Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of this sex life is a 26-year-old pansexual woman. She talks about her first time with a woman and a man, why she is very particular about the perfect dick size, and how she became a femme dominant.

Tell me about your first sexual encounter

I had recently turned 20, and it was with a woman my friend introduced me to at the beach. The woman is the reason I believe in love at first sight because from the moment I saw her, I was tongue-tied and all the alarms in my body went off. Throughout the night, we kept looking at each other. Eventually, she gave me a lap dance and I just kept smiling and blushing. 

When school resumed a few weeks later, I found out we were in the same university and our halls were connected. It gave me a chance to see her almost every day. Weeks after we started talking, she asked how I’d feel if she kissed me. I had basically fallen in love with her since the first time I saw her. Of course, I wanted her to kiss me. I told her I wouldn’t have a problem with it, so she did and it felt like the best kiss of my life. The next day, when I went to see her, we got more intense. We had to turn off the lights and put down the windows because if we were caught, we were getting expelled, but it was worth it. We made out and she fingered me to the heavens. It was amazing. 

Even after we went on holiday and left school, we linked up a couple of times. Unfortunately, after three years of us knowing each other, she told me she found Christ and was no longer queer. I thought that was the end of great sex for me, but then there was a guy. 

Go on… 

LMAO. We’d been friends for four years. Throughout the friendship, there was this subtle sexual attraction, but we never really acted on it until the night he invited me to a party. 

That night, my parents weren’t around because they travelled. So, I invited him over to my place after the party. On our way, we picked up condoms. I knew it was going down that night.

One thing I liked about him was that he was very reassuring. He kept asking at various points if I was okay with it. It was extra sweet considering it was my first time having penetrative sex with a dick. 

What was it like? 

Pain! It hurt a lot. There wasn’t a lot of bleeding, save for some spotting. That’s why the reassurance was great. I got comfortable, but I still couldn’t take it all in. I think I got halfway and realised I was done. Any more and I’d faint. Another reason it hurt so much was because his dick was the perfect kind of big. 

Was that the only time it happened? 

Most definitely not. He lived close to my parents’ house, so we could link quite easily. The sex was great every time and my body adjusted to the size of his dick. He listened, was very into foreplay and just knew how to work my body. He was the kind of person if I got into a relationship with, would turn me into a sex addict. We could barely keep our hands off of each other. However, because of NYSC and life in general, we couldn’t meet up as much anymore, and then that fizzled to not meeting up at all. We still talk occasionally and I think if we decide to see each other again, we’d probably have sex.

Look at you being God’s favourite. Have you ever had bad sex? 

Yes o. For NYSC, I was posted to a school in Kaduna. I met this man who was also a corper in the school, and we started dating. We were having a lot of sex, but I was still sexually starved. Usually, I’m not a fan of people touching me and I just want to do what I want, but it felt like he was not even trying to make it good for me. There was no foreplay, and it was just penetrative sex when he wanted it. His dick was quite long, and he did know how to use it, but he almost always came before I did. So he was having the time of his life, but there I was, barely having any orgasms. 

I found out he was cheating on me. He was having sex with me and four other babes that I knew, raw. I could have caught something, but luckily I didn’t. Ontop all that, he was emotionally manipulative. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just leave him since I wasn’t really gaining anything from the relationship. After a couple of months of us being together, I finally had the guts to leave the relationship. 

The break-up really took a toll on me and my self-esteem. I kept asking myself what made me remain with someone so manipulative, but I don’t think I’ve found the answer to that. 

The decline of my mental health didn’t stop me from having good sex, however. I hooked up with my friend again and hooked up with some other people. I have been very opportuned to have big dicks. 

I’m curious. What makes a dick perfect-sized?

I think that if a dick is short, it should have girth. If it’s skinny, it has to be long. The most important thing is the owner knowing how to use it, but size is important either in length or in breadth. When people talk about size, people think we’re always shaming small dicks, but that’s not the case. There’s a possibility of a dick being too big. 

There was a guy I once linked with in Owerri, and his dick was almost as thick as a 60cl Coca-cola   bottle. How was he expecting anyone to have sex with that kind of weapon? That thing was dragging thickness with cans of insecticide. Who is that one trying to kill? 

In 2020, I put all those uterus-killing dicks behind me when I fell for a woman I met on Twitter. She was a dominant and was constantly teaching me about the lifestyle and what she did. The more she taught me, the more I realised this was something I enjoyed and had been low-key doing in my previous relationships with people. I enjoyed commanding men and making them do things.

Out of curiosity, I opened a burner account on Twitter. One thing about submissives and slaves is that they just find you. Once you’re a mistress, there’s a plethora of submissives throwing themselves at you. It can be overwhelming. My DMs were full of requests. So, you find a way to weed out the sensible from the foolish. For example, a foolish person would text me “Hi”. Why’d you text me that?  It’s “Good morning, mistress” or nothing at all. The disrespectful ones never get a chance. 

Sorry, mistress. How was it like when you started? 

Lmao. It was nice. My partner and I were in an open relationship, so I could meet up with these people and have sessions. The thing about these kinds of sub/dom relationships is that it’s all about the sub. Sure, as the dom, you need to have your own personal boundaries. There are some things I can’t do, and I tell my subs beforehand. I’m only here to give you a good time; we can’t be best of friends or anything. I’m not completely heartless because they can always talk to me about anything, but they should not just expect us to be best friends.

Anyways, my job is to provide an experience. They don’t all like the same things — some enjoy being degraded, some want to be spat on, insulted and given a golden shower, while others just want to be told what to do. I also have male subs. One thing I’ve noticed is that the male subs are whinier and generally have a lot of problems. So, you have to be harder on them.

So, how do these sessions work? 

Well, I choose a hotel and they book the room in my name. Then we meet up at an appointed time and I give them a worthwhile experience. 

Sometimes, I do it as a job and get paid, but not all the time. I always collect gifts though. I’m a goddess, and you can’t just approach me empty-handed. Also, not all my sessions are physical. Some scenes are done over the phone. I’d tell them what to do and how to touch themselves. With my physical sessions, I hardly ever let them touch me. I’m very strict about that. It’s fun, however, watching them struggle to not touch me. I get off on the fact that they’re not even tied up, but they can’t do one thing they want so badly to do. It’s fun having that kind of power. 

I’m not a completely terrible person, so if they’ve been good, I let them kiss or touch my feet. If I feel like it, I let them eat me out. However, that’s a privilege not many get — only two of my subs have ever been allowed to. When they eat me out, they’re doing it because I have an itch to scratch and they’re available, like toys I can use. 


For the past couple of months, I’ve spent way less time in that space because of where I’ve been mentally. As much as I’m not a sub’s friend, I have to be intentional about them. That includes checking up on them amongst many things. I barely have the energy to show up for myself, talk less of showing up for another person. I don’t just think I can right now. 

Do you want to talk about this mental state?

Not really. But I’m taking it one day at a time. 

Do you think exploring your dominant side gave you better sex? 

It gave me a chance to explore. It doesn’t necessarily make the sex better. My sex life has sections,; and different parts of me are satisfied by different things., I can’t pick one over the other. 

Interesting. So what’ll you rate your sex life? 

I’d rate it a 7 because right now I’m not having as much sex as I want to. My mind is currently on one person and his own focus is on work and getting his life together.




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