These 7 Types of Cakes Should Not Exist

April 20, 2022

Nothing on earth could have prepared me for the terrorism that bakers have been doing with cakes that look like other things. But that’s a conversation for another day. Today I want to drag cake makers for ever baking these seven types of cake. Why do these people like doing the most?

1. Coffee cake

Coffee cake is a cake that went to cake school and came last. It’s the 40+ millennial amid Gen-Zs that thinks it’s cool. Of all the things to taste like, why would you choose to bake something that tastes like wickedness? 

RELATED: QUIZ: What Kind of Cake Are You?

2. Funfetti cakes

A funfetti cake is a vanilla cake with an annoying amount of sprinkles. The cake also dares to be baked with sprinkles inside, which is bold because sprinkles taste like suffering and should not exist.

3. Carrot cake

Firstly, a carrot is a vegetable, and vegetables have no business being in cake. What’s next? Cabbages? If it even tasted nice, I would understand, but carrot cake tastes like carrot and that’s the problem.  

4. Chocolate cake

Anyone that likes chocolate cake is a liar and lives a fake life. It never tastes like chocolate and they’re always trying to spice it up with oreos and wafers. Why’re you trying to make up for?  

5. Any cake with fondant 

Notice how they only share cakes like these at burials or school anniversaries, basically places that don’t have joy. What’s the point of cake if every part‌ can’t be eaten? 

RELATED: 7 Cake Pictures That Will Annoy Every Baker

6. Rainbow cake

If nothing was a flavour, it would be rainbow cakes and to be honest, it shouldn’t exist. Thank you for the colour and all, but can you maybe give each tier a distinct flavour, or make it taste like something nice, like strawberries?

7. Fruit cake

As in, a cake that has actual fruits stuffed inside or fruit flavoured cakes. If you need to eat something healthy, maybe just eat the actual fruit? Why would you drag cake into it? 

We don’t cake-shame enough as a society for me. And we need to start throwing tomatoes at people that like these cakes.

READ ALSO: Ranked: Chocolate, Red Velvet or Vanilla Cake?

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