7 Things That Go Through Your Mind When You Have a Pregnancy Scare

July 1, 2021

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One minute your life is going great, the next you are throwing up in the middle of a Zoom meeting. You check your period app and find out you’re three weeks late. One thing flashes through your mind, “PREGNANCY“. Now, here are the other things that will go through your mind when you have a pregnancy scare.

1) Who is responsible?

Even if you have one consistent partner, you start asking yourself if the conductor that brushed your arm at the car park somehow got you pregnant. If you don’t even have sex with men or sex at all, you wonder if we are about to have another Mary.

2) Which birth control method failed?

You call a family meeting of all your birth control methods, and you start wondering which one failed you. Could your emergency contraceptive have been fake? Is your IUD no longer working? Has your pill expired? Did society lie about celibacy? Can a plastic dick get you pregnant?

3) Increase in cost of everything

Your brain suddenly starts going math. How much is baby wipes? Can babies eat semo because the price of baby food is not looking pocket friendly? How much do you even have in your savings? How much is abortion in this economy?

4) Glimpse into the future as a pregnant woman

You imagine yourself with a baby bump next. You plan your baby shower in your head. How will you apply for maternity leave at work? What kind of pregnant woman will you be? What names will you give the child when it is born? You might have told yourself a long time ago that if you get pregnant right now, you’d abort it, but sometimes brains can’t stick to the program. They wander.

5) Hot girl summer

When you realise that pregnancy means no more hot girl summer, your stomach lurches a little. How will you survive for nine months without any alcohol or club activities? Your plan was to shake your ass on a yacht in Dubai in a thong, not with a baby belly.

6) Prayers against pregnancy

Even if you are not religious, you will pray to whomever you can. You will make promises you are unable to fulfil and then ask for forgiveness from every person in your life you have offended.

7) Take a pregnancy test

So you have gone through all the motions of a pregnancy scare and you know you are left with two options. You keep it, or you abort it. You take your test and hope for the best. The best is when the test comes out negative and you realise you’re stressed and ate some funky tasting fruits, that’s why you were vomiting.

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