1. So you overhear your mother talking about you to her friends.
2. And you realise the woman doesn’t really know you like that!
3. So you decide to rectify the situation.
4. Before she hears about some of your antics and is like:
5. So the next time she asks you about that ugly dress she really loves…
6. … you say “sorry ma but it’s a no form me”.
7. And then you finally admit that you suspect that her “prophet” is a fraud oh!
8. And now she’s praying for the safety of your soul like:
9. Then you finally admit you have a boyfriend.
10. And when next she asks you were you’re going you actually tell her the truth.
11. Now she is looking at you all the time like:
12. But you are happy and can sleep like a baby, now that you have stopped lying!
13. At least for the most part!
1. The Party Freak
We promise you, she’s up to no good! But she can help relieve your stress on any day of the week sha!
2. The Makeup Artist/ Wannabe Stylist
This one is available to help you run around and buy new clothes or makeup when you’re too busy with baby.
3. The Chef Extraodinnaire
Okay mum or not, every lady deserves that one friend that is ready to send you vegetable and stew inside 10 take away packs!
4. The Gym Lover
Who else will help you lose all that baby fat you just can’t avoid?
5. The Baby Sitter
There’s always that one friend who actually loves kids. Just go and dump your baby with her so they won’t kill you.
6. The Cheerleader/Advisor
This one doesn’t have one single down moment. She’s always there to cheer you on when baby’s wahala is too much.
7. The Connect Friend
This one has all the nannies numbers in Nigeria. She knows the best kindergarten and has all the connect you’ll ever need.
1. When she calls you to assist her in the kitchen:
Hello ma there is no need to shout I’m here.
2. When she feels you aren’t eager enough to sweat and suffer in the kitchen
You better open those your teeth and be happy to be part f the process oh!
3. But when you are excited to learn, she’s like:
Let’s go!!
4. When she get’s angry with you for not being able to do something you’ve never done before.
But mummy I’ve never done this before how am I supposed to know how?
5. When you know how to do some things without tutoring, your mother is like:
Ehen! That’s my child!
6. How she looks at you when you forget to add MAGGI:
Mummy plis don’t kill me.
7. Her reaction when you add too much salt:
“And you know your father already has high blood pressure kuku kill all of us.”
8. When she starts gisting you about something random while you’re cutting pepper.
You have to be too careful not too laugh too much and cut yourself.
9. You cutting onions:
Tears everywhere!
10. Your mother cutting onions:
Always cool, calm and collected!
11. When she holds a hot cooking spoon barehanded like it’s nothing:
Is she superwoman? She must be superwoman!
12. When you try to do the same thing:
“It’s not that it’s paining me, water just likes coming out of my eyes.”
13. Your mother when you take the pot off the fire too early:
“So we should eat raw food because you want to finish on time abi?”
14. Her reaction when you forget the pot on the fire:
“Please explain to me where I got you from.”
15. When you follow all her instructions but the food is not sweet.
Which kind of problem is this?
16. How your mother watches your movements in the kitchen:
Please don’t kill yourself on my watch oh!
17. When you try to make a suggestion.
“Now you know more than me abi!”
18. When your suggestion works she’s like:
“Ahhhhh okay I see.”
19. When you misbehave after messing up in the kitchen your mother is like:
“You kuku don’t know how to do anything”
20. When you finally master something she taught you, you’re like:
I am now the master!
21. And she’s like:
But all jokes aside, Nigerian mothers are the best and as MAGGI turns 50, we want to celebrate the women who have been using MAGGI to create amazing meals for their loved ones.
The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead.
Clink the link below to learn more.
1. When you try to go out in an outfit your mother thinks is too short or too tight, she’s like:
“You might as well be naked! My friend will you go and change that rubbish!”
2. When you’re uninterested in cooking and she’s wondering why.
“Is this how you will be doing in your husband’s house?”
3. When she doesn’t like your boyfriend and you are still dating him.
Everyday she will use her advice and wise words to be torturing you in the house.
4. When your hairstyle or make up is too loud or crazy for her.
“Why do you like to do yourself jagga jagga like this?”
5. When you go to school and you only call her three times a week instead of twice a day, she’s like:
Hello ma, how many talk do you want us to talk?
6. When she doesn’t like your friends and you still hang out with them.
She’s usually right about them at the end of the day sha but still!
7. When you decide to stop following her to her own church/mosque.
Madam God is everywhere please let me go where I want!
8. When you stop telling her gist because you know she’ll use it against you later.
How can we be fighting because I’m not talking enough!
9. When your female cousins/friends come to visit and your mother starts comparing the both of you.
Be satisfied with what you have ma!
10. When you come home “late” which is any time after 7:30pm.
“You are now a nightcrawler abi?”
1. When she meets him for the first time and you ask her what she thinks of him, she’s like:
“He’s okay sha but to me he is somehow.”
2. Whenever he comes to the house and greets her, she’s like:
Ahn ahn!I thought you said you would be nice mummy!
3. When she is still trying to “introduce” you to a son of her friend.
I said I have a boyfriend ma!
4. When you say you love him, she’s like:
“You love WHOOOO?”
5. How you have to beg him every time he comes to visit and your mum descends on him:
“Honey she was just joking!”
6. When you tell her you are going out with him and then she suddenly has “urgent errands” for you to help her run.
What is all this one now?
7. When she starts subbing your relationship during morning devotion.
Is that what we are here for?
8. When you have problems at work and she find a way to connect it to your relationship.
Is that what we are talking about now?
9. When you have problems in your relationship, she’s like:
“My God is working!”
10. When you ask her why she is so convinced you must break up with your boyfriend.
So how come God did not tell me?
11. Whenever he sees her in public, he’s like:
Before she will use style to abuse him in front of other people.
12. When he breaks up with you because your mothers wahala is too much, she’s like:
“I told you that boy was a useless boy.”
So a few months after my 18th birthday I decided that I was now a big babe with mind.
I’m grown now and nobody can tell me what to do!
And so I made plans with my friends to go for a late night party.
No dulling!
I knew my parents would not allow me to go.
“Go to where? It’s like you are not okay.”
So I made plans with my best friends to sneak out of the house.
As per Jamesina Bond!
And be back in before 5:30 when my parents wake up.
No one would ever know!
The great day (abi night) came.
I dressed up in my “baddest babe in Nigeria” outfit.
Yasss!!
Made sure my make up was on fleek.
Very subtle look.
That’s how I got downstairs to the sitting room and saw my mother.
EWO!
But wait, there’s more oh!
Ahn ahn!
Her whole women’s fellowship was there, doing prayer meeting!
I am in big trouble!
I was there in my bad gang clothes and make up.
Which kind of explanation can I even try and explain?
Stammering and sweating…
“G-g-good afternoon I m-mean g-good evening ma!”
That was how I joined our church’s women’s group that very night.
Yes oh!
And ended up doing prayer meeting while my friends grooved the night away.
“Somebody say Amen!”
I also had to apologise to my mother almost everyday for six months!
“Plis ma it was devil oh!”
Any small thing “is that not how you wanted to do night waka waka?”
Ahn ahn!
“Children of these days have spoiled!”
Okay oh!
I wish I could say I learned my lesson…
For where?
I just learned to be more careful!
“I ain’t sorry!”
1. That cream she doesn’t want to accept has finished:
Mummy, let it go.
2. Those creams she only used once and never used again:
Why are they still there though?
3. The dusting powder that was more for you than her:
The answer to every skin condition known to man.
4. Her weave on’s best friend:
Always slacked, but they will never let it go.
5. Her anointing oil that is the answer to EVERYTHING:
Always there, just in case.
6. Her unofficial sewing kit:
The pain you feel when you open it expecting to actually see cookies.
7. Her matchy-matchy jewellery:
For her special Owambes.
8. Her all-purpose wig:
Always ready to give her that quick slay.
9. The reason that her wig has lasted so long:
Pink oil is every wigs fountain of youth.
10. That extra mirror she has even though the dressing table has one giant mirror:
WHY?
11. All the combs she has even though she only ever uses one:
When you’re not a hairdresser.
12. The brown powder that doesn’t even have to match her complexion:
They will still use it like that.
13. That tiny tray filled with drugs (by drugs, we mean paracetamol):
But look well because they are most likely expired.
14. Her infinite supply of cotton buds:
It’s always full.
1. You, when your mother says you’re going to the market with her.
The stress begins.
2. How she holds her purse when she is walking through the market:
Can’t risk it, abeg.
3. When she passes the first shop selling it N500 and walks 30 minutes to buy it for N490 from her customer.
Na wa.
4. When she starts pricing and you actually feel like she is cheating the seller.
Mummy, take it easy na.
5. You, after she successfully prices from N2000 down to N200.
Even though it took forever.
6. When your mother that said she just wanted to buy meat is now pricing lace.
How did we get here?
7. When people are still grabbing and shouting at you with your mother right there.
Hian! Do I look like the one with the money?
8. You, constantly trying to keep up with how fast she is walking:
Chai! Slow down na.
9. When she sees one of her friends and they just stand there gisting.
Kuku kill me.
10. When your mum said you’d be done in an hour and you look at the time:
The lies.
11. When your mother leaves your hand in a crowd and you can’t find her again.
Hay God!
12. You, after making your 4th trip to the car to drop off what she bought.
I just can’t.
13. Your hand, after you spend the whole day carrying her bag:
The struggle.
14. When you finally leave the market smelling like stockfish.
UGH!
1. When they insult you at home but defend you in public.
So strange.
2. When they say “we are only beating you because we love you.”
I don’t understand this love oh.
3. When they call you to come and eat right after beating you.
They have already forgiven you.
4. When they allow you to go and take extra meat.
THE BEST!
5. When they still give you offering money even as an adult.
You are still a child to them.
6. When they always find a way to bring home food from owambes for you.
You must eat what they ate.
7. When your relatives try to report you to your parents and they give them:
Just once in a while, but it’s so sweet.
8. When they spend an eternity praying for you whenever you’re about to travel.
They must pray for journey mercies first.
9. When they buy you a phone that is more expensive than their own.
They got you smartphone and they are still using 3310.
10. When your sibling chooks mouth when they are scolding you and they turn and face them.
They are lowkey defending you.
11. When they start trying to play with you right after punishing you.
I don’t like this play.
12. When they make you stay home in the name of keeping you safe.
The worst.
13. When you misbehave but your mother doesn’t report you to your father.
The biggest act of kindness.
14. When you call your father to ‘greet him’ and he just asks:
Daddy, you sabi abeg.
1. Really, what else were you expecting to be number 1?
Geles for the win.
2. Your mother’s “I’m here for my breakthrough” Sunday hat:
You already know she is not there to play.
3. The “I’m going to slay at Asalatu” veil:
GIVE THEM!
4. The “let’s go and scatter that Owambe” jewellery:
Mama Di Mama!
5. The ‘I beta pass my neighbour’ bead set:
Oshey, mummy of the bride.
6. Your mother’s wardrobe is basically incomplete without:
Nigerian mothers love their matchy-matchy.
7. The bag your mother always forgets her phone in:
Why they never answer your call.
8. The unofficial Nigerian mother wig:
If your mother is funky, she will have it in brown too.
9. Your father’s ‘pass me the remote’ polo:
You know he is about to watch football.
10. Every Nigerian adult’s reading glasses.
They will now put it on their nose.
11. The shoes your aunty who’s always complaining loves to wear:
