The Complete Guide To Being A Danfo Driver

|
April 26, 2016

1. You must never have chill.

You’re one of the kings of Lagos and chill does not live in Lagos.

2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

Because Danfo drivers and their conductors are relationship goals. Who else will hang on to your relationship bus this tightly?

3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

Driving with sense is not your thing.

4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

Your spare tyre is more important than their comfort.

5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

Even if your seats are tiny put ten of them together, money must be made.

6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

Jibowu-Yaba 3000 Naira because dollar don cost.

7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

They can just arrest you because of ordinary driving through BRT lane.

8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

You don’t stop for anybody, your bus cannot kill anybody jare.

9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

Just hang one dirty rope over your shoulder, you’ll be fine.

10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

Drinking and driving is the safest way to drive your danfo. How else will you get that badass voice?

11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

You must be ready to dish it out to any and everybody especially women, they’re ashawos and you “get their kind for house”.

12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

Even if you have wads of 100 Naira notes, you must never give your conductor/passenger change when they ask for it.

13. Be loud, really loud.

Your music, your voice, everything. Because people in your bus came to get headache from your loudness.

14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

Taking responsibility isn’t really your thing.
Avatar

Join The Conversation

Bring a friend.

You'll like this

Watch

Now on Zikoko

August 4, 2021

If you are working a job you hate and you have thought of all the possible ways to resign from that job, we advise you to take some cues from these few Nigerians. These options might be a bit dramatic, but trust us, they work. Tony, 30 I used to work at this job where […]

August 4, 2021

Are you tired of looking like everyone on your street? This article is for you. Zikoko is here to, once again, give you premium advice on how to go from a boring looking man to a man people will have no choice but to stop and stare at. Think we’re lying? Try at least one […]

August 4, 2021

Let’s be honest, everyone loves extra money. A side hustle might be what’s standing between you and the soft life. But you need to work for it, and a side hustle is one way to ensure that it happens. The best part? You’re building a business while you still have a stable job and income. […]

Dating a creative
August 4, 2021

The regular dating pool is a mess and all the people in it are various levels of terrible. But that is nothing compared to the gutter that is dating creatives.  If you need a reason why you shouldn’t date a creative, here are 10. 1. They are either overdressed or underdressed  Or sometimes, a weird […]

August 4, 2021

Parties are fun and lit right, but there is no way a party is ever complete without taking amazing pictures – and this what TECNO helped the housemates achieve at the first Saturday night party in the Shine Ya Eyes mansion. Housemates after taking out time to look their best on the dance floor, gave […]

Recommended Quizzes

March 24, 2020

While we know that a lot of the best Nigerian artists deservedly have fans across generations, that won’t stop us from attempting to guess how old you are based on your taste in Nigerian music. So, take this quiz to see if we got it right:

October 30, 2019

2010 was a game-changing one for Nollywood, with our movies making serious cash and getting international acclaim. So, which of these hits released between 2010 and 2019 — from the pace-setting The Wedding Party to the divisive Trip To Jamaica — best suits your personality? Well, that’s what this quiz is here to answer:

November 15, 2019

There are two types of people in Nigeria right now: those who are proud Marlians, and those who are still in denial about stanning the divisive star. So, for those who proudly wear the Marlian tag, we made a quiz to test how well you really know Naira Marley. If you get more than 6 […]

More from Oldies

May 27, 2021

Children’s day, a day set apart for kids. Like they don’t win at life already? You’re not paying bills or rent and you have a day to celebrate yourself? Get me their manager, please. On days like this, we can’t help but remember how good we used to have it so we wrote this article […]

February 12, 2020

Forget Tunji and Daniella, if you’re wondering who your best friend is, it’s most definitely the phone you’re either reading this from or the phone that’s somewhere within your vision; we know this because you’re definitely a phone addict that gets a little impatient when you’re too far away from your phone. Okay, let’s not […]

February 8, 2020

Yes, Valentine’s Day is almost here. Love notes, chocolates, hampers, and everything that comes with it. But while everyone is being hit by cupid’s arrow, there are some people who don’t even feel the hype. If you’re one of them, then grab a seat at this table. 1. You, when you hear that Valentine is […]

February 8, 2020

In case you have not realised it, Nigerians have a PhD in lying. Multiple PhDs, even. And there are some people who are professors in the art of lying, but we will keep that conversation for another day. Anyway, here is a list of common lies Nigerians tell. Don’t lie, we know you must told […]

February 8, 2020

Anyone who grew up in a Nigerian household understands that the Saturday routine does not change. It is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you are a true Nigerian, then you’ll understand these pictures and their connection to Saturday mornings. 1. Morning devotion by 6:00 AM. In which your parents can slap you for […]

Watch

Trending Videos

Zikoko Originals

December 14, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
November 2, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
October 26, 2020
A collection of videos documenting some of the events of the EndSARS protests.
June 22, 2020
'The Couch' is a Zikoko series featuring real life stories from anonymous people.
June 22, 2020
Hacked is an interesting new series by Zikoko made up of fictional but hilarious chat conversations.
June 4, 2020
What happens when a group of chatty young Nigerians talk about things they're passionate about? You get Nigerians talk. A show that discusses very familiar struggles for the average Nigerian. From relationship deal breakers to sex education with Nigerian parents to leaving Nigeria, be prepared for a ride.
June 2, 2020
Quickie is a video series where everyone featured gets only one minute to rant, review or do absolutely anything.
May 14, 2020
Isolation Diary is a Zikoko series that showcases what isolation is like for one young Nigerian working from home due to the Coronavirus pandemic.
March 12, 2020
Life is already hard. Deciding where to eat and get the best lifestyle experiences, isn't something you should stress about. Let VRSUS do that for you.

Z! Stacks

Here's a rabbit hole of stories to lose yourself in:

Zikoko amplifies African youth culture by curating and creating smart and joyful content for young Africans and the world.
X