Last week, a friend of mine tweeted about how it made no sense for a man to chase a woman for a long period of time. But how long is too long? I asked eight Nigerian men how long a man should pursue a woman, and this is what they said.

“If you can see that she’s interested in you, keep trying until she says yes”

— Effiong, 24

As long as the man and woman are attracted to each other and she hasn’t outrightly said no, he should keep trying. No matter how long it takes. It’s not rocket science. If you can see that she’s interested in you, keep trying until she says yes.

 “Keep going at it, even if it takes two years”

— Tobi, 22

If the girl is worth it, apply pressure like mad. Except she clearly defines boundaries and tells you straight up she’s not interested. If not, keep going at it, even if it takes two years. Some people are just worth the effort. It’s something I can do, depending on the girl and where she is in her life. The funny thing is, I can see her going out with other men and it won’t faze me. I’ll just stay on top of my game and keep applying pressure. That’s how much I believe in my sauce.

  “If she’s not feeling you, walk away”

— Tolu, 25

Please don’t chase women. From the moment you speak to her, if she’s not feeling you, just walk away. If she’s playing hard to get, run for your life. Any woman playing “hard to get” isn’t a good person.

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“If she likes me but acts funny about it, or plays hard to get, I’ll lose interest immediately”

— Prince, 26 

When I like a woman, I tell her. If she shows or tells me she doesn’t feel the same way, I leave her alone. If she likes me but acts funny about it, or plays hard to get, I’ll lose interest immediately. I’m not going to chase her, because there’s no reason to do that, as she already knows I like her, and I sense that she probably likes me. Why then would she be trying to stress my life? If I really like her, I’ll make an effort to find out the reason why she’s acting that way; maybe she’s not really playing hard to get, or there may be more to it. But if it’s someone I just started liking, I’ll walk away.

“It’s not that simple”

— Kamar, 35

It’s not that simple. The answer to this question is not based on time but on progress. It can take a week or even a month before it’s clear that someone isn’t interested and you aren’t making progress. It can also take an hour. Even for someone who is interested, it can still take a long time for them to decide to be with you, even if they like you too. 

Life and human beings are way too complex with different situations and principles for such an oversimplified question.  A thousand different scenarios can exist.

 “Don’t chase any woman for more than a year”

— Tony, 28 

You shouldn’t chase a woman for more than six months. Even six months is too long. Why are you pursuing somebody for longer than that? Don’t you have a life? Okay, maybe you really like her and she has shown signs that she likes you. In this scenario, you can keep trying, but it shouldn’t go past a year. And even with that, you should be talking to other girls. I don’t even think I can go that long, but for the guys that can, please don’t chase any woman for more than a year.

ALSO READ: 6 Nigerian Men Talk About the Red Flags They Ignored in Their Relationships

“The longest time I’ve waited for an answer is a month” 

— Bayo, 28 

You can pursue a girl for fifty years. If she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t. You can make an effort to try to woo and impress her, but don’t do that for too long. If you’ve tried for two weeks and she hasn’t shown interest, move on. To be honest, the longest time I’ve waited for an answer is one month. It was because she wanted to be sure she was making the right decision. But we both had feelings for each other. We’ve been dating for three months. 

“You don’t need more than a month to know if a girl likes you” 

— Chimezie, 27 

I went on a date with someone last year, and after the date, I could tell she was no longer interested. After I told her I liked her, she told me she was with someone else. After that, I locked up and moved on. I don’t think I’ve ever chased a woman. My relationships start from friendships and they grow from there. Even the person I talked about above, we’d been flirting for a bit before I even asked her out on a date.

“Don’t directly chase her for more than two weeks. If not, it can turn into harassment”

— Oscar, 26 

Once I toast a babe and she doesn’t agree, I remove my hands. There’s this thing I do which I call “Sleeper Cell P”. I plant the idea to a certain point and then leave the girl alone. I go back when or if the timing is right (you’ll know when that is). If she expressly states that she isn’t interested, I leave her alone. All in all, don’t directly chase her for more than two weeks. If not, it can turn into harassment.

Next, how much are Nigerian men willing to spend on love?  “You Don’t Need a Lot of Money” — 7 Nigerian Men on the Cost of Finding Love



Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.