Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 27-year-old virgin. She talks about how she’s only been kissed twice, her inability to orgasm when she masturbates and waiting till marriage to have sex.
Tell me something interesting about your sex life
When I was 12 years old, we had a jumat session in school that centered around chastity and modesty for Muslims. After the session, I decided I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex.
So, you’ve never done anything sexual since then?
Not really. When I was 13 years old, I masturbated for the first time. I was the only one at home because it was during those long JS 3 holidays. I enjoyed reading erotica and historical romance books with very descriptive sex scenes in them. I was reading one of such books when I found myself rubbing and grinding against the pillow. Since it was one of the rare moments I had the entire house to myself, I went at it for a bit. I like to consider it as the day I discovered what my vagina could do. Before then, I’d only considered it for sex and reproduction; discovering orgasms was very nice.
Did masturbation become a regular thing?
Not at all. When I resumed school, I didn’t even try it again. In university, I neither had the privacy nor time to dwell on sexual attraction not to talk of masturbating. I was trying to focus in school plus I had to share accommodation.
When I was 18, I kissed a guy for the first time. I’d met him during night class and, according to him, as I was talking animatedly with my friends, he got mesmerised. I didn’t like him, but he kept asking me to be his girlfriend. The only reason I agreed to even date him was because it seemed like the next step for me. I was in my first year, and all my friends had boyfriends.
So, back to that kiss
The night I agreed to date him, he kissed me while we sat in his friend’s car. He kept biting at my lips, and I couldn’t reciprocate whatever it was he was doing because I wasn’t feeling him at all. My body was refusing to respond. I just kept waiting for the kiss to end.
Bad first kisses<<<< Did you try kissing again after that?
Yes, I did. When I was 20, I met another boy. I saw him and instantly liked him. It was easy for me to agree to date him. We were on holiday when the relationship started, so most of it was over the phone. As the conversation progressed, I wasn’t sure I fucked with him, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions because we hadn’t seen each other properly. I also remembered how quickly I ended things with the last guy.
When we did eventually resume school as a couple, I realised as much as I liked him, I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. We hung out a few times, and during one of those times, he kissed me. Unlike the last guy I kissed, I tried to put in a lot of action, but I still didn’t enjoy the kiss. I endured the relationship for another few weeks before ending it.
Honestly, the most I’ve ever done with a guy is sext, and even that was hard because not only was it something I’d never done before, I was sharing a room with my cousin. I tried my best, and I hope all my years of reading romance novels didn’t waste.
Does the whole waiting till marriage thing get hard?
Very. At first, it wasn’t so difficult, but then, I clocked 25 and my sexual urges doubled. I started thinking about sex so much. If you could peep into my brain, 90% of the thoughts are about sex. My body just wants to have sex. That’s when period, ovulation and just regular horniness started. So, I decided to try masturbating again.
How did that go?
Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to recreate the orgasm from the first time when I was 13. The most I get is a mild tingling sensation in my legs. Maybe that’s why I don’t do it more than two or three times a year. I’ve thought of trying toys, but I live with my mum and there’s no privacy in that house. No matter where I hide it, it’ll be found and I’d get into trouble.
Omo, till marriage then fr
I’m kinda resolved about that decision. I’m certain except something completely out of my control happens, I won’t have sex outside of marriage. I’ve already done 27 years, what’s a little more? This is me assuming I’ll be married in a few years. Maybe we should do an update if I’m still unmarried at 40. My choices might’ve changed. But, for now? I’m holding up by reading romance novels, watching rom-coms and navigating the pornsite that’s Twitter.
LMAO. I’ll hit you up in 13 years. But I also want to know why you are holding on to a decision you made when you were 12?
The first thing for me is my religion. I’m not perfect, but Allah doesn’t need my perfection; he needs my effort. I’m not even supposed to kiss, make out, etc. I’ve clearly failed in the foreplay part, and I can’t even hit my chest and say if I find someone now, I won’t kiss or touch them. But that’s also why dating go on for too long, so you don’t fall into temptation.
Asides from religion, I’m not a casual-sex type of person. It’s the reason why I haven’t been able to lockdown any relationship long term. I don’t see myself popping the cherry randomly, and at this stage of my life, I’m out to meet people who are also waiting till marriage. In fact, one of my greatest fantasies is marrying a virgin so we get to learn about sex and each other’s bodies from scratch — two novices trying to hack sex no matter how long it takes.
Interesting. Humour me and rate your Sex Life on a scale of 1-10
LMAO. A -10. I’m not having any sex, but I’m constantly horny. It makes me frustrated.
RELATED: Sex Life: I Got Married to Have Sex