Ask Aunty Z! – Communicate With Your Partners, Abeg

November 7, 2021

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

Today, Aunty Z! gives advice to a bisexual married man who wants to open up his marriage and sleep with his wife’s friend and a straight man who is in love with a lady in his head. 

Dear Aunty Z!,

My wife is emotionally involved with another man. He’s also married and they love each other. I also suspect she could be bisexual too as she has a [female] bestie I think she’s been sleeping with. I want an open marriage and want to have sex with her and her male friend. How do I go about it? Is it advisable?

                                                            – Stanley, 35 

Dear Stanley, 

There’s a lot going on, but that’s why I’m here. The koko of this matter is that you need to talk to your wife. I’m assuming you married someone you love and respect. I also assume she trusts and listens to you. If that’s the case, then all your problems can be solved with a conversation — or several, but it’s all worth it in the end. 

But come o Stanley, if she’s in love with this man and you’re aware, it seems you already have an open relationship no? Regardless, communicating with your partner is the first thing to do when you have these things that you are worried about. 

Lastly, you would like to sleep with your wife’s friend, but does he want to sleep with you? We have to be sure of these things because they are still serving breakfast out in these streets. Sure there’s no shame in shooting your shot, but Nigeria is homophobic and I think discussing with your partner first will help you decide if you really want to take this kind of chance.. 

When you’re talking with your wife, you can bring up your sexuality. If she’s bisexual, don’t expect her to open up immediately simply because you did. Once again, Nigeria is homophobic and people need time. I hope this helps and do keep me updated. 

Love, Aunty Z! 

Dear Aunty Z!,

Hello, I’m in kind of a quagmire. I’ve been dating someone for 3+ years now, she’s beautiful, nice and hardworking and she loves me. I love her also but deep in my mind I know I won’t want to spend the rest of my life with her. 

There are some red flags here and there but honestly they could be overshadowed by her good side, despite this, I still don’t see us being together forever. The issue of marriage hasn’t come up though, she knows I’m still finding my feet even though I have a good job. She’s employed too but we don’t talk about getting married soon. 

She thinks we’re getting married though, I honestly can’t explain why but I just don’t love her enough to go all the way and I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t know what next to do and its not like there’s someone physically who I’m considering as her replacement. It’s a mental image instead, the ideal person for me is in my head and I’m madly in love with that person who ticks all the boxes for me. What’s the way forward?

                                                           – Dru, 24 

Hello my lovely, 

About this marriage thing, I think you should let her know. With relationships, there doesn’t always have to be an end goal, but it is important that throughout we treat our partners with love and respect. 

You should let her know that marrying her is not in your plans. That allows for you both to decide the next step in the relationship. Do you continue dating each other because you enjoy where you are at right now? Or do you go your separate ways because you both want different things? The conversation will help you feel a lot lighter, no matter what the outcome is. 

As for the dream woman you hope to meet, the hard truth is that there’s nobody 100% perfect for you. People might have one or two things that might not really do it for you, but you have to decide if those things are worth leaving the person for. 

It’s okay to have a fantasy person in your head. I have one too, and it’s one of the many traits of a hopeless romantic. Just don’t let that imaginary person stop you from having great relationships right now.

Love, Aunty Z! 

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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