Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Taiwo (24) and Abisola (22) didn’t physically meet until three months after they started dating. In this episode of Love Life, they talk about how their music careers created a strong foundation for their relationship and the initial fear of not being physically attracted to each other.
How did you meet?
Abisola: On Twitter.
Taiwo: When she was fangirling me.
Abisola: You’re a fool. Who was fangirling? If anything, you were stalking me.
Taiwo: I wasn’t stalking; I was observing. We had many mutual friends, so I saw her tweets when they interacted with her. Then I’d check her account out whenever it popped up on my timeline. I tried to support her music by tagging artists to check out her covers. That’s what she’s calling stalking.
How can she even say I was stalking her when she was the one who followed me first and was constantly interacting with my account? I followed back, and we’d sometimes have music-related discussions and arguments.
Abisola: So that’s how I was a fangirl? He was the one all over my Twitter account. The mutuals he said we have are people I went to school with. I followed him for two reasons. The first was because I was curious about him. I knew he didn’t go to my school, but he was friends with all these people.
The second reason was he had a lot of opinions about music. I love music, and I sometimes refer to myself as a musician. It’s a core part of my identity. He reviewed and wrote about music. We’d sometimes talk about it on the timeline, but we never messaged each other until the day he tweeted about someone sending him a question mark as a message. He was so annoyed about it. I told him I was tempted to send him a message with nothing but a question mark. That’s when he told me I was an exception to the rule and could do that if I wanted, so I did.
Taiwo: I was already attracted to her at that point. I had seen her pictures and had concluded she was free to send me whatever she wanted.
Abisola: I sent him the three question marks, and we’ve talked ever since.
Taiwo: It was so funny because I thought she was joking when she said she would. It turned out she wasn’t, and I found it hilarious. I think it’s important to note that we started all of this in June 2020, so it was during the lockdown, and we both had more time on our hands than we usually would. She was interesting to talk to. We’d talk a lot about music, and then, our day, sharing things about ourselves. A week after we started talking, I texted her that it’s our “one-week talkiversary” and that we should celebrate it.
Abisola: I’m not someone who talks to people a lot, so I felt after a while, the conversations would end, and we’d return to normal. I told him that was my reason for not wanting to celebrate talking for one week, but to reach some sort of middle ground, if we were still talking by the end of the month, we can celebrate then.
How did you celebrate your one month of talking?
Taiwo: We started dating. I texted her that day and told her I wanted us to start dating.
Abisola: Looking back, I blame the lockdown because I thought it all happened very fast. We all thought we would die and might never see outside again. So, I honestly thought I had nothing to lose. I liked him, and he was easy to talk to, so I was curious to know what a relationship with him would be like. He loves music as much as I do. It was nice to talk to someone about a passion we shared. I resolved in my mind that if we met, and I hated him, or we couldn’t stand each other, we’d break up.
Were you scared of that happening though?
Abisola: I really was. I had a couple of thoughts running through my mind during the first few months of the relationship. What if he was a catfish? What if I was being deceived? What if we met, and I wasn’t attracted to him? What if I couldn’t stand him? He went to the same school as my sister, so I’d asked some questions about him from her and her friends and they all confirmed that he was a great guy, but about the attraction, I wouldn’t know until we met. I’d resolved that if I still had all these questions in my mind after that, I’d end the relationship.
Taiwo: There was the fear that the spark might not be there. But I knew I liked her enough. I’d seen pictures and all, I knew what she sounded like, I just hadn’t seen her in person. So while there was a bit of worry, I knew I was in love with her already.
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So when did you eventually meet, and how did it go?
Abisola: Well, during the first three months of the relationship, he was in Osun state, and I was in Ogun state. Legally, travelling from one state to another wasn’t possible at the time. Plus, I was living with my parents. How was I going to explain travelling to another state to see a man I’d never met before?
By October, the COVID-19 restrictions on travel had been lifted, and I had my passing out parade to attend, so I had to be in Lagos, where he also was because of work.
Taiwo: We had our first date, and it was great. I was late because it took me a while to locate the restaurant, but when I saw her looking so pretty, it calmed me. Thankfully, she was sweet and understanding. I apologised a lot, but eventually, I was able to relax a little. Luckily for me, she didn’t leave the conversation for me to carry.
Abisola: It was a little nerve-wracking, obviously, because it was our first meeting ever, and I had to wait for him for some time. But like I said earlier, it was great. I knew I wanted to keep seeing him after that.
Taiwo: The second date happened not too long after. It was a pizza and ice cream date. This time, I got there before her. I was more relaxed so, in my opinion, it was the better date. We had conversations about everything from life to family, and our fears.
Abisola: We just sat and talked for hours. Till date, it’s still one of our favourite dates.
You mentioned music is a big part of your lives. In what ways?
Taiwo: I review music, so it’s not just something that matters to me, but my income also depends on it. I’m more of an afrobeats lover while she’s a musician who loves to listen to neo-soul and alternative RnB. I mean, that’s one of the things that put her on my radar.
We share music with each other and are constantly battling over who has the superior taste. Currently, I think I’m winning because she’s stolen all my favourite musicians down to my friend, Aisosa.
Abisola: I’ve put you on to great stuff too.
Taiwo: Yeah, she helped me explore a lot more genres and sounds.
Abisola: He’s part of the reason I appreciate Nigerian music a lot more now.
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Do you both have an “our song”
Taiwo: No, we don’t, but we do have artistes we both adore. Show Dem Camp, Lady Donli, the Cavemen — in fact, our first kiss happened at a Cavemen concert. It was our third date, so we were getting quite comfortable around each other. The music was awesome, and we could really unwind.
Abisola: It was also the first concert he’d ever attended. He was so cute and shy.The music was amazing, but being there with him made the experience even more enjoyable.
Taiwo: I won’t be dishonest to say sparks were flying cos it was a short kiss. But it was nice nonetheless. We have shared better kisses since then.
Abisola: Almost every important stage of our relationship has been formed by music. It was what attracted me to him, and now, we bond over music. He sends me songs and playlists, and I do the same. It’s always so sweet because it’s like, “Hey, I heard this, and it reminded me of you.” or “I put together a compilation of songs I think you’ll like”. It’s really the sweetest thing. We talk about everything from industry stuff to things like production and music theory.
Taiwo: There are times when she’s not in a good place, and I randomly send a song she might like. Or she sends me something she wrote, and it gets me all excited. I think I’m the biggest fan of her music.
Abisola: I don’t call myself a musician often because I don’t put out a lot of music, so I don’t know what he’s talking about.
Taiwo: Don’t mind her. She was the star of a music show in Ibadan a couple of months ago. She’s great at it.
Abisola: I haven’t been able to focus on music as much as I’d like because I had to go back to Ibadan for my master’s in 2021. I can’t focus on multiple things at once.
I thought you both stayed in Lagos?
Taiwo: No o. I stay in Lagos, but she stays in Ibadan.
Abisola: Long-distance is currently kicking our ass. When we started the relationship, the distance was manageable because we didn’t know each other well enough, but in 2021, after he redeployed from Sokoto to Ibadan, I knew what it was like to constantly have him around. We were in the same city and could see as much as we wanted. Now, I’m alone here.
Taiwo: My schedule is more flexible than hers, so every month, I travel to Ibadan to spend a couple of days. We try to make plans beforehand, so it’s always exciting when we see. Food, movies, outings, gist and everything else. It feels like a monthly vacation because I can escape from the bustle of Lagos with my favourite person. She’s always worried about me travelling too often, but we make it work.
Abisola: The ideal life will be staying together, but we’re not there yet.
How’d you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Taiwo: 7 because of the distance, but everything else is perfect. She carries my matter for her head. Every time I have an issue, it’s always, “How’re we going to solve it?” As such, I never feel alone. She’s pretty, sweet and can be funny at times.
Abisola: 8. He makes me really happy. I’d be happier if the distance didn’t exist. He gives the best hugs; I literally look forward to them. He’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met. The most caring too. He’s quite literally my biggest fan. It’s like God said here’s your person, made perfectly for you.
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