Aunty Z!: You’re Not Polyamorous, Just Bored

December 5, 2021

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

In this episode, Aunty Z gives advice to a woman struggling to get into a relationship, a man struggling to keep one, and a lady who might be dating a self-help book. 

Dear Aunty Z!,

I haven’t been in a “relationship” my whole life. I started off with situationships.  The first guy, John, I liked him a lot and he lied about liking me. After some years, I found out he had a girlfriend who was a virgin then so he was always coming to me for sex. I still feel like shit till now. The second guy, BJ, was no different than John. I was desperate and wanted to feel wanted and loved by the opposite gender. I find it hard to forgive the girl that I was then. 

It’s 2021 and I still can’t find someone who wants a relationship. Every guy that approaches me is mostly emotionally unavailable and I stop talking to them within some time because I easily get attached and I wouldn’t want to have feelings. The ones that are ready for a relationship are older men that come for marriage and I don’t want it now. I keep wondering if I’m doing something wrong. 

Vee, 21, female

Hello Vee,

I’d like to start off by saying that a lot of people want to feel loved. Either from friends, family, or romantic connections. Love is a beautiful emotion to experience, so it’s normal that people would want it. On that note, I would really like for you to forgive the girl you were then. The things that had happened, have happened and they’re not your fault. We move. 

Now, as for finding someone that wants a relationship, I think you should widen your scope of men. I mean, going out to new places, asking friends to introduce you to their friends. It’s a good excuse to get dressed up and go out if you’re someone that enjoys going out. If you don’t, you can try dating apps or even regular social media apps. Look at Twitter, there are a lot of people finding love on that app every day but let me warn you, Twitter is also the trenches. 

The important thing is to note that the love of a romantic partner is not the most important thing in life. It’s okay to want it, you just can’t centre your entire life around finding someone to date. Think of it this way. In this case, you’re a doughnut and romantic love is the jam. You’re good with or without. You might lose yourself in the process. 

Love, Aunty Z! 

Dear Aunty Z!, 

How do you know you are polyamorous? Or do you slide from indisciplined to polyamorous? Most of my relationships always go well until a new girl shows up randomly, it starts from simple friendship to maybe friends with benefits and then relationship (something just happens and the primary relationship ends). 

I get easily bored with people so that can explain the thrill of meeting new people and getting attached in one way.

Do I need help or I should assume I’m polyamorous?

Aunty Z’s ex, 30, male

Dear ex, 

Not only are you all turning me into a babalawo specialist, but you’re also giving me relationships I don’t remember partaking in. Luckily for you, I don’t hate any of my exes, so let’s get to problem-solving. 

I can say with 100% certainty that you are not polyamorous, just bored. Polyamorous people don’t dump their current partner simply because they find someone new and interesting. What you are, is bored. I get it, I get bored too. One thing that has helped me is to never run out of something to talk about. Rediscovering new things about your partner keeps you interested. So, when you notice you’re already getting bored, you should try a game or activity for you both. You might think you know someone until you play a card game with them while you’re both drinking. You’d see a side you have never seen before. 

So, try new activities, and open yourself up to learning and immersing yourself in her world enough to keep you invested. Then, if it gets boring and none of the activities work, it’s okay to end it and find someone new. Dating is supposed to be a fun chance to experience people. 

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!, 

The issue is that my partner of a year plus doesn’t talk to me anymore. Not the typical ghosting, they view my status, send me links for opportunities and personal development tweets and all but we do not have the conventional partners communication, they’re currently using my Laptop, so recently, I tried opening a conversation by saying “Hey you” and there they go, ” Oh I’m sorry about your Laptop, can I return it on Monday”. I’m still interested in them though and I was wondering if there’s anything I can do to bring our relationship back to life. P. S We live in the same city and the last time I visited, I saw another woman’s nudes on their phone. Should that have been a clue to let go of them?

Honeydrops, 22, female

Dear Honeydrops

I like this your name. Dust your slippers, put them on your head, and run. You don’t have a partner, you have a self-help book. Sure, relationships can help aid your personal development, but if that’s all you both talk about, I don’t know.. 

Seriously though, communication is the backbone of every good relationship. Sure, love is important, but it’s never enough. You need to ask them why they no longer talk to you. 

Also, before that conversation, prepare yourself for the possibility of the relationship coming to an end. If they seem so reluctant to talk now, there’s a possibility they might not want to talk anytime soon and is that something you genuinely want to deal with? A partner that doesn’t communicate. The woman’s nudes on the phone are definitely not helping matters because why are they keeping the nudes a woman sent them when they’re in a relationship? That’s a major red flag. I wish you the best of luck! 

Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!  

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Love Life besties to friends with benefits
August 26, 2021

Becca*, 28, and Michael*, 25 have been dating for five months. Today on Love Life, they talk about transitioning from work besties to friends with benefits, then deciding to relocate to London together.  What is your earliest memory of each other? Michael: She doesn’t know this, but I was coming to work one day when […]

November 30, 2019

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old man who had only ever had sex with women until last month. After unexpectedly making out with a guy at a party, he had his bisexual awakening, and now he feels like he just hit reset on his life.

July 8, 2021

Lanre, 30+, and Princess, 30+, have been married for six years. Months after their first child, Lanre encountered a mental health issue that lasted a year and tested their marriage. For today’s episode of Love Life, they discuss working through it as a couple and what six years of marriage has taught them.


Now on Zikoko

Recommended Quizzes

January 2, 2020

Do you have even a single romantic bone in your body? Well, if you’re not sure about just how sweet and thoughtful you can be to someone you love, that’s what this quiz is here to answer. 11 Quizzes For Nigerians Who Are Ready To Marry  Are you ready to marry? Take these quizzes.

November 25, 2019

We already guessed how many people you’ve slept with, and y’all were out here denying the truth. Anyway, we won’t hold that against you. This time, however, we’ve created a quiz that predicts who you’ll sleep with next — so you can either prepare or try (unsuccessfully) to prevent it. So, take and see:

April 14, 2020

Every friend group consists of very different and specific characters — from the parent to the fun one — and it can be a little tough figuring out where you fall. So, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know exactly what kind of friend you are. Take to find out:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

More from Ships

July 30, 2022

The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex. 


Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.