional affection towards him and what it’s like watching her start a new life without him

September 22, 2022

The subjects of this week’s Love Life are Jaymes*(23) and Seyi*(20), a polyamorous couple who got together five days after they started talking. Since then, they’ve had to deal with one of them being outed as queer, navigating multiple relationships and the jealousy it comes with. 

September 20, 2022

If your partner spent so much time in your home that it felt like they lived there, moving on can be tougher. So what happens when you can’t afford to move out to move on from the memories of your partner? 7 Nigerians who’ve been heartbroken shared their experience.

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

September 13, 2022
Vs The World is a Zikoko original video series that follows best friends Astor and Hassan as they take on the world.
August 23, 2022
Zikoko Ships is a Zikoko Original series where we invite two people who share a relationship to play the Zikoko card games
December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X