danfo | Page 2 of 2

1. “No change o”

And so?
2. “Praise Tha Lord”

Danfo not Sunday school, abeg.
3. “There’s go-slow”

Hay God!
4. “Two more chance’

What is happening here?
5. “Excuse me sister, can I know your name?”

My name is, ‘face-your-front-and-let-me -see-road.
6. “Abeg, I wan buy fuel’

So you couldn’t buy fuel before calling passengers, abi?
7. ‘Driver, I want to ease myself’

What rubbish?
8. “I go join your change together”

Kuku kill me.
9. “Aunty, dress abeg”

To where?
1. When you’re with N1000 and you hear the conductor shouting at someone else for giving him N500.

Yawa don gas today!
2. When the quiet person beside you suddenly shouts “Praiseeeee daaa Looorddd!!!”

This is too much headache!
3. How everyone looks at you when you pass your bus stop.

”Sister, you been dey sleep before?”
4. When you’re already late for work and the bus decides to break down.

I am finished!
5. When you’re sitting beside the conductor and his armpit is in your face.

That stinks bruuuhhhh!
6. Some small boys in danfo be like: “Sistah, can I know you beta?’

You think we are mates abi? I don’t blame you!
7. When you forget to collect your N900 change from the conductor.

Kuku kill me!
8. When the driver is bent on driving everyone straight to hell.

Please sir, this is not Fast and Furious o!
9. That rare moment when the conductor forgets to collect his money.

Everyday for the thief, one day for the owner!
10. When the bus starts making funny sounds on 3rd Mainland Bridge, and the conductor says nothing is wrong with it.

Oga, everything is wrong with it !
11. When one woman says you should lap her babies because “They’re your sisters.”

No ma, I know my own sisters well!
12. When the conductor says the fare has increased to N150, but you have exactly N100.

But it was N100 yesterday now!
13. You, when the driver says you should use the seat belt.

I can’t even deal!
14. When you remember you have to to go through the same mess tomorrow, because you’re still ‘carless’.

Choi! Baba God, do it for your girl! Featured Image Credit: Bayo Omoboriowo
1. When you need to enter danfo but you only have 1k.

As per #RichGang.
2. How you hustle to enter the first bus that stops:

Will you now sleep there because of 1k?
3. You, when the conductor says “enter with your change”.

Selective deafness, abeg.
4. What you ask all the passengers immediately you sit down:

You’re sha making effort.
5. When you’re done asking and nobody in the bus has change.

You cannot come and go and die.
6. When you finally give the conductor the 1k and he starts making noise.

Why are you now shouting, biko?
7. How you balance when you know it’s too late for him to throw you out:

You’ll be fine bruh.
8. How everyone on the bus hustles to collect their change first:

You people should calm down na.
9. You, looking at the conductor because your own hasn’t reached you:

He thinks you will forget, abi?
10. When you want to vex then you remember you’re the one that entered with 1k.

Who sent you message sef?
11. When your energy finishes and you stop shouting for your change every 5 minutes.

Na where you mess up.
12. When you finally reach your bus stop and the conductor carries face like:

You forgot to ask him, and he ‘forgot’ to remind you.
13. When you walk small and suddenly remember your change.

Chineke!
14. You, painfully watching the danfo zoom off:

You’re there wondering if you can chase it.
15. You, calculating everything you could have done with that money:

You see your life.
1. You must never have chill.

You’re one of the kings of Lagos and chill does not live in Lagos.
2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

Because Danfo drivers and their conductors are relationship goals. Who else will hang on to your ~~relationship~~ bus this tightly?
3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

Driving with sense is not your thing.
4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

Your spare tyre is more important than their comfort.
5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

Even if your seats are tiny put ten of them together, money must be made.
6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

Jibowu-Yaba 3000 Naira because dollar don cost.
7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

They can just arrest you because of ordinary driving through BRT lane.
8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

You don’t stop for anybody, your bus cannot kill anybody jare.
9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

Just hang one dirty rope over your shoulder, you’ll be fine.
10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

Drinking and driving is the safest way to drive your danfo. How else will you get that badass voice?
11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

You must be ready to dish it out to any and everybody especially women, they’re ashawos and you “get their kind for house”.
12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

Even if you have wads of 100 Naira notes, you must never give your conductor/passenger change when they ask for it.
13. Be loud, really loud.

Your music, your voice, everything. Because people in your bus came to get headache from your loudness.
14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

Taking responsibility isn’t really your thing.
1. That person that smells like they used fish to bath.

Oga, you no go like use deodrant?
2. That ‘pharmacist’ selling a N200 cure for HIV, premature ejaculation and unemployment.

Add extra N100 and the drug will cure deafness, eye problem and will even help you marry.
3. That person that sha turns you into their pillow by force.

You entered bus single, now you have bae.
4. That human ATM that brings out a N1000 note to pay for a N50 fare.

This one doesn’t know where he is. If the conductor doesn’t tell him to get out, he should thank God.
5. That JJC that has no idea where they are even going.

This one will spend the entire trip asking “are we there yet?” and they will still somehow miss their bus-stop.
6. That pastor that turns the entire trip into a sunday service, complete with testimony and offering.

Immediately you hear “praise The Lord” just get ready.
7. That person on the phone that swears they are in a meeting.

Why da fuq you lying?
8. That paranoid person that spends the entire trip shouting “conductor, where my change?”

Oga they will give you your N50. don’t go and have a stroke.
9. That orobo that will crush everyone on their row and still have the liver to be shouting “shift”

They will now be shouting like they paid for extra seat.
10. That ‘comedian’ that thinks the bus is night of a thousand laughs.

This one is always looking for any reason to crack one unfunny joke or the other,
11. That shakara person that won’t collect their change from the conductor unless the note is mint.

This one thinks they are in a bank. If the conductor answers them, they are lucky.
12. That amebo that thinks two of you are now sharing one phone.

This one is more interested in what you’re pressing on your phone than the bus-stop they are supposed to be dropping.
13. That old person that spends the entire trip complaining about the driver’s speed, even when the bus is not moving..

Well, they did not enter bus to die.

1. “No change o”

2. “Praise Tha Lord”

3. “There’s go-slow”

4. “Two more chance’

5. “Excuse me sister, can I know your name?”

6. “Abeg, I wan buy fuel’

7. ‘Driver, I want to ease myself’

8. “I go join your change together”

9. “Aunty, dress abeg”

1. When you’re with N1000 and you hear the conductor shouting at someone else for giving him N500.

2. When the quiet person beside you suddenly shouts “Praiseeeee daaa Looorddd!!!”

3. How everyone looks at you when you pass your bus stop.

4. When you’re already late for work and the bus decides to break down.

5. When you’re sitting beside the conductor and his armpit is in your face.

6. Some small boys in danfo be like: “Sistah, can I know you beta?’

7. When you forget to collect your N900 change from the conductor.

8. When the driver is bent on driving everyone straight to hell.

9. That rare moment when the conductor forgets to collect his money.

10. When the bus starts making funny sounds on 3rd Mainland Bridge, and the conductor says nothing is wrong with it.

11. When one woman says you should lap her babies because “They’re your sisters.”

12. When the conductor says the fare has increased to N150, but you have exactly N100.

13. You, when the driver says you should use the seat belt.

14. When you remember you have to to go through the same mess tomorrow, because you’re still ‘carless’.

1. When you need to enter danfo but you only have 1k.

2. How you hustle to enter the first bus that stops:

3. You, when the conductor says “enter with your change”.

4. What you ask all the passengers immediately you sit down:

5. When you’re done asking and nobody in the bus has change.

6. When you finally give the conductor the 1k and he starts making noise.

7. How you balance when you know it’s too late for him to throw you out:

8. How everyone on the bus hustles to collect their change first:

9. You, looking at the conductor because your own hasn’t reached you:

10. When you want to vex then you remember you’re the one that entered with 1k.

11. When your energy finishes and you stop shouting for your change every 5 minutes.

12. When you finally reach your bus stop and the conductor carries face like:

13. When you walk small and suddenly remember your change.

14. You, painfully watching the danfo zoom off:

15. You, calculating everything you could have done with that money:

1. You must never have chill.

2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

13. Be loud, really loud.

14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

1. That person that smells like they used fish to bath.

2. That ‘pharmacist’ selling a N200 cure for HIV, premature ejaculation and unemployment.

3. That person that sha turns you into their pillow by force.

4. That human ATM that brings out a N1000 note to pay for a N50 fare.

5. That JJC that has no idea where they are even going.

6. That pastor that turns the entire trip into a sunday service, complete with testimony and offering.

7. That person on the phone that swears they are in a meeting.

8. That paranoid person that spends the entire trip shouting “conductor, where my change?”

9. That orobo that will crush everyone on their row and still have the liver to be shouting “shift”

10. That ‘comedian’ that thinks the bus is night of a thousand laughs.

11. That shakara person that won’t collect their change from the conductor unless the note is mint.

12. That amebo that thinks two of you are now sharing one phone.

13. That old person that spends the entire trip complaining about the driver’s speed, even when the bus is not moving..