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  • You’re better equipped to survive the trenches of adulthood if you’ve been to a Nigerian boarding school. Don’t believe me? Here are seven stories that prove boarding school is a training ground for real life.

    Smuggling food in and out of places

    I went to an all-girls private boarding school in Abuja and it never felt like a private school because of how much I suffered. There are so many lessons to pick from my time there, but the one thing I had to quickly learn was how to sneak food out of our dining hall. I was a very slow eater and the dining master and school prefects never gave us enough time to eat. 

    Ten minutes into the rubbish food they served, they’d start using mop sticks to chase us to class or evening prep. And they never let us take the food out of the dining hall. So I had to be smart and find ways to sneak food out. Sometimes I’d stuff bread in my beret or squeeze it into the pinafore we wore over our shirts as junior students. 

    RELATED: 10 Silliest Nigerian Secondary School Slangs

    But the most embarrassing one I did in JSS1 was sneaking out eba and egusi in my metal cup. I wasn’t in the mood to eat at the time, but I knew I’d be hungry during night prep, so why not? I stuffed the food in my cup, left it by the dining hall window and returned to pick it up an hour later. Yes, the eba was cold, but at least I didn’t sleep hungry. If there’s ever a war, I know exactly how to steal extra rations without getting caught.

    — Ortega, 23

    Turning everything into a business

    Everything in my secondary school was contraband: money, garri, gala, sweets, Nutri-C — even perfume wasn’t allowed. I had to get creative to sneak them in. I’d tear holes in my mattress to hide sweets, roll cash into my detergent container and pay the gateman to keep whatever items I couldn’t get into the hostel. 

    Eventually, I realised I could sell my provisions for up to quadruple the price in JS 2. Since there weren’t a lot of people with access to contrabands and we didn’t have a tuck shop, I made cool cash. I sold one ₦10 stick sweet for ₦50 and ₦50 gala for ₦100. My sales typically went up during Valentine’s Day because everyone was out to impress their crush. That’s how I saved money to pay for baking classes during the school holidays.

    — Faith, 24

    Minding your business is like second nature

    I went to Becky Parker College in Akure. My motto in boarding school was “fight dey fight no dey, always stay guided”. I never wanted to be caught in the middle of an issue that wasn’t my business because it’s not my head people will use to settle their matter. And even if the fight wasn’t my business, I also had to be on guard in case I needed to run or defend myself. That’s something I’ve taken as a life lesson on the streets of Lagos.

    — Ola*, 30

    Being street smart

    I was in a Federal Government boy’s college between 2007 and 2013. My provisions typically finished in two or three weeks because senior students always bullied me for them. I never bothered to ask my parents to get more for me because I knew they struggled to buy everything I needed in the first place. So I was pretty much in survival mode. 

    I had to be resourceful because no one was going to be giving me their provisions to eat. During break time, I’d go to the kitchen to volunteer and help the women cook. And for picking beans or helping them cut ingredients for fried rice, they’d give me an extra plate of food and some fruits. It sounds ridiculous now when I think about it, but I couldn’t depend on the three measly meals we had from school. So that extra food meant the world to me.

    The kitchen staff eventually became my “guys” and helped me survive not having enough money in school. I don’t think I would’ve survived without them.

    — Paul, 29

    RELATED: These Are All the Reasons Secondary School Friendships Are Forever the Best

    Take risks and face the consequences head on

    I went to a conservative Anglican school in Abuja. I’d rather not mention the name, but if you know, you know. Back in 2009, I was a bit of a wildcard. And one of the craziest things I did was jumping the fence of my school to go party with friends in JSS3.

    Until I was caught and expelled in SS2. Normally, we’d come back to school between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m. and wait for the hostels to open up at 5 a.m. But that night, there were at least three teachers on stand-by waiting for us. I guess they’d taken a roll call and figured out we weren’t around.

    I didn’t take the situation seriously until my father came to get me the next morning. The man beat shege from my body in the centre of school. But I survived all the drama and eventually got into another school the following year. The experience was scary, but it gave me some level of confidence in myself. I’d do it all over again if I could sha.

    Bathing with cold water becomes a superpower

    My family lived in Nassarawa, but I went to a boarding school in Jos. With all the cold there, there was no hot water to bath. And sometimes, there wasn’t even water at all and we’d have to wait for school to buy jerry cans of water.

    As a junior student, I was saddled with fetching water for my SS2 bunkmate and her friends first. By the time I was done, I’d have to manage whatever water was left. I know it sounds dramatic, but I swear I could use a bowl of water to take my bath back in 2009. Call it “rub and shine” or whatever. As long as the water touched my body, it was a bath.

    — Paul, 28

    Your brain has an in-built alarm system

    I’ll never forget the face of Matron Mac from my boarding school days. That woman would furiously ring the bell for prayers at 5 a.m. sharp and they didn’t born you well not to jump down from bed immediately. The one time I decided to close my eye for a few extra seconds, she designed my body with copper wire.

    After six years of being in the same hostel with her, I instinctively wake up by 5 a.m. every morning to date. Many years later, no matter how tired or hungover I feel, it’s like the trauma from the bells, wire and yelling wakes me up.

    — Biodun, 26

    If you liked this article, read about how these 7 seven Nigerians Talk About Being Bullied in Secondary School.

  • Secondary school slangs were very unnecessary. They made transitioning into adults in university difficult, especially if you attended a boarding school. Here’s a list of some of the worst ones.

    1. Jonz

    You’d ask someone for help or for a favour and they’ll say “Don’t Jonz” as in, don’t even think about it, give up. First of all, why? Who is Jonz? Or is it Jones? And secondly, do they know their name is being used for nonsense?

    2. Fap

    This secondary school slang was tricky because for guys it meant masturbation but it could also mean steal. Which totally makes sense in a twisted way.

    3. Sap\owu

    This one is now popularly known as Sapa but back then, it used to mean a shortage of all provisions. That’s when people used to eat the weirdest combinations because of poverty.

    4. Chow

    As the name suggests, it meant to eat but because secondary school slangs are created for teenagers, eating could be anything. That’s all we have to say.

    5. Banged

    As an adult, this has a new meaning but in secondary school, it was mostly used when you failed, as in you banged a test.

    6. Jacking

    If you went to a boarding school, chances are your locker probably got jacked at least once. This is when someone uses an iron bucket to break a padlock, we won’t be taking further questions.

    7. Dubs

    This is just a teenager’s weird way of saying that they cheated in a test of exams. For example, Ibukun dubbed the further Maths from Itohan during exams.

    8. Shred

    Because teenagers, like children, can be a little childish in their ways, they do not deal with rejection well, hence the existence of this slang. This secondary school slang was mostly used when someone asks for something and gets denied. E.g My dad shredded me when I asked him for one million naira.

    9. Akagum

    If you are tightfisted, this slang is not new to you. Basically, Akagum means someone that cannot give, you are stingy and have no joy.

    10. Stab

    A lot of these slangs made no sense but this one makes the least sense. If you went missing during assembly, a normal friend would say, oh you missed assembly but secondary school kids would say you stabbed assembly. Which is not overdramatic at all.

    [donation]

  • Attending boarding school in Nigeria is an extreme sport. The long time effect it largely has on people is often time not spoken about enough. Some people have good memories of their boarding school experience, while some are still living with the trauma from it, many years later. Here are stories of some unforgettable experiences a few Nigerians faced in boarding school.

    John

    When I was in JSS 1 someone messed up the senior toilet with stool. It was spattered everywhere. The seniors got really angry and asked all my classmates in that hostel to pick a portion and show them before observing our real punishment. I had to use a broomstick to pick my portion. It was a really disgusting experience – definitely one of my worst boarding school experiences.

    TW: Sexual harassment

    Joe

    When I was in JSS3, a senior of mine in SS3 had given me one of his things to hold for him and I misplaced it. When I told him I had misplaced it, he forced me to masturbate in front of him. I didn’t know what masturbation was at the time, till he showed me how to do it. He said that was my punishment for misplacing his stuff. I still hate him to this day. 

    Lily

    I had a lot of bad experiences, but one of them had to be when a boy in the same class as my room prefect was trying to ask me out. He was sweet, bought me nice things like chocolates and chivita, but I wasn’t interested at all (kinda hated boys and was low-key afraid). I tried to reject them and send them back to him, only to find them in my bag or on my bed.

    My room prefect decided to take it upon herself to make my life a living hell. She couldn’t believe a boy in her class like me. I had to move to my cousin’s hostel to avoid my room perfect, but I got unlucky one day when she saw me in her hostel. She asked me to sit on the floor with my legs and arms stretched out at shoulders height, she placed lots of textbooks on them and told me not to drop my hands or let any book fall. I stayed there for about 2 hours or 3. I went from being in intense pain to numb. 

    Eddy

    Many risk factors contribute to post-injury mental health among black men | Michigan ACE Initiative : Michigan ACE Initiative
    Image used for descriptive purpose.

    I had a classmate who always smoked weed – he would smoke and become insane and uncontrollable. Every time he smoked and became and became uncontrollable, he would pick on any junior who had previously offended him and beat them. One day, he beat a junior so badly, the boy could not go to school for almost a week because he couldn’t walk. 

    The event still haunts me because I always wish I tried to stop him – but I didn’t. It’s one of the few events I would change in my life if I had a time machine.

    Maria

    Image used for descriptive purpose.

    I went to a Catholic secondary school in Nigeria. If you were not a prefect, you get assigned chores to you. The chores varied from sweeping surroundings to cleaning laundry and any other tasks you can think of. I was assigned to clean the laundry. 

    One night, the people who were assigned to laundry duty were not around and I had to do it all by myself. I spent a lot of time cleaning the laundry and couldn’t get done in time for night prayer. I was taking a shower after finishing my task when the Reverend sister came into the hostel – she saw me in the bathroom and immediately started to flog me. 

    She made sure I had no clothes on and continued to beat me. When she was done flogging me, she asked me to follow her outside the hostel, still naked. She took me out in the cold and told me to squat, all while naked. One of my friends had to beg on my behalf after I had been there for hours. 

    I was 13/14 years old when this happened.

    Oreofe

    I was accused of stealing my roommates’ money that went missing when we were in SS1. Whenever I walked by,  and any of my roommates were there, they’d start singing “beware of her, she is a thief”. They eventually found out that a girl from JSS3 was going room to room stealing peoples’ money. She was severely punished. My roommates found the money she accused me of stealing inside her socks.

     Amara

    The worst thing that happened to me in boarding school was the day I was given the ‘pig of the day’ tag. The tag was usually given to the person they considered the dirtiest. I was taking my English lesson when they came to call me out to put the tag on. When I refused to wear it, they dragged me, beat me and took me around the school, from class to class, all while beating me. I became a bully in senior school, I was the bullied person who went on to become a bully. 

    I still suffer from self-esteem issues to this day – issues that started from my time in the boarding house. 

    Keziah

    I used to be really chatty, loud and confident till I got to boarding school. When I got to boarding school I was always told to tone it down and keep quiet. I got used to being quiet, I didn’t realize it had taken a hit on confidence. It affected my confidence till 2018. 

    I got bullied a lot by my mates and my juniors, I also suffered from sexual harassment from my juniors and seniors. I always knew I was queer, but for a long time, my sexuality felt like abuse to me because of the amount of sexual harassment I dealt with in boarding school.

    My mates from secondary school try to reach out to me, but I do not respond or reciprocate. I am still healing from a lot of trauma I experienced in boarding school. I told my parent about what I was going through while in boarding school, but they dismissed it because they had good experiences in their own time.

    Missy

    Right before WAEC, I found all my books soaked in a bucket of water under my bed. To this day, I don’t know who did it. I always suspected a friend of mine, but the suspicion was never confirmed. I wonder what I did, that could make someone do something so wicked to me. Of all my bad boarding school experiences, that’s the worst one and the most unforgettable.

    Nina

    One night, I was gisting with my friends, we were actually gossiping about another friend of ours who was also in the room when we heard a knock on the door. We all ignored the knock because we thought it was a random senior who was knocking on the door till we heard the knock again. This time, it was senior we were all afraid of that was knocking at the door. 

    The senior got really upset that we locked the door and she decided to punish all of us in the room. She asked around for who locked the door and my name came up multiple times. I have no recollection of locking the door, but I served the longest punishment of my life. I was punished for so long, she also threatened to have me sleep under her bunk. Thankfully, my friend informed the house mistress and that was how I got released from punishment. I still do not remember locking that door.

  • This quiz is the only way to determine those who really went to Nigerian boarding schools.

    Check all that happened to you in Secondary School:

    [donation]

  • Where two or three people who went to a boarding school are gathered, there is trauma in their midst. It wasn’t all bad though and even the worst times have made for good memories you can’t help but laugh about now.

    1. S.A.P

    This means a shortage of all provisions. This period prepares you for life as a broke adult, you’d find yourself drinking garri 24-7 or eating cereal and sugared water, hold the milk.

    2. Last Junior

    Friendships were ruined over this, your best friend would trip you just so they weren’t last. If you were ever the last junior, I’m sorry, I hope you’re in therapy now.

    3. Lights out

    While the general mood was gloom with a hint of gossip, it was always when they switched off the light that someone would remember stories of lady koi-koi and friends.

    4. Journey of no return

    This is a rite of passage prank seniors played on new juniors. The first step is to make up a book with a fake name and ask a junior to collect it from another senior, who would send them to another senior. If someone wasn’t kind enough to stop you, you’d somehow end up washing a ton of dirty cups and plates.

    You to yourself then
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    5. Bells

    They woke you up, told you when to eat and when to stop, told you what class period it was and even when to go to bed. Imagine living through this headache for 6 years, only to go home and find out that your neighbours favourite past time is to ring bells while kabashing early in the morning.

    6. Red night/ Social night

    This is usually meant to be a fun night to relax and unwind but no, someone’s unfortunate child will decide that they want to punish all the juniors for no reason. They’ll ask everyone to wear red, decorate your white bedsheets with red toothpaste and yes you will see blood. No one was spared, not even teachers or housemasters, everybody got their share of premium wickedness.

    They should have kuku carried guns

    7. Toilets

    If you have a friend that is super hygienic about toilets, they’re either very clean or they went to boarding school. Omo, the things we saw, the things we smelt. Let us just thank God that we didn’t die.

    8. Punishmets

    If you came out from boarding school without at least two scars, I hail you. I don’t know how human beings came up with some of those punishments because imagine someone drawing a car on the board and telling you to push it because fuel finished while flogging you, or drawing a bucket and telling you to fetch water inside it, or asking you to crawl one kilometre because you were late to the dining hall only for food to finish? Boarding school was a nightmare.

    To think these people are still roaming free? This life no balance

  • What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up.

    “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means to “be a man” from the perspective of the subject of the week.

    The subject of today’s “Man Like” is Justin UG, a content creator. He talks about unlocking his creativity in America, being shy to talk to women and pursuing an unconventional career in a Nigerian household.

    When did you realise you were grown grown?

    I’m still realising every day. When you grow up in a Nigerian house, your parents have that  “don’t you know I’m still your mother/father” thing even up till when you’re 25. I remember that primary and secondary school was from home to lesson to school. It wasn’t until I left Nigeria for college in the U.S that I found myself in a situation where I could actually do something different. That’s when I told myself that it’s now time to chop life because this life is one. 

    Lmao. Give me this tea. 

    It was nice to be able to go out without asking anyone for permission. This freedom gave me the chance to touch base with my creative side. Even though I had been doing creative stuff before I moved, seeing different types of creatives in the U.S gingered me. When I now saw free internet on top, the ginger became crazy. I was like let’s do something!

    Whisper to me: what did you do?

    So, my creative side is odd. It all started when MJ died  — his death was all over the news so I fell in love with his dancing skills. My uncle would also come to the house to teach me some of MJ’s moves.

    Lmao. Justin, are you okay? Are you okay?

    Lol. My first performance was in the church, and people sprayed me money — I was like there’s money involved in this thing oh. So I started posting videos on Facebook. That time, there was nothing like content creator, so I was just dancing and posting. Then I moved to Vine and nobody gave a fuck. 

    Ouch. 

    After that, I switched to taking photos, and I even got a job as a photographer in Nigeria. But I ran away after two months. When I got to America, I was like I can dance and I know how to use a camera, so I started making dance videos and posting on Youtube. At some point, I also shot music videos.

    Ahan. Most talented. Most gifted. 

    Lmao. It didn’t end there because I went back to photography. I was the photographer on campus who’d take graduation pictures and whatnot. 

    The issue now was that I was running photography alongside my Youtube channel, so people would always recognise me and ask for pictures. I thought about it that I wouldn’t be able to take any pictures if people kept stopping me to take pictures with me. So I dropped photography to focus on my Youtube channel. 

    I kept on posting dance content, until one day, I posted one skit and it did well. I thought, people actually like this? So I started exploring the skit side. I did one Wizkid skit that went crazy. I did another Davido skit and that one took me from 28,000 followers to 40,000 followers. I said Jesus! When I started doing high school skits, which brought in a lot of people, I knew that I had become a content creator. 

    Bro!

    It’s wild that I’ve been doing this for 10 years because I’ve tried everything. 

    How come you had all this time? Weren’t you pursuing girls like the rest of us?

    I went to an all-boys Catholic school, so there was no time for girls. I can count the number of female teachers we had. And during vacation, I’d come home and do home lessons because my mum didn’t want me to fail. If I wanted to have fun, I’d just go to the movies with my guys. All these made it hard to interact with women, and it even affects the way I am now. 

    If I’m in a room filled with girls, it’s over.  I’m not saying a word. I’m just going to be there looking at all of you. Most of my relationships have started virtually because I can’t walk up to a babe and say how far. I’ll die.

    When I’m comfortable talking to you online, we can now meet up physically. Everyone I’ve dated, we met online. If I see you physically and like you, I won’t say anything. I’ll just find your social media handle and message you. I don’t know if I’m the only one from my secondary school that experiences not being able to talk to girls, but I know it’s something that has affected my relationship with the opposite sex.

    Interesting. Tell me about a time this played out. 

    A lot of people think I’m a snob. 

    One time I went to get ice cream and a bunch of girls recognised me. I could see the look of recognition on their faces, but I kept facing front and using one side of my eye to look at them. After I was done, I left. The next day, I saw a tweet saying I was proud. I was like these people won’t understand. How many people do I want to explain to? 

     It’s not like if they came to meet me, I wouldn’t have responded — I’ll participate as long as you’re the one talking. If it’s for me to start the conversation, you’re on a long thing because my mouth just stops working.

    Omo. What was your first relationship like?

    It was a situation where I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I was saying or doing the right thing. I knew you had to say sweet words and buy ice cream. But I didn’t know what to do if a woman was pissed at me. I also didn’t know the signs because she’d be moody, and I’d ask what’s wrong and she’d say nothing. Me too I’d be like, okay.

    It was tough, but I learned from my mistakes. Till today I still do some things that aren’t okay. At the end of the day, we are all still learning. 

    I feel you. Does any incident stand out from that relationship?

    There’s one that was wild. It was Valentine’s day, and I didn’t do anything because I wasn’t aware that we were supposed to extend the hand of love to our partners. I thought Valentine was only meant for my mum. I’ll never forget all the questions I got that day. Ever since then, if I’m in a relationship and it’s Valentine’s day, I got you. 

    Love it.

    What gives you joy?

    Creating. I feel like if I wasn’t a creative, I’d probably be very depressed. I try to think about my life without an audience, and I for don knock because most of my skits are done when I’m not in the best of moods. I’m always happy anytime I finish making a skit. And when I now put it out and a lot of people are happy, that also rubs off on me. When people are happy because I made them happy, it makes me happy. 

    I’m curious: Do your parents know what you do? 

    Omo. I hid it from them for about eight years.

    Sorry, what? 

    For the longest time, the only thing my parents knew was that I used to dance in church. One day my dad sent me a link to one of my videos — apparently, a video I made about Igbo mothers had been going across WhatsApp groups, and it landed in theirs — and he told me that I had to stop making videos so I could focus on school. 

    I was like I’ve been doing this for eight years; I didn’t start today. After that, any mistake I made was blamed on the content work, but as time passed, they came around. One time my mum went out and someone recognised her and was talking a lot about me. That incident gingered her. I’ve watched my parents move from “don’t make skits” to “finish school and we’ll focus on what you want as long as you have a plan.” 

    Does this feel like pressure?

    Let me tell you what’s pressure: my parents follow me on Twitter and IG, so there are things I can’t tweet or post. Once I posted a photo, and my mum called me to say I was disgracing them. I had to apologise and delete the picture.  

    Block them.

    My parents will know if I block them. My mum goes on my page every night, and if she can’t find it she’ll know something has happened. Regardless, I’m at peace because my parents are aware of what I do and aren’t against it. 

    Well… How much of your identity is defined by what you do?

    Just a little percentage. My content creation isn’t who I am as a person. First of all, I’m an introvert. A lot of people think my social media persona is how I am offline. I tell them that if you sit down and study people, you’ll see that social media is a bunch of lies. My content creation shows only the funny aspect of my life. People don’t know how I am with women or with my guys or what I’ll do if I go out alone. 

    My lord, may I know you? 

    Loool. 

    I’m curious: who makes the funny guy laugh when he’s feeling sad?

    I tell people that comedians or people on the funny side go through a lot offline. I’ve watched my colleagues making people online laugh while they were going through a rough patch offline. 

    When I’m going through stuff, I don’t like telling people because I feel like I’m the one supposed to be lighting people’s worlds up, and I’m not able to do that. I also don’t want people to see me in that state. When I’m sad, I tend to go through everything myself. I come back acting normal when I’m good. 

    Mahn. I’m sorry.

    Before I go, I want to know if you plan on sending your kids to a same-sex school.

    God forbid. 

    Editor’s note: Justin UG is releasing a new project titled High School Chronicles based on his experiences in secondary school. 

    In his words: “Secondary school was crazy and it was a bittersweet experience. I’m trying to document those experiences with my new project, so that someone will be able to relate to it. And one day, they’ll be able to tell their kids about how school was back in their days.”

    Check back every Sunday by 12 pm for new stories in the “Man Like” series. If you’d like to be featured or you know anyone that would be perfect for this, kindly send an email.

    [donation]

  • 1) Garri Cake

    This was made by mixing powdered milk and garri in cold water, soaking the mixture in just enough cold water for it to swell and solidify. For extra flavour, people tossed groundnuts into the mixture. Sure, it was strong as shit and made people constipated, but it was delicious.

    2) Homemade Chocolate Bars

    This creation almost put Willy Wonka out of business. It was made in 2 ways:

    • Putting milo/bournvita in a paper and placing something heavy on it for days until it congealed.
    • Putting milo/bournvita in a paper and ironing it till it became choco milo-like.

    3) Concoction spaghetti made with with a boiling ring.

    Because of the insanely volatile nature of boiling rings, it’s safe to say that boarding school students basically risked their lives just to eat something that wasn’t the school’s kitchen food.

    4) Cold water eba with Geisha tomato sauce as soup.

    Coming from someone who did this when things were hard in boarding school (me), this thing is VILE. You don’t know true horror until you’ve spent a few hours releasing raw tomato-flavoured burps into the world.

    5) Making toast bread with an iron.

    It will always kill me that people somehow made toast with agege bread.

  • Nigerian boarding school experiences

    I spent all 6 of my secondary school years in boarding school so I can tell you that there are benefits to it. Boarding schools teach children the importance of routine and structure, while also helping them become independent. However, there is also a culture of bullying in Nigerian boarding schools that isn’t talked about properly. I say “properly” because when the conversation does come up, it’s usually in the form of banter ending with the declaration that this culture of bullying is a rite of passage. An almost decade-long series of hazing rituals needed to toughen up children as opposed to what it really is; a vicious cycle of abuse.

    To prove this point (and to carry on a conversation started by Twitter user @ozzyetomi), I asked 5 ex-boarding school students to share their worst bullying experiences. These are their stories.

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    “There was this senior who would wait for me in my corner whenever he heard that my parents had come to see me. As soon as I returned to the dorm with the provisions my parents brought me, he would go through them, picking all the stuff he wanted, while I stood by like a teary-eyed vulture waiting for a lion to finish with a carcass. I once reported to our housemaster but all he told me was to stop being selfish and learn to share.”

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    “When I was in JSS2, there was an SS3 student who began picking on me. She would take every opportunity she got to punish or beat me, which was strange because we’d never interacted and I was pretty sure I hadn’t done anything to offend her. A few weeks after the bullying started, I was lying under her bed one night after lights out as punishment for not dressing properly (I’d worn bathroom slippers instead of sandals to night prep) when I felt a hand rub my thigh. I turned around in shock to see who it was and it was this senior with her hand to her lips, signalling for me to be quiet. Incidents like this went on until she passed out almost a year later. I never told anyone. No one was going to believe me.

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    “A senior asked me to give him milk and I lied that I didn’t have, hoping this would deter him. It didn’t. After opening my locker and finding my unopened tin of milk, he dragged me to his dorm. When his classmates asked what happened, he told them and they screamed as if I’d committed some grave offence. They then proceeded to beat me like a thief. I was made to hang from the ceiling while they spun me around and beat me with belts and sticks. I reported to the principal and all he did was yell at them and make them cut grass. This made things much worse for me because as soon as they were done, they came straight to my dorm and took me for another round of beating, daring me to go report again.”

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    “I was slapped 4 times across the face by the food prefect for using my hand to struggle with a strong piece of meat during lunch. (We were not supposed to eat with our hands). Not long after, pus began coming out of my ear. Going to the clinic meant I would have to say what caused it, putting the senior in trouble and causing future beatings for myself so I kept quiet and hoped it would stop soon. It didn’t and began to hurt all the time. Long story short, I still can’t hear properly out of my left ear.”

    Nigerian boarding school experiences

    “Because I wanted to avoid being bullied in school, I quickly found a school father to protect me. He was an SS3 student nicknamed ‘Father Abraham’ because of the large number of school sons he had and that he was much older than his classmates. He was well-respected because of his age and to me, this meant that none of the other seniors would mess with me. I wish someone had told me at the time that I’d gone from the frying pan to fire. He began to molest me. He told me it was because I was his favourite and that he loved me the most out of all his school sons. He also asked me not to tell anyone and because I liked being special, I didn’t. This went on until he passed out. I found out from a ‘school sibling’ a few years later that ‘Father Abraham’ molested him too while telling him the same things he told me. I guess I should’ve started this story by saying I was in a child sex abuse ring and didn’t know it. Lol”

    *Names have been changed to maintain confidentiality.

    Click here for happy thoughts.
  • No matter what part of Nigeria you went to boarding school, we are pretty sure your dining hall served at least half of these meals.

    Yam and Eggs

    Yam and eggs were usually served on Saturday or Sunday morning. Remember how sharing the egg used to cause fight? Or how the bowl or cooler would be half filled with eggs and half filled with oil? Then they’ll now serve it with one large slice of yam.

    Garri and moin moin

    If you didn’t carry extra sugar for your garri from your dorm then you weren’t ready for life. And why was the moin-moin always so small? Did anybody else steal extra moin-moin to go and eat in their dorms later?

    Jollof rice and chicken.

    Jollof rice and chicken was usually served on Sunday afternoons. Remember how they used to only serve the most miserable parts of the chicken then when there is a special occasion like school anniversary the chicken will miraculously become bigger and spicier. Some schools had Jollof rice and meat instead, then chicken for the special occasions.

    Spaghetti and fish stew or noodles

    Why did anyone ever think it was a good idea to serve spaghetti or noodles in Nigerian boarding schools? If you went for your meal early and got lucky then it’ll be hot and nice but most of the time the spaghetti or noodles will be cold and clumped together. When it’s not garri cake.

    Akara and ogi

    Immediately after having this on Saturday or Sunday morning if you didn’t take a long nap then you are not a human being. The days the ogi was watery were the worst.

    White rice and stew

    This was every boarding school’s favourite weekday lunch. If it wasn’t white rice, stew and meat then it was white rice, stew and fish.

    Eba and egusi

    The eba will now be stone cold and the egusi will be watery. If you didn’t get served egusi you got served some kind of strange vegetable soup.

    Bread and stew

    Remember how the stew was supposed to be fish stew but you won’t see any fish you’d only be tasting the fish in the stew. If you were lucky you’ll see one small chunk of fish.

    Yam porridge

    I don’t know why they used to bother to call it porridge, it was just yam and palm oil garnished with very little vegetable. At least we hope it was vegetable they were using.

    Bread and eggs

    The bread and egg struggle was too real if you were unlucky you’ll only get the oil at the bottom of the bowl instead of egg. Sometimes instead of fried egg, they’d serve one cold boiled egg.

    We know the food struggle was real but who else misses boarding school?

    We know we do.

  • 1. Washing Toilets

    Remember what your school’s hostel toilets looked like and you’ll understand why this is a big deal.

    2. Becoming the official errand boy for all the seniors.

    Just cancel any plans you might have made that day.

    3. Lying down under a senior’s bunk for hours.

    You’ll have time to think about all the mistakes you’ve ever made in your life.

    4. Frog Jump

    You won’t be able to walk after.

    5. Pick Pin

    The ultimate torture technique.

    6. Driving Motorcycle

    Look on the bright side, this is a good tummy exercise. So thank that wicked senior for the six pack you have now.

    7. Sucking your thumb

    This one was funny and painful at the same time.

    8. When a senior tells you to use your knees to walk across a tarred road.

    Is this not wickedness? Do you think you’ll enter heaven like this?

    If you were able to relate to this article, then you’ll love this next one about how boarding school skills helped us survive in Nigeria.

    http://zikoko.com/list/9-life-skills-boarding-school-taught-us/