Everyone should have a skincare routine —especially men. I mean, after doing all the stressful manly tasks like protecting your girlfriend from finding out about your side chick, we need to care for ourselves. 

But we can’t do it the way women do it. As a real man, these are the most important products you should have in your skincare package.

One bottle of female tears

If you can harvest more than one, that’s fine. But start with one. Ignore that rose water that they claim is good for improving your skin tone; instead, make a woman cry and rub the tears on your face first thing in the morning. Your glow will be next to none. Next to none. 

Used engine oil

As a man, why are you rubbing those black masks on your face when used engine oil literally exists? 

Or glue?

If you’re finding it hard to acquire some used engine oil, glue literally exists. Just put it on your face and peel it off. It’ll peel off much much more than any facial mask can take off. 

Your girlfriend’s cleanser

Sometimes, you actually need a cleanser. But you can’t use your own money to buy it. Imagine I interview you for Naira Life, and you tell me you spend money on facial cleanser. Please don’t do it. 

Recommended reading:

Don’t Be Deceived, Men Like Doing These Things as Much as Women

13-in-one shampoo

This one will be used as shampoo, conditioner, leave-in conditioner, face wash, exfoliator, etc. So tell me why you need to waste money on different products. Think smart, bro.

Sharp sand

Did I hear you say facial scrub? How is something a scrub if it smells nice? Is the concept of scrubbing not that it should be harsh? Please, men, do better. Go to any building site and ask for one bag of sharp sand. It’s like ₦600, and it’ll last you for years. Use it instead of a scrub and tell me if you don’t see a difference.

Wickedness serum

All those vitamin B31 serums cannot do anything for you. Rub wickedness on your face and be the true son of who you are.

Just one towel

Your balls, your face, your ass crack, your armpits. One towel. That way, you can be united with yourself. 

Also read: 14 Hilarious Tweets That Show Nigerian Men’s Complicated Relationship With Skincare


Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.