Nollywood has come such a long way. If you don’t think so, do yourself a favour and watch an old Nollywood film — an old Nollywood action film. I can promise you that you’ll find at least five of the things I’ve listed below. 

Hans Anuku and Sam Dede

Hanks Anuku was a staple in every old Nollywood film — the calm but deadly guy with the phoneh accent. Sam Dede was the bad guy always wearing all-black.

Bandana and tiny sunglasses 

Re-Sam Dede. But also, what better way to showcase gangsters without styling them all with bandanas and tiny sunglasses. To cap off the lewk, the bandana would be, either camouflage or black. 

Unnecessary sound effects 

From the exaggerated gbish-gbish sound effect to indicate punches landing, to assault rifles that sounded like Christmas knockouts, there was always one ridiculous sound or the other. 

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DPO’s office 

Any small thing, they showed a raggedy-looking old house turned into a police station. The DPO was always either corrupt or trying to find justice with a team of clueless policemen. 

Cult rivalry 

For some very foolish reason, two groups (cults) were always against each other. Most times, it started because someone flirted with another person’s girl. Then everybody got beaten or killed because of jealousy. 

“Uncompleted” buildings 

It’s either someone was running into one, hiding in one, or people were shooting at themselves in one. Sometimes, a kidnapped person would be hidden inside, and a gun battle would start when the police were trying to rescue the person. If the movie didn’t have a scene that involved an “uncompleted” building, was it even a Nollywood action film?

A capone 

There must be a thickset man with bodyguards following him up and down. The boys would beat up people for the capone or use other ways to put the fear of God in them. They hardly ever smiled and they only spoke Pidgin.

Aimless rolling on the floor 

If someone wasn’t rolling on the floor, the movie hadn’t started. Half the time, they were rolling on the floor either trying to shoot or dodge bullets. Didn’t it hurt to roll on the floor every time? 

Monochrome outfits 

Yeah, we get it, black is the colour of violence and darkness, but where was the creativity Were other colours on strike? When they not wearing black, they wore white so that the blood would show well when they were shot. 

Ridiculous special effects

Nobody does it like old Nollywood film editors, mehn! Because whenever they included special effects, it’s almost as if they were trying to make it obvious that the effects were… well, effects.From the guns that shot very bright yellow explosions, to the blinding fire effects, to screeching while driving? Call of Duty no do pass these ones. 

A hired assassin with a leather jacket 

So this isn’t old Nollywood, but omo, we couldn’t resist. 

Here’s the script: a hired assassin is given a picture of somebody with instructions to kill the person. They’re also given a brown envelope that contains half of the payment for the job. This transaction is always carried out in a car, and the assassin must wear a leather jacket. Because apparently, that’s what makes him badass and… dangerous(?)


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