Does your presence tend to piss people off? Do people wince whenever you open your mouth? Is it only your friends and family that can stand you? If you’re not 100% sure, then you should take this quiz to help discover just how annoying you really are.
Go ahead:
1. They pay for your education, then they get mad when you have educated views.
This one is your fault sha.
2. They warn you to never date, then they start asking for spouse immediately you graduate.
Are they selling partners in the market?
3. They treat you like crap as a child, then they start forming BFFs when you’re an adult.
It’s too late, please.
4. They ask you a question, then they call you disrespectful for answering.
What do you want from me?
5. They never say sorry for being wrong, but they expect you to forgive them.
It’s not by giving me food.
6. They never speak to you about sex, then they refuse to shut up about grandkids.
How do you think the grandkids will appear?
7. They ask you to lead closing prayers, then they pray right after you.
So God didn’t hear my own?
8. They believe every WhatsApp BC they get, then they vex when you don’t believe them too.
Don’t force me to believe nonsense.
9. They can’t let you simply gist with them without turning it into a lecture.
This is why we don’t talk.
10. They do something to upset you, then they vex because you’re upset.
How are you the one that’s now upset?
11. They refuse to let you sleep because they are now awake.
Is it my fault that you woke up by 5 am?
12. They ask you to tell the truth, then they punish you when you do.
Na me fuck up.
1. Some idiots will assume you don’t love your skin the way it is and that deep down you really wish you were light skinned.
You don’t even know me.
2. So they will suggest that you bleach your skin.
“Listen, you probably mean well but I don’t want to end up looking like a three day old corpse. So no, thanks.”
3. They will ignore everything you’re saying and start suggesting bleaching creams you can use.
“Have you tried FOREVER CLEAR? WHITENING LOTION nko? What of GOAT MILK WHITENER?”
4. When this happens, shout sense into their head.
“DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?! I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE BOBRISKY!!! GTFO!”
5. Then there are those terrible humans that will say that they don’t date dark skin people.
This makes no sense because like half of the people that say this are dark skinned themselves. All of them are mad.
6. If you’re very dark, one idiot will try to nickname you “Nightcrawler” or worse, “Nightwalker”.
If someone calls you “Nightwalker”, you have every right to punch him/her in the throat. They deserve it.
7. If you are very dark, a lot of people will automatically assume that you’re from the North.
Believe me when I tell you that Nigerian stereotypes are just plain stupid.
8. Someone will joke that if you have children with another dark skinned person, your kids will be “black like satan”.
“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OFFENSIVE THIS IS?!!”
9. This is you when you see a job vacancy and the employers specifically ask for only light skinned people.
ARE WE NOT HUMAN BEINGS??!! ARE YOU MAD??!!
10. Whenever harmattan comes, you absolutely have to rub Vaseline or else you’ll end up looking like this
You will look like a low budget Nollywood ghost.
Now that you know the struggles of dark skin people, read this next article that properly chronicles the struggles of light skinned Nigerians.
1. People will call you “Yellow Pawpaw” and expect you to smile because they think it’s cute.
Some will call you “Oyinbo”. This is more annoying.
2. When you’re under the sun for too long, you will get stressed and turn red.
And end up looking like an angry tomato.
3. If you get slapped across the face, the person’s fingerprints will remain on your face.
Like those memory foam mattresses.
4. You will NEVER be able to blend in anywhere.
You will stick out like a sore thumb. A yellow sore thumb.
5. Which is why you should never join bad gang. When you all do bad stuff and try to escape, you are the only one the authorities will remember.
And you will take the fall.
6. If you’re terrible with faces, people will easily remember you and you won’t remember them.
You will try and explain yourself but they will just believe that your proud.
7. If you’re a guy, girls will just assume that you’re a player.
“Babe! Gimme a chance na!”
8. If you’re a girl, every guy will assume you have a bad attitude.
“YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ME!”
9. People will meet you and automatically assume you’re Igbo because all Igbo people are light skinned apparently.
This one isn’t annoying. It just makes no damn sense. Like, why? Why is this even a thing?
10. Idiots will make jokes about how you shouldn’t have kids with another light skinned person because then all your kids will end up being as bright as the sun.
Don’t be deceived by that image above. That was a terrible joke but you will laugh whenever you hear it because you don’t want to be rude. Being a good person is hard.
If you enjoyed this article about Light skin wahala, read this next article about the struggles of a Nigerian fat person.
1. When patients come in and, for some reason, insist that their illness was caused by their village people.
So why are you telling me? Please take drugs and go.
2. When a patient looks up their symptoms online before coming to the hospital so they argue with you when your diagnosis isn’t what they thought it would be.
Are you mad?! Who is the doctor here?! Oya take pad and write your own prescription na!
3. When a patient calls you “Aunty Nurse” just because you’re female.
Why have you decided to not have sense like this?
4. When you’re unlucky enough to work with incompetent nurses.
So what you’re telling me is that you went to Nursing school and you don’t know what the word, “Trauma” means.
5. When a patient attempts to compare your knowledge of drugs to that of their neighborhood chemist.
Idiot.
6. When you inevitably fall sick and people are like, “Ah . So doctor sef dey sick?”
No. Doctors are half human/half robot. I’m not sick. I just need to change my battery.
It’s hard out here for doctors sha. If you don’t believe us, read this article about the annoying patients every Nigerian doctor has treated.
1. When you’re using passion to listen to Mad Over You, and one ear of your earphones decides to be unfortunate and stop working
2. When you’re just trying to get some sleep and one mosquito decides that’s the best time to play hide and seek with your ear
3. When you dash yourself slap because the mosquito landed on your face, but you see the same mosquito giving you ela when you’re done
4. We actually prefer to pick pin than to get that really painful injury you get from washing clothes
5. When you’ve finished fixing nails and forming all the babe in this world, and one of them decides to break
6. When you’re at fellowship and the leader decides to be extra and asks everyone to shout 50 Halleluhias
7. When you miscalculated the plantain to beans ratio, only to find that you have more beans than plantain
8. We know childbirth is painful and all, but have you used your small toe to hit the leg of a table before?
1. The person you’re owing money.
2. LASTMA officers.
3. The preachers at the bus top that will tell you you’re going to hell fire.
4. The angry conductor that doesn’t have change.
5. The “ello aunty, plix I’m stranded people.
6. The toaster that doesn’t want to leave you alone.
7. Those annoying Yaba traders.
8. Your amebo neighbour.
9. The jaga-jaga driver in traffic.
10. Your noisy colleague that likes fighting everybody
1. She writes really good books…
2. Some of which have been made into movies, as per, Half Of A Yellow Sun and the upcoming, The Thing Around Your Neck.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xrdaf2pq3Q
3. She gave this TedTalk about how everyone should basically treat women like human beings, so annoying!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hMFL11So8Q
4. Mummy Beyonce decided to tap into this anointing and kuku sampled this speech in her song, Flawless, which earned the annoying Chimamanda a Grammy nomination.
5. On top of that, this speech was made into a book and distributed to 16 year old students in Sweden. How ridiculous!
6. In 2016, she wrote a feminist article so annoying, major publications all over the world applauded her and also shared the piece for days.
7. Because her wahala is too much, the people at John Hopkins university basically awarded her a honorary degree, she gave a dope speech, as per usual.
8. Aunty Chi Chi kuku made it to the fashion world, when that her feminist speech inspired high end luxury brand, Christian Dior’s 2017 Spring collection
9. And after the US elections, BBC invited her to this interview, but haters will still say she’s annoying.
