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  • Interview With… is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the weird and interesting lives of inanimate objects and non-human entities.

    Sometimes, it feels like the tag ISP—Internet Service Provider —means something else entirely because there’s no actual “providing” going on. 

    After a particularly frustrating week, Zikoko rounded up Nigeria’s major ISPs to get to the root of the matter and ask one simple question: Where did our network go?

    [Zikoko arrives at a quaint bistro on the Mainland and spends fifteen minutes trying to pay the Uber driver because, of course, there’s no network. The driver finally confirms payment, and Zikoko walks away, muttering unpleasant words for the unnecessary delay. Ahead, Airtel, MTN and Spectranet are already seated, their flashy colours drawing unwanted attraction. Zikoko joins the table and goes straight to business.]

    Zikoko: I see Glo and FiberOne are late.

    Airtel: [bursts into giggles]

    Spectranet: Are you surprised? 

    MTN: They love an “African time” arrival.

    Zikoko: Is that so?

    Airtel: Yes—

    Zikoko:  It wasn’t a question. Anyway, we’ll start without them. 

    I’d say “good afternoon,” but there’s nothing good about this afternoon.

    Airtel: Easy tiger. 

    Zikoko: You must think I’m here for jokes, right? It took me twenty minutes to pay my cab fare because none of you were working, and you have the audacity to tell me “easy”. Are you— 

    Spectranet: Fifteen minutes actually.

    (Zikoko shoots Spectranet a stone-cold look)

    Zikoko: Excuse me?

    MTN (whispering): Guy, behave!

    Spectranet: What? I was counting.

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    Zikoko: Since you guys are keeping tabs, can y’all explain why your networks keep disappearing? Bloody hell! 

    MTN: First of all, I don’t “go off.” I simply select who deserves internet. If you have bad vibes, you buffer. Simple.

    Airtel: My users are soft life people. If I ever go off, it’s because I’m resting and they understand the importance of rest. All work and no play—

    MTN: makes Jack an olodo.

    Zikoko (visibly irritated): Are you guys being for real?

    Spectranet: Listen, I don’t know what they’re both on about. All I know is, Nigerians don’t know how to use delicate devices. If you’re treating your MiFi device like a ball of eba, how will it work? Have you tried putting it on a silk pillow strategically facing the North-West? No, yet you want good internet. SMH. 

    Zikoko: You guys are making no sense, and no one has answered the question. Why am I paying ridiculous sums for internet that shows up when it likes?

    Unknown: Guys!!!

    (All meeting attendants, including Zikoko, turn a sharp gaze toward the entrance) 

    MTN: Who is that one?

    Airtel (adjusts antenna): Erm…

    Spectranet: Oh, slow with pride. 

    Glo [Still shouting]: So you guys started without me?

    Zikoko: You arrived late and still want to create a scene. Is this the time we agreed on?

    Glo: Hey, it’s better late than never, right?

    Zikoko: You honestly should have stayed at home. But now that you are here, can you explain why the network has been slow? I’m not sure these other ones know what they’re getting paid for.

    MTN: Easy tiger.

    Zikoko: If you call me tiger again, I’ll involve the NCC. I have him on speed dial.

    Airtel (mutters): It’s giving military regime.

    MTN: I—

    Zikoko: Shhhh! Glo, answer the question, please. 

    Glo: Well, I can’t speak for everybody, but last I checked, we still have paying customers. That must mean we’re getting something right. Yes, the internet may be bad from time to time, but who no dey face challenges for this current Nigeria? 

    (MTN, Spectranet and Airtel break into thunderous applause)

    Zikoko (startled): What’s going on here?

    Airtel: I think you can hear him clearly? Everybody is going through it in Nigeria. You should be grateful we’re even showing up at all.

    MTN & Airtel (together): Preach! 

    Zikoko: I see what you people are trying to do. But it won’t work. You collect my hard earned money and want to blame your poor service on Nigeria?

    (Zikoko pulls out phone. Scrolls through contact list and lands on the FCCPC’s number. But a deafening whirling sound envelopes the place. From a distance, FiberOne and Starlink climb down from a chopper.) 

    Spectranet (scoffs): Always the one for drama. Abegii.

    MTN: Where did they see money for a chopper?

    Airtel: Maybe it’s from all the money they saved from not giving their customers  network. Rubbish and ingredients—

    Glo: If you must hate, at least tell the truth. Their customers enjoy basic service. Above average if my sources are right.

    Zikoko: Listen, I’m not interested in this side talk you people are on about. I want a solution, and if somebody doesn’t provide one in the next minute, I’m calling FCCPC. 

    (Starlink and FiberOne take their seats, only acknowledging Zikoko)

    Zikoko: So gracious of you people to bless us with your presence. Now that you have arrived, do you know why paying customers cannot enjoy uninterrupted internet?

    Starlink (adjusts outfit): Well, I shouldn’t even be here in the first place. F1 told me the povvos were meeting on the mainland yapping about low quality problems, and I thought to drop by. But since I’m here and you’ve posed the question, I only have one answer: Anyone with the financial—

    Airtel: Ehn! What do you think you want to do? My friend will you keep quiet there!

    MTN: Tell him o. Imagine the pompous goat trying to poach our customers.

    Glo: Genzs are all the same everywhere. They just want to come and take with no regard for the people before them.

    (Spectranet breaks into Sound Sultan’s Bushmeat. MTN, Glo and Airtel join in)

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    Zikoko (sighs): Guys, guys, guys…

    (Loud singing continues. Starlink and FiberOne storm out of the building.)

    Zikoko (speaking on phone): Hello, is this the FCCPC?

    (On the other side of town, 9Mobile frantically jumps out of bed.)

    Zikoko: Wait, I think we forgot to about 9Mobile.

    Them: Who???

    See what people are saying about this article on social media

    READ ALSO: Interview With Nigerian Internet Service Providers: “Let Us Explain”

  • Birthdays in Nigeria are never subtle affairs. But when the celebrant is Seyi Tinubu, the president, Bola Tinubu’s first son, birthday wishes become a full-blown performance.

    Tinubu, whose birthday is today, October 13, would not get the random “HBD, Boss!” messages flooding the timeline. Instead, we would see a digital parade of political hopefuls, social climbers, loyalists, and professional well-wishers all trying to outdo each other.

    From the poets writing 10-slide tributes to the subtle critics hiding shade under emojis, the internet becomes a theatre of aspiration and irony.

    Here are the 10 kinds of people who showed up online to wish Seyi Tinubu a happy birthday.

    1. The Loyal APC Soldiers

    These are the card-carrying members of Action Progressive Congress (APC), to which senior and junior Tinubu belong. About any elected official or important party member, get public wishes all the time. Now, imagine Seyi Tinubu, the party’s heir apparent and it’s a whole celebration.

    To spot these loyal APC soldiers isn’t hard. They plaster their Facebook and X pages with birthday wishes written in press release format, and fill them with endearments like: “The future of youth empowerment, the bridge between generations, etc.” You can almost hear the campaign jingle in their captions. They’re in the same group chat as those who say “Office of the First Son of the President.”

    2. Ronu People

    You’re likely to mistake this category for the one above, though they aren’t the same. Ronu people can belong to any political party, and are the self-appointed “defenders” of the Yoruba Nation.

    Their birthday message always starts with, “Happy birthday Oju Eko (meaning “Eyes of Lagos”). You’re a source of inspiration to us all.” If they’re trying to be posh, they’d say “Memento Vivre. Happy birthday to the King of Boys.” They don’t know Tinubu or have anything to do with him. They’re just happy to wish him a happy birthday because he’s a Yoruba son of an “Emilokan” President.

    When they’re not celebrating a “son of the soil,” they’re fighting over the right way to spell “Owambe.”

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    3. The Strategic Networkers

    These ones have never met Seyi Tinubu and don’t know him personally, but they have been “meaning to connect.” Their well-wishes rarely fall far from “Happy birthday, boss of bosses. A true inspiration. More wins, sir!” Every line is a networking pitch disguised as a prayer, hoping one of his people will see it and call them for a business meeting.

    Their profile bio reads something like, “Entrepreneur | Crypto | Logistics | God over Everything.”

    4. Motivational Speakers

    These ones won’t only wish Seyi Tinubu a happy birthday; they deliver a TED talk. They write things like, “Success isn’t by age, it’s by grace. Look at Seyi Tinubu, the definition of focus, discipline, consistency and divine alignment.”

    They use Tinubu’s birthday as an opportunity to remind us that we, too, can make it if we stay consistent — as if consistency alone can fund a Lekki apartment or automatically make Nigerian musicians give you shout-outs in their songs.

    If you scroll two tweets down the birthday wishes, the same person is complaining about NEPA and the new tax policy.

    5. The Influencers and Opportunists

    These ones smell “visibility” from a mile away. The second “Happy Birthday Seyi Tinubu” starts trending, they’re in the quotes with gratitude posts. You’d see tweets like “A visionary! A leader! A man of the people! God bless you abundantly, sir 🙏🏾💙 #STBDay”

    Some will even tag him: “@egbonseyitinubu, thank you for all you do for the youth. We see you, sir 👏🏾👏🏾🔥” They don’t know him personally, but they know engagement when they see it because if they don’t post, how will Tinubu remember them when he’s “empowering the youths and creatives” next?

    READ NEXT:  My Ex Dumped Me for My Commitment Issues. Now She’s Someone’s Wife

    6. The Local Government Loyalists

    These ones are the grassroots soldiers. You’ll find them in the trenches of the comments section, typing like their next appointment depends on it, because it actually might. They’ve probably only met Tinubu once, during a photo-op when he came to commission a borehole, but that one handshake is now their entire political CV.

    They’ll post a picture of him with captions like, “A leader with listening ears” and tag every political handle from @APCNigeria to @lagosstateofficeofsomething. By evening, they’ll be in a WhatsApp group shouting, “Have you people posted for Seyi? Don’t dull o, the Chief of Staff is watching.”

    7. Other Politicians Who Want to Decamp to APC

    These ones know that this is Nigeria, and power can be monarchical. So, they pitch their tent to an important government figure. Whether they’re old enough to be his father, they always start their posts with “My leader and brother, Seyi Tinubu…” like they’ve been friends since university. 

    Their captions are long enough to qualify as a manifesto, full of “renewed hope” and “youth empowerment,” even though the only empowerment they’ve ever given anyone was a few cups of rice during political campaigns.

    Their posts are usually to signal their transfer of allegiance, so that when you see them in agbada by the next press briefing, casually saying “We in APC…” you’re not too shocked.

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    8. The Content Farmers 

    They don’t follow him and don’t care about him. They want to go viral and only care about engagement. They will post: “Say what you want about Seyi Tinubu, but he’s doing something right.” 

    Then they go to bed, wake up and find their post has 500 comments arguing in the replies. Mission accomplished.

    9. Aspiring Lagos Big Boys

    These ones are dreaming of being at the top of the class system. They are the young guys who see Seyi Tinubu as the ultimate role model. Think private jets, Tesla and political access. Some have no clue what he is about and how he got his money, but they just want they may call his kind of  “doings.”

    On his birthday, they post things like, “One day, they’ll mention my name beside yours, boss 🙏🏾🔥.” Well, nothing to see here. Just people hoping their own “Seyi Tinubu Moment” starts before their rent expires.

    10. The Non-Well-Wishers

    These ones don’t say “Happy Birthday”, they drop thinkpieces. They see Seyi Tinubu’s birthday trend and suddenly turn into full-time political analysts. “In a country where the minimum wage is ₦30k, someone’s son is cutting cake in Dubai?” they’d tweet, unprovoked. Just long threads about nepotism, privilege, and “the real problem with Nigeria’s elite structure.”

    They won’t wish him well, and they side-eye every birthday post like, “So na our tax money dey celebrate too?” or “Is this leadership?” The closest to a birthday wish from them is a sarcastic “E go be.”

    ALSO READ: 15 Nigerian Nepo Babies Who Turned Privilege Into Success

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  • Every Nigerian has come across someone with dragon breath at least once. They speak to you, and it feels like getting slapped across the nose with a bouquet of interesting, terrible smells.

    Now, if this person is your friend, you can’t just tell them directly or worse, at the wrong time, unless you want them to say, “So it’s me you’re embarrassing in public, abi?” and block you. Instead, the wise approach is to gift them things that help out their oral hygiene without actually saying it.  

    Here are five subtle but effective gift ideas to share with a friend with spicy breath.

    “Minty chewing gum will save you” — Ade*, M, (25),

    Ade says if you can’t buy them the odour eradicating Closeup toothpaste, buy them minty chewing gum . Not the roadside gum that tastes like sweet plastic and dies in 2 minutes. We mean the strong, minty, clear-your-airways type. Gift it with a casual: “I thought about you, and bought an extra one!” Then keep offering until it becomes their new addiction. This was what saved Ade back in secondary school.

    “My seat partner in SS3 had the worst breath I had ever smelled and loved to whisper to me during class, it was hell! I didn’t know how to tell him without hurting his feelings, so during our break, I started buying the strongest spearmint chewing gum sold in school every day. Then I would “share” them with him randomly during the day. It was the only way I could survive the entire term.”

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    “When in doubt, gift them a self-care hamper” — Bimpe*, F,  (54)

    A nicely curated self-care package can do the job of telling your friend to pay more attention to their breath. Package it nicely: some tea, maybe chinchin, a candle, then sneak in a shiny new toothbrush, some mouthwash and a tube of Close Up toothpaste. Bimpe recalls doing something similar for her nephew.

    “In 2006, my teenage nephew came to spend the summer holidays with me. He was a lovely child, but his oral hygiene was nothing to write home about. I didn’t want to make him feel self-conscious about it, so I made him a “summer pack” with a few clothes, deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash, and a tin of mints. He was very happy with his gift, and even better? The air smelled great when he spoke to me for the rest of his stay.”

    “A spa date plus a “surprise” dental voucher” — Bolu*, F, (32)

    Bolu says to tell them it’s a gift to pamper themselves. They’ll be so happy they won’t flinch at the dental voucher, they’ll think it’s part of the pampering experience. (And technically, it is.)

    “One time, my twin brother was going through a rough break-up and picked up the habit of chewing on one foul-smelling ginseng root candy. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn’t budge. I was tired of his breath when he was around me, so I suggested we do a twin pamper day. We went for a full-body massage, a dental cleaning right after and ended with dinner. He didn’t suspect a thing, and I don’t regret a dime I spent on it.

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    “Buy toothpaste for them as a gift” – Tolani*, F, (28)

    Tolani thinks that if you really want to be smooth with it, you need to rave about it and gift them a toothpaste brand that delivers excellent results.

    “This has rarely happened to me, but in 2019, when I didn’t know how to tell my friend that her breath smelled off on several occasions, I started raving about my toothpaste every time we spoke. She thought I was doing too much at first,  but I hyped it up to the point that when I finally gave her one as a gift, she was curious to try that Tolani’s toothpaste that whitens, freshens, and might even cast out demons. Thankfully Closeup came through and sorted out that bad breath issue in a flash. It was a win for me!”

    READ NEXT: 5 Nigerians, 1 Question: Why Did You Ignore Your Partner’s Cheating?

  • If there’s one constant thing about Lagos, it would be its drama. From the snail-sped traffic, the annoying landlords and agents, to the dating scene, Lagos isn’t just a city, it’s a full-time reality show. No one captures that madness better than Nigerian funny skit creators.

    In recent years, skit makers have become the unofficial historians of Lagos, documenting its chaos with sharp humour and accuracy. They turn everyday struggles into funny videos that keep us cracking up.

    Whether you’re a born-and-bred Lagosian or just someone who’s survived one weekend visit, these 10 comedy skits will make you laugh and nod in agreement.

    10. Lagos Agents Will Make You Cry

    Skit maker: Brain Jotter
    Running time: 5m 30s

    This skit showcases the pocket-draining world of Lagos estate agents, those stylish hustlers pretending to help you find a home while draining your bank account.

    It’s called “Lagos Agents Will Make You Cry” for a reason: by the end, you don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or curse the Nigerian real estate industry.

    Watch “Lagos Agent Will Make You Cry” on YouTube.

    9. Lagos Men and Women

    Skit maker: Mr Macaroni

    Running time: 4m 22s

    A randy man spots a young, curvy babe and immediately switches into “single and searching” mode. He claims bachelor status and gets ready to toast her.

    But the plot twist is the lady is running a prank. The skit is funny because it’s Lagos men fronting with fake stories and women flipping the script. This skit is a funny and sharp reminder that Lagos streets will humble you.

    Watch “Lagos Men and Women” on YouTube.

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    8. Everyone In Lagos Is Mad

    Skit maker: Broda Shaggi

    Running time: 1m

    Broda Shaggi hops into his signature area boy mode as a korope driver, convinced that the suited-up passenger (Nasty Blaq) he just picked is an easy mugu. But Lagos has a way of humbling people fast. The moment Shaggi tries to out-smart him, the “gentleman” switches gears and unleashes his own brand of madness.

    Watch “Everyone In Lagos Is Mad” on YouTube.

    7. Lagos Conductors Are Mathematicians

    Skit maker: Brain Jotter

    Running time: 4m 26s

    This Brain Jotter skit humorously portrays Lagos bus conductors as mathematicians, AKA masters of manipulating bus fare calculations in real time. With his slow-talking signature and spot-on comedic delivery, he captures the hectic, ingenious flair of conductors who somehow turn money exchange with passengers into complicated arithmetics.

    Watch “Lagos Conductors Are Mathematicians” on YouTube.

    READ NEXT: 10 Nollywood Series That Hooked Us From the Very First Episode

    6. Lagos Love Hunt

    Skit maker: Lasisi Elenu

    Running time: 5m 10s

    Lasisi Elenu starts out criticising his guy for always chasing women who only collect and never contribute. But karma is petty. The next thing you know, Lasisi is on a date with a Lagos big girl (Tacha) who shows up with a full squad of friends to run through the menu like a buffet.

    The skit hilariously shows Lagos dating as an extreme sport, where romance often comes with side orders of “billed to stupor” and “transactional love.”

    Watch “Lagos Love Hunt” on YouTube.

    5. POV: Agberos VS Public Transport in Lagos

    Skit maker: Gilmore

    Running time: 55s

    This skit is basically a crash course on why Lagos Danfo drivers deserve their own reality show. The bus is packed, the traffic is crawling, suddenly an agbero comes out of nowhere, chasing after them for tax, and the conductor and agberos are screaming numbers at themselves.

    It’s noisy, rowdy and accurate. From the wild hailings and chants to the road taxes, Gilmore nails the exact madness every Lagos commuter knows that once agberos enter the chat, peace has left the group.

    Watch “POV: Agberos VS Public Transport in Lagos” on YouTube.

    4. For This Lagos

    Skit maker: Nasboi

    Running time: 1m 20s

    Nasboi plays the ultimate streetwise beggar and OG of the hustle. When a fresh-faced newbie tries to run game on him, Nasboi clocks the format instantly and calls it out with the calm of someone who’s seen every scam in the book.

    Watch “For This Lagos” on YouTube.

    3. The In-law

    Skit maker: Kiekie

    Running time: 6m 19s

    Kiekie shows up at her in-laws’ house ready to play the “good wife” card, until the classic bomb drops: “Do you cook for my son?” The in-laws watch Kiekie go from polite smiles to a full-blown Lagos TED Talk.

    Her argument is simple: between her 9–5 grind, hours in traffic and Lagos stress, who still has the energy to be the “Chef Wife of the Year”?

    Watch “The In-law” on YouTube.

    2. New Takers That Just Entered Lekki

    Skit maker: Gilmore

    Running time: 1m

    Gilmore plays a “new taker,” AKA a person with new money. He just moved to Lekki and is suddenly living the Island’s glamorous lifestyle. He’s barely unpacked but already taking pictures at luxurious boutiques, striking Instagram-ready poses, and serving over-the-top swag that screams, “I’ve arrived!” It’s the perfect comic of how quickly Lagos upgrades can get to people’s heads.

    Watch “New Takers That Just Entered Lekki” on YouTube.

    1. Lagos Agent

    Skit maker: Taooma

    Running time: 22m 33s

    In this skit, Awilo (Bro Bouche) is a kind of sweet-tongue Lagos house agent renting face-me-I-face-you rooms in Mushin. He storms into Uncle Laolu’s (Taaooma) office to beg for a ₦3 million loan. His grand plan? To squeeze 45 housing units onto half a plot in Lekki.

    Watch “Lagos Agent” on YouTube.

    ALSO READ: We Imagined What A Nigerian “Love Island” Would Look Like 

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  • Weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love, but in Nigeria, they can also become an open house for people who have no business being there. Sometimes it’s random plus-ones who just came for free food. Other times, it’s people who’ve hurt you in ways that the joys of the day can barely cover up. 

    From absent fathers suddenly playing doting parents to “friends” who badmouth your big day, these Nigerians share the guests they wish had stayed far away from their weddings.

    “My father shouldn’t have been there” — Kola*, 37

    Kola didn’t grow up with a father figure. His dad was alive but completely absent physically, financially, and emotionally. Then came Kola’s wedding.

    “When I tell you my dad had absolutely no business attending my wedding, I mean it. This man was a ghost my entire life. My mum did all the heavy lifting and took complete responsibility for as long as I remember. But when it was time for me to get married, everyone, including my mum, insisted he had to attend because ‘it’s tradition’. I was lowkey hoping he’d have the self-awareness to politely decline. Nope. He showed up like he’d earned a front-row seat in my life.

    The most irritating part was the engagement ceremony. The alaga iduro made me prostrate in front of him, and he gave me blessings like he’d been there all along. The guests probably thought, ‘Aww, what a proud father,’ meanwhile, I was boiling inside. It’s been six years now. The last time I saw or heard from him was the day he walked out of that wedding venue.”

     “My bridesmaid was talking trash about my wedding” — Bisoye*, 33

    For Bisoye, the betrayal didn’t come from a distant relative or an ex; it came from someone in her bridal train.

    “Up until the week before my wedding, this friend and I were cool. Then I heard from someone we both knew that she’d been badmouthing my wedding plans. Apparently, the venue was ‘too small and cheap’, the colours weren’t giving, and my husband and I should’ve just done a court wedding instead. I didn’t want to believe it until the person telling me showed me receipts, actual screenshots of their conversations.

    She was one of my bridesmaids, so I considered telling her not to bother showing up. But that would’ve caused unnecessary drama so close to the big day. I decided to give her the coldest shoulder instead. After the wedding, she never reached out, and I never bothered either. But now, I get irritated whenever I look at the photos from my wedding and see her smiling. I’ve considered having the photographer edit some of the pictures and videos, but my husband thinks it’s not worth the trouble.”

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    “An oversabi aunty hijacked my groomsmen” — Chuka*, 34

    Every Nigerian wedding has that one aunty who thinks she’s the chief organiser, even when no one gave her the role. For Chuka, this aunty turned his wedding into a personal checkpoint.

    “She’s a distant relative;  one of those women you only see at family events. I thought she’d just come, eat, dance and go. I was wrong. From the moment she arrived, she was everywhere. She told the caterers where to serve food, rearranged chairs, and even directed the MC like the event planner.

    The worst part came when it was time for my groomsmen to make their grand entrance into the hall. She literally stood at the entrance, blocking it like a nightclub bouncer. She insisted every single groomsman had to ‘settle her’ before they could enter. I was stunned. These were my close friends, some of whom had flown in from abroad. She held up the entire programme for almost 15 minutes because she said it’s tradition. I was so mad I almost went over to tell her off, but my parents begged me to let it go. But till now, my friends still tease me about having to bribe their way into my wedding. They think it’s funny, but to me, not so much.”

     “My husband’s ex came dressed like the main character” — Nneka*, 29

    Nneka didn’t think much of her husband’s ex when she saw her name on the guest list, until she saw her in person.

    “I honestly didn’t mind her coming because she was a mutual friend in our larger social circle. I thought, ‘We’re all grown-ups here, what’s the worst that could happen?’ Oh, how naïve I was. This woman came to my wedding in a dress that was so tight and shiny that it looked like it was a club event. And she wore it with the confidence of someone who wanted the main character treatment.

    The worst part? She kept finding excuses to talk to my husband. She’d walk up to him while he was with his groomsmen, drag him away for ‘quick’ catch-ups, even pull him to the dance floor at one point. My friends kept giving me the side-eye all day, and I had to keep smiling through my teeth like nothing was wrong. My only regret is that I didn’t tell security to escort her out before the reception started.”

    “My uncle showed up just to cause trouble” — Adewale*, 40

    Some family members are a blessing at weddings. Adewale’s uncle was the exact opposite.

    “This man is my dad’s younger brother, and he’s been a thorn in the family’s side for as long as I can remember. Always looking for a fight, always drunk at family gatherings. My mum begged me not to invite him, but my dad insisted because “he’s still family.’

    On the D-Day, this man arrived late, already smelling like he’d been marinating in ogogoro all day. He sat at the high table, shouted insults at the MC, and at one point, he openly complained about the food portions being ‘stingy’. The final straw was when he pulled my dad aside and started arguing about waiters who were rude to him in the middle of the reception. Till today, when I watch my wedding video, I have to skip the parts where he’s in the background. He still gets to attend other family events, but where I’m concerned, I always refuse to extend an invitation.”

     “My former boss used my wedding as a networking event” — Jumoke*, 32

    For Jumoke, the problem wasn’t drama; it was pure opportunism at the wrong place.

    “I only invited my ex-boss because I felt like it would be rude not to. She’d been nice to me when I worked at her company, but we hadn’t spoken much since I left. She showed up looking amazing, which was fine until I realised she was treating my wedding like a corporate mixer.

    She went from table to table, handing out her business cards, telling people about her company, and even arranging lunch meetings with some of my guests. She interrupted my cousin’s conversation to pitch her services. At one point, I saw her talking shop on the dance floor with my uncle’s business partner. I wanted to hide under the table from the second-hand embarrassment. Never again.”

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    “My fetish grand-aunt showed up uninvited” — Abiola*, 31

    Abiola didn’t expect any surprises on her wedding day, until she remembered a strange prophecy from her pastor.

    “Two weeks before my wedding, my pastor pulled me aside and told me, ‘An unwanted guest will show up, but you must treat them with the utmost respect.’ He didn’t say who; for days, my parents and I kept trying to figure it out. No one came to mind.

    Then, on the morning of the church service, she walked in — my grand-aunt from my father’s side. This woman has a history. In my family, she’s known for being fetish, the type who dabbles in things you don’t talk about in daylight. She’s been accused of spiritually attacking relatives before, and she hadn’t been to any major family function in years. She was definitely not invited.

    The moment I saw her, my heart dropped, and everything the pastor said clicked. My parents and I quickly decided to follow the advice. We made sure she got the best seat and food, and was attended to like royalty. Meanwhile, I spent the rest of the day quietly muttering prayers under my breath. My smile in all those wedding photos was 50% joy, 50% spiritual warfare.”

     *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

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  • Lately, there’s been a lot of discourse about women ditching the razor and embracing their pubic hair. Is it better or worse? Does it mean they’re clean or not.

    So, we decided ask Nigerian men: how do you really feel about your partners rocking hair down there?

    Here’s what they had to say.

    “If it’s kept to a respectable level, it’s fine.” — Caleb*, (30)

    For me, it is not a hygiene issue, but as far as the UI and UX of sex goes, it doesn’t work. The penis gets left with bruises especially when condoms are not in use, and oral sex doesn’t happen as seamlessly as when there’s no bush. However, a little bush never hurt anyone. If it’s kept to a respectable level, it’s fine, but a no-shave-free-growing bush? Nah.

    “It can get distracting during sex.” — Ayomide*, (26)

    I generally don’t mind a bush, but it can get distracting during sex. It can also be overstimulating if you’re having sex without condoms. I think a bare, waxed, clean shaven vagina looks and feels better but a low bush can keep things interesting.

    “I don’t care what she has down there as long as she’s clean.” — Boluwatife*, (28)

    I used to be scared of vaginas as a whole before I started having sex. The first one I ever saw was clean-shaven, which became my standard expectation for a while. It didn’t help that the first time I came across a foul smelling vagina, she had a lot of hair there. It gave me a lot of biases about lady parts and how much hair should be there. But now that I’ve done some growing, I don’t care what she has down there as long as she’s clean and it doesn’t smell weird.

    “If they feel good and sexy, that’s what matters to me.” — Farouk*, (36)

    Hair o, no hair o, I don’t really care. It’s all part of the person I’m with. If they feel good and sexy, that’s what matters to me.

    “I know waxing can be painful, so I don’t pressure my partners.” — Seyi*, (29)

    I prefer it waxed, mainly for aesthetic reasons and comfort. But I know waxing can be painful, so I don’t pressure my partners. We talk about it and find what works best for both of us.

    “There’s supposed to be some hair there.” — Dele*, (42)

    A woman is supposed to have some hair there. It’s what shows she’s not a child. I don’t mind when it’s low as long as it’s not scratching or poking me.

    “I think it’s sexy” — Bisi*, (27)

    Oh, I love a bush, I think it’s sexy! I don’t really have a preference; I’m really just happy to be with a beautiful woman whenever she gives me the chance.

    “I don’t mind it.” – Tunde*, (29)

    I don’t mind pubic hair at all. I even think it can be sexy if it’s neat. What matters to me is hygiene, not hairlessness. As long as it smells clean, I’m good to go.

    READ NEXT: 7 Nigerians On The Red Flags They Ignored For Love

  • Nollywood has never lacked premium weepers, the kind of actor who can cry so convincingly that you start feeling bad for a character they played years later.

    Whether it’s the one-tear-drop pros, the floor-rolling sobbers, or the ones that throw their entire body on the ground like they just lost their life savings to a Ponzi scheme, the art of crying is a serious performance skill, and some of your faves have mastered it like PhD holders in Pain.

    In this ranking, we count down twelve of Nollywood’s best on-screen criers, from the legends weeping since the VCD era to the new school actors shedding tears like no man’s business.

    Here are the 12 best on-screen criers in Nollywood, ranked.

    12. Emeka Nwagbaraocha

    Series: Far from Home (2023)
    Role: Frank

    Emeka Nwagbaraocha, a Nollywood crier

    Emeka Nwagbaraocha might look like a heartbreaker, but he’s also a masterful crier, the kind that makes you pause mid-episode and ask, “Where are this boy’s parents?” His tears aren’t loud or dramatic; they sneak up on you, subtle but sharp, carrying a quiet intensity that stays with you.

    In Far From Home, he plays Frank, a gentle student trying to survive at an elite school filled with secrets, privilege, and pressure. As Ishaya’s best friend, Frank often finds himself bruised by other people’s decisions. But no matter how messy things get, Nwagbaraocha delivers emotional truth with restraint, earning him a solid spot among Nollywood’s most promising new-gen criers.

    Watch Far From Home on Netflix.

    11. Rita Edochie

    Movie: No More War (2004)

    Role: Nneoba

    Rita Edochie, a Nollywood crier

    If you see Rita Edochie on a VCD cover, crying with her head tie slipping off, just know somebody’s child is either missing, cursed, or being dragged to the village shrine. She delivers motherly pain with spiritual authority. Her crying scenes carry urgency, cultural weight, and the kind of tears that call down justice from the gods.

    Whether she’s playing a suffering mother, a misunderstood wife, or an ogbanje summoner, Edochie’s emotions are loud, raw, and unforgettable. In No More War, she turns in one of her most iconic performances as Nneoba, a mother shattered by the unjust imprisonment of her son. It’s the kind of wailing that echoes long after the credits roll.

    Watch No More War on YouTube.

    10. Ini Edo

    Movie: Tears For Nancy (2005)

    Role: Nancy

    Ini Edo, a Nollywood crier

    Ini Edo can cry just as convincingly as she can serve bad bitch energy when the role demands it. Back in the days of Part 1, 2, and 3 Nollywood classics, she didn’t just show up with beauty. She showed up with award-worthy sobs.

    Often cast as the village girl, the betrayed lover, or the suffering sister, Ini Edo made crying an art form. Her signature style? Snotty tears paired with dramatic monologues that could stop a scene cold. She was deep in her crier era in Tears for Nancy, where she plays a pregnant woman torn between her hostile family and her fiancé’s equally chaotic clan.

    Watch Tears For Nancy on YouTube.

    9. Chioma Akpotha

    Movie: Gangs of Lagos (2022)

    Role: Mama Ify

    Chioma Akpotha, a Nollywood crier

    Chioma Akpotha is the queen of silent tears and restrained pain—the kind where a single tear rolls down her cheek as she stares into space like her whole world just crumbled. She doesn’t just cry; she performs grief. Every tear feels earned, loaded with backstory, heartbreak, and at least one injustice.

    Once she starts crying on screen, the vibe shifts from “I’m fine” to “God, why me?” in 30 seconds flat. In Gangs of Lagos, she delivers a gut-wrenching performance as Mama Ify, a mother shattered by the loss of her son, a rising artist killed by gang violence. It’s the kind of pain you don’t just watch—you feel.

    Watch Gangs of Lagos on Prime Video.

    8. Hilda Dokubo

    Movie: Stigma (2013)

    Role: Ibiso

    From the quiet, dignified tears of a suffering mother to the chest-clutching, floor-rolling cries of a broken woman, Hilda Dokubo had range—and she used every bit of it.

    When she cries, it’s not just sorrow—it’s a spiritual warning. It feels like she’s about to call down thunder on whoever wronged her. One of her standout crying roles is in Stigma, a 2013 Nollywood drama about HIV/AIDS and the cruel weight of stigma in Nigeria. As Ibiso, a mother navigating grief, discrimination, and loss, Dokubo delivers emotion so raw it feels personal.

    Stigma is not currently streaming but watch this excerpt on YouTube.

    7. Mercy Johnson

    Movie: Weeping Soul (2009)

    Role: Amarachi

    There’s no role Mercy Johnson hasn’t mastered—from the long-suffering house girl to the village sweetheart courted by royalty, to heartbroken lover and tormented ghost.

    And when it’s time to cry? Best believe she delivers classic screamers. If you grew up watching Nollywood in the 2000s, there’s a 98% chance you shed tears simply because Mercy started crying first. From her breakout in The Maid to fan favourites like Weeping Soul—a film that explores the emotional struggles of an orphan fighting for dignity—Mercy makes pain feel personal. Her emotions don’t just show up, they slap.

    Watch Weeping Soul on YouTube.

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    6. Tola Oladokun

    Movie: Jellili (2011)

    Role: Iya Jelleli

    Tola Oladokun is a veteran of Yoruba Nollywood—famously Jenifa’s mother in Funke Akindele’s hit franchise—but she’s equally renowned as a certified “tear-bringer” in YouTube dramas and emotional thrillers. Whether she’s pleading in the market or collapsing under the weight of poverty, her sobs feel like they’ve been brewing for a lifetime.

    Her strength lies in family-centric roles where every tear hints at untold hardship. If there were an award for Nollywood’s most reliable crier, her turn in Idoti Oju would win hands down.

    In Jellili, she embodies a mother pushed to her breaking point by her wayward child—her tears carrying the echoes of years of sacrifice, frustration and sorrow.

    Watch Jellili on YouTube.

    5. Tunbosun Odunsi

    Movie: Ayitale (2013)

    Role: Aremu

    If you’re an avid viewer of Yoruba movies, you likely know Tunbosun Odunsi. He belongs to the class of quiet legends—the actors who may not always be front and centre in blockbusters, but whose acting chops are undeniable. While he may not be a “tear-machine” like Hilda Dokubo or Lateef Adedimeji, when he cries, you feel it.

    His emotional delivery leans away from melodrama and into something more grounded—subtle, restrained pain that doesn’t need wailing or floor-rolling to break your heart. In Ayitale, he plays Aremu, a father caught in a moral and spiritual storm that slowly unravels his world. His tears don’t beg for attention—they earn your respect.

    Ayitale is currently on YouTube.

    4. Bukunmi Oluwashina

    Movie: Ayomi (2015)

    Role: Rantimi

    If we’re talking Gen Z Nollywood criers, Bukunmi Oluwashina is top-tier. Whether she’s heartbroken, betrayed, or just trying to survive in a wicked world, her tears always come soaked in intensity and delivered with full-body commitment.

    She often writes and stars in her own films, so when she’s crying on screen, just know she scripted that heartbreak herself. One of her most powerful performances is in Ayomi, where she plays Rantimi, a young woman navigating love, trauma, and the weight of generational pain with a vulnerability that cuts deep.

    Watch Ayomi on YouTube.

    3. Chinwe Owoh

    Movie: Mothering Sunday (2001)

    Role: Nnewa Senior

    Let’s keep it a buck, Chinwe Owoh didn’t just act in Nollywood movies, she suffered. If you grew up watching Nollywood in the 2000s, you knew that the moment she started crying, the movie had officially entered its tragic phase.

    From losing her children to being thrown out of the house, to crying on the bare floor of a village compound with dust in her mouth, Chinwe Owoh gave Oscar-level wailing every single time. She was typecast as the suffering widow, the abandoned mother, the poor villager constantly dealt a cruel hand by life. In Mothering Sunday, she plays Mama Ejike, a grieving mother whose entire world collapses in slow motion—and you feel every second of it.

    Watch Mothering Sunday on YouTube.

    2. Nkiru Sylvanus

    Movie: A Cry For Help (2002)

    Role: Blessing (Bleh Bleh)

    In the early 2000s, Nkiru Sylvanus didn’t just cry in movies—she made crying a career. With red eyes, trembling lips, and tears pulled straight from the soul, she cried for at least half the runtime in every film. She specialised in the “poor innocent girl” role—an orphan, a maid, a village girl, or the unlucky daughter life just refused to favour.

    Once the camera zoomed in and the piano soundtrack started playing, you knew Nkiru was about to cry like rent was due. In A Cry for Help, she plays Blessing, a vulnerable young woman whose desperation and misfortunes trigger a masterclass in emotional breakdown.

    Watch A Cry For Help on YouTube.

    1. Lateef Adedimeji

    Movie: 07:07 (2018)

    Role: Deji

    Lateef Adedimeji is one of the most expressive criers in modern Nollywood. His crying performances are so intense, you’d think someone stole his destiny. Whether it’s Yoruba epics or contemporary dramas, he brings the ugly cry, the sniffling cry, the “body-shaking like generator” cry—and somehow makes it feel authentic every single time. His facial expressions do 70% of the work; the tears handle the rest.

    In any film where he’s a struggling son, a wrongfully accused man, or dealing with unrequited love, just know the tears are loading. In 07:07, he plays Deji, a man with a wife battling cancer, and delivers a crying performance that should be studied in acting school.

    Watch 07:07 on YouTube.

    ALSO READ: The 10 Best Nollywood Action Movies On Netflix

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  • Nigerians may not know how to generate 24/7 electricity, but one thing we know how to do is party. Over the years, Nigerian weddings have only gotten louder, grander, and more over-the-top, but with every year comes a new trend, and not all of them are worth keeping. 

    So, Zikoko asked six Nigerians to share the wedding trends they think should be retired immediately and not a minute sooner.

    “If I ever see a gorilla dancing at an after party again…” — Derin* (28)

    I don’t know who started that trend of someone in a gorilla suit coming to dance at wedding after parties, but if I see one more gorilla dancing legwork to Asake, I’m going to lose it. Aside from the fact that it’s visually jarring, I also think it ruins the intimate vibe of a wedding and makes it seem more like a rowdy club. It needs to go.

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    “Those ridiculous wedding hashtags need to stop.” — Fola* (32)

    At the risk of sounding like a hater, wedding hashtags these days are leaving the aesthetic behind to become downright ridiculous. When it first started, a wedding hashtag would be something like #ShAde2022 or #TiwAdeForever. Now, you’ll open wedding invitations and see #Tinu&AdeMergeInOneLove2025. Can everybody be serious? Please, let’s keep the hashtags short and sweet.

    “Bachelor’s Eve/ Bachelorette’s a day before any important wedding events” — Peace* (26)

    The trend of having the bachelor’s eve the day before the wedding needs to be scrapped. We almost missed my brother’s wedding because we had his bachelor’s party the night before. Having an all-night celebration right before a wedding day packed with activity is not practical. There’s no crime in spacing these things out.

    “We need to end corset culture!” — Fade* (25)

    When I was younger, I remember older women wearing simple, loose traditional clothing — like iro and buba— to weddings. The hidden benefit of that style of clothing is that at the reception, when you’ve eaten your fill, you can simply loosen the wrapper and carry on with your day, but with corsets, you won’t even be able to enjoy the small chops before the corset boning stops your enjoyment. Speak less of saving room for dessert. I believe the corset agenda was created to stop the baddies, like me, from enjoying wedding food, and we must fight back. No more corsets!

    “We need to ban unfunny MCs” — Deja* (28)

    Master of Ceremonies are meant to be very charismatic hosts who move the events of the day along. These days, a lot of these “hosts” think they’re comedians and they make the most upsetting, out-of-line jokes that can ruin the vibe of a wedding party. When I get married, I will screen whoever my MC will be. If you’re not an actual comedian, please keep the jokes for your group chat.

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    “Aso ebi that costs the same as my rent is not the move.” — Biola* (26)

    The price of aso ebi these days needs to be laughed at and abolished immediately. It’s one thing for the aso ebi to be expensive, but a lot of the time, the material isn’t even high quality enough to justify the price. Beads and sequins fall off, dyes stain your skin and the cloth loses half its vibrancy after one wash. Please let’s keep the aso ebi prices demure so we can continue to afford to attend weddings. Aso ebi that costs the same as my rent is not working for me.

    “Stop asking strangers to be on your train.” — David* (30)

    I think it’s so strange when people ask acquaintances or strangers to be on their train. I’ve had multiple grooms-to-be randomly ask me to be their best man or be on their groom’s train, and we barely knew each other. One had barely spoken to me before, besides a passing nod at work.

    He said his wife asked him to find tall, good looking people for his train so that the photos could come out nice. I asked him if he had asked any of his friends and he said no, because they’re not tall enough. I think people should focus more on the relationships they’ve built and what weddings are really about rather than on just the aesthetics of the ceremony.

    If you enjoyed reading this, you’ll also enjoy: I Helped Her Start a Business. She Used Juju to Try to Destroy Me

  • If you’ve been on Elon Musk’s X in the last 24 hours, you’d know that there’s only one question keeping grown human men up right now: Can 100 of them defeat a Gorilla?

    While some people are doubting our collective strength, they clearly haven’t met Nigerian men on the battlefield. If push comes to shove, here’s how Nigerian men will deliver success on a platter.

    1. Recruit That Gorilla-Walking Guy From Social Media as Our Team Captain

    If anybody can face a gorilla, it’s the guy who has been practising slow-motion gorilla movements for clout online. It’s time for him to graduate from social media to the real battlefield.

    How to execute:

    Find his house address and draft him for duty. Pump him full with three bottles of Energy drink and a Bluetooth speaker blasting “Laho” to boost morale. His job? Distract the gorilla by doing those TikTok gorilla moves until the animal gets confused and mirrors him.

    Risk Level: 

    Gorilla joins the dance battle: 50%.

    Gorilla realises it’s been taken for a fool and rips uncle apart 50%.

    2. Find That One Uncle Who Claims He Can Beat a Lion

    Listen, there’s always that uncle in every Nigerian family who low-key wants to cosplay Daniel in the Lion’s den. This is his time to shine. Not with a lion, but a Gorilla.

    How to execute:

    Locate the family uncle. They’re usually the ones who decided to stay back in the village when every other family member embraced civility and moved to the city. Make him the assistant captain.

    Risk Level:

    10% chance of the gorilla surrendering immediately out of confusion.

    90% chance the uncle becomes a motivational speaker mid-fight.

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    3. Start with 20 Minutes of Empty Hype and Shouting

    If you understand anything about fights, you’ll know it goes beyond throwing hands and legs. Confidence is the first weapon, and who better to raise the morale than Yoruba “Egbon Adugbos?”

    How to execute:

    Get a dozen “Egbon Adugbos” to form a big circle and start chanting things like, “We no go gree o, we no go gree. Gorilla kingdom, we no go gree” They must beat chests, slap foreheads, and flex imaginary muscles while at it. Make the gorilla question its life choices.

    Risk Level:

    Gorilla is 40% intimidated, 60% sizing everyone up for breakfast.

    4. Activate Gym Bros Shouting “Beast Mode!”

    The bigger the distraction, the more confused and intimidated the Gorilla. If you already have a dozen Yoruba men pretending to thicken the plot, top that up with shirtless and seriously ripped gym bros who lift generator and car engines for fun. Use them wisely.

    How to execute:

    Get the gym bros to flex their biceps, scream “Ahoo! Ahoo!” and charge at the gorilla like it’s leg day. Maximum testosterone must flood the air.

    Risk Level:

    Gorilla feels slight fear 25%.

    Gym bros get flung like frisbees 75%.

    5. Distract the Gorilla With Food

    If all the distractions fail, activate plan B, but before then, what do big ass apes even eat? Banana? Plantains? Fisherman soup? Whatever it is, pump it full with Canadian loud, add a side of monkey tail and watch the Lord fight the battles before y’all even step into the ring.

    How to execute:

    Appoint one man to wave the food like a peace offering. When the gorilla reaches for it, signal the team to throw a massive net over it. Bundle that ape up once it’s asleep and ship it off to the Yankari Games Reserve

    Risk Level:

    Gorilla gets distracted 50%.

    Distractor gets eaten 50%.

    6. Confuse the Gorilla With Incantations

    Listen, spiritual warfare must complete the physical battle.

    How to execute:

    Get the traditional elders to start chanting incantations aggressively. Bonus if one of them carries palm fronds and beats the floor while chanting. If the gorilla isn’t confused, then maybe we are the problem.

    Risk Level:

    Gorilla becomes spiritually disoriented 40%.

    Gorilla ain’t impressed 60%.

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    7. Make the Gorilla-Walking Guy Our Decoy to Confuse the Gorilla

    This is chess, not checkers. And you know what they say about saving the best for the last? Exactly. This is the point where we use gorilla-uncle as bait to create emotional confusion.

    How to execute:

    Dress him up in a black agbada and place him directly in front of the gorilla. If the real gorilla believes it has just seen its long-lost cousin from Ibadan zoo, it may hesitate long enough for the rest of us to attack.

    Risk Level:

    Gorilla offers a peace handshake 50%.

    Humans claim ultimate victory 50%.

    ALSO READ: 6 Nigerians Talk About Being Chased By Animals And Why They Hate Them

  • We’ve all been caught in the most awkward or high-pressure situations where sweat trickles down your back, your palms get clammy, and your heart starts racing. But how long can you keep your cool before the sweat betrays you?

    Take the test: