“I’ll never drink again.” If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that. You’ve said it countless times, only to find yourself drinking the next Friday. You’ve probably said it nothing less than five times, for various reasons. Let’s run through all the times you said “never again”, shall we?

1. When you woke up with a hangover from hellfire

Especially when the headache is like two large rocks squeezing your brain and light seems like punishment to you.

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2. When you texted your ex

This one is the worst. You’ll wake up in the morning and see that you’ve told your ex who broke your heart three years ago that you miss them. You’ll swear never to drink again. Look at yourself now.

3. When you started dancing

When you wake up and see a video of you dancing like a chicken set on fire. Kill me now.

4. When you puked

While you’re puking, you’re swearing to God that you’ll never drink again. (We all know how that went.)

5. When you paid for everybody in the bar

When you wake up and see a mighty debit alert and your friends remind you that you paid for everybody in the bar, in the spirit of drunken generosity.

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