I’m not nosy, but my 17-year-old junior brother is always talking about how funny the guys on his anime group chats are. I was bored, so I begged him to send me an invite. 

As someone who spent an uncomfortable amount of time on anime group chats when I was 16, I know how messy they can be, but funny? I had to see. 

People of earth, this boy lied. All these boys do is argue and share hentai links, and now, I’m worried my brother’s humour is broken. Here are the things I noticed in my two days on the group chat.

They don’t text during the day

I learnt this the hard way when I joined in the morning and tried to introduce myself. I got the airing of a lifetime. E pain me small, but who has died from being aired? Exactly, no one. 

They all flock out like evil spirits at 11 p.m. because that’s when their midnight data starts working, so they can download anime and fight each other. 

One of the rare occasions when they messaged during the day. The next reply was by 7. 

These boys might stay single forever

The first thing I saw when I joined was a link to Hentai Haven. Why are they casually sharing porn? It was at this point I decided to read their group’s info, and I became scared for my life.

I wish they were joking, but people actually introduced themselves this way. 

The lack of girls 

It’s not that there are no girls on the group chat. They just don’t talk, and I don’t blame them. 

The one time I saw a girl talk, she mentioned that she didn’t like Vinland Saga, and they dragged her for at least an hour.  Then they started to question if she liked anime at all. 

I guess this gives you a preamble of why I lasted only two days.

They’re always arguing 

I’m not policing what these boys do with their midnight data, but why would you use it to argue about characters that don’t even exist in the same anime? When you could be downloading or streaming anime?

Sir, first of all, what is this name? 

Then, there’s this guy who either watches the back of the TV or likes to start drama. 

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And this guy who’s obviously the group’s clown.

There’s this one guy who kinda has taste… kinda

I’d already braced myself for an insane amount of “new anime” conversations. But there’s this one guy who’s always trying to get the group to watch older anime by making memes like these: 

One Piece should have ranked first, but this is fine too. 

To be on this group chat, you have to have thick skin because they will insult you for stupid takes 

After spending time with these guys, I’ve come to the conclusion that anime fans are not very nice people. Why are you arguing with someone over a fictional character? I say this while knowing that if someone comes for my fave I will insult their ancestors tbh.  

This guy deserved the insults, why would you disrespect Haikyuu?

Society will never be free from comrade memes 

For two days, I felt trapped in “the bad place”. You can’t scroll without seeing at least 10 comrade memes. Now, I live in fear of seeing these things when I close my eyes: 

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Why do they use annoying usernames?

Dear Uvuvwevwevwe onyetenvewve ugwemubwem ossas, your mother did not name you Shikamaru. Do you know how unnerving it is to see a pop-up WhatsApp notification from someone called Orochimaru? What happened to nicknames like Pweshyboi001 or GangsterTobs123?  Two days on this group chat and I tapped into my inner Nigerian father. 

The one who said he has mental issues did not lie. 

They drag other cinematic universes into their problems

There’s always that one guy ready to shout, “Batman will beat Goku” or “ Superman will beat One Punch Man”. From where to where? Comparing Marvel or DC characters to anime characters makes no sense because in what multiverse will they have to fight each other?

I’m anti-military rule, but this guy was promptly removed, which made me happy. 

I considered staying an extra day,  but the next morning I woke up to 1k plus messages. 

From one group chat? Please, please, I’m an old person. 

READ ALSO: Why Watching Anime With Nigerians Is Always Hilarious


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