1. You must never have chill.

You’re one of the kings of Lagos and chill does not live in Lagos.

2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

Because Danfo drivers and their conductors are relationship goals. Who else will hang on to your relationship bus this tightly?

3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

Driving with sense is not your thing.

4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

Your spare tyre is more important than their comfort.

5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

Even if your seats are tiny put ten of them together, money must be made.

6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

Jibowu-Yaba 3000 Naira because dollar don cost.

7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

They can just arrest you because of ordinary driving through BRT lane.

8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

You don’t stop for anybody, your bus cannot kill anybody jare.

9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

Just hang one dirty rope over your shoulder, you’ll be fine.

10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

Drinking and driving is the safest way to drive your danfo. How else will you get that badass voice?

11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

You must be ready to dish it out to any and everybody especially women, they’re ashawos and you “get their kind for house”.

12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

Even if you have wads of 100 Naira notes, you must never give your conductor/passenger change when they ask for it.

13. Be loud, really loud.

Your music, your voice, everything. Because people in your bus came to get headache from your loudness.

14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

Taking responsibility isn’t really your thing.


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