All The Times You Swore You Would Never Drink Again

October 27, 2020

“I’ll never drink again.” If only I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that. You’ve said it countless times, only to find yourself drinking the next Friday. You’ve probably said it nothing less than five times, for various reasons. Let’s run through all the times you said “never again”, shall we?

1. When you woke up with a hangover from hellfire

Especially when the headache is like two large rocks squeezing your brain and light seems like punishment to you.

7 Things People Should Never Say To A Person From Africa – Afro Gist Media

2. When you texted your ex

This one is the worst. You’ll wake up in the morning and see that you’ve told your ex who broke your heart three years ago that you miss them. You’ll swear never to drink again. Look at yourself now.

3. When you started dancing

When you wake up and see a video of you dancing like a chicken set on fire. Kill me now.

4. When you puked

While you’re puking, you’re swearing to God that you’ll never drink again. (We all know how that went.)

5. When you paid for everybody in the bar

When you wake up and see a mighty debit alert and your friends remind you that you paid for everybody in the bar, in the spirit of drunken generosity.

Read: 6 Crimes We Want Detective Fashola To Investigate

Zikoko Donation Banner

Help Zikoko keep making the content you love

More than ever, people are turning to Zikoko for stories that matter and content they love. But still, we, like many media organisations, are feeling the financial heat of these times. If you find us valuable, please make a contribution to help keep Zikoko zikoko-ing.

Thank you for your support.

We are also cool with Crypto.

Donation Close
Zikoko Logo

Complete Your Commitment

Donation confirm

Your Contribution is confirmed! Amount

Olufemi Fadahunsi

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

April 27, 2020

Of all the things the lockdown could possibly make us long for: a simple day at the salon, the warm touch of your favourite barber, a night of unholy rocks with your best friends, the usually horrible feel of a Monday morning didn’t seem like it would make the cut. And yet, here we are […]

May 2, 2020

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old heterosexual man who has been polyamorous for about 2 years. He talks about dating multiple women at once, his insatiable sexual appetite and his adventurous streak. What was your first sexual experience? Does kissing count as a “sexual experience”? I suppose it should, right?  Yeah, I […]

Watch

Now on Zikoko

January 25, 2021

If there’s one thing about Zikoko quizzes, it’s that they are surprisingly accurate. Today, we’re asking a simple question: What makes you dateable? Is it your sense of humour or your brains? Don’t answer, take this quiz and we’ll tell you:

January 24, 2021

What does it mean to be a man? Surely, it’s not one thing. It’s a series of little moments that add up. “Man Like” is a weekly Zikoko series documenting these moments to see how it adds up. It’s a series for men by men, talking about men’s issues. We try to understand what it means […]

Recommended Quizzes

November 11, 2019

Today, we are going to be using your taste in music to determine how good you actually are in bed. All you need to do is create the ultimate Nigerian hit — from the lead artist to the producer — and we’ll tell you if all your partners leave satisfied, or if you are just […]

November 4, 2019

After successfully predicting when y’all are getting married (please, email any complaints to noneofourbusiness@nayousabi.com), we are back to tell you how much is currently in your account. How, you might ask? By using your taste in Nollywood, of course. Shhh. No questions. Just take it already:

October 30, 2019

Kemi Adetiba’s King of Boys movie got a lot of things right, especially casting, so yes, it was a monster hit. Now, we know you may not have put much thought to this, but the personalities of some of the characters closely match yours, and we would like to help you find the perfect match. […]

April 1, 2020

Everyone has a Nigerian bank that matches their personality. You could either be as likeable as GTB, as efficient as Access or as mature as First Bank. Either way, all you have to do is take this quiz and we’ll let you know with almost 100% certainty. So, go ahead:

November 22, 2019

It can be very stressful when you’re trying to find the love of your life, but you only keep meeting people that are exactly like your yeye ex. To help you be more aware of that problem, we’ve created a quiz that lets you know the kind of people you are attracting. Take it to […]

More from Inside Life

January 21, 2021

Being an Airbnb host means having to interact with different kinds of people, some great, others unsavoury. I spoke to four Airbnb hosts about their experiences and how they coped during the pandemic. Arike Being an Airbnb host in Nigeria is quite an interesting experience. Many times, we have great guests who aren’t a bother. […]

January 20, 2021

You have to get somewhere on time. It’s important. But you didn’t start getting ready on time, so now you’re rushing to do everything. You get ready just in time and you look at the mirror and smile, “I knew I’d make it.” And you don’t feel bad for wasting time earlier anymore. Now it’s […]

January 20, 2021

If you ever want to see a Nigerian lose their home training, then go to any of these seven places. 1) NIN registration centre One thing that does not mix well is Nigerians and deadlines. It is a catastrophic, and destined for disaster. Somebody’s father probably came home complaining about how one ‘small boy’ insulted […]

January 20, 2021

According to the World Health Organisation, one in four Nigerians has a mental illness. The same health body also estimates that one in four people globally will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. Nigeria has about 300 psychiatrists catering to its teeming 200 million-strong population. With statistics such as these, many […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X