People have different assumptions about what sex in old age should look like. But for the people living this reality, midlife sex is anything but predictable.
We asked six Nigerians over 45 how growing older has changed the way they experience sex, and they had interesting stories to share.
“I didn’t know what an orgasm felt like until I turned 50” — Amina*, 51
Amina* thought menopause would kill her sex life, but it ended up being the start of a new one.
“For most of my life, I treated sex as something for men. My role was to help him finish, roll over, and that was it. After I turned 50, menopause symptoms hit me hard, and I landed in the hospital. I assumed my sex life was over.
The doctors prescribed hormone supplements to help with the symptoms, and that’s when the surprise came. My sex drive returned stronger than ever, and luckily, my husband is still active.
The biggest shock? I realised I had never experienced a real orgasm until now. Once I started speaking up about what I wanted, everything changed. My husband has also become more patient and attentive with age, which makes a huge difference. For the first time in my life, I’m the one initiating sex.”
“My body gave up before I was ready” — Edward*, 58
For Edward*, ageing didn’t diminish his desire. His body just made it harder to keep up.
“Sometime after I turned 56, I noticed that even though I still wanted sex, I couldn’t perform like before. Spontaneity became a thing of the past.
These days, I plan ahead. I only try in the mornings when my energy is at its highest. I drink water, rest well and occasionally take something for support. It really humbled me because I know the kind of man I used to be.
I haven’t told my wife yet, but she has probably noticed. I’ve also been avoiding the conversation, even though I know it has to happen soon.”
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“I want to try sex toys, but I don’t know if that sits well with my faith” — Ruth*, 49
Ruth* is learning to suppress desire after her husband’s accident changed the dynamics of their sex life.
“My husband had a partial stroke a few years ago after he turned 50. That changed everything, especially our sex life, which ended almost overnight.
During a brief recovery period, we tried a few times, but he couldn’t climax. I think his medications and the stroke took a toll on his body, but I never pushed. He’s in his mid-fifties now, and his condition has deteriorated.
Now, I’m his full-time caregiver. He won’t let anyone else touch him, so I take care of him while juggling the kids and work. It’s hard to feel sexually attracted to someone you’re constantly cleaning up after.
I’m much younger than he is, and sometimes I still have urges, but the reality of my life doesn’t leave much room for them. A friend once suggested I try sex toys, but I don’t know if that sits well with my religious faith. I take it as one of those unfortunate things I’ve had to accept and try to fill my mind with other things.”
“My daughter helped me save my sex life” — Bola*, 54
When sex suddenly became painful for Bola*, she turned to an unexpected person for help, and it changed everything.
“My libido dropped significantly as I got older. Sex became painful, and I’d feel itchy afterwards. My husband, who’s a few years younger, started complaining that we weren’t having sex as often. We went from regular sex to barely once a month.
It bothered me, but I didn’t know who to talk to without feeling ashamed. I eventually opened up to my eldest daughter. She helped me look up my symptoms, and we realised it was likely due to menopause. She even got me lubricant and some supplements to help.
It’s definitely improved our sex life. It’s still not what it used to be, but we’ve found a comfortable routine that works for both of us.”
“I’ve realised I have to slow down” — Fred*, 45
Divorce didn’t end Fred’s sex life, but getting older made him re-evaluate what excites him.
“I’m divorced, but that didn’t end my sex life. I still have sex occasionally, just not the way I used to. I’ve slowed down.
Back in the day, I could go multiple rounds without stress. Now I have to be careful. If I go too hard and end up getting a stroke, what will people say? I don’t stress about it, though. It’s just part of getting older.
What’s even more surprising is how much I’ve lost interest in casual hookups. I used to chase excitement. These days, a good night’s sleep sometimes feels more satisfying than sex.”
“We’ve not had sex in almost a year, and I don’t mind” — Grace*, 63
*Grace expected to be the one slowing down, but her husband’s sudden switch shocked her more.
“If you told me ten years ago that my husband would lose interest in sex, I’d have laughed. This is a man who couldn’t sit still when it came to women. He was known for it. But everything changed after he turned 60.
Now, he’s 64 and we haven’t had sex since the year began. Last year, we only had sex twice. He doesn’t have any health issues. I think his drive and excitement are just gone with age.
I thought I’d feel rejected or confused long-term, but I don’t. I’ve also lost the urge. I guess we’ve both made peace with this new phase of our lives.”
If you want to share your own story, I’d love to hear it here.
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While Nollywood often leans toward modesty, it also knows how to push boundaries, embracing intimacy with boldness, nuance, and undeniable heat. From slow burns that build over an entire film to blink-and-you-miss-it moments charged with tension, these scenes are redefining how sex and sensuality are portrayed on screen, in true Nigerian fashion.
I’ve revisited daring classics and sexy newcomers to bring you a list of the steamiest sex scenes Nollywood has to offer. These aren’t just sex for sex’s sake. They’re sexy with purpose, and deeply tied to story and character.
Here are the 6 best sex scenes in Nollywood movies:
When Adaora (Omotola Jalade Ekeinde) returns home one night, she finds Jeb (Bobby Obodo)—a ghosted sneaky link—creepily waiting inside her gate. The tension is immediate. One minute, they’re exchanging clipped words; the next, they’re inside her apartment, tearing into each other with impatient lust.
The scene escalates fast: touching, kissing, and then a rough, no-holds-barred session where Adaora demands, “harder, harder,” and Jeb delivers with all the thrust he can muster. Afterwards, she promptly kicks him out like she does every other man. The sex is fiery, but it’s not just for shock—it reinforces Adaora’s character as a woman fiercely in charge of both her body and her boundaries. The confrontation-to-make-out pipeline? Totally unexpected, but it slaps.
Femi (Tobi Bakre) falls hard for Funmi (Gbubemi Ejeye), his wealthy uncle’s young, not happily married wife. Their first sneaky link goes down in Femi’s carpentry workshop, where the air is thick with tension and barely-contained desire. He presses her gently against a wooden beam, sinks to his knees, and delivers a slow, eye-twitching session of cunnilingus, leaving viewers asking when Nollywood quietly added “eaters” to its roster.
In a film culture where sex scenes usually stop at kissing or PG-13 bed rolls, Farmer’s Bride boldly swerves into oral territory—and does it with surprising sensuality. The real heat, though, comes from the buildup: their forbidden chemistry, the patience of their planning, and the thrill of finally giving in. Sometimes, sexual tension is the sexiest kind of foreplay.
Farmer’s Bride is currently not streaming anywhere.
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Actors: Nse Ikpe-Etim, Oris Erhuero and Dakore Egbuson-Akande
Relationship: Fuck buddies
Running time: 1h 36m
Director: Walter Taylaur
Genre: Romcom
Uche (Nse Ikpe-Etim) is a middle-aged Nigerian woman who just wants to enjoy life. Sunday (Oris Erhuero) is much the same—a charming man who knows how to have a good time. When they meet at a wedding, sparks fly almost instantly. But things quickly get complicated when Uche’s close friend, Toyin (Dakore Egbuson-Akande), also begins to fall for the same man.
Among the film’s string of deliciously intimate moments, the shower scene between Uche and Sunday stands out. Lost in each other, soaked and steaming, they have the kind of slow, intense, fantasy-level sex that lingers in your mind long after the credits roll. With Uche’s body pressed against the glass and Sunday working every inch of the moment, it’s raw, tender, and wildly sensual.
A Sunday Affair doesn’t just give us a love triangle—it delivers a grown, sexy, emotionally layered entanglement that isn’t afraid to show Nigerian middle-aged love in all its mess and heat.
There are a few steamy moments in this movie, but the boldest is between Lizzy (Ireti Doyle), a single woman in her 50s, and Sammy (Emmanuel Ikubese), her boy toy. After a long night out celebrating at a club, the couple head back to Lizzy’s home for one of the sexiest sex scenes in Nollywood history on her couch.
They don’t just thrust into action, but take things slow. Their eyes are locked as Sammy begins to entertain with a slow dance. He later takes her in her red dress.
Ajiri (Nse Ikpe-Etim), an event planner, and Lanre (Blossom Chukwujekwu), a musician, have a fun and spontaneous romantic relationship. One night, mid-conversation, in the house premises, the lovebirds get touchy and passionate. Lanre gently lays her down on his car bonnet, lifts up her dress, spreads her legs and buries his head between her legs. They’re so loud that a neighbour hears them and peeks from her window.
It’s uncommon to see Nollywood movies that give screentime to oral sexual activities, not to mention one that takes place in an outdoor space. Their disregard for whoever sees them isn’t only the hot thing about this scene, it’s the devotion Lanre shows, slowly taking his time to put his tongue to work.
Abel (Timini Egbuson), a reserved software engineer, is obsessed with Bianca (Efe Irele), a popular online adult content creator. Things take a wild turn when he discovers she’s actually his next-door neighbour. That proximity only fuels their attraction, and soon, fantasy becomes reality.
The most unforgettable scene unfolds in Abel’s dimly lit, blue-hued room. The music is slow and sultry. Bianca, fully in control, leads him to bed and takes charge. She kisses, teases, undresses, chokes, and rides Abel into near-oblivion. His fingers clutch the sheets, his mouth agape in pleasure, while Bianca’s hair bounces as she moves—confident, commanding, and electric.
This scene isn’t just sex for shock value—it’s a masterclass in chemistry, dominance, and visual seduction. With just the right amount of razzle-dazzle, Hey You delivers one of Nollywood’s most daring yet tasteful depictions of erotic power play.
Hey You! is on Prime Video but is currently unavailable in Nigeria.
What does it mean to be great at sex? It’s not about having a long list of conquests; it’s about knowing how to have sex in a way that makes someone come apart in your arms and remember you years later.
We asked 10 Nigerians to link us with their greatest of all time (GOAT) sex partners and then got those legends to clue us in on how to have sex in a way that earns you ‘GOAT’ status on a lover’s list.
Here’s what they had to say:
1. Try dirty talk
“When you talk dirty, you can literally feel her body react to it. It’s a great experience on both sides” — GOAT: George*, 27, Straight
Dirty talk doesn’t have to be cringey. George recommends keeping your voice low, asking questions mid-act, and being clear about what you’re doing and how it’s making you feel. “Especially if they don’t expect it, it heightens everything.”
Ada*, 29, met George on Twitter during the lockdown. Their online attraction simmered until restrictions lifted, and they finally met in person. Their first encounter? Unforgettable.
“Every time he went down on me was mind-blowing. He kissed my thighs all the way up to my vagina, and every kiss and lick felt intentional. But the hottest part? He started talking dirty when I was close. I came almost immediately. I highly recommend it.” — Ada
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2. Don’t be afraid to touch your partner
“Explore your partner’s body, don’t just rush in for the orgasms. ” — GOAT: Midun*, 27, Lesbian
People think their focus during sex should only be on obvious areas like genitals and erogenous zones like nipples. Midun recommends that you explore your partner’s body to find other, often unexpected, hot spots that’ll increase how enjoyable the sex is.
Sarah* met Midun at a picnic in 2022, and they started an on-again, off-again relationship that Sarah can’t stop going back to.
“The emotional connection I feel with Sarah is undeniable. When we have sex, it’s never rushed. She touches me like she’s savouring every inch of me to enjoy later. Sometimes, she’ll take a break from kissing my lips to my neck or the inside of my elbow, and it drives me wild.” — Sarah
3. Say their name to drive them crazy
“Saying their name during sex helps you both stay in the moment” — GOAT: Michael*, 32, Straight
When Michael saw the strong reaction one of his past sex partners had when he moaned her name, he knew he had struck gold.
Adaeze* has been dating Michael for over a year. And while she’s had other sexual partners before him, she says none compare to the way he makes her feel, all because of how he says her name during sex.
“He calls my name. It sounds so basic, but during sex, it does something to me. He whispers it, moans it, groans it like I’m the only person that’s ever existed. It makes me feel wanted and seen. I’ve had men do the most — dirty talk, praise kinks, even roleplay — but no one’s ever made me feel the way I do when he breathes ‘Adaeze’ into my ear just before he cums.” — Adaeze
“If you’re going to choke someone, never grab or cradle” — GOAT: Tayo*, 26, Straight
There’s a technique to it, though; you don’t just go in and grab your partner’s neck like a villain in a horror flick. According to Tayo, the correct way to do it is to:
Use the palm of your hand against their throat, not your fingers.
Apply light pressure to the sides, not the windpipe.
Maintain eye contact and pause if they seem uncertain.
Ensure they feel held, not hurt, by balancing intensity with softness.
Follow a choke with a kiss to turn discomfort into pleasure.
Amaka* met Tayo at a colleague’s house party. They flirted, danced, and exchanged numbers. Weeks later, they started texting heavily. Then one evening, after watching a movie and sharing a bottle of red wine, things got heated.
“I remember him asking if he could kiss me. It was slow at first, then really intense. The kind of kiss where your toes curl. I was the one who pulled him on top of me. Clothes flew. Hands everywhere. But what stood out was when I was moaning too loud and he suddenly wrapped his hand around my neck. It wasn’t rough, just firm.
He held my gaze the whole time. Then, when I started to tremble — I was cumming — he kissed me again, deeply, still holding my neck. It was like my entire body shut down from pleasure. I came, hard. And he just held me and whispered, “You good?” Nobody has ever made me feel that good. That moment is why I stayed longer than I should have in that situationship.” — Amaka
5. Let him finish in your mouth
“If you’re going down on a guy and want to blow his mind, let him finish” — GOAT: Victor*, 26, Gay
Victor advises keeping your mouth there until your partner finishes. Resist the urge to stop right before he orgasms.
Kenneth*’s first queer sex experience was with Victor. They started as uni coursemates, became friends, then something more. Kenneth still considers their first time the best sex of his life.
“Most people think blow jobs end just before orgasm, but that’s the best part. If you’re comfortable with it, keep going as he comes. Don’t stop unless he asks you to. Place your hands on his thighs or lower back to keep him grounded. And don’t rush to spit or wipe, let him feel held in that moment. Keep sucking even after he cums, there’s an insane sensation he feels just before his penis goes completely limp. That’s what makes it unforgettable.” — Kenneth
“60% of what will drive your partner crazy during sex doesn’t happen in bed.” — GOAT:*Debisi, 26, Lesbian
People often focus so much on the act of sex that they overlook the crucial buildup that makes it even more enjoyable. Debisi treats foreplay like part of the main event, not a warm-up. And she advises, “Give your babe something to look forward to. Heighten her anticipation with lingering kisses, quick touches, and longing looks.”
Busayo*, 28, has been dating Debisi for a year and calls it the best sex of her life. No contest.
“Debisi works remotely, and sometimes before I leave for work, she’ll give me the wettest, deepest kiss and whisper in my ear, ‘We’ll finish this tonight.’ Aside from it being hot as hell, the anticipation of what we’ll do in the evening puts a pep in my step until I see her again. When we’re finally together, she kisses, licks and nuzzles me until I’m begging for more. Every moment spent with her is an experience.” — Busayo
7. Bring their fantasies to life
“If you’ve been together for a while, throw in something new to spice things up” — GOAT: Ayomide*, 27, Straight
Ayomide suggests keeping sex with long-term partners fresh by trying new things. “Tell her to share one of her fantasies with you and then make it come true. You’ll have her melting in your arms like ice cream.”
Somi*, 29, met Ayomide in a WhatsApp group during the pandemic. They started dating later that year, and Ayomide has been blowing her mind in the sheets ever since.
“After a while, I won’t say the sex got boring, it’s more like we knew our bodies well. Then one day, he asked me to describe one of my sexual fantasies. I said I wanted to be teased mercilessly. The next time we linked up, he brought it to life — candlelight, kissing my feet, delayed orgasm. I came so many times that night. It felt like a dream.” — Somi
8. Toys make everything more fun
“Sex toys aren’t your enemy. If you work with them, you’ll drive her crazy” — GOAT: Demola*, 28, Straight
Demola is a big advocate for sex toys in the bedroom. He recommends that you use them to bring even more pleasure to sex. “My ex in uni had a few sex toys. I was initially sceptical about them till I saw how a combination of my touches and the stimulation from the toys made her come undone in a way I had never seen. I have my own collection now, and I use them on every partner that allows me to. They love it.”
Amaka* and Demola met at a rave in 2024 and have been casual lovers since. The first time Demola used toys on her, she saw stars.
“He brought out a bag of different sex toys, sanitised them and asked me to pick the one I wanted to try. It was my first time trying a sex toy, so I chose a bullet vibrator. Demola used the vibrator on my vagina lips while eating me out and that was probably the biggest orgasm I had ever experienced at that point. I knew there was no way I wasn’t going to come back.” — Amaka
“Don’t just suck his dick, suck on his balls while you give him a blowjob. You should be gentle and soft.” — GOAT: Oyin*, 29, Straight
For a mindblowing time in bed, Oyin suggests taking your partner’s balls in your mouth and sucking softly. The scrotum contains sensitive nerve endings that will maximise your partner’s pleasure.
Tolu*, 29 and Oyin met at a house party in December 2024 and have been dating since January. Tolu’s sex life has never been better.
“The second time we linked up for sex, she went down on me and it was amazing. But when she started sucking and licking my balls while stroking me? I lost it and came. It was the most intense thing anyone had ever done to me.” — Tolu
10. Put pressure in the right places
“Press your palm gently on her lower belly while thrusting into her, she’ll have an earth-shaking orgasm” — GOAT: Dele*, 30, Straight
Dele says you can increase your partner’s pleasure during sex by squeezing or putting pressure on her lower belly. “When I push down on her belly during sex, I know I can make her cum on demand.”
Funke*, 29, met Dele in 2024 through a mutual friend, and after a few months of flirting, they became lovers.
“Dele is amazing in bed. The way he handles my body when we’re intimate is crazy. When he presses down on my belly, it drives me insane. It’s like all the sensation pools in my vagina and explodes into an intense orgasm. He’s amazing.” — Funke
So, how do you have sex like a GOAT?
It’s not about flashy moves or porn-level stamina — it’s about being present, paying attention, and knowing what actually drives your partner wild. Whether it’s through dirty talk, foreplay, pressure in the right places, or simply saying their name, the best lovers understand that sex is a shared experience.
If you’ve ever wondered how to have sex in a way that leaves your name on someone’s lips long after the lights go out, now you have the blueprint, straight from the people who’ve already earned the title of GOAT.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the respondents.
In Nigeria, English is often positioned as the language of love…and lust. Speaking your native language during sex? That’s still seen by many as razz. But what happens when someone unexpectedly switches to Yorùbá, Igbo, Hausa, or any of our other local languages mid-round? Does it hit harder? Feel more intimate?
For Folaranmi*, it wasn’t just a turn-on. It was a revelation. In this story, he shares how moaning and speaking in Yorùbá during sex helped him connect more deeply — to his partners, to himself, and to a language he was already thinking in. As far as he’s concerned, this is what it looks like to decolonise dirty talk.
This is Folaranmi’s story as told to Marv.
Long before the 1990s, when I was born, “fuck” had already become one of the most spoken words — in bedrooms, outdoors, or anywhere horny people could sneak one in. Loudly screamed or softly moaned, this universal shorthand for sexual pleasure rarely disappoints. I don’t know the etymology of “fuck,” but like millions around the world, I say it too, and have done so since the first day I put on a condom.
I’ve seen countless conversations online about whether people think in their native tongues or in the colonial language. I belong to the former. Odùduwà has my frontal lobe on lock. I process most of my thoughts in Yorùbá but write and speak them in English. Still, until sometime in late 2024, when Yorùbá started to feel most natural to me emotionally, I couldn’t recall a single moment of being complimented or flirted with in a local language. Even so, I consider myself fluent in using it to express desire.
It’s hard to forget how I got into it. It was the first time I had sex with my then-partner, and in the middle of things, she started speaking Yorùbá. It caught me off guard and cracked me up because, even though she’s a Yorùbá babe, she’s not exactly fluent. In a tender, almost concerned tone, she kept muttering, “O ti pa mí” (“You’ve killed me”).
It was my first time hearing Yorùbá in bed, and it was hot as hell. It also made total sense in hindsight. There’s no better language to instinctively voice your deepest feelings than your mother tongue.
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In the moment, everything felt steamy, but I was more focused on making sure she was having the best time. We paused for a bit, talked it through, and found a position that felt even better for both of us. That small shift changed everything. The pleasure deepened, and so did the connection — especially in the way we spoke to each other. I tuned into her rhythm and started responding in Yorùbá too.
“Mi ò pa é,” I said (“I’m not killing you”).
“So, kí lò wá n ṣe?” she asked with a smile (“So, what are you doing then?”).
“Mo n dó e ni,” I replied (“I’m fucking you”).
That was all I could say — over and over again — until the round ended. Her grip got tighter, and all I could feel was warmth down there. It was incredible.
Still, she thought it was uncouth and a bit razz to express herself sexually in Yorùbá. But from that moment on, it became a turn-on for me, and eventually, a regular part of our sex life.
Whenever we did it, I’d ask her questions in Yorùbá and tell her to respond in kind. She never answered directly. Instead, she’d smile, a little shy, and dare me to “fuck it out of her.” That always made things more exciting.
Deep down, though, I knew our time was limited. Japa was calling her, and a long-distance relationship wasn’t really an option. We were only together for three months, but in that time, we tried to make the most of it — a lot of Yorùbá was moaned.
I’m in a new relationship now, having great sex, but the person I’m with isn’t a fan of Yorùbá dirty talk. I’ve only been able to get her to faintly moan it once, and she couldn’t even complete her sentence. Her hesitance is cool with me, anyway. But I really fail to understand why “razz” is associated with Yorùbá when it comes to sex. We speak the language for every other occasion, so why not in bed too?
I once asked some friends what they thought about it, and their responses made it clear: I might be the only person I know who’s into it. But I don’t think I’m weird. If anything, speaking your local language during sex feels like a small way to push back against colonialism and its lingering hold.
To hell with saying “Fuck me” when “Dó mi” is more direct, and just two syllables. I recommend it to anyone willing to try. Your ancestors will rise with pride, and maybe even applaud.
Note:The name of this interview subject has been changed for confidential reasons.
*Alma, a Lagos-based spiritualist and kayanmata seller, turned her knowledge of herbs into a thriving business that offers everything from aphrodisiacs to spiritual attraction products. She believes her work has helped hundreds of people in romantic relationships make progress and reclaim their confidence, despite the judgment that comes with her line of work.
This is Alma’s story, as told to Mofiyinfoluwa.
When I started selling kayan mata in 2017, people said I was mad. A woman talking openly about sex, orgasms and spiritual work in Nigeria? They called me everything, but I didn’t care. I knew I was helping people, and that was all that mattered.
Kayan mata wasn’t even my first business. I started with weight gain products and beauty items. But I’d picked up a lot from my grandfather, who was a spiritualist and herbal doctor. He lived very long, and growing up around his practice taught me the power of herbs. I saw how he used them to help people solve their problems, and that stuck with me. I just had to find my way into it.
That happened when I realised how many Nigerians, especially women, were suffering silently in their sex lives. Some couldn’t get wet. Some had no libido. Others struggled with vaginal infections or hormonal issues no one around them could even name. So I started developing natural aphrodisiacs: wetness boosters, libido teas, and vaginal sweeteners made from herbs.
By 2018, my ‘pussy sweetener’ had become my bestseller. And yes, the name is very literal. It’s a natural aphrodisiac that helps women enjoy sex more and increases sensation for their partners. I’ve sold thousands of bottles. Soon after, I added spiritual soaps like favour soap, attraction soap, and aura oil. I designed my products to shift people’s energy, boost their confidence, and attract better things into their lives. That was when the business really blew up.
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People love sex and money, so naturally, I was sold like fire. I soon realised 95% of my clients were women. Young girls, married women, divorced women — even women in their 50s.
They came to me with different problems. Some said their husbands didn’t touch them anymore, and the relationship was falling apart. Others couldn’t orgasm or struggled with infections. I created a multipurpose product that tightens, clears infections, balances hormones, and even helps with fertility. One client told me she welcomed twins after using it.
Spiritual work mostly comes in when clients want to keep their husbands faithful, attract rich men, get married quickly, or just keep their partner obsessed.
The few male clients I have mostly come for enlargement products, money cowries and magnets. One begged me to make a ‘dick sweetener’. Another wanted something to block his wife’s progress. I laughed and turned him away. My products are strictly for helping people, not causing harm.
It’s not surprising that people come to me for products to do evil or harm people. They don’t understand that it’s not my line. Just recently, someone texted asking for a product that would punish her ex and destroy his destiny. She said she had invested so much in him, but he left her. I told her it was just heartbreak, and she needed to let go. It was nothing my herbs should fix.
People often confuse kayan mata with spiritual work, but they’re not the same. Kayan mata focuses on sexual and emotional enhancement — boosting your aura, confidence and libido. Spiritual work is deeper. It involves supernatural enforcement that sometimes requires ritual. They can work together, and I sometimes combine them on request.
What makes me proudest isn’t even the money. It’s the feedback. People send messages saying they’ve stopped feeling insecure about their bodies, or that they enjoyed sex for the first time in their lives. Some say my products brought confidence back into their marriages.
I remember a woman’s message that really made me happy. She said her sugar daddy used to be extremely stingy, but after using my products, he started paying her allowances, bought her a car and a property, and even took her abroad.
But trust Nigerians to still insult what they secretly want. In the beginning, I struggled with confidence. It wasn’t easy being a woman selling sex and spiritual attraction products in the open. But now? I just laugh. People still say things like, “You that’s selling money soap, how much money do you even have?” Well, I use my own products, and if you know, you know.
You’d think that doing this kind of work would complicate my personal life, but it really hasn’t, not in the way people assume. I’m intentional about who I let close. Most of the people I’ve dated are spiritually conscious themselves. They understand the kind of energy I work with and even come to me for help when they need clarity or guidance. I’ve heard people try to whisper to my partners that I’ve ‘used jazz’ on them, but those same partners often chased me first.
Friendship is where things get tricky. I’ve always been a one-man army, but when I try to make friends, I notice they’re overly careful around me. It’s like they’re scared of offending me because they think I’ll retaliate spiritually. It makes it hard to build honest, vulnerable friendships where honesty thrives. That’s why I’ve learned to keep my circle small. It’s a lonely part of this work that people don’t really talk about.
I’ve had staff who seemed like friends and came pretending to work with me, only to steal recipes. I’ve caught competitors sneaking under my brand, trying to copy what I do. But that doesn’t discourage me. I run paid mentorship programs and classes these days, so if you want to learn, come correct.
If there’s one thing I truly wish, it’s that more people, especially women, would stop suffering in silence. You deserve to own your pleasure, and feel confident in your body and relationships. And if herbs are what get you there? So be it.
For me, this business gave me the confidence to own my voice without shame. I have no plans to stop now.
Imagine being with someone who ticks all your boxes, but the sex? Mid. You’ve spent months fake-moaning through it so you don’t bruise their ego, but now, you’re exhausted. Even thinking about bringing it up gives you a headache. What if they take it the wrong way? What if it leads to a fight or they call you an ashewo?
For many Nigerians, talking about sexual needs can feel awkward, even shameful. But it doesn’t have to be that hard. We spoke to six Nigerians about how they navigated the conversation, and a sex therapist who shared how to have ‘the talk’ without ruining your relationship.
“I had to bring it up mid-fight” – Adah*, 25
*Adah’s sex life felt like a bad case of ‘what I ordered vs what I got’. Her takeaway? If bad sex doesn’t kill you, resentment might.
“We started talking online and finally met after months of a long-distance relationship. He promised me heaven-on-earth sex, but when it finally happened, it was underwhelming. I cried.
He must have sensed it too because he started making excuses— that he was tired and wasn’t used to my body. I pretended it was good because I didn’t want to be rude, but each time we had sex, I got more frustrated. I only vented to my friends. Soon, I started dreading sex altogether. I’d come up with a hundred excuses just to avoid it.
I eventually exploded during a fight and told him how unhappy I was. That conversation didn’t go well. It actually led to our breakup.”
“I was in so much pain, but said it was great” — Ayo*, 26
*Ayo didn’t expect his first encounter with his crush to leave him crab walking for days. Turns out, he couldn’t match her freak.
“I was into this girl I met, but when we finally hooked up, I had no idea she was a dominatrix. She locked the door, told me to strip, and started jerking me off super aggressively.
It hurt so bad, I was wincing. I asked her to go easy, but she wasn’t listening. I eventually gave up and let it play out. When it ended, I told her it was great, even though I was in pain for days. I honestly feared my penis might fall off.”
“I fake orgasms just so he’ll stop” — Ayesha*, 30
*Ayesha’s situation left her wondering if love is enough reason to keep faking pleasure forever
“I love my partner, but I’ve never orgasmed with him. For a long time, I thought I was the problem. He’s amazing in so many ways, but he just doesn’t get me there.
After some research, I realised we needed more foreplay, so I hinted at it and we tried to incorporate it. But now, there’s a new problem: oral sex hurts. He uses his teeth, and I end up faking orgasms so that he’ll stop.
I know I need to say something, but I can’t bring myself to. I’m scared of hurting his ego; it might even affect our relationship.”
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“I don’t know how to tell her my mind is with my ex” — Mubarak*, 29
*Mubarak’s body is present, but his mind? With someone else. It’s hard to admit to himself, let alone his partner.
“During sex with my partner, I find my mind drifting to my ex. I hate it, but I keep comparing them. It makes me feel guilty. What’s worse is, I now struggle to stay hard. One time, I lost control barely after we started. I shook and pretended to orgasm just to avoid explaining what was wrong. She’s mostly focused on her own pleasure, so she hasn’t noticed.
I also don’t enjoy oral sex because she uses too much teeth. I always ask her to stop, hoping she’ll get the hint. But nothing has changed.”
“I want more from sex, but I’m scared to say it” — Esther*, 42
*Esther’s story shows how years of shame and tradition can hold one back from speaking up.
“I grew up believing sex was something you gave your husband as a duty, not something to enjoy. So when I got married, I didn’t expect much. It was just part of the routine.
But after hearing my friends talk about enjoying sex, I started wondering why I didn’t. I researched and learned about foreplay and intimacy, and I want to try those things. But my husband is very traditional. I don’t even know how to start that conversation. I’m scared he’ll shame me for even thinking about it. So I’ve just accepted it as my cross to bear.”
How to Have the Conversation Without Hurting Your Partner
We asked Ms Feyikemi Fawole, a certified sex therapist and sexual wellness educator, to walk us through how to approach difficult sex conversations and how to respond if you’re on the receiving end.
1. Understand there’s nothing to be ashamed of
Feyikemi explains that shame is valid, but it shouldn’t be the end of the conversation.
“Like in *Esther’s case, many women think it’s wrong to want pleasure, let alone talk about it. But what’s worse — speaking up and improving things, or constantly dreading intimacy with the person you love?”
She also clarifies, “While society often pits religion against sexual conversations, no religion forbids them. Culture has simply made people feel like talking about sex makes them sound loose or excessive. But sex is meant to be mutual. It takes two to enjoy it, and you deserve to be heard. Silence shouldn’t be the price of someone else’s comfort.”
2. Ease into it
“Start with emotional check-ins about your sex life.” Feyikemi says. “People who talk regularly about sex find it easier to bring up what’s working and what isn’t. You can start light — talk about sex casually, send flirty or suggestive messages, or ask playful questions. These little moments help build comfort and confidence.
If it still feels too difficult, you can even suggest couples therapy as a way to open the door together.
3. Consider the timing
There’s good and bad timing when talking about sex. “Right after sex is not the time to talk,” Feyikemi says. “Let your partner enjoy the moment and feel good. Save the conversation for when they’re genuinely relaxed and in a positive mood.”
Avoid bringing it up during arguments or a fight — heightened emotions can make your partner feel attacked. Timing and body language are just as important as the words you use.
4. Use the right tone
“Don’t start with ‘you,’” she warns. Saying ‘you don’t satisfy me’ puts your partner on the defensive. Instead, try softer, self-focused phrases like ‘I really enjoy it when my penis is handled gently’ or ‘I’d love it if we tried this next time.’ This invites improvement without sounding like an attack.
Tone matters when your partner is dealing with issues beyond their control, like erectile dysfunction, painful sex, or insecurities about size. In these moments, it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. If your delivery feels accusatory or impatient, your partner won’t hear your intention.
Try: ‘Can we work on this together?’ or ‘How can I support you?’ You can even bring up lifestyle factors like stress or diet gently. Be a teammate, not a critic.
What if you’re on the receiving end?
According to Feyikemi, your first reaction matters. “Pause. Breathe. Don’t take it as an attack or rejection. Your partner is opening up because they want you to be better, not because they’re trying to shame you.
You can always unlearn and relearn. Watch educational videos. Read. Get curious. Sexual satisfaction is something you can work on, and you’re not a failure for needing growth.”
The bottom line? You need emotional safety
If you want to have honest conversations about sex, you need to feel safe. Emotional safety makes it easier to say the hard things. Regular check-ins, soft teasing, and vulnerability all help build that trust.
When safety is missing, silence gets louder, and the sex doesn’t get better. If communication keeps breaking down, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
If you grew up watching early 2000s Nollywood, chances are your sex education came with a heavy dose of melodrama and hypersexuality. One minute, a character is offering kind gestures; the next, they’re in bed. For many, Nollywood was the first exposure to carnal knowledge, setting early ideas of what sex and intimacy should look like.
But beyond the dramatics, Nollywood played a pivotal role in shaping how an entire generation of Nigerians understood sex, intimacy, and relationships. I spoke to five Nigerians about how Nollywood influenced their relationship with sex — here’s what they had to say.
“Watching that scene made me horny. At the same time, it exposed me to what sex is.” – Damilare
I was eight years old when I first saw a sex scene in a Yoruba movie. I can’t remember its title, but the action of the promiscuous husband is still fresh in my mind. He cheated on his wife while his children were at home. He locked the kids in and continued his philandering.
Watching that scene made me horny. At the same time, it exposed me to what sex is, which I had never seen before. It also answered my curiosity about how babies are made. Apparently, babies don’t drop from heaven.
Watching sex scenes in that movie didn’t damage me, but it gave me exposure to what sex is. Over time, sex also became a conversation in school and within my friend groups. So, it’s no big deal to me.
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“I stayed terribly curious about what sex felt like.” – Temitope
The first time I saw a sex scene in Nollywood was in a Yoruba movie. The housewife was trying to seduce the houseboy. The houseboy wasn’t into it but eventually, she had her way. They didn’t show the sex scene, but it was implied.
That situation in the movie happened because the husband and wife were not on good terms. Watching that opened my eyes to understanding that people are likely to connect to and have chemistry with the closest person around them.
I kept that act in that movie in mind for years, though. I stayed terribly curious about what sex felt like. When I finally tasted it in university, that movie stayed on top of my mind.
Interestingly, I had a similar experience to that film. One time, I got a scholarship and needed to stay close to the school. I stayed with a family whose father was hardly around, and the mother and daughter I stayed with were attracted to me. The plot twist in my own story is that I didn’t get down with the mom and daughter.
“Sex scenes in movies have had more influence on my relationship with sex than when I was a kid.” – Precious 1
I didn’t get to watch a lot of Nollywood films growing up, and when I eventually did, I didn’t understand what was going on. I saw sex scenes in movies as a kid, I didn’t understand what it was, but it felt like I saw things I shouldn’t at a tender age. That feeling is similar to seeing an elderly person in the house naked—it feels weird but you can’t really explain it.
Those scenes definitely put naughty ideas in my head, but they just stayed there. No one really talked about sex to me as a kid. Anytime sex came up in movies, they’d tell us to stop playing it. They [parents and elderly ones] tried to show that it was wrong but never explicitly said why.
For me, as an adult, sex scenes in movies have had more influence on my relationship with sex than when I was a kid. But I won’t even give Nollywood the credit for this.
“I laid on our sofa, face down, and moved up and down like men do in a missionary position.” – Sophia*
I once watched a Yoruba film in our former landlord’s sitting room when I was a kid. I watched it with his first daughter and her then-boyfriend. I can’t remember the full gist of the movie, but I remember they made out a lot in it. I’d try to avoid looking at those scenes, and the daughter and her boyfriend would make small jokes about it and tease me. Looking back now, that was weird.
However, NEPA took the light and we couldn’t finish the movie. But what happened not long after I stepped out was more intense than what I had seen on the screen earlier. This daughter and her boyfriend made out in the large sitting room, and I peeped through the ajar door until they moved to a corner, and my eyes couldn’t glance.
I didn’t know what I saw was called sex, but I innocently told my mom about it anyway. She calmly told me to never go there again except when her dad, mom or siblings were around. Despite that and other restraints, the event of that day stayed in my head for a long time, especially the girl and her boyfriend.
The effect of that on me was that when no one was around, I laid on our sofa, face down, and moved up and down like men do in a missionary position. As an adult, I’m hypersexual, but I won’t say Nollywood movies or any movie did that to me.
“I prefer to see sex in a way that feels natural.” – Precious 2
Growing up, we had to close our eyes when watching sex scenes in movies. The first time I saw a sex scene in a Nollywood movie was a man cheating on his wife. But it didn’t feel realistic because growing up, I had expectations for Nollywood and didn’t fancy a lot of its productions. I prefer to see sex in a way that feels natural.
You’re sexually active, and we know it. There’s no need to deny; we don’t judge. But we want to make sure you’re going about it the healthy way. Start by taking this quiz.
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Aside from artistes displaying the lavish spoils of being rich and famous — exotic cars, parties, sporting clothes too thick for the hot Lagos sun — sex and sexuality are major themes that have dominated contemporary Nigerian music.
Male musicians have mastered the art, singing about all kinds of sexual activities that defy human abilities. “Fuck me till your body speaks to me again / I go respond when you don feel am for you belle oh / Underwear dey leak / She dey wet my bedsheet,” Victony cautions his lover in his hit, Risk.
On social media, there have been multiple campaigns for women to tap into their sexuality, express that they have desires, unabashedly and unafraid, sexually liberated in a modern world.
If you listen to any of the music by the female acts topping the charts, this has barely been the case. A few female musicians have tapped into sexual liberation, most notably Niniola, but only in the periphery. This was not always the case.
The reign of Omotoyosi Janet “Saint Janet” Ajilore in the 2010s is a classic “you had to be there” period in Southwest Nigeria. Those who had liberal parents or were exposed to secular underground music by their environment are likely to be familiar with the name. She’s a sonorous musician whose patron saint moniker would give a normie the expectation of a sanctimonious gospel artist. But her music would leave a chorister fervently singing more about the end times because of the sexual escapades she preaches in them. Some may argue that her music style models after Rosaline “Yaboskan” Iyabode, a UK-based female artist who reportedly debuted in 1980. Apart from writeups about Yaboskan’s remastered old albums, there are few of her songs online.
Yaboskan’s “Satisfaction (Itelorin)” album, released in 2009, a year before St. Janet’s debut album.
It’s no secret that conversations around sexuality in Nigeria are inconsistent, scarce, and largely close-minded. These conversations mostly exist within the “respected and accepted” context of marriage and gender. Anything out of the orthodoxy quickly gets the public’s side-eye, with participators branded immoral, perverse, and promiscuous. But unconfined by society’s moral standard, Saint Janet’s music casually invites listeners to talk about sex.
St. Janet needs no introduction to the members of St. Bottles Cathedral, an assembly of her music lovers who are characteristically liquor guzzlers anticipating their next gbana session. She sings mainly in Yorùbá, borrowing influences from Juju, Fuji, Highlife and Tungba, including church hymns and gospel songs. But there’s a twist in her music: she flips the Christian songs into obscene, jaw-dropping sexual narratives of lustful desires. Interestingly, at the beginning of every song and performance, she leads with slow-tempo praise-and-worship, acknowledging that a higher power gave her her talent and then welcomes her audience. Then, an introduction of herself, St. Janet, AKA the General Overseer of Sinners’ Chapel, before she bursts into her high-tempo erotic tunes.
On a keener observation, it’s easy to tie her gospel influence and the “saint” in her name to her religious background as a chorister in the Cherubim and Seraphim Church. But the name came from Los Kenge, her former boss and Juju musician, who observed she had a calm demeanour and always kept quiet, except when she got on the mic. After St. Janet ventured into her solo Juju career, she infused vulgarity to blow up and secure bigger bags. If an attribute of early Juju music was to use sexual innuendos to troll modesty, and a selling point of Fuji is to sketch euphemisms to court carnal desires, Saint Janet aims to distribute it everywhere, all up in faces like the posters of politicians. Call it flagrant, indecent, or blasphemous—you may not be wrong. But you’d also be correct to say there’s a heady sense of feminism and sexual liberty in her music.
There’s also a humourous side to her songs, from big booty worship and praise of aphrodisiacs that can help men dickmatise their wives, to the legend of Iya Lai, a neighbourhood adulteress. The song is a parody of the popular Christian song He’s Alive, Amen.
Even her switch from a devout female chorister to a singer of sexcapades is a reference point of freedom from our deeply conservative society. No wonder the Music Advertising Association of Nigeria (MAAN) and Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria (PMAN) placed a ban on her music after the release of her “Faaji Series” live audio CD in 2010, in which she also sings explicitly about sex, restricting her to only live performances. It’s hard to ignore the ban on her music as a hypocritical sexist move in a climate where barely-clothed female vixens have become a regular fixture in the music videos of male musicians.
Contemporary acts like Ayra Starr and Tems have been offered to the public as perfect examples of modern hypersexual women, rocking big hair, tiny clothes, cutting men off, flirting with men. But the flirtations of their lyrics pale in comparison with St. Janet, who is deeply rooted in the business of courting her partners. This is the form of female sexual liberation that’s missing. [ad][/ad]
For Chiamaka Dike, features editor at the women’s magazine Marie-Claire Nigeria, it’s the hypersexual branding that has sucked up the air and compelled women in music to shy away from talking about the sex they had and enjoyed in mainstream music. “Sex sells. Music companies and artists know this. It’s why these days, in the songs and music videos that babes put out, they sexually objectify themselves. So, it’s no longer natural for Nigerian female artists to express their sexuality and sex life as art,” she said.
But she acknowledges the role that a conservative society plays in making this the case. “It’s hard to see women that are unapologetically themselves and break away from the popular approach to music. The ripple effect of being sexually liberal in music is public criticism.”
St. Janet has addressed eroticism in her music as her butter and bread, and stated vulgarity isn’t new and peculiar to her alone. In an interview with ThisDay, she said: “In my music, I’ve not said anything that’s not been said before by the likes of Sir Shina Peters, Obesere and King Sunny Ade. The entire Hip-Hop generation of today’s about sex. So what have I done wrong? Is it because I am a woman? Women are the ones who’re used as mere toys for sexual appeasement of the male in many musical videos. Why does anyone not see anything wrong in that? I’m fighting for women.”
