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  • Here’s a working theory: DIY fuku-faka only works the first few years after you discover the concept of self-pleasure. It’s only a matter of time before your body starts to crave skin-to-skin genital slamming. But what if we told you there are more creative ways to get around spilling your seed in another human?

    Boys, grab a notepad. Class is in session.

    Tickling

    It’s like beating your meat, except you don’t have to touch it. For this to work, get some privacy and focus. Kumbaya/inner-peace seeking style focus. Next, gently trace your fingertips along your inner thigh, ball sack and nipple. Keep at it for about 10-15 minutes, and you’ll buss.

    Rubbing

    Also known as pillow-fucking, this is a completely hands-free method of getting your orgasm. How does it work? Will your Rod of Correction to attention and grind sensually against the bed. Grabbing your butt might help you get a sense of joint action and arrive at your desired destination.

    Sleep

    There’s only one way to make this work: Watch an obscene amount of pornography before you go to bed, and you’ll have given your spirit partner enough prompt to give you some action.

    Anal massage

    If you’re adventurous enough for some backdoor action, get some lubricant up your anus, slowly stick your index finger in, and try to reach your P-spot AKA prostate gland. Every man has one. You should definitely consider a P-spot toy if you’re serious about this.

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    Nipple play

    As a guy, you’re probably missing out on premium enjoyment if you ignore your nipples. The nipples are super sensitive, which means the right kind of touching and stroking can get you bussing in no time.

    Perineum play

    The perineum is the area between your odogwu and anus. It’s full of nerve endings and very sensitive. To make this work, give this area some good touching or stroking. Make sure you’re well relaxed, as this will help you find your rhythm and spill that akamu.

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    Sex toys

    Vibrators are mostly marketed to women, but if you’re open to exploring sex toys as a man, there’s good action to be enjoyed. Grab a male vibrator, wear it around your phallus and let it do its job. Word on the street is that those vibrations feel really good.

    Edging 

    Whether you’re beating your meat or using any of the methods on this list, edging will help you intensify the experience. Simply bring yourself close to climax and stop just before you spill your seed. Repeat the process for as long as you can. The idea is to prolong the experience and intensify the eventual orgasm.

    READ NEXT: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

  • 6 Women on Getting Aired After Taking Sexual Boosters for Their Partners 

    I was mindlessly scrolling through X when I came across a tweet that stopped me dead in my tracks. Here’s the gist: Home girl was stood up after taking some aphrodisiac in preparation for some genital slamming. 

    That was a first for me and several other X users who’d mostly associated this experience with men. I knew what I had to do, so here are some stories from women who can relate.

    Patience*, 40

    My libido dipped after my first child, and I got worried because I like sex. I told my mother-in-law, so she gave me this disgusting mix of okra water. I took it for a week and started feeling like my old self again. Unfortunately, my husband started coming up with excuses to avoid sex. He’d sleep in a different room, say he was too tired or even return late. Meanwhile, I was still taking the mixture, hoping to get some action. It took me asking what was happening before he said he’d been scared to have sex with me since I had a vaginal tear during childbirth. 

    Hauwa*, 39

    I didn’t go all the way with my husband before we married. We cuddled, kissed, and that was it. After marriage, I realised I had trouble getting sexually aroused. I spoke to a friend about it, and she suggested aphrodisiacs from an Instagram kayan mata seller. I knew my husband enjoyed making out on Fridays as part of his “easing into the weekend” ritual, so I waited to take the aphrodisiac one Friday evening around the time he returned from work. He rushed into the bathroom and said he had to attend a friend’s surprise birthday party and he’d be back soon. I was already feeling funny and wanted to pull him into the bedroom. But I thought I could wait it out till he got back. He called two hours later and said I should lock the doors as he’d be home late. I’d never felt so stupid and betrayed. I cried to bed that night and kept to myself for the rest of the week. 

    Derin*, 33

    At some point when I was dating my ex, I hadn’t seen him for up to nine months because we stayed in different states. When we finally decided to meet, I had to travel to Lagos. Before I left Ekiti, I used all the usables for sex — yoghurt and pineapple, pussy sweetener, Parlodel — because I really needed some action. This guy didn’t come home for three days and stopped answering my calls. I was alone in his house until I just packed my bags and left. That was the day I resolved to get a toy.

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    Jumoke*, 28

    Curiosity made me try out one of these natural sex health tips people share on Twitter. I had to blend dates, yoghurt and pineapple into a smoothie and drink. I didn’t notice anything on my first and second try, but I kept seeing people give testimonies, so I tried it one last time when my boyfriend was spending the weekend at mine. This time, it worked. I was horny and dripping wet, and immediately my he got to my house, we had a quickie. It was so intense he kept asking if I took anything, and I denied it. After he went out the next day, I made a fresh blend and took it in anticipation. That’s how he called, saying he couldn’t come back because something had come up at his mum’s. I played it cool since he didn’t know what I had in mind.

    Kemi*, 27

    My boyfriend always complains that I never initiate sex or make the next move. Truth is, I’m not so big on sex and could go months without it. But it became an issue between us, so I tried to spice things up. I told a friend about it, and she gave me Spanish fly. I took a drop, but it made all the difference, and I was fired up at night. When I tried to touch Uncle at night, he started forming he’s tired and not in the mood. I ended up touching myself because my vagina kept pulsating. That was the last time I initiated anything. 

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    Ada*,25

    I had this crush in uni. We’d always flirt with each other while chatting. Soon, we started sexting, and I gave him the idea that I was a pro in bed. Truth is, I’m a one-minute girl, so when a guy takes too long, I lose interest. When we decided to meet, I wasn’t sure sex would happen, but I wanted to be prepared anyway, so I could live up to my sexting persona. I’d read somewhere that white wine does the trick. It worked because I was mad horny. I called this guy when it seemed he was running late, but he didn’t pick up. Texted, and he read with no response. This continued until it became clear he wouldn’t show up. I just finished the rest of my wine and went to sleep. 

    Read next: 7 Nigerian Men Share How Sex Was Different Than They Imagined

  • While more Nigerians are willing to talk about sexual health in recent days, it’s still a topic shrouded in secrecy and judgment. We still live in a world where people are scared of buying condoms, so it’s not obvious they’re “doing it”.

    In a bid to throw more light on the importance of sexual health, six Nigerians talk about their experience with sexually transmitted diseases and how they managed it.

    Image designed by Freepik

    “Condoms didn’t protect me from getting herpes” — Jane*, 27

    I don’t think people talk enough about how STDs and STIs can be gotten even without penetrative sex. I religiously use condoms, but I noticed painful sores close to my vagina about a year ago. I did a couple of tests, and it turned out to be herpes. That’s when I learnt you can also get it by kissing an infected person or via oral sex. It’s incurable, but I manage it with medication to prevent an outbreak — which means a reappearance of symptoms like sores. 

    “I didn’t even know I had one” — Dave*, 31

    I use condoms with sexual partners but not in serious relationships. I also did an HIV test once in 2019, and it was negative, so I thought all was fine. It wasn’t until 2021, when I had to do medicals for travel, that I realised I had an STD. I didn’t even know I had one — there were no symptoms. Thankfully, it was treatable, so it’s long gone.

    “I thought it was just a vaginal infection” — Lola*, 22

    I’ve had at least three yeast infections since I was a teenager. So when I noticed some foul-smelling discharge two years ago, I thought it was just a simple infection. I tried to treat it with over-the-counter medication used to treat yeast, but it got worse and progressed to random bleeding. I didn’t want to visit a hospital near where I lived to prevent gossip, so I waited until I returned to school to do a test. It was an STD. I started treatment and informed my now-ex-boyfriend — we broke up because we kept accusing each other of infecting the other.

    “I think it’ll come back” — Mike*, 29

    I first tested positive for gonorrhoea in 2017 after I noticed severe pain in my genitals. The nurse said it was treatable, and I was prescribed a ton of medication. Even though the symptoms subsided, I still felt pain, so I took another test two months later out of curiousity. I still had gonorrhoea. I treated it again and finally stopped having symptoms, but a part of me still thinks it’ll come back. I haven’t tested for it again.

    “I think I got it through a sex toy” — Rachel*, 20

    I got an STD last year, and I think I got it through a sex toy. I have a roommate, and she has a couple of sex toys. One day, I was really horny, and I used one of hers without her knowledge. I cleaned it after, though.

    A couple of weeks later, I started having pelvic pain and discharge, and Google told me it might be an STD. I got a home test kit, which confirmed my suspicion. I think it was the toy because I wasn’t sexually active at the time, and sources online confirm that STDs can be transmitted via sex toys, too. I treated it but didn’t tell my roommate. How would I say I used her sex toy?

    “I’m not sure how I got it” — Jem*, 26

    I found out I had an STD in 2021 when my partner insisted we got tested before becoming exclusive. It’s not treatable, and I’m not sure how I got it because I practice safe sex most of the time. I’m glad I know now because I now pay more attention to my health. I’m still with my partner, and we practice safe sex all the time.

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    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    ALSO READ: 3 Things Sexually Active People Should Never Take For Granted

  • We see a lot of hilarious things every day, from stolen penises to dancing senators. But one that cracks us up every time are the tricks women have devised in attempts to prevent pregnancy. Even though know they’re mostly just vibes, we’ll still talk about them

    Antibiotics

    This one sounds strange but we’ve heard it a few times. Word in some circles is that it “flushes” semen. Wouldn’t life be so simple if that were true? So many of Nigeria’s problems today could be easily flushed out — no names called. But it doesn’t work like that, please. Pregnancy is not typhoid.

    weird things as contraceptives

    Agbo jedi jedi

    The confusion you felt when you saw that, we felt it too when we learnt about this format. We need someone to explain the connection between agbo jedi jedi and pregnancy to us because it looks like we all failed biology in school.

    weird things as contraceptives

    Walking up the stairs

    People who use this method are OGs. We respect their knowledge of physics. Letting gravity do the work for you is a thing of brilliance.

    Peeing immediately after sex

    When you really think about it, this thing is like “2 + 2 = Jollof rice” because we all know you’re dealing with the wrong hole here.

    weird things as contraceptives

    RELATED: The Spiritual Implications Of Using Contraceptives According To This Insane Book

    Lemon water after sex

    Very soon, you people will come and say you don’t believe in jazz. What’s this one, please?

    weird things as contraceptives

    Champagne

    You clearly enjoyed what you just finished doing and are now toasting to a job well done. Because why you’ll think Champagne qualifies as contraception is beyond all of us.  Boya, deep down, you want twins and you’re just lying to everybody?

    weird things as contraceptives

    7Up and Garri

    This is what you get when Sapa takes a human form and decides to pursue a career in pharmacy.

    Actual contraceptives

    These ones have seen the real price of Cerelac and are not taking any chances. Y’all be fighting to stay safe with your 7Up and garri, but these ones will stick to proven birth control methods. We salute the wisdom.

    NEXT READ: PSA: There Are a Ton Of Contraceptive Options Asides Condoms

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 21-year-old lesbian who finds it difficult to orgasm with partners. She talks about only ever having orgasms she gives herself and having sex for intimacy. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    One day, my 14-year-old self was taking a shower. And I touched something that felt good. When I went back to my room, I decided to find out what the feeling was. After lights out, I touched myself till I had an orgasm. It felt really good, and it became something I did frequently. Whenever I got the chance, I masturbated. 

    My first sexual experience with someone else wasn’t until a year later. There was this girl in the room beside mine. We’d become very close within our first few weeks of talking, and had progressed from sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, to cuddling each other through the night. 

    One night, she woke me up because she wanted to talk. After a while of staring at me as I spoke, she kissed me. It was a kind kiss, like she was testing the waters. It felt nice. 

    Did it progress past that? 

    No, it didn’t. But after a while, the kisses were very heavy. I wanted to have sex with her, but there were people around and she was hesitant. I walked her back to her room, and she kissed me again. 

    The entirety of my relationship with her constituted of stolen kisses. Then when the school term was over, I transferred to another school and that put an end to it. 

    In the new school, there was this girl I really liked. When I told the new friends I’d made in my all girls’ school, they tried to set us up. It worked, and the girl and I started dating. So even though I’d tried to suppress how I viewed women, because a friend of mine said it was wrong, it didn’t last. 

    Hooking up with her wasn’t anything special. She had long fingers, but it felt like she didn’t know what she was doing. It wasn’t really a comfortable experience. The kisses were nice though because I liked her, but her lips were always cold. We parted ways after she started being abusive toward me. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: My Goal Is to Pleasure Myself Not to Orgasm

    I’m so sorry about that

    It’s okay. She kept trying to put me down and dictate who I spoke to. Then she’d come to beg me with money or ridiculous gifts. 

    The relationship ended just as my secondary school experience was ending. When I got into university, I met a guy, and we started dating. The first time we hooked up was in his mum’s shop. She was gone for some business, and he had to man the shop. I came over to keep him company, but we ended up going into the inner room to have sex.

    How was it? 

    Well, for one, it really helped reinforce the fact that I was a lesbian. I wasn’t interested in his orgasm, and I knew it would not be possible for me to have one anyways. 

    But we dated for about a year and some months. 

    Why did you stay if you were a lesbian?

    I was battling some religious guilt. I’d gotten more involved in religion at the time, and lesbianism seemed like a much worse sin than regular fornication.

    And now? 

    I’m a lesbian with my full chest. The only problem is I’m a lesbian who isn’t having any orgasms that aren’t self-given. 

    How come? 

    I don’t know. After I broke up with the guy, I got involved with two more women. I loved having sex with them, but it was never enough to get me to orgasm. Luckily for me, I wasn’t into sex for the orgasms. 

    What were you in it for? 

    The intimacy. I’ve been a lonely person for as long as I can remember. The only times I’ve felt a sliver of the kind of intimacy I read about in books, was when I was having sex. The eye contact, the way they speak to me and hold me makes me feel wanted. That’s all I needed from sex. If I want to have an orgasm, I can do it myself. 

    However, it made me feel really bad. Like there was something wrong with me that made it impossible for a partner to give me an orgasm, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. I didn’t like knowing a woman I liked might also never fully enjoy sex if her enjoyment relied on making her partner have an orgasm. 

    Do you think there was something they weren’t doing right? 

    No, actually. I just feel like it’s my cross to bear. I enjoy sex, but sex with another person might never give me an orgasm. 

    I do know, however, that when I went on medication for my depression in 2020, having an orgasm by myself became even more difficult. It’s like the medication killed whatever I had left of a sex drive. I couldn’t even masturbate because I felt so dry. It was so bad, I thought I was asexual. But then the doctors switched up my medication and orgasms became attainable and enjoyable again. Still, I haven’t tried sex with another person for a whole year. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Chase Orgasms But Medication Makes It Hard

    Why? 

    Well, since intimacy is what I really look forward to when it comes to sex, I can’t hook up with someone I don’t have romantic feelings for. And after my last relationship ended, I haven’t been able to fall in love with anyone. 

    Sure, I’ve bought a vibrator to keep me company, but that takes away whatever form of intimacy I could have gotten from masturbating. I’m not even touching myself. There’s a machine doing the work. 

    How’d you rate your Sex Life on a scale of 1-10?

    A -2. I feel like a burden to everyone I’ve had sex with. I just wish I was normal and could get both intimacy and orgasms from sex. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Don’t Enjoy Sex

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old queer woman who loves butts. She talks to me about how a woman eating her ass started her obsession with anal pleasure. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

    Tell me about your first sexual experience 

    A few months after I clocked 18, I decided to have sex for the first time. Almost all my friends were having sex, and although they never tried to pressure me, I was curious. I wanted to see what it was like and get the whole hymen-tearing process over with. I introduced the idea to my then-boyfriend, who was excited, so we set a date to make it happen. 

    The day I had sex, he was more nervous than I. I knew I might not enjoy it, but I wanted to just start so we could proceed to have enjoyable sex. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I’m a Virgin at 27

    How did it turn out? 

    My expectations were really low, but it wasn’t that bad. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought, and when he put it in and started to move his hips, I actually heard a pop sound. It made me laugh a bit because I finally “popped” my cherry. 

    My boyfriend wasn’t as inexperienced as me, so he guided me through many things, like how to move and at what speed. It was nice, and I won’t say it was a bad experience. It just could’ve been better. 

    What would’ve made it better?

    Well, he could’ve cared more about my pleasure than he did. Since he was the more experienced one, he told me things to do that made him feel good. Some of it wasn’t fun, but I did it anyway. He didn’t even try to eat me out. We had sex about four times, he came, and I didn’t. So, I may’ve had sex, but I didn’t have an orgasm. 

    Did you eventually have an orgasm? 

    Yes, but not with him. On my journey to understanding my body more, I decided to try masturbating. A friend of mine had mentioned how her sex life improved when she tried it, so I decided to give it a go. Before then, the closest I’d had to an orgasm was the slight relief I felt when I squeezed my thighs really hard. 

    So I read an erotic book to get horny. Nobody was home when I decided to try it out. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I remember my friend telling me I should just touch everywhere and I’d figure out a rhythm on my own. I did. 

    When the orgasm came, I felt like I had a heart attack, but the good kind. I stopped breathing for a bit, and I started to shake uncontrollably. When it subsided, I fell asleep. I woke up deciding to never settle for mediocre sex again. Orgasms felt great, and I wanted to have them as often as possible. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Went From Having Trash Sex to Having 28 Orgasms in a Day

    How did you plan on achieving that? 

    By having as much sex as possible. I mean, touching myself was nice, but it was also limited. I tried to introduce certain concepts to my boyfriend, like getting him to eat me out, but he said it wasn’t and would never really be his thing. He did try to finger me, but I didn’t enjoy that as much. 

    After a couple of months of having not-so-great sex with my boyfriend, we broke up. Then at 19, I decided to use my newfound freedom to explore what I’d actually like, so I started sleeping with many people. Most of them were my friends who had shown interest in me before I got with my boyfriend. 

    They told me it felt like an animal had been let loose in me. I had four men I slept with consistently over a period of time. So although I was having a lot of good sex, it was with only these four men. That was the state of my life for about a year and some months, then I slept with a woman for the first time. 

    Your Sex Life subject could be LGBTQ… 

    LMAO. But yes. At that point, my roster of men had reduced to just two because two of them had found girlfriends, and I was not interested in being the side chick. While I was hanging out with one of the men, he told me about how his female friend thought I was very beautiful, and if I was open to having her join us. 

    I’d never had sex with a woman, but the idea did appeal to me, and 21 was as good an age as any to start. But I told him that before she joins us, I had to have sex with her 1-on-1 to see if there’d be chemistry. She was so beautiful. When he sent me her pictures, at first, I couldn’t believe she thought I was attractive enough to sleep with. 

    The day we linked up, I found myself actually trying to put in an effort because I wanted to impress her. She was really sweet to me but also a little awkward, so I didn’t know what to expect. We talked a bit and drank some alcohol, and then, she asked to kiss me. It automatically became the best first kiss I’d ever had. 

    When we started taking our clothes off, she insisted on eating me out, and I realised why. It was because she was great at it. She momentarily shut down my ability to think and was actually the first person to ever ask to eat me out. She also talked a lot, and I realised I liked hearing the sound of another person’s voice during sex. I came at least twice before she asked me to flip over and she went back to eating me out as I lay arched on my stomach. 

    After a while, she mentioned she wanted to try something with my ass. I had never tried anything there other than a finger, but what she was doing was so good, I trusted her with my care. That’s when I felt her tongue in my bum. Everything felt so good at once that I thought God was going to come down and collect me. Luckily, He didn’t. 

    By the time my orgasm subsided, I couldn’t go on any more. I needed to catch my breath because of how strong it was. Plus, I hadn’t done anything to her so I felt bad. But when I moved to touch her, she told me I didn’t have to, and I should just rest. 

    The threesome with the man never happened because I was too involved in having sex with her. She introduced me to a lot of butt stuff. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Prefer Not to Be Touched During Sex

    Poor guy. But tell me about the butt stuff 

    While I was experimenting with different things for vaginal and oral orgasms, I never thought an anal one was possible. It just felt too dirty to attempt. Then I thought of how almost every sexual practice can seem dirty to whoever isn’t interested in it. I was on a purely hedonistic journey; my goal was to enjoy all of life’s pleasures wholly and fully. 

    She was also so patient and kind in explaining all of it to me. She was the first person I tried anal with, and I didn’t know there was a lot of prep that goes into it. I thought all you needed was lube and prayer, but we prepped me for anal over a period of 2-4 days using butt plugs, oils and lube. When I eventually tried it? It felt so amazing. 

    She really rocked my world, and I had a lot of firsts with her, but one thing I really liked was when she did anything with my bum. Spanking it, touching it, penetrating, eating? It was great. We exclusively slept together for some months before we called it off. She fell in love with me, and I wasn’t about that relationship life anymore. I just wanted to have sex. 

    She was out of the picture. What then? 

    Well, I met some other people, but they weren’t as interested in my ass as she was. I was having enjoyable sex, but I knew it could be better. 

    Then I met a man at a party, we went back to his place and did the usual. I stayed the night and he offered to bathe me. After we had our shower, we had sex again, and I decided to try eating ass for the first time. I brought it up to him and he seemed down for it. So, I did it. 

    I didn’t know if I was doing it well, but he looked like he was enjoying himself so much. After he came, I asked him if he liked it. He did. We talked about it, and he told me about his fascination with what he considered the male g-spot. He said women thought he was gay when he brought it up, so he didn’t bother. With him, I was introduced to more things I could do with butts. I was ecstatic. 

    Sounds buttiful. Tell me about them

    Well, he let me peg him one day. My first time wasn’t so great because I’d actually never used a strap-on with anyone, but he taught me how to thrust and keep up the rhythm. One day, I gave him his first orgasm with a strap-on, and I felt like I’d unlocked a dangerous power. 

    Level up

    LMAO. Exactly. The guy and I still see each other occasionally to have sex, and he lets me wear my strap-on sometimes. I enjoy a lot of things during sex, but there’s nothing I enjoy as much as having my butthole stimulated. It could be with fingers, mouth, dildos or penises.

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Own Six Sex Toys and I Want More

    Does it get hard finding people who like it as much as you do? 

    Yeah, I mean, Nigerians aren’t the most adventurous people. A lot of people draw the line at eating ass and having their ass ate. Not so fun for me since it’s my favourite thing to do. 

    That’s why when I find someone who’s interested, I try to hold them tight. I talk to them about it, talk them through it and try to make it as pleasurable for both of us as possible. 

    Do you think more people should give anal activities a try? 

    Absolutely! They shouldn’t cross it out completely. But my advice is don’t try it with just any Nigerian man. 

    I tried to bring it up with a guy once. When he pulled down his boxers, and I got close to his ass, I was repulsed. Chai. Some people are one-kind. I advise you only do it with people whose hygiene you’re sure of, people you trust. When I initiate butt stuff most times, I always make sure we’ve both had a good shower to scrub everywhere scrubbable before we get into it. Some people find it insulting when I insist they have a bath, but that’s their business. 

    How would you rate your Sex Life on a scale of 1-10

    9.5. I’m having a really great time with my five sexual partners. Even the ones who don’t want to have anything to do with asses. My orgasms are frequent, and my skin is glowing. What more can I ask for?

     RELATED: Sex Life: Sex With My Partners Got Better in My 30’s

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 25-year-old queer woman who owns half a dozen sex toys and wants more. She talks about her sex toy curiosity, the trial and errors before she found the perfect ones and how she navigates sex with people. 

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    I’d always known I was queer ever since I was a little child. When everyone did all the variations of “mummy and daddy” play, mine was always with a girl. That’s why it made sense my first time was with a girl. 

    I was 14, and she was someone I’d had a crush on in secondary school. A few weeks after we graduated, she invited me over to her house when no one was home. After a while, we kissed, and she went to lock the doors so nobody could come in. 

    I was new to sexual activities, so I wasn’t comfortable with anything being done to me. Since she was more knowledgeable, she took off her clothes and guided me on what to do. It was really nice just pleasuring her. And after that was done, we went to the bathroom and made out. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I Prefer Not to be Touched During Sex

    First sexual experience down, what was next? 

    Well, university. Growing up, I stayed home a lot, so being in university was like letting loose. I was very open about my sexuality, so I didn’t lack women to sleep with, but they were usually in serious relationships with their boyfriends or even engaged. Did it bother me? No. It was still great. 

    They would talk about how great sex with me was, and it helped me try to do better. I really enjoyed making sure people had a good time with me. I was young and having sex with all sorts of people. Maybe that’s why I even tried to sleep with men. 

    LMAO. How did that go? 

    It can’t happen. It’s like trying to make two like sides of a magnet attract each other. Sure, I find specific type of men really beautiful because, I mean, I’m queer not blind. But I just couldn’t do it.

    Even if it’s possible for any reason to find intimacy with men outside the platonic, I can’t morph it into sex or anything serious. So, I’m sticking to having sex with women. Then when I was 19, I decided to buy my very first sex toy. 

    Why did you decide to buy one? 

    Well, for as long as I can remember, I’d always wanted one. I would read reviews online from women talking about how sex toys changed their lives, and I wanted to feel what they were feeling. So I bought my very first bullet vibrator. 

    I won’t lie, it wasn’t so great. The vibrations were too strong and it stopped working after a few days, so I gave up on my sex toy journey. But then, two years later, my birthday was around the corner and my friend had asked me what I wanted. I told her a rabbit vibrator. I thought it looked pretty. 

    New vibrator, new you? 

    At all. I didn’t enjoy it. I didn’t like penetration as much, so why did I go ahead and get a fat toy bigger than three fingers to move its head inside me!?!?! 

    Lucking out twice with sex toys made me think people were lying about these things on the internet. 

    While I was still figuring out what to do with the rabbit, I tried the clitoral part of it and that felt nice. So I started doing research on sex toys that offered clitoral stimulation. 

    Did you eventually find one that works? 

    Yes, with the help of one of my coworkers at the time. I don’t remember what we were talking about, but she told me how she got her first wand and how pleasure almost killed her. So she bought one for me. 

    Best in coworker tbh. What was it like when you tried it? 

    I showered first, put on some candles, played some music, then started exploring different parts of my body and the wand’s different modes. I came so much, I started crying. I looked at the toy and kept going “God, abeg”. Honestly, I thought it was trying to take me to see my maker. Never in my life had I had orgasms so intense. I knew I’d found the perfect toy, and it turned me into a sex toy enthusiast. 

    I was preaching the gospel of sex toys to everyone and even bought for some people. The most important thing was it felt so good, I kept buying more. 

    How many do you have now? 

    I have two wands, one clit sucker that might one day kill me, a remote-controlled dolphin-shaped vibrator, a finger vibrator and a butt plug. So, I have six, but I want more. 

    Sex toys have really helped me connect with myself to find more places I could touch to evoke things. Every time I think my body is used to one thing, I get a new sex toy, and it’s like, “Surprise! Here’s something you didn’t know your body could do”. 

    The end goal is to have at least a dozen and keep them in a little room. 

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    And what about sex with other people? 

    That’s still great. Sometimes, I introduce toys to my partners; other times, I don’t. The first time I tried it, I was 22 and was boasting about how the sex toy would make her see heaven. She not only saw heaven but brought the rains of heaven all over my body and sheets. It was amazing to watch. 

    A lot of people think once you start using sex toys a lot, you can’t have sex with other people, and that’s just not true. Yes, my toys are great, but sometimes, you crave physical connection. A clit sucker doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten how great it is to have a real tongue. In fact, sometimes, I forget I have the toys. Then when I’m feeling it, I use them.

    Human connection and sex toys can coexist, and it won’t ruin your life. You’d have the best of both worlds. 

    Interesting. Anything else you’ve learnt from using all those sex toys? 

    Well, for one, just because a sex toy made your friend orgasm till they couldn’t walk doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. People’s bodies are different, which means they react to sex toys differently. 

    Also, even if wands are your go-to sex toy, it doesn’t mean every wand will work well. They’re made by different companies with different speeds, modes and other things. There might be some trial and error, but if you know the kind of pleasure you’re looking for, you’d figure it out. 

    What’ll you rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10?

    An 8.9. I’m having pretty great sex. Now when I consider trying a new sex toy, it could be for myself or one I want to try with someone else. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, I dump it and try another one. 

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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 29-year-old man who’s spent most of his sexual life making up for not knowing women could have orgasms. He talks to us about researching how to be a better partner and how he thinks he’s all sexed out.

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

    Tell me about your first sexual experience

    I was kind of a church boy, so I never did anything more than kiss here and there, but that changed one day. 

    When I was 17 years old and in 100 level, I had a girlfriend. One night, she came to my room and we started kissing; she wanted to have sex. I tried to play it cool, but since I thought girls had their sexual organs in the same place as guys, I was humping the vulva excitedly. When she guided my penis into her vagina, I lost it. I didn’t last for up to a minute and came shaking all the way. 

    I had mixed feelings because I felt I didn’t do too well but was also happy I‘d just bust my first nut. I realised I had to step up my sex game either way. 

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    LMAO. How did you plan on doing that? 

    Well, I did a little research. I read a book that taught me how to pleasure a woman’s body. I also watched a lot of porn to know how to have oral sex, what sexual positions to try and to help me masturbate so I could control my body more. 

    The first time I tried to masturbate, I was watching porn. While they were getting at it, my dick was hard and I started stroking it. It was a bit painful, so I went to get soap on my hands and it felt really good. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Masturbation Came After Sex

    And sex? 

    I went abstinent for a year till I’d figured it out, and it helped that my girlfriend and I had broken up during this period. I was able to fully stay away from sex.  

    A few months after I’d clocked 18, I had another girlfriend. This time, I was ready to put into practice all I’d learnt. Before our first time together, I’d masturbated to remove the anxiety so I won’t cum too quickly. 

    When she came over, I made sure there was a lot of foreplay. I kissed and touched her in all her erogenous zones and gave her head. She was ecstatic, and I was feeling like a man. I could see a bit of satisfaction in her eyes. I also lasted longer than the last time, but I still felt I hadn’t done enough. 

    Ah. Why? 

    Because at that time, I didn’t know women could have orgasms. All the research I did about having better sex was just so I could last longer and feel better about myself. It was very selfish. I thought after I came, the party was over. It wasn’t until I met another woman during my service year that my perspective changed. 

    How?

    We met at my PPA and went to a party together. She moved to me and we went back to my place. She was very communicative about what she wanted and how she wanted it. That’s when I realised it was something I’d lacked in my previous sexual encounters. I didn’t ask questions, and they didn’t talk to me. 

    Having sex with her that day, at the ripe old age of 22, was when I made a woman orgasm for the first time, and something shifted in me. I realised you have to make your woman feel good because when it comes to sex, she’s the priority. And communication is very important. 

    How did you know she actually had an orgasm? 

    She was clawing at my back and shouting “I’m cumming, babe”. I think that covers it. 

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    Fairs. How was sex like after this discovery? 

    We had sex every day. 

    Were you not tired? Hungry? Employed? 

    LMAO. I was, but we kept trying out so many new things. We’d role play, try new positions and just find new ways to have sex. It was wild and fun. She even tried to peg me, but it hurt and we didn’t try it again. 

    I wanted to marry her, so we had to get genotype testing. Unfortunately, that’s when we both discovered we were AS, and we had to end the beautiful relationship. 

    I’m so sorry

    Thank you. I mean, we cut our losses and moved on. 

    I was ready to put all the new information I’d gathered to use. And getting women wasn’t difficult for me because I knew how to talk to them, but I couldn’t have sex with women I wasn’t emotionally invested in. It means we’d both have to feel comfortable enough to talk about the things we’d like to do. 

    It was fun and interesting for a while, but I think I’ve gotten to the point where my sex life has dwindled. At this point, there are only three things I haven’t done. An orgy, a threesome and sex with a foreigner. So, there’s nothing about sex I find exciting anymore. 

    I’m just trying to find someone I like very much so I can settle down. My goal was to make up for all the women I had sex with and didn’t give orgasms, and I’ve done that. 

    Rate your sex life on a scale of 1-10

    7. I’ve had great sex up until this moment, and I want to just lock down my person. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

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  • Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

    The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Sex Life

    Tell me something interesting about your sex life

    When I was 12 years old, we had a jumat session in school that centered around chastity and modesty for Muslims. After the session, I decided I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex. 

    So, you’ve never done anything sexual since then?   

    Not really. When I was 13 years old, I masturbated for the first time. I was the only one at home because it was during those long JS 3 holidays. I enjoyed reading erotica and historical romance books with very descriptive sex scenes in them. I was reading one of such books when I found myself rubbing and grinding against the pillow. Since it was one of the rare moments I had the entire house to myself, I went at it for a bit. I like to consider it as the day I discovered what my vagina could do. Before then, I’d only considered it for sex and reproduction; discovering orgasms was very nice. 

    Did masturbation become a regular thing? 

    Not at all. When I resumed school, I didn’t even try it again. In university, I neither had the privacy nor time to dwell on sexual attraction not to talk of masturbating. I was trying to focus in school plus I had to share accommodation. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: I’m Trying to Break My Masturbation Addiction

    Damn 

    When I was 18, I kissed a guy for the first time. I’d met him during night class and, according to him, as I was talking animatedly with my friends, he got mesmerised. I didn’t like him, but he kept asking me to be his girlfriend. The only reason I agreed to even date him was because it seemed like the next step for me. I was in my first year, and all my friends had boyfriends. 

    So, back to that kiss 

    The night I agreed to date him, he kissed me while we sat in his friend’s car. He kept biting at my lips, and I couldn’t reciprocate whatever it was he was doing because I wasn’t feeling him at all. My body was refusing to respond. I just kept waiting for the kiss to end. 

    Bad first kisses<<<< Did you try kissing again after that? 

    Yes, I did. When I was 20, I met another boy. I saw him and instantly liked him. It was easy for me to agree to date him. We were on holiday when the relationship started, so most of it was over the phone. As the conversation progressed, I wasn’t sure I fucked with him, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because we hadn’t seen each other properly. I also remembered how quickly I ended things with the last guy. 

    When we did eventually resume school as a couple, I realised as much as I liked him, I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. We hung out a few times, and during one of those times, he kissed me. Unlike the last guy I kissed, I tried to put in a lot of action, but I still didn’t enjoy the kiss. I endured the relationship for another few weeks before ending it. 

    Honestly, the most I’ve ever done with a guy is sext, and even that was hard because not only was it something I’d never done before, I was sharing a room with my cousin. I tried my best, and I hope all my years of reading romance novels didn’t waste. 

    RELATED: Sex Life: Religious Guilt Made Me Suppress My High Sex Drive

    Does the whole waiting till marriage thing get hard? 

    Very. At first, it wasn’t so difficult, but then, I clocked 25 and my sexual urges doubled. I started thinking about sex so much. If you could peep into my brain, 90% of the thoughts are about sex. My body just wants to have sex. That’s when period, ovulation and just regular horniness started. So, I decided to try masturbating again. 

    How did that go? 

    Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to recreate the orgasm from the first time when I was 13. The most I get is a mild tingling sensation in my legs. Maybe that’s why I don’t do it more than two or three times a year. I’ve thought of trying toys, but I live with my mum and there’s no privacy in that house. No matter where I hide it, it’ll be found and I’d get into trouble. 

    Omo, till marriage then fr 

    I’m kinda resolved about that decision. I’m certain except something completely out of my control happens, I won’t have sex outside of marriage. I’ve already done 27 years, what’s a little more? This is me assuming I’ll be married in a few years. Maybe we should do an update if I’m still unmarried at 40. My choices might’ve changed. But, for now? I’m holding up by reading romance novels, watching rom-coms and navigating the pornsite that’s Twitter. 

    LMAO. I’ll hit you up in 13 years. But I also want to know why you are holding on to a decision you made when you were 12?  

    The first thing for me is my religion. I’m not perfect, but Allah doesn’t need my perfection; he needs my effort. I’m not even supposed to kiss, make out, etc. I’ve clearly failed in the foreplay part, and I can’t even hit my chest and say if I find someone now, I won’t kiss or touch them. But that’s also why dating go on for too long, so you don’t fall into temptation. 

    Asides from religion, I’m not a casual-sex type of person. It’s the reason why I haven’t been able to lockdown any relationship long term. I don’t see myself popping the cherry randomly, and at this stage of my life, I’m out to meet people who are also waiting till marriage. In fact, one of my greatest fantasies is marrying a virgin so we get to learn about sex and each other’s bodies from scratch — two novices trying to hack sex no matter how long it takes. 

    Interesting. Humour me and rate your Sex Life on a scale of 1-10

    LMAO. A -10. I’m not having any sex, but I’m constantly horny. It makes me frustrated. 

    Click here if you want to interviewed for Sex Life

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