The Stress Of Following Your Nigerian Mother To The Market

July 13, 2016

1. You, when your mother says you’re going to the market with her.

The stress begins.

2. How she holds her purse when she is walking through the market:

Can’t risk it, abeg.

3. When she passes the first shop selling it N500 and walks 30 minutes to buy it for N490 from her customer.

Na wa.

4. When she starts pricing and you actually feel like she is cheating the seller.

Mummy, take it easy na.

5. You, after she successfully prices from N2000 down to N200.

Even though it took forever.

6. When your mother that said she just wanted to buy meat is now pricing lace.

How did we get here?

7. When people are still grabbing and shouting at you with your mother right there.

Hian! Do I look like the one with the money?

8. You, constantly trying to keep up with how fast she is walking:

Chai! Slow down na.

9. When she sees one of her friends and they just stand there gisting.

Kuku kill me.

10. When your mum said you’d be done in an hour and you look at the time:

The lies.

11. When your mother leaves your hand in a crowd and you can’t find her again.

Hay God!

12. You, after making your 4th trip to the car to drop off what she bought.

I just can’t.

13. Your hand, after you spend the whole day carrying her bag:

The struggle.

14. When you finally leave the market smelling like stockfish.

UGH!

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