Ask Aunty Z! – Unrequited Love Is A Stinking Thing

October 31, 2021

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

You can send your questions to Aunty Z! through this form.

Dear Aunty Z!,

I’m in love with my best friend. He’s straight and he knows I’m into guys, but he’s only ever been supportive.

I hate that I have feelings for him because it feels like I’m betraying our relationship. Why can’t I be friends with a straight man without falling for him? What kind of cliche nonsense is that?

I’m wondering if I should tell him how I feel or I should just shut my mouth and keep my feelings to myself. They are starting to eat me up inside, but I’m scared of losing the friendship if I tell him.

What should I do?

– James, Male, 25, Gay

Dear James,

This is a tough one. Unrequited love is a stinking thing. Trust me, I know. We can’t control who we have feelings for, and that can be quite exhausting. But the truth is that telling your friend how you feel might not help either of you in the long run. However supportive he seems, he is a straight man and cannot feel the same way you do about him, no matter what you say or do. He can only share your burden which might be too heavy for him and the friendship.

It’s easier said than done, but there are two ways you can go about this. You can try to create a little distance between the both of you. It may be hard but sometimes “out of sight, out of mind” does wonders. The second thing you can try is just accepting that you love this person in the way that you’re capable of and they love you in the way they can. Those two ways don’t match but that’s just how life can be sometimes, my dear.

I’m so sorry you are in this situation, but hang in there, feelings come and go and what that means is that you could wake up in a few weeks and there’s another sweet young man in your life who likes you like you like him. Make sure you write to me then o!

Love,
Aunty Z! .

Dear Aunty Z!,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months but he has never acknowledged our monthiversary (I know it’s not that big a deal though). On my birthday, he didn’t get me a gift, but I got him one during his birthday. I did that as a way of showing him that I love a little effort. He just said, “Thanks,” like it was nothing. 

It’s a long-distance relationship, but he never makes an attempt to come to see me, call me — voice or video — or even text me.

I feel alone in the relationship, and I don’t know how to tell him. He asked me out himself and has acknowledged that we are in this relationship, but he isn’t putting any effort and that’s pissing me off.

Would it be wrong to ask him if he really still wants to be in the relationship? 

— Cherry, Female, 19, Straight

Dear Cherry,

I’ll start by saying, if a monthiversary is a big deal to you, that’s totally fine. It’s not ridiculous to expect your partner to understand the things you love and make some effort.

From what you’ve written, you clearly really like your partner (because if you don’t none of this stress is worth it, honey). With love sometimes, you have to teach your partner to love you. It’s a lot of work. It’s work you need to decide if you want to do or not.

In the event that you do like this person enough to do the work, sit them down — I know it’s a long-distancelong distance relationship so maybe you guys can do a date over Zoom or something — and tell him the things that bother you. Let him know how much you like birthday gifts and how you would like him to show more effort with your relationship, because not calling or texting you sounds quite problematic.

At the end of the day, this will be your decision to make, but I do think that after telling your partner the things you’d like from them, they should, at the very least, make an effort. If he doesn’t, then it may be time to let that man go.

Write to me again after you’ve had the conversation. I really hope it helps.

Love,

Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

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