Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Tell me about first impressions
Jane: We met in law school in February 2020. We stayed in one of co-ed hostels in Lagos. Jay’s room was across from mine, and I’d befriended his roommate before I actually started talking to him.
Jay: In law school, we were put into different groups. A mutual friend of ours was in my group; the babe introduced me to Jane as a “Brostitute” — combination of bro and prostitute.
Jane: He might look like a player, but when you take your time to get to know him, you’d see he’s the sweetest person ever.
Jay: When I met her, I couldn’t care less about her.
Jay: I came to law school to read, not to be following women up and down. Unfortunately, the pandemic hit and we were all asked to go home for seven months. When we came back, I started talking to two women, but Jane wouldn’t stop calling me Brostitute outside. It wasn’t really good for my reputation.
Jane: I’d forgotten his actual name. I saw him at the shopping mall and wanted to say hi. So I had to call him that, and he answered me.
Jay: What reasonable person calls someone Brostitute in broad daylight?
Jane: It was night…
Jay: Doesn’t change anything.
Was that how you started talking?
Jay: Not really. As she mentioned earlier, she started talking to my roommate first, and he brought her to the room a couple of times. I didn’t understand what was going on between them, but I’m very interested in other people getting into relationships. I decided to push them together, and I did a good job. Sometimes, I’d lock them in a room in hopes that something happens. Something did happen, but they kept behaving like children, so I was the mediator. It evolved into Jane and I being study partners.
Why study partners?
Jay: Well, we technically never studied together, but she had all the past questions for the courses we were taking, and I’d come to law school to pass. I’d go to her room occasionally to share past questions and compare notes. The strange part was when she started locking me in her room with her.
Jane: Wait, don’t say it like that. I heard one of his voice notes. He’s a public speaker with a good voice; his voice was very deep and nice. I asked this man talk to me like that in real-time. He did it once, but I wanted more, so I locked him in until he did it again. There was nothing romantic about it.
Jay: Mind you, she was already dating a new guy while she was locking me inside rooms and demanding for me to speak. Because I’m a very God-fearing and respectful guy, I didn’t pursue anything with her and started talking to another girl. But Jane was ruining another woman’s chances of being with me. Whenever the girl came over, Jane would suddenly make herself available to scare her away.
Jane: I wasn’t scaring anybody away o. After our final exams, while everyone else was packing and getting ready to leave, we waited till the last day to pack. Since we were already friends, we spent a lot of time together. One day, the girl he was talking to came to the room while I was on his bed and we were watching TikToks together. When she saw us, she turned and left. Honestly, I tried to feel bad for her, but I couldn’t.
Jay: Jane and I got a lot closer after the exams ended in March 2021. We had nothing else to do, but instead of this babe to go and meet the man she was dating, she was following me everywhere. I really pity the guy.
Jane: As if you were not flirting with me. When your other friend came to hang out with us, he asked us at three different points if he should leave the room for us because the tension was a lot.
When did you both act on this tension?
Jay: I think the first time was when she asked me to teach her how to choke people in the bedroom.
Jane: No, no. It was self-defence. I was in his room, we were talking when I mentioned I was a good fighter. To prove it, I tried to choke him. He told me I wasn’t doing it right and got on top of me to show me how. It was close contact, but there was nothing sexual there for me.
Jay: I was trying to understand her motives because while we were in this room, instead of staying on different beds, she kept staying on the same bed with me. The choking for me was to figure out how far she was willing to let me go in terms of touching her.
Jane: When I’m comfortable with someone, I express it through physical touch. There was nothing romantic or sexual about it for me. I was just letting him touch me.
However, on the last day of law school, there was a bit of sexual tension between us. Jay and I were cuddled up, then he said, “Should we make out or play a game?”
Jay: I’d gotten frustrated with all the mixed signals.
Apparently, she wanted to make out with me, but she chose playing a game instead. After playing the game, she asked me if we should address the sexual tension.
Jane: I was trying to downplay how I was feeling but I was curious and wanted to shut him up. While he was talking and talking, I grabbed his face and kissed him.
But did you guys take it further?
Jay: Yes, but everything came to a grinding halt when I went to her place. Jane didn’t live in Lagos, but after law school, she got an apartment to stay for a while and invited me to stay with her. The first day I came around, her boyfriend called and asked to come over. She told him no, that she had a guest.
Jane: But were you not a guest?
Jay: While I was there, she was trying everything within her power to get me to break and make a pass towards her.
Jane: It’s not that deep.
Jay: First day I came to see her she wanted us to watch American Pie 1 and 2. Who does that?
Jane: You hadn’t seen it before. I was doing you a service.
Jay: And you barely wore any clothes.
Jane: It was my room; I was being comfortable.
Jay: And you asked that we play a game you made up, where you can do anything to me but I can’t touch you in return.
Jane: Jailer. It’s a game I like. I made him promise he won’t try to do anything with me.
Jay: Because she didn’t trust herself.
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Did you keep the promise?
Jay: Yes, but things changed when we had to go to Abuja to get called to bar. Since I didn’t do my hoe phase in law school, I decided to do it in Abuja. With clearance and the actual Call to Bar ceremony, we had to be in Abuja for about a week.
So, I went around asking my female friends if they wanted to stay with me through that period. I’d asked Jane as a joke, and she turned me down, but a week to the thing, she called to change her mind and I agreed.
Jane: He planned on keeping his own end of the promise, but I’d already forgotten about it.
Jay: The bed in our hotel room was small, and this woman had already changed into boxers and a tank top, so my strength was being tested heavily. On the first night, nothing happened because I kept to my own. The second night, I kept to myself again. She even wrestled me to the ground. I had to remind her of the promise.
Then on the third day, she told me to forget the promise and just see how things went.
And how did things go?
Jay: Well, after the Call to Bar ceremony, she asked if I wanted to make it serious. I agreed, but I was half-and-half because she was still dating this other guy. Two weeks after we started dating, she told me she broke up with the other guy.
Why did you break up with the other guy?
Jane: He’d gone to Canada and I didn’t see the point in pursuing an already failed relationship with someone that’s not even in the same country with me.
I never told him that we were breaking up because I cheated. When he found out I was dating Jay, he thought it was one of those rebound situations.
Are you scared history might repeat itself?
Jane: Yes, and so is everyone we tell the story of how we met to. All his friends think there’s a large possibility I’d do the same thing to him. But I knew deep down that the relationship with my ex wouldn’t last because we started dating during the pandemic when he’d already processed all his papers to travel. I’m not big on relationships so it’s not like I was with Jay because I was lonely in law school or anything. I have genuine feelings for him.
For a long time, I thought the same way our friends did, that I might cheat on him too. But I’d never do anything to hurt his feelings.
Even with the less-than-ideal foundation, I look back at what we have and I smile. I love him.
Jay: I’ve told her she has my permission to cheat on me. When she comes back, she should tell me about it, then we’d stop dating and start being best friends.
Jane: He’s a toxic guy, don’t mind him.
Tell me things you love about each other
Jay: She’s always doing the most. It’s rare for a lady to spend so much of her money on you. She still spends my own money, but she’s always ready to give me something too.
When I was trying to work my NYSC to Lagos state, she wanted to financially contribute even though we didn’t know if what we were paying for would work. My birthday is in a couple of days, and I’ve been begging her not to spend anything on me, but she’s probably already spent more than my entire salary on gifts.
Jane: I have.
Jay: Wonderful. She’s amazing. My favourite gifts from her are my Samsung Galaxy buds and glasses (because I’m constantly staring at my screen). She also got me a painting of myself. My parents love it so much, it’s hanging in their house.
Jane: I love buying him gifts. His ex never really did that for him, and I like that I have an opportunity to take care of him like that. I’m very attracted to his mind. He’s so intelligent, and he takes care of me. I have particular ways I like to eat food, so he orders me food I can eat.
What’s the end game for both of you?
Jane: That’s a very stressful question for me, and I don’t know how to answer it.
He’s from Kogi, and his parents love me, but I’m Igbo. His parents are not fans of Igbo people. They don’t say it to my face, but they tell him and he tells me. My dad could be convinced, but my mum was scared when I told her he’s from Kogi state. She didn’t like the idea of me dating from that part of Nigeria. Now, she asks about him just to show she cares.
We’re just basking in our love and taking one step at a time. We don’t see ourselves breaking up any time soon.
Jay: I don’t like thinking too far into the future because there are so many uncertainties. In this japa economy, it’s very unlikely Jane will be in Nigeria for long because she’s too brilliant for the trajectory this country is moving towards. My parents, on the other hand, aren’t too keen on sending another child out of the country because the last one they sent, they never heard from him again.
But rather than endangering the entire relationship based on these variables, we’re choosing to just enjoy each other’s company.
On a scale of 1-10, what’ll you rate your love life?
Jane: 8. There are uncertainties, but we’re in a good place.
Jay: Before we did this interview, we planned an answer to this question. We planned to say 5.
Jane: I’m sorry, I forgot.
Jay: Our relationship didn’t start on the best note, and there are certain sides of us that aren’t compatible. So it was supposed to be my five and her five to make it whole, but she didn’t stick to that.
Now, I’ll give it a 7. We need God’s grace and time. I don’t think the relationship can be considered a 10 because it hasn’t lasted long enough. It needs to weather the storms and be used as a model for other people’s relationships. Till we get there, we’re at a 7.
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