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  • Men don’t always talk about their friendships, but those bonds often hold some of the most meaningful parts of their lives. Whether it’s the friend who stood by them through difficult times or the one who pushed them toward a better version of themselves, these relationships quietly shape who they become.

    We asked these  Nigerian men to talk about  the moment they realised a friend had become a brother, and they had lots of heartwarming stories to share.

    “He helped me stop an addiction” — David*, 28

    For David*, his friend became the only steady hand pulling him out of an addiction that almost consumed him.

    “I met Timi in university in 2015, and at first, he was just a regular friend. We lived together as roommates for three years. In my second year, I went through a terrible heartbreak and slipped into a dark place. I became lethargic, started smoking weed, then graduated to harder drugs. I stopped attending classes and kept failing until my CGPA dropped to 1.4. By my third year, the school put me on probation and warned me they would withdraw me if I didn’t improve.

    When my parents found out, my dad threatened to disown me and refused to pay my fees. My mum could only cover half, and Timi convinced his parents to pay the rest so I wouldn’t drop out. That period was rough, and he stayed beside me through every part of it.

    The hardest battle was breaking free from my addiction. The process was painful, and he didn’t have to get that involved, but he encouraged me and held me accountable till I completely gave up smoking. That was the period he stopped being just a friend and became my brother.

    We’ve drifted apart in recent years, but if he calls me once, I’ll show up. That’s how brothers work.“

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    “We left a cult together” — Hosea*, 49

    Hosea* realised he had a brother when a violent clash exposed was willing to risk everything to stand by him.

    “Moses and I go way back. We were part of a cult during our undergraduate days. One day, a major fight broke out, and I got a serious leg injury that got me admitted to the hospital. None of the other guys in the confraternity came to see me. Only Moses cared enough to sit with me in the hospital and make sure I was okay. 

    When the others mocked me and said I was weak, it completely disillusioned me. I told them I wanted to leave, and that turned into another round of conflict. Because Moses supported me, they isolated both of us for the rest of our time there.

    In the end, we managed to leave the group together, and we’ve stayed tight ever since. It’s funny because he’s a pastor today, and honestly, he’s always had that loving, big-brother side to him. “

    “They’ve seen me at my lowest” — Ahmad*, 38

    For Ahmad*, his brothers are the group of boys who have been with him through all the phases of his life.

    “I don’t have just one friend who became a brother. I have a whole group of guys I’ve known since childhood, and over time they’ve all become my brothers. It wasn’t one big moment, but years of showing up for each other. 

    When I hit my lowest after my mum’s death and suffered a major financial setback, they stepped in and supported me. One of them even helped me get the job that launched my current career path.

    They’ve been there for me in so many ways, and I’ve done the same for them. I can call any of them without shame because they’ve seen me at my lowest, and I’ve seen them at their worst too. After so many years, I know we’ll be brothers for life.”

    “We’ve built a brand together” — Kunle* 23

    Kunle* realised he had a brother in the friend who matched his ambition

    “We met in 2019 when I was in 100 level. He first approached me because he thought I was an older student and wanted advice about school. Once he realised I was also a fresher, we started talking more. We stayed in the same hostel, and navigating school together made us close.

    He was good at photography but wasn’t practicing seriously. I was also interested and encouraged him to take it more seriously. I helped him see that the little he earned from editing for others was nothing compared to what we could build ourselves.

    Eventually, we started a brand together. We work well because he’s talented but shy, while I’m more outgoing and handle the PR side. In the two years we’ve been running the brand, we’ve never argued about money because he’s honest and doesn’t see me as competition. Now we’ve carved out our own space in the school’s photography space, and somewhere along the way, he became more than an average friend.”

    “He’s been a constant in my life” — Khalid* 24

    For Khalid*, brotherhood became clear when the friend who’d always been there remained his first call in every crisis.

    “I can’t even pinpoint when we became close because our mums have been friends forever. We went to the same primary and secondary schools and did everything together.  Even when we went to different universities, nothing changed. I don’t have a biological brother, so he naturally became the one I never had. He’s been there through every relationship, every family issue, every major shift in my life.

    I realised he’d become a brother the day someone scammed in 2022. He was the first person I called. Later, when we became a trio with another close friend, it struck me that Adam and I had the same context, the same mannerisms, and reacted to things in almost the exact way. Our third friend teases us about acting like siblings.”

    Read Next: Pressure From My Mother Drove Me Into Fraud And Debt

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  • There’s this long-standing idea that men only respond to toughness, stoicism and all the loud parts of masculinity. But that’s not always the truth; men want love, reassurance and softness just as much as anyone else.

    For International Men’s Day, we asked 10 Nigerian men to share what they truly desire in love and how they want to receive care in their romantic and platonic relationships.

    “I want the space to be vulnerable without fear” — Timothy*, 27

    For Timothy, love and vulnerability in a safe environment define what love means to him.

    “Being loved means I can open up to my partner and be vulnerable without feeling like I’ve made a wrong choice. 

    I wish women knew that I love how I am treated when I see the same level of energy and enthusiasm I give. I hate feeling like a second option or replacement. If I get the same vim I’m giving out, I feel like that connection is special.

    I feel most cared for when my partner or friend comes through for me when I need their help. If I can count on you when it matters, it tells me you really rate me.

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    “I’m a simple man; I don’t need the grandest efforts to feel loved” Abraham*, 30

    For Abraham, love doesn’t have to be grand over the top as long as it feels safe and nurturing.

    “Being loved feels like a warm hug for my soul; like having a safety net that’s always there, catching me when I fall. It’s the comfort of knowing the people I consider intimately have my back, no matter what.

    I like to think of myself as a simple man who doesn’t require the grandest effort to make me feel loved. This means I love the way I want to be loved. Sadly, this doesn’t always translate well, since everyone has their own love language. However, I’ve been intentional about communicating this as often as possible with the women—platonic and romantic—in my life. It’s been a work in progress; love itself requires constant nurturing and tweaking to accommodate the feelings of the people experiencing it.”

    “I want to be gifted more” — Lore*, 25

    For Lore, the best way to his heart is through a thoughtful gift from the women he holds dear.

    “I like gifts a lot. I feel like a lot of the women in my life think I want to be told it’s okay to cry or be more vulnerable. I don’t think that’s the best way to celebrate my existence as a man. To me, it’s lazy. Gifts do it better for me. 

    If I feel supported — financially and emotionally — and I’m with someone with effective communication, there’s not much more I desire in a relationship.”

    “Loving men requires more intentional work” — Tony*, 24

    Tony believes that for men to feel more comfortable expressing their emotions, they need to be given signals that it’s safe to do so.

    “I believe that loving men often requires a little more intentional clarity than just telling them ‘Be more vulnerable.’ Many men feel deeply, but don’t always have the language to express those feelings, so small, steady signals mean a lot. 

    Consistency, genuine appreciation, and a safe space to relax where I don’t have to perform strength matter to me. I don’t need grand gestures; I just need to know my presence matters and my efforts aren’t invisible. I need to know that it’s okay for me to be soft when necessary without a question tag on my masculinity.”

    “Kindness and love are intertwined for me” — Murewa*, 28.

    For Murewa, love, kindness and accountability are closely knitted and shape what he looks for in love.

    “To love me is to be kind to me. I despise assholes who find it hard to take accountability or apologise for their questionable behaviours. These people would rather make excuses because they’ve grown used to getting away with it. They have no place in my life.

    I love in my love language, and I’m willing to learn theirs and give my 100%. All I ask in return is that you give me 100% too. Be expressive and show kindness. Don’t be self-centred or snobbish. People can care and still be all these things, which I find mind-boggling. Many relationships have ended because of this. ”

    “I wish women knew that loving physical touch doesn’t translate to sex” — David*, 27

    All David wants in a relationship is emotional support and good food.

    “I feel most loved when my partner believes in me, cares for me and supports me and loves physical touch. I especially enjoy it when I have similar interests and hobbies as my partner; it just makes things easier for me. 

    I wish more women understood that loving physical touch doesn’t always mean it has to end in sex. I just enjoy non-sexual physical intimacy with my friends and romantic partners.”

     “When I’m appreciated by my loved ones, I feel seen” — Bolu*, 31

    Bolu wishes the women in his life knew that, even if it doesn’t always look like it, he’s trying his best.

    “Being loved and appreciated by my loved ones makes me feel seen and is one of the many ways I define love. I wish the women in my life knew I’m trying my best even when it doesn’t look like it. Past hurt and trauma have influenced some of my past actions, but I’m genuinely trying. It would be nice to receive some acknowledgement as a form of encouragement to continue on this path.”

    “Consistency makes me feel cared for” — Toluwani*, 29

    Toluwani believes love looks like grace, and he feels most cared for when the support he gives others comes back to him with the same consistency. 

    “For me, love feels like grace. It’s when someone chooses not to assume the worst about me in a moment where they easily could. When they see me on a rough day, they treat it as what it is — a rough day. It also looks like space: the freedom to be unsure, to say what I mean without rehearsing it first. It makes me human in a way I don’t always permit myself to be: living, breathing, still growing. 

    Much of what I do stems from a simple place: I give because it feels natural to me. Being useful — offering help, stepping in quietly, doing small things that make someone’s day easier — is my way of showing care. There’s no hidden motive in it. I’m not keeping scores. It wears me down when I’m treated like there must be. 

    That consistency makes me feel cared for. I appreciate knowing what to expect and feeling confident in someone’s patterns. When my partner is steady and predictable in how they show up, it gives me one less thing to worry about. It’s the reliability that lets me relax. It tells me I don’t have to brace myself.”

    “Just because I want some space doesn’t mean I don’t love you” — Ibrahim*, 27

    For Ibrahim, nothing beats the security of feeling loved and valued by the people around him.

    “I always think of genuine happiness when I think of love. Knowing someone truly cares tells me they value me, and that comes with the knowledge that they want the best for me. That sense of security makes everything feel better.

    This also applies to the women in my life. I wish they knew that I still care deeply for them, even when I need some space. With me, silence doesn’t translate to unreciprocated love.

    I feel cared for when the women in my life show up during hard times. It’s another way to show that you value me.”

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    “Supporting my interests shows that you know me, and I love that” — Adesoji*, 30

    Adesoji shares how his wife’s intuitive support of his interests immediately made him feel safe and loved.

    “You know when, as a kid, something bad happens and your parent soothes you? That’s how being loved feels, a deep comfort. Protected. Reassured. 

    I wish more women would try to figure out other people’s love languages. I did that with my wife. You should ask yourself, ‘How does this person love, and how do they express love?’ Sometimes, a person who loves gifts might express their love through acts of service. It’s important to always seek clarity of intentions..

    During our early years, I once visited her in a different city, and she planned a visit to a museum for me. I hadn’t asked, but she knew my love for history and culture, and knew exactly what I would enjoy. It showed that she cared and wanted me to be happy. That’s exactly what makes me feel cared for in a relationship: careful consideration.”

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    We’re surveying Nigerians about their real experiences with relationships—the good, the bad, the complicated. Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or somewhere in between, your story matters.

    This anonymous survey will help us create Nigeria’s most comprehensive report on modern love. Click here to participate.

    READ ALSO: 5 Nigerian Men Open Up On Their Life-Changing Male Friendships

  • Sometimes, it’s not the big betrayals but the small, cringe-inducing moments that quietly kill attraction. After getting these Nigerian women to open up about their icks, we asked Nigerian men to share their own experiences. They opened up about the random, hilarious, and sometimes shocking moments their partners put them off.

    “She’s too fake” —  Alex*, 29

    In Alex’s* case, he didn’t expect his partner to be more committed to her online image than their actual relationship

    “My last relationship didn’t even last six months before I ended it; she felt fake, and that really bothered me. She talked badly about her friends to me, shared their secrets, and judged them for the same things she did. Then she acted all sweet with them online, and that really threw me off.

    She was also obsessed with cameras; every private moment ended up on the internet. It got so bad that I started feeling anxious around phones. She didn’t even have that many followers, but she acted like an influencer and constantly pressured me to play along.

    The final straw came during one of her visits. My flatmate was setting up a birthday surprise for his girlfriend with balloons, a money bouquet, and flowers. She saw it and said it looked pretty. Later, I found out she had snapped it and sent it to her friends with the caption, “See what my baby did for me today.” She forgot to remove me from the list.

    I felt so embarrassed that I couldn’t even say anything. That was when I realised how far she’d go to keep up appearances. I knew I was done.”

    “She was obsessed with astrology” — Tobi*, 28

    Tobi* assumed his girlfriend’s interest in cosmology was harmless until it became the constant reference point in their issues.

    “Before we started dating, my girlfriend suddenly became really interested in star signs. In hindsight, that should’ve been my first red flag. I didn’t realise how obsessed she was until it started affecting our relationship.

    Soon, every argument and decision came down to astrology. She’d say things like, ‘I’m emotional because I’m a Cancer,’ even when she acted controlling and bossy. She wanted to know my every move, but freely went out with her friends. She used astrology to justify her bad behaviour. During fights, she never took accountability and blamed her Aries sign for her actions.

    The day she told me again that we weren’t compatible because of our signs, I lost it. I reminded her she’s Oluwatosin from a Yoruba Christian home, not some moon goddess. That was when I checked out.”

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    “She danced legwork in the club” — Charles*, 32

    What started out as a fun night for Charles* ended with a public performance which left him with a lifetime supply of embarrassment.

    “In 2024, I started seeing this girl casually and already suspected she couldn’t handle her liquor. The night we went clubbing confirmed it.

    She drank from random people’s cups and even walked up to strangers asking to taste their drinks. I found it rude and reckless. Then she got so drunk that when I tried to take her home, she refused and caused a scene.

    As people began to stare, I stepped back before anyone thought I was forcing her. Next thing I saw, she jumped into the middle of the dance floor, doing legwork and wild, trenches-style dances with strangers. I’d never been so icked out in my life. At some point, she took off her heels, lifted her gown slightly, and kept dancing. That image still haunts me.

    When I finally got her home, I couldn’t stop replaying everything in my head. That’s when I decided I couldn’t take the relationship any further.”

    “She’s uncomfortable in her own skin” — Fawaz*, 36

    For Fawaz*, dating someone who always looked like she was set for a beauty pageant quickly became exhausting.

    “The girl I’m seeing can’t step out without a full face of makeup. It’s not just for special occasions; even when we’re just hanging out casually, she’d show up looking like she’s headed to a wedding.

    At first, I assumed it was because I’d never spent the night at her place. But even when she stayed home, she’d still have on light makeup. The strangest part was how she kept makeup on during sex. I didn’t see her barefaced until one random day, and she looked so different that it completely threw me off.

    It‘s started to feel like she’s uncomfortable in her own skin. Over time, it’s become a real issue, especially when we go on casual dates and people stare because she’s overdressed and overdone.”

    “She acted like being ‘one of the boys’ was an achievement” — Emeka* 24

    Through the constant need for male validation, Emeka’s ex icked him out of their relationship.

    “We met shortly before the COVID pandemic, and through long calls and late-night chats, I fell for her. When the lockdown eased and we finally started spending time together, I began to notice things that gave me serious icks.

    First, she called everyone “baby.” It didn’t matter if it was a guy or girl. I found it strange because I was her boyfriend — shouldn’t that nickname be reserved for me? When I brought it up, she brushed it off, saying I was too fixated on trivial things.

    She also bragged about not keeping female friends because ‘women are somehow.’ She acted like being ‘one of the boys’ was an achievement. I ignored it until I saw her hanging out with her male friends one day.

    Her actions made me physically cringe — she tried too hard, laughed too loudly, forced herself into conversations that didn’t concern her. The guys looked bored, but she just kept going like a ‘pick me’. Watching her that day made me cringe so much; all I could think about was how embarrassing it looked from the outside.

    I mentally checked out of the relationship that day. I didn’t end things immediately, but I knew it was only a matter of time.”

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  • There’s a long-running joke on Nigerian social media that some men secretly enjoy dating mean women —the ones who keep them on their toes and stress them out enough just to keep things interesting. But when does that stop being playful and start looking like actual wickedness? We asked five Nigerian men what they really think about dating partners like this and if they’ve ever been on the receiving end. Here’s what they had to say.

    “I don’t like mean women anymore” — Chibuzor*, 27

    After spending three months constantly being in the wrong, Chibuzor learned that he didn’t really like “wicked women” after all.

    “ I don’t go near self-proclaimed “wicked girls” again. I used to think it was hot when a babe showed me small pepper to spice things up, but I’ve outgrown it. 

    I dated one in 2022 for three months, and she nearly drove me mad. I said “sorry” every day in that relationship. She’d get angry over small things — like me not sounding excited enough to see her, or spending time with my older sister. When she got angry, she’d ignore me for days, while I begged her to respond to my messages. 

    One day, she got into another anger fit again and blocked me everywhere. Instead of begging, I used the escape route. I only move to nice women now, I’ve learned my lesson.”

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    “She used my emotions against me“ — Emmanuel*, 38

    Emmanuel recounts how his abusive relationship with his ex has made him avoid similar women.

    “ I dated one of these wicked types for six years, and constantly butted heads. I thought it was passion at first, but after five years, I saw the truth: the relationship was unhealthy and draining.. 

    She’d ghost me for a week, and when I asked why, she’d say, ‘I don’t like when men are too relaxed.’ She knew I cared, but it felt like she was always yanking my emotional chain. When she wanted something, she’d be sweet. Other times, she’d insult me or compare me to other guys who wanted her. 

    I really wanted to try to make things work, but she wouldn’t compromise on anything. We split last year. 

    I’m seeing someone new now, and I haven’t felt this relaxed in years. I think we’re a better match in terms of personality. We rarely fight, and even when we disagree, she never raises her voice at me. Nice girls for the win, please.”

    “They’re fun if you aren’t dating them” — Collins*, 29

    Collin’s short-lived relationship during his service year made him swear off wicked babes for life.

    “Babes like that are only fun if you’re not dating them. They’re entertaining in small doses, but once you enter, you’ll know pepper pass pepper. 

    I had a thing with one during NYSC. She had a man who did everything for her, but I was her side piece for four months. I didn’t even know I was the side until she stayed over one day and I stumbled on some texts with him.  

    When I confronted her, she wasn’t apologetic. She even and bragged about the things he did for her. I ended things immediately,  but it sent me down a dark emotional path.

    Since then, I’ve promised myself never to be with a person who makes me feel that way again. I’ve only dated one person since then, but we didn’t work out because she relocated.. She was one of the sweetest people I’d ever met. ”

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    “Wickedness is not a cute personality trait” —Tobi*, 29

    Tobi hasn’t dated a mean person yet, but recognises the red flags and avoids them.

    “I don’t mind a woman who’s strict or assertive, but wicked? No. Wickedness isn’t a cute personality trait. That’s somebody who’ll treat you terribly and possibly traumatise you. I haven’t dated anyone like that, but I can recognise the signs. For instance, a major red flag is anyone who immediately resorts to name-calling during disagreements. I avoid them like mad.”

    “I like when they’re wicked to everyone else but me” — Seun*, 22

    Seun admits he has a soft spot for women with a mean streak, even though he’s been hurt in the past.

    “I love women who have a mean streak. Not wicked to me, but the ones who are mean to everyone else. 

    I once dated a girl for three months who ignored people around me and only said hi to me. When I asked why after the first time, she said she didn’t want to be friends with my friends. I was shocked, but I liked it. It made me feel special.

    She eventually showed me shege at the end. She said I gave her the ick because of a joke I posted on my WhatsApp status about fighting for food at a funeral. The next day, she blocked me everywhere. I still ran into her in school, but she acted like we were strangers.

    It hurt, but I’d still do it again. It was a nice experience while it lasted.”

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    “I want to find a babe that’s nice like me” — Seyi*, 26

    After constantly getting anxious when his ex reached out, Seyi only wants an emotionally open person now.

    “I used to think wicked girls were hot because they’re usually the assertive type, but I think I was blinded by youth. 

    I dated a babe for a few months last year and omo, never again.

    I liked this babe a lot, but it was as if there was nothing I could do to convince her I liked her. If I hugged a female friend, it could mean the silent treatment. If I missed her call and didnt respond in ten minutes, I knew I was getting a nasty text where she would rain insults on me. At first, I thought I was being a bad boyfriend and tried to keep up, but I started getting anxious when she reached out. 

    I felt so bad sometimes, I would be up all night, scared I had done something to annoy or upset her, which was why she wasn’t replying. I had o break up with her when I couldn’t take it anymore. She didn’t take it well, she cursed me out and blocked me.

    Now, guarded babes hold zero appeal for me. I want to find a babe that’s emotionally open and nice like me.”

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    ALSO READ: 9 Nigerian Men, 1 Question: What Does The Bro Code Mean to You? 

  • Marriage may seem perfect in pictures, but the real test happens in everyday life. Beyond the smiles and celebrations are the challenges, sacrifices, and choices that truly define a relationship. 

    After hearing from wives about their experiences, we asked Nigerian husbands if they would choose their wives again. Their answers reveal what long-term commitment really means.

    “Her new appearance might push me into an affair”  — Charles*, 46

    If I had to marry again, I wouldn’t choose my wife. We have been married for 15 years, but the main reason I’m still in the marriage is for the unity of the home and our children. 

    I do like that she supports me and faces our financial struggles head-on, but still, we’ve grown apart due to the nature of her businesses. Her ambition has driven her to run several trading ventures, and she has taken on the role of a market woman. 

    Over time, it’s changed her appearance. With childbirth, stress, and the demands of her work, she now looks much older and darker. That’s why I no longer find her attractive.

    I know she works this hard because my office job does not pay much, and I respect her sacrifices, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I try to focus on the good and control my emotions. I only hope these feelings don’t push me into an affair.

    “She stood by me when I got into trouble” — Kola*, 51

    I’ve been married for 21 years, and I’d do it all over again. I met my wife shortly after coming out of a bad relationship. We met at a bar, and at first I only planned for us to hook up, but I quickly fell in love. She’s been there for me in ways I didn’t think were possible.

    In 2018, I ran into serious trouble with the law. I stood as a guarantor for a friend who stole millions and disappeared. I lost my job, my reputation and spent six years unable to find a job. During that time, my wife carried all the responsibilities. She never belittled me and even went the extra mile to make it feel like I was still in control. 

    Her support, given so selflessly, is why I would choose her again in a heartbeat.

    “She gave me a beating that landed me in the hospital” — Aman*, 48

    I got divorced last year, and based on my 19 years of marriage, I would never make that mistake again.

    We were introduced in 2004 by one of my uncles. At first, she seemed sweet and nice, but once we settled into marriage, I realised it was all pretence. She was troublesome and constantly fought with people in the neighbourhood. They often came to me with complaints, which embarrassed me.

    At home, she picked fights over the smallest things. If I spent time with my friends, she would complain endlessly. Eventually, I became frustrated. I wasn’t getting what I needed from the marriage, so I started seeing other women. I didn’t leave outright because I didn’t want to disrupt our children’s lives, but emotionally, I checked out.

    Things worsened when she began starving me as punishment. Even though I provided money for food, she refused to serve me meals whenever we argued. Two years before our divorce, I stopped eating at home completely.

    My breaking point came in 2023. During an argument, she kept shoving me. I slapped her, but instead of backing down, she attacked me. She punched me so hard I lost my breath, and when I fell, she pounced on me. That day, I landed in the hospital.

    After that incident, I packed my things and left. By then, my children were old enough to stand on their own, so I filed for divorce. It was the best decision for my peace and health. Looking back, marrying her was a mistake. If I’d taken more time to get to know her, I might have avoided such a toxic marriage.

    “Our children show her more affection” — John*, 63

    I wouldn’t. I can’t say I totally regret my marriage, but I’d be fine if it never happened.

    I’ve been married for 41 years. I met my wife in 1984, around the neighbourhood where I played football. We started sleeping together, and when she got pregnant, I was just 22. It wasn’t what I’d planned, but I did what was right and married her.

    Over the years, we’ve grown apart. She doesn’t trust me, and I’ve never felt we were truly on the same page. Our differences showed up in how we raised our children. I was stricter, while she was lenient, and the kids naturally gravitated to her, seeing me as the difficult parent.

    The biggest disappointment came in 2022 through our son. He was living at home when one of my friend’s daughters moved in for her youth service. Unknown to me, he started sleeping with her, and she fell pregnant. When confronted, he denied it, which didn’t surprise me, given his character. 

    What shocked me was my wife defending him and calling the girl a liar. A DNA test eventually confirmed he was the father, but by then the damage was done. Because my friend felt betrayed, he took his daughter and has refused to let me meet my grandchild.

    It hurt that my wife enabled him, even though she’d faced a similar situation herself. That incident caused a major rift between us. Today, our children show her more affection because she always takes their side.

    “She came back to Nigeria for me” — Jamal*, 28

    If I had to marry again, I’d definitely choose my wife. We’ve been married for a year, and I truly believe she’s my soulmate. Our relationship started in 2016, when we were coursemates at university. Many doubted us back then, but we’ve proven them wrong.

    What makes us work is our shared wavelength. After graduating in 2019, she left Nigeria for her master’s program, and I worried the distance would break us. Instead, it made us stronger. Because of me, she returned in 2022. I knew I had to marry her.

    The past year has been wonderful. We have made sacrifices, but they have only deepened our bond. I feared marriage might change things, but everything feels the same except now I get to call her my wife. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

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    “She slept with another man for money” — Chuka*, 50

    If I had the chance to choose again, I would not marry her. In fact, I would not marry at all.

    I have been married for 20 years to a woman I grew up with. We were childhood friends from the same city, and I thought our familiarity would make marriage easier. I was wrong.

    For me, peace of mind is more important than anything, and marriage has not given me that. These days, it feels like marriage is no longer “for better or worse.” Many women only want the better part. In my case, money became the biggest issue. She has been verbally abusive and often compares me to other men with more money just to bruise my ego. In 2017, she even had an affair because of money.

    When I found out, it was a tough decision to stay. We have managed to move past it, mostly because after so many years together, we understand each other’s flaws. Still, the reality of marriage hasn’t been what I imagined when I chose her.

    “Her loyalty makes me grateful I chose her” — Dubem*, 35

    Yes, I’d choose her again. I’ve been married for eight years, after dating my wife for three. The way we met still makes me smile. I noticed her struggling to cross the expressway and helped her. That small moment grew into something bigger.

    She has become such a part of me and truly understands me. I am an engineer, and because of the nature of my job, I sometimes have to be away for up to six months when I get contracts. During those times, she runs my business and manages our children perfectly.

    We always present a united front. Even when her family questions the nature of my job and how often I am away, she defends me without hesitation. That loyalty and partnership make me grateful I chose her, and I would do it again.

    “I fear she’ll never love me the way I want” — Sam*, 31

    I’ve been married for three years, and while I love my wife, I’m not sure I’d make the same choice again.

    We met on a dating app, where she made it clear that she was fresh out of a relationship, but I thought she was ready to start afresh. I didn’t realise it would be an issue until after our wedding.

    Her previous relationship lasted four years, and it’s been difficult for her to fully detach from her ex. I noticed she still texted him, posted about him on her status, and engaged with his posts on X. When I brought it up, she accused me of being insecure. I let it go because I didn’t want to appear jealous, hoping she would make adjustments.

    But nothing changed. When I raised the issue again, she claimed she had cut him off. Earlier this year, I discovered she lied and even removed me from her stories so I wouldn’t see her posts. That’s when I realised the secrecy went deeper than I thought. I don’t believe she’s physically cheating, but it feels like I don’t have her full attention in our marriage.

    The truth is, I pushed for marriage more than she did. Sometimes I worry she only agreed because of my persistence. Now I fear she’ll never love me the way I want. I’m not sure I can live with that.

    I’ll be stuck struggling to raise children for the rest of my life — Azeez*, 60

    I’d marry my wife again, but only under different circumstances. I’ve been married for 23 years, and while we’re not unhappy, I’ve carried the weight of our family alone. Twice, I gave her money to start a business, but she squandered it, leaving the entire burden of running the household on me.

    One of our biggest conflicts was over children. I only wanted three, but because she felt pressured by family to produce a male child, she insisted we keep going. I gave in just to have peace, and we didn’t stop until we finally had a boy, at number six.

    Now my first child is 22, and I still feel guilty that I could only afford to send her to a polytechnic instead of a university. My youngest is just six, and I hate that I’ll be stuck struggling to raise children for the rest of my life. This isn’t the future I planned out.

    “She’s my good luck charm” —  Kunle*, 44

    I’ve been married for 12 years, and I’d make the same decision again without hesitation.

    Before meeting my wife, I was a wild man, carefree and without much direction. In 2013, when we bumped into each other at a park while travelling, something clicked. We exchanged numbers, and from that first conversation, we just vibed naturally.

    Since then, I’ve had to step up in ways I never imagined. She helped me transition from being reckless to becoming responsible. I love that she sits me down to ask about my plans and goals, almost like an accountability partner. Slowly, my business has turned around for the better. I’m grateful that she pushed me to think long-term, build stability, and stay consistent.

    Meeting her was the right choice, and marrying her remains one of the best decisions of my life.

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    Read Next: “We Were Done in Two Weeks” — 5 Nigerians on Their Shortest Relationships

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  • Love has a way of transforming people. Sometimes the effect is subtle, through quiet shifts in daily habits, and other times, in bold, life-defining ways. 

    Zikoko spoke to six Nigerian men who opened up about some of the things they’ve learned from the women in their lives, and how it’s impacted them. Here’s what they said.

    “I’ve learned the value of staying connected.” — Fidelis*(28)

    Over the course of being with my babe, I’ve learned the true value of staying connected. If it were up to me, I’d just do one phone call a day and a few text exchanges, but because of her, we stay in touch throughout the day. We text a lot too; just updates, exchanging banter, sending reels, and it doesn’t affect either person’s productivity. 

    There was never really any conversation about taking our communication more seriously. I just noticed that she’d respond to my texts quickly, and I wanted to match her energy. Usually, I let texts linger because I want to appear busy. She’s probably busier than I am, but she goes the extra mile because she wants to stay connected with me. It taught me that I had to learn to embrace and reciprocate it accordingly.

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    “I learned to be more understanding of people’s differences” — Alade*(26)

    Being with my girlfriend has taught me how to be more patient with people and how to be more accommodating of other people’s differences. Before I got with my girlfriend, I was unknowingly judgmental and dismissive of other people if they didn’t fit into my preconceived notions of how they should behave. Seeing how my babe approaches situations and people has actually changed how I interact with them as well. I think it’s made me a better person overall.

    “She’s taught me to heal my faith wound” — Samuel*(36)

    I stopped going to church when I was 21 years old after a bad experience and stayed away for a long time. My girlfriend completely turned that around in just two years of us being together. It’s not like she forced me to attend church again or gave me an ultimatum; it was just the way she lived her life that made me want to give religion a shot again. She doesn’t lord it over me either; she’s patient and accommodates my shaky steps. She’s been with me every step of the way as I tried to find my way to God again. I want to learn at her feet forever.

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    “I’ve learned the art of diplomacy.” — Ayo*(52)

    One thing I’ve learned from my wife is diplomacy. I used to approach every disagreement with the mindset of winning with blunt honesty and my perspective. This mindset probably made me unpopular at every family meeting when I was single. 

    My wife’s style of resolving conflicts is completely different. She never tries to make you defensive. Instead, she’ll try to understand your point of view and make a suggestion or a compromise. I noticed she almost always got her way, and people were more willing to give her ground than me. 

    So, I gradually learnt her approach, and now, I follow her method to a tee. I hardly raise my voice in arguments; even if I think I’m correct, I let the other person say their piece. It has really changed how people respond to and interact with me at work and even with my extended family. She’s taught me a lot more, but this is the biggest one.

    “I’m learning to open up more.” — Tunde*(32)

    My babe has taught me how to be more expressive. I didn’t grow up in a household where we spoke about our feelings. Whether good or bad, you kept your feelings to yourself and dealt with them. When I met my babe, she constantly wanted me to share how I felt. “Is it a good feeling? Share it with me! Is it a bad feeling? Tell me. I want to help.”

    Honestly, I was initially uncomfortable with it. I thought she was smothering me, but I slowly learned that vulnerability wasn’t a punishable offence. Now, I feel lighthearted because I have a place to be soft without consequence. I can tell my babe anything. It’s helped me improve my relationship with my younger siblings because I can connect with them now that I don’t have so many walls up.

    “I have learned to be unapologetically myself.” — Lanre*(31)

    The greatest thing I’ve learned from my wife is how to be myself. I’m a very flamboyant extrovert, and I suppressed a lot of my personality not to be seen as “too much” or “extra”. But her love has given me a place to be my whole self. Extra? She loves it. I no longer wonder what people will say or think about me. As long as my wife likes it, I like it too. I’ve become so comfortable with who I am, and I chalk it up to her unending support. 

    If you enjoyed reading this, you’ll also enjoy: I Fell for a Man I’d Never Seen. I Should’ve Known Better

  • For a day dedicated to supporting men and boys, it makes sense to look at the actual structures that hold men together. The real support systems. Their communities. Their friends. 

    The starting point is simple: men aren’t allergic to support. So this year, we asked five men: where does your support come from?

     Their responses map out what that support looks like through communities formed through shared history, chosen families built in adulthood, and groups where vulnerability isn’t punished. The kind if safety every boy should grow into. 

    Nimi*, 32

    On a random day in June 2020, I shuffled through my Google Drive and noticed that the same faces had appeared in my photos since 2014. So I thought if these people can be in my pictures every year, they must be my tribe. I was right, and I’ve been good since. 

    It’s tricky to quantify the amount work went into building this community, and the support that’s come from them. The most challenging part for me was the amount of voluntary disclosures I had to give and receive, and that’s still ongoing. The WhatsApp chats and the FaceTime calls never end, and I also walkie-talkie my friends to keep in touch.

    My community is my top priority, and I treat them accordingly. I know I will always find all the love and support I need in them. They are always there and will answer me when needed. As a result, there has never been a time when I was scared that I’d wake up and not see my people again. 

    About a year ago, I was forced offline due to a severe power outage in my area. By the second day of the blackout, these people, at different times, stormed my house to confirm I was good. One of them burst into tears when they saw that I was alive and well. This deep level of love? I can’t take it for granted.

    That same evening, they dragged me out of the house, and my friend entered a dance competition so she could win a power bank and hand it over to me: she didn’t want me to ever go off the grid again.  

    They’ll always have my back. Life has been fair to me because of these people. Money can’t buy that. 

    Dami, 30

    I have two communities, each serving different purposes. One is a group of three people I’ve been friends with since uni. They’re my closest friends, and it’s easy because we grew up together in a way. 

    The second is a group of 12 boys, and they’re there for more serious matters — the personal and intimate matters I can’t discuss without being judged. It’s interesting how this works because I met them recently. However, I warmed up to them the more I spent time with them and saw how freely everyone interacted with one another. 

    Each group support me the way they can, and it works for me.

    It’s great I have these two groups in my corner; having them around helps me figure stuff out. In 2018, the 3-man group helped me navigate my most serious heartbreak. They’d met my ex several times and knew how I felt about her, so they got what I was going through. They checked in multiple times, and one even reached out to her to fix things. The same group swooped me and supported me through the next heartbreak. 

    They’re also a solid sounding board and are the first people I tell things to when they happen. There’s no other way to say it — they are my safe space. 

    Ayo, 31

    I’m a people person, so I have different friend groups. I grew up with some and met others through school, work, or other friends. But in all these groups, a close bond has been formed. 

    I’m not going to lie; it took some work to get there, from the serious stuff like showing up when they needed me to everyday things like celebrating their wins. But it was all worth it because now I know they’ll always have my back. It makes living more pleasant. 

    I’ve been homeless twice, and I wasn’t bothered. I knew I wouldn’t sleep under a bridge; I just needed to reach out to some of my people and let them know I was in a fix. On both occasions, two of my guys took me in. The first was free, and the second let me pay the rent at my convenience. It doesn’t get better than that. 

    Oluwatosin, 28

    For years, I didn’t think I needed a community of friends. Most people form strong friendships or communities in university, but I was a lone ranger. It’s not like I didn’t have friends, but I didn’t see the need to create or nurture a community that would be my safe space. 

    This thinking only changed about three years ago. I’m not sure how, but I’m glad it did, and I should have given it a chance much earlier.

    The first step in finding these folks was to identify what we had in common, which formed the basis of our bond. Now that I have them, they support me emotionally and financially. A while back, I felt the weight of family and work pressure crushing me, and these people got me through it. Also, I know who I can ask for the urgent ₦2k and the significant loans. We prioritise refunds. This keeps the relationship healthy.

    I’ve learned that I can always be vulnerable with them, and they’ll make me feel safe. There’s no high-pressure situation they can’t get me out of. It’s reassuring.

    David, 26

    My siblings are my support group, and they’ve always been. In secondary school, I’d hear people talk about the not-very-nice experiences they had with members of my family, and I was always like, “Wait, what? My family is so chill.”

    This outcome is primarily driven by my parents’ efforts to make us a close-knit group — I’m grateful for it. The primary thing I feel with them is love, which is excellent for my quality of life.

    Two of my close friends also recently left the country, so my siblings have become an even more integral part of my community. We talk every day, I’m close with their kids, and I even live with one of them. They make me feel incredibly lucky. 

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  • BIC, a world leader in stationery, lighters, and shavers, has recently launched its innovative grooming product for men in Nigeria. Flex 2 comes to the market after its tremendous success in various areas globally and in the region. The newly launched product aims to equip men with the necessary tools to embrace their individuality and be confident in their own skin.

    Joining a line of optimal products in BIC’s Blade Excellence category, Flex 2 is crafted with precision and sophistication to deliver a smooth, seamless shave for today’s man. The dual, open blade design ensures easy rinsing and hygienic shaving with every use. The shaver’s pivoting head adapts seamlessly to the unique contours of each face, delivering a flawlessly smooth and comfortable shave. Flex 2 is enriched with a refreshing essence of aloe vera and vitamin C, nourishing the skin with each stroke.

    Speaking on the product’s launch, Adeyemi Ojo, Head of Business Development at BIC Nigeria said: “We are committed to delivering innovation to our consumers, living up to our vision of bringing simplicity and joy to everyday life. Our newly launched Flex 2 shaver elevates men’s shaving experience, while promoting self-confidence. We thrive to continuously bring the best to our consumers and are confident that Flex 2 will gain popularity in the Nigerian market.”

    In Nigeria, Flex 2 shavers will be available at retail outlets across the country, sold at NGN 500 (pouch 1) and NGN 1,500 (pouch 3). BIC’s Blade Excellence category hosts a diverse range of products from one to five blades, serving consumers of all ages and genders. To view BIC’s full Blade Excellence range, click here.

  • Here’s a working theory: DIY fuku-faka only works the first few years after you discover the concept of self-pleasure. It’s only a matter of time before your body starts to crave skin-to-skin genital slamming. But what if we told you there are more creative ways to get around spilling your seed in another human?

    Boys, grab a notepad. Class is in session.

    Tickling

    It’s like beating your meat, except you don’t have to touch it. For this to work, get some privacy and focus. Kumbaya/inner-peace seeking style focus. Next, gently trace your fingertips along your inner thigh, ball sack and nipple. Keep at it for about 10-15 minutes, and you’ll buss.

    Rubbing

    Also known as pillow-fucking, this is a completely hands-free method of getting your orgasm. How does it work? Will your Rod of Correction to attention and grind sensually against the bed. Grabbing your butt might help you get a sense of joint action and arrive at your desired destination.

    Sleep

    There’s only one way to make this work: Watch an obscene amount of pornography before you go to bed, and you’ll have given your spirit partner enough prompt to give you some action.

    Anal massage

    If you’re adventurous enough for some backdoor action, get some lubricant up your anus, slowly stick your index finger in, and try to reach your P-spot AKA prostate gland. Every man has one. You should definitely consider a P-spot toy if you’re serious about this.

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    Nipple play

    As a guy, you’re probably missing out on premium enjoyment if you ignore your nipples. The nipples are super sensitive, which means the right kind of touching and stroking can get you bussing in no time.

    Perineum play

    The perineum is the area between your odogwu and anus. It’s full of nerve endings and very sensitive. To make this work, give this area some good touching or stroking. Make sure you’re well relaxed, as this will help you find your rhythm and spill that akamu.

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    Sex toys

    Vibrators are mostly marketed to women, but if you’re open to exploring sex toys as a man, there’s good action to be enjoyed. Grab a male vibrator, wear it around your phallus and let it do its job. Word on the street is that those vibrations feel really good.

    Edging 

    Whether you’re beating your meat or using any of the methods on this list, edging will help you intensify the experience. Simply bring yourself close to climax and stop just before you spill your seed. Repeat the process for as long as you can. The idea is to prolong the experience and intensify the eventual orgasm.

    READ NEXT: 5 Nigerian Men Talk About Discovering Masturbation

  • The male fashionistas of today are popular for their originality and unrestricted sense of style. Gone are the days of copying the “American rapper” fashion template once deeply seated in Afro-pop culture. 

    Looking for inspiration from stylish Nigerian men to step up your own game? These are the guys to check out.

    Teezee

    As one of the founding fathers of Alté music, it isn’t hard to link Teezee‘s fashion style to the culture. He’s not your regular music and record label executive. You’ll only ever catch him in street or athleisure wear, casual clothes or adire pants for that Nigerian flavour.

    IG: @teezee

    Alani Gram

    Alani Gram is almost always in Yoruba trad, but some days, it’s hats, suits and other comfortable clothes. Still he looks like everyday is summer to him. He recently launched MŌYÀTÒ — a unisex fashion brand making vintage Yorùbá prints and patterns into the coolest designs and wears. You can be stylishly different like Alani. Do it for the culture and carry on tradition.

    IG: @alanigram

    Feedy

    One of the few guys who rock jerseys better than football players is Feedy. Football jerseys have broken into the fashion industry, but many folks haven’t caught on yet. Learn from Feedy AKA TheFeedbackBoy, who rocks football jerseys of all kind, from retro to classic. He’s so cool, he styles the current reigning video director, TG Omori. Feedy’s style community, Old Capsule, is focused on showcasing, selling and promoting vintage soccer jersey products.

    IG: @thefeedbackboy

    TG Omori

    Speaking of, if you follow TG Omori on any of his social accounts, it’s clear to see why he’s one of the most fashionable young men in Nigeria today. Unique sunglasses, cool tops and unusual shoe choices are major components of his style, but he’s also unpredictable.  Aside from his spectacular locs and gold grills, TG’s thick moustache makes him look even more stylish. Everything about him screams, “I’m so cool.” 

    IG: @boy_director

    Walter Banks

    Walter Banks AKA Wacko is a photographer and creative director who’s worked with many Afrobeats A-listers, and his eye for fashionable AF looks is A1. His style hangs between street fashion and Alté.

    IG: @wark_jacko

    Faraz

    Nothing overboard with Faraz Muhammad’s steeze but lots of iconic European street and rare Asian fashion releases. He knows how to throw all the simple clothes together and make runway swag out of it. He may appear like a Korean mountain climber on some days, but kids and adults can take inspiration from him any day.

    IG: @sixhunred

    Dwin, the Stoic

    Dwin wears silky tunics and suits, large clothes only Japanese warlords would wear, fascinating gold earrings and rings like Shabba Ranks. He’s very much royal and relaxed with his style. Out of ten folks, you’d hardly find two who dress like him. 

    Ejirhogene

    If you want the why-couldn’t-I-think-of-those type of looks in your wardrobe, Ejirhogene is who to follow. His style creatively crosses cultures and puts different clothings together to make unique outfits. This guy can rock agbada, durag and school sandals and still be the best dressed in the room. His finesse peaks with cool and unique colour combinations and accessory collections.

    Twitter: @Ejirhogene_

    READ: The Fashion It-Girls of Naija to Be Inspired By