• Every Nigerian family WhatsApp group has that one unforgettable event. Whether it’s Big Mummy London sending a chain of annoying broadcast messages or a sibling adding the entire extended family without warning, there’s always some premium gbas gbos. 

    We asked a few Nigerians to share the drama that’s gone down in their family group chats, and let’s just say the tea is piping hot.

    Seun*

    My brothers and I had a heated football conversation in the family group chat. I saw this lengthy, senseless take and replied, “Guy, read what you wrote, does it make sense?” I dropped my phone to attend to something and returned to find my dad going off in the group. That’s when I realised he’d sent the message. I apologised, explaining it wasn’t directed at him, and he said it was fine. That night, my mum called and gave me a proper lecture about respecting your parents.

    Balikis*

    While preparing for my cousin’s wedding, we created a family WhatsApp group for easy communication. The group was mostly inactive since the wedding was months away, but we’d get occasional updates about hotel reservations, the asoebi colour, and other plans.

    One day, my bride-to-be cousin posted the asoebi rates and other expenses. A younger cousin felt the price was too high and tried to express her thoughts. My cousin flared up, insisting the younger cousin had no right to address her without using “Sister” or “Aunty.” 

    The exchange got heated, with some cousins arguing that since the bride was only a few years older, it was fine to call her by name. Most of us were in our mid to late twenties, and I agreed with them, though I didn’t voice it to my cousin. She eventually left the group and only sent updates through me after that.

    Ben*

    During COVID, my mum kept sending videos and broadcasts full of false information in the family group chat, and I was getting tired. I’d casually asked her to at least read or verify things before spreading panic, but she didn’t take it seriously. Then, one day, she sent a video claiming people should take salt baths to prevent COVID.

    I was pissed because she was acting like someone with no education. I sent a voice note trying to respectfully correct her, but she didn’t appreciate my tone. After listening, she replied, “Why not go to the market, buy a cane, and come beat me? Then you’ll know you’ve corrected me.”

    I knew I’d messed up. I spent the next few days apologising, explaining I wasn’t trying to be rude. She still sends annoying videos, but I’ve muted the group chat.

    Tayo*

    My stepbrother tried to play peacemaker by adding all 12 step-siblings to a WhatsApp group. I knew it was a bad idea because we’d never been close, and each wife had always kept her children apart.

    He created the group without discussing it with anyone beforehand, and we all found ourselves in a group called “Adedeji* Children.” Worse, he didn’t explain why the group was created or try to make introductions. After a week of silence, people started leaving. The third eldest left first, then two others, until we were down to four. I’m not sure if he even noticed what had happened. He eventually came back some weeks later asking why I left. His message is still in my unread folder.

    Ade*

    My eldest brother offered to sponsor our youngest sibling’s university education. He doesn’t have a high-paying job, but he’s unmarried and could afford it. We’d been trying to secure her admission, but nothing clicked.

    One day, the second-born, who recently got promoted and now earns a lot more, came to the WhatsApp group and announced she’d enrolled our sibling in a private uni. It shocked us because she hadn’t discussed it with anyone. When we tried to reason with her, she refused to back down. My eldest brother commented that she can’t boss us around because she has more money now. Then he left the group. It took a lot of begging to get him back.

    Dorathy*

    One morning, my deeply spiritual sister sent a voice note to our family group, saying she’d been having visions and nightmares. She said someone in the group was working to bring us down. For context, the group includes our parents and all six siblings.

    Our parents demanded to know who she was talking about, but she refused to name names, insisting we fast and pray so God could reveal the person. The group went quiet for days because no one knew how to handle the situation. Thankfully, she returned weeks later to say the evil-doer had been defeated. We all still wonder, “So, who is the witch in this family?” But no one has dared to ask.

    Read this next: How to Know Your Parents’ Favourite Child

  • I’m not nosy, but my 17-year-old junior brother is always talking about how funny the guys on his anime group chats are. I was bored, so I begged him to send me an invite. 

    As someone who spent an uncomfortable amount of time on anime group chats when I was 16, I know how messy they can be, but funny? I had to see. 

    People of earth, this boy lied. All these boys do is argue and share hentai links, and now, I’m worried my brother’s humour is broken. Here are the things I noticed in my two days on the group chat.

    They don’t text during the day

    I learnt this the hard way when I joined in the morning and tried to introduce myself. I got the airing of a lifetime. E pain me small, but who has died from being aired? Exactly, no one. 

    They all flock out like evil spirits at 11 p.m. because that’s when their midnight data starts working, so they can download anime and fight each other. 

    One of the rare occasions when they messaged during the day. The next reply was by 7. 

    These boys might stay single forever

    The first thing I saw when I joined was a link to Hentai Haven. Why are they casually sharing porn? It was at this point I decided to read their group’s info, and I became scared for my life.

    I wish they were joking, but people actually introduced themselves this way. 

    The lack of girls 

    It’s not that there are no girls on the group chat. They just don’t talk, and I don’t blame them. 

    The one time I saw a girl talk, she mentioned that she didn’t like Vinland Saga, and they dragged her for at least an hour.  Then they started to question if she liked anime at all. 

    I guess this gives you a preamble of why I lasted only two days.

    They’re always arguing 

    I’m not policing what these boys do with their midnight data, but why would you use it to argue about characters that don’t even exist in the same anime? When you could be downloading or streaming anime?

    Sir, first of all, what is this name? 

    Then, there’s this guy who either watches the back of the TV or likes to start drama. 

    RELATED: How to Disguise as an Anime Fan

    And this guy who’s obviously the group’s clown.

    There’s this one guy who kinda has taste… kinda

    I’d already braced myself for an insane amount of “new anime” conversations. But there’s this one guy who’s always trying to get the group to watch older anime by making memes like these: 

    One Piece should have ranked first, but this is fine too. 

    To be on this group chat, you have to have thick skin because they will insult you for stupid takes 

    After spending time with these guys, I’ve come to the conclusion that anime fans are not very nice people. Why are you arguing with someone over a fictional character? I say this while knowing that if someone comes for my fave I will insult their ancestors tbh.  

    This guy deserved the insults, why would you disrespect Haikyuu?

    Society will never be free from comrade memes 

    For two days, I felt trapped in “the bad place”. You can’t scroll without seeing at least 10 comrade memes. Now, I live in fear of seeing these things when I close my eyes: 

    RELATED: Love It or Hate It: Comrade Memes

    Why do they use annoying usernames?

    Dear Uvuvwevwevwe onyetenvewve ugwemubwem ossas, your mother did not name you Shikamaru. Do you know how unnerving it is to see a pop-up WhatsApp notification from someone called Orochimaru? What happened to nicknames like Pweshyboi001 or GangsterTobs123?  Two days on this group chat and I tapped into my inner Nigerian father. 

    The one who said he has mental issues did not lie. 

    They drag other cinematic universes into their problems

    There’s always that one guy ready to shout, “Batman will beat Goku” or “ Superman will beat One Punch Man”. From where to where? Comparing Marvel or DC characters to anime characters makes no sense because in what multiverse will they have to fight each other?

    I’m anti-military rule, but this guy was promptly removed, which made me happy. 

    I considered staying an extra day,  but the next morning I woke up to 1k plus messages. 

    From one group chat? Please, please, I’m an old person. 

    READ ALSO: Why Watching Anime With Nigerians Is Always Hilarious

  • Are you the happy-go-lucky person that can be found in every WhatsApp group known to man? Or are you the lone ranger who endures your work chat because-–paycheck? Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people whose accolade is the number of WhatsApp groups they manage?

    Okay, you know what? Just take this quiz to find out what kind of WhatsApp group member you are. PS: We won’t judge.

    Did you find this interesting? Please take this quick survey to help us create better content for you in 2020.

  • 1. WhatsApp groups: You can love them or hate them, but you can never completely live without them.

    Whether it’s a WhatsApp group for members of your family, class or work, this one slice of social media bread will be found on every user’s plate.

    2. At first, it can be annoying when you’re added to yet another WhatsApp group.

    Like, seriously, before WhatsApp how did we even communicate?

    3. So you just jejely do ghost-mode and become a participant-observer.

    4. And then somebody on the group mentions you in the chat to ask why you don’t contribute.

    Ehen? And so? Woz your own?

    5. But when gist starts to fly around it can be interesting sha.

    6. Although even with the interesting gist, when those broadcast messages start to enter it’s like you should kill somebody.

    7. You will hear “PING” and rush to your phone only to find that it is a BC.

    8. As angry as you are with other people’s BC, this is you when it is time to send your own:

    Please, epp me. I just need you to click the link and vote let me win something for once.

    9. When you find 100+ unread messages on the group chat:

    Who is going to read all those messages? Not me!

    10. Then your data is about to finish and someone will now send a 50mb video:

    It’s like something is wrong with you.

    11. And it can pain when you don’t have data and gist is flying around the group but you can’t chat.

    12. But with your family WhatsApp group, you’re happy because it is an easy way to keep in touch with everyone.

    13. But then you quickly realise that it’s really just a platform for your parents to monitor your life.

    14. And now here’s a little expo for when you want to leave that annoying WhatsApp group:

    https://zikoko.com/list/so-you-are-trying-to-leave-a-whatsapp-group/
  • If you are on WhatsApp, you most likely would have found yourself in or are even presently in one or three or more groups.

    And if you’ve been in a WhatsApp group, you’re sure to find these five kinds of people:

    1. The BroadCasters

    They just love to send broadcast messages anyhow. They could have a future in mass communication if they wanted. From videos to images to lengthy posts that require endless re-posting for their potency, these ones will not hesitate to send it all.

    2. The Opinion-Seekers

    They will bring a topic to the group so that everyone can fight. They’ll add occasional words to keep the discussion alive and then sit back and watch people argue.

    3. The Information-Seekers

    These ones always get lost and need reminding on whatever information had been passed across in the group.

    4. The Questionnaires

    These ones bring all their questions, worries and concerns to the group chat because their Google subscription has expired and the next option is to ask the WhatsApp group.

    5. The Participant-Observer

    These ones don’t like to talk too much. They’ll just come and go like ghost in a Nollywood film.